Under the Surface
by electrons
Summary: Season four AU where Cordelia was never asked to ascend. A different AI member is possessed by another familiar being. AI must fight to save him and the world. The first chapter is very similar to the series, but the butterfly affect means the differences soon start to compound. Caution there are scenes of child abuse (flashbacks). Please review. Sequel arriving in January!
1. Deep Down

Angel held a tiny baby in his arms. "Isn't our son beautiful?" Cordelia walked up from behind him and put her arms around Angel, staring at the baby. "He's going to grow up just like his father. Our little Conner will be a champion of the people, a hero."

Angel looked around at the hotel lobby. Gunn and Fred were sitting on the couch, discussing something intently, the grins of lovers on their faces. Lorne could be heard singing upstairs. Wesley came running out of the office. "I finished the translation!" The man looked overcome with boyish glee and Angel couldn't help but mirror his infectious smile. "It says Conner will grow up happy and healthy with his family and never feel pain, anger, or terror."

Angel looked down at the baby in his arms. Blood began to stain the blanket he was wrapped in and dripped from the bundle onto the ground. Cordelia gasped and snatched the bundle away. "What did you do?" She asked "How could you do this to your own son?"

Fred appeared in front of Angel. "The father will kill the son."

"No, I would never…" Angel backed away.

He backed into Gunn, who pulled out a stake. "Don't worry Angel, it will be quick."

Angel rushed away from Cordelia, Gunn, and Fred. He ended up next to Wesley. Angel grabbed the man by the throat and shoved him against the wall. "This is all your fault!" Angel shouted at the wide-eyed man he had pinned to the wall. Blood began to leak over Angel's hand and between his fingers. Angel let go of Wesley and the man hit the ground, blood pouring from his neck. Angel reached down to help him but then stopped. "I should have killed you." He said

Angel looked up and he was in his old office, the one that had gotten blown up. Cordelia and Wesley were arguing about something. Wesley picked up a knife and stabbed Cordelia between the ribs. Angel rushed forward and caught her as she fell. "Why did you do that?"

"I was aiming for him." Wesley pointed to the door.

A teenager walked through the door, Conner. Conner stared at Angel in accusation. "So you killed her too. You killed us all, you're a plague." Conner pulled out a stake.

"No it was…" He looked around, but he was alone. Wesley and Cordelia were both gone.

Conner walked further into the office. "You left Sunnydale to protect people, so that no one would get close to you. Then you came here and surrounded yourself with good people so that you could destroy their lives. You ruined my life dad, I can never be happy now."

"No I-"

Angel blinked and looked through the glass window of the container he was in. He could see the dark heavy water pushing down on the lid. There was nothing else, not even a fish or some sort of vegetation that grew down here. It was eternity down here. In this eternity he had only his dreams for company, but they were all nightmares, even the good ones.

…

"Cordelia?" Fred asked cautiously as she entered the main office

"What is it Fred?" Cordelia said evenly, hunched over paperwork

"Maybe you should go home, get some sleep."

"I'm fine."

"Cordelia it's one o'clock in the morning. You can't do this every night."

Cordelia looked up from the paperwork and she did not look happy. "So you think we should just give up? You think we should just forget about Angel and move on?"

"No," Fred said firmly "I could never think that. We'll keep looking for Angel until we find him, but it's been three months and you have to get some sleep at some point."

"I slept last night." Cordelia lowered her head over the paperwork.

"For three hours," Fred protested "Cordelia please-"

Gunn ran into the office. "I've got a lead!"

Cordelia was on her feet in less than a second. They all headed to the lobby. Cordelia pulled a sword from the weapon's cabinet. Fred grabbed a crossbow and Gunn picked up his trusty ax. "Can I come?" They all turned to the stairway and looked at Conner.

"Sure," Cordelia said "But only if you listen to everything we say."

The boy grinned. "I promise." He ran to the weapon's cabinet.

Fred saw a small smile on Cordelia's face. Conner was the only thing that could make her smile these days. With Angel missing and Wesley alienated from the group times had been tough for all of them, but Cordelia had taken it the hardest. Fred wanted to say something, anything to bring her comfort, but she knew the only words that could help were 'we found Angel'.

"Let's go." Gunn said

…

Gunn stopped his truck in the middle of the empty street. "These are his hunting grounds." Gunn said "He should show up at any moment."

"And he'll tell us where she is." Cordelia said, no question in her voice

Conner saw a shadow approach the truck but didn't say anything. Something hit the truck bed. The four of them got out of the truck. The vampire in the back picked up Gunn's ax and Cordelia's sword. Fred pointed her crossbow at him. "We just want to talk." She said

"And that's why you came into my boss's territory packing all this heat?"

"Your boss knows what we want." Gunn said "He gives us the info, we leave and never come back. From where I'm standing that's a pretty good deal."

Conner heard the vampires sneaking up behind them well in advance, but didn't say anything, allowing them to make their own presence known. "Not from where I'm standing."

The group turned around, except for Fred who still had her crossbow leveled at the first vampire. Cordelia, Gunn, and Conner all had stakes out and were facing the six new vampires that were led by the one who had spoken. "You really want to do this?" Gunn asked

"How often does a vampire get an opportunity like this?" The lead vamp asked

"An opportunity to get his ass kicked?" Cordelia asked

"Kill them all." The vampire said

Fred fired her crossbow, dusting the vampire in the truck bed. She ran to collect their weapons. Meanwhile Cordelia was doing hand to hand with a vampire, trying to get her stake into its chest and barely managing to keep her footing. Conner was holding back two vamps and Gunn was holding back three. Fred tossed Cordelia her sword and Cordelia caught it and decapitated her foe in a single move. Cordelia turned and separated the head of one of the vampires Gunn was facing from its body. Fred decapitated the second one with Gunn's ax. The third, the leader, Gunn threw up against the truck. Conner dusted both his vamps in quick succession. He could have at the beginning, but he had wanted to draw this out. Gunn placed his stake against the lead vampire's chest. "How about where you're standing now?" Gunn asked

"I'll tell you everything you want to know." The vampire said, terrified

"Good," Gunn said "Start singing."

The vampire told them where the female vampire they were looking for lived. When the vampire was done Gunn stared at him, trying to ascertain if he had told the truth. Gunn decided he had and staked the vampire, coating the truck's hood with dust. "Come on." Cordelia said, already climbing into the truck "We're burning moonlight."

…

Lilah looked over at the person she was sharing the bed with. "You're still here." He said

"Just resting," She said "I have to be back at work in twenty minutes."

"Yes and the coalition of all that is evil frowns on tardiness."

"Not so much frowns on as decapitates or sets on fire, but yeah." Wesley smirked. It still sometimes stunned her how much he had changed. The old Wesley wouldn't have found that funny at all. "You'd fit in great with your punctuality and stuffiness."

"Still trying to bring me over to the dark side Lilah?"

"It's just a formality at this point." She said with a grin "And we have great dental."

"I floss." He told her, completely deadpan

"Well there are other advantages. You would know."

"Right; well you can leave now." He told her

She got out of bed and started to collect her clothes. She had just pulled her dress over her head when she felt his hands grab her roughly by the arms, holding her in place. He turned her around, facing her towards him. His mouth pressed against hers. She felt his hot breath in her mouth, devoid of love or even real passion. All she felt was lust, the most base of needs. She smiled. "I have to go." She shoved him away. He looked at her like meat, no emotion in him.

"I'll see you later." He said

"What makes you think there'll be a later?" She asked

"I don't think, I know." He told her

She shook her head and headed out. He was right. Wesley watched her go. When he was sure she was gone he unlocked his closet door and opened it to reveal the bound and gagged woman there. Justine stared at him with a mixture of fury and terror. "Let's go for a boat ride."

…

The truck pulled to a stop in front of the abandoned industrial building. Cordelia got out without a word. She pulled her sword from the truck bed and headed for the entrance. Fred and Gunn rushed to catch up. Conner hung back, looking at the shadows that filled the night. "I'm going to do a sweep." He said "Make sure no vamps sneak up on us this time."

"Don't go by your-" Conner was already gone and Cordelia shook her head. "That boy,"

"Never listens." Gunn agreed

"Should we go after him?" Fred asked

"We can't catch up." Gunn said "Let's just do what we came here to."

Cordelia nodded and they all headed for the top floor of the building. When they entered the clearly occupied room in the abandoned building they went on high-alert. But their quarry wasn't there. "Maybe she knew we were coming." Fred suggested "That window has a view of the front of the building, she would have seen the truck stop and might be on alert if she heard we were looking for her." Cordelia walked over to the window and looked down at Gunn's truck.

"Maybe she'll come back." Gunn said

"No," Cordelia said "She won't." She started for the door.

"Where are you going?" Gunn couldn't believe she was just giving up.

"The roof,"

…

"This is pointless." Justine said "You'll never find him and even if you did they wouldn't take you back. People like you and me don't get second chances, we get what we deserve."

"We all get what we deserve." Wesley agreed "But I will find him, or you'll rot away in that closet. I promise you that." He didn't even turn from the wheel when he spoke to her.

Justine hated boats, always had; but this one was the worst. She hated being stuck in the middle of the ocean under the cold dead moon with the man keeping her prisoner, but she hated getting back to dry land as well, being put back in the closet for another eighteen hours. "I believe you." She said "Even though promises from someone like you aren't worth much."

"Right," Wesley said "As opposed to someone like you, who slits people's throats and kidnaps children. You're a paragon of moral virtue."

"Yeah, kidnapping children, that is low. The only thing lower I can think of is kidnapping your friend's child. That's just about as low as it gets, don't you think Wes?"

"Suit up," He said "Radar hit something."

Her heart skipped a beat. She hated it down there, under the cold dark water. She eyed a heavy wrench on a table. "Why don't you go down this time?" She asked, reaching for the wrench "Why do I have to do all the work?" She closed her hand around the wrench.

"I'd rather not kill you Justine." He didn't move, didn't avert his eyes from the sea.

She stood still for a moment, then released the wrench. "Me to," She mumbled.

…

The vampire heard someone clear his throat behind her. She turned to look at one of the people who had climbed from the truck. But there was something else familiar about him. "Who are you?" Then she realized, he was the boy she had seen on the beach while hunting.

"I'm Conner." She'd been trolling for drunk college kids when she'd seen him wrestling in the waves and incapacitate a man. He'd dragged the man away with a woman's help.

"What can I do for you Conner?" She was cautious, she'd seen what he could do.

"You know something about my dad."

"I don't think I do."

"He went missing in your hunting grounds." Conner pulled out a stake.

"If this is about what you did kid, I didn't see anything." Conner paused and then pressed the stake against his arm, drawing a long bloody wound. "What are you doing?" She asked

Conner lunged forward. The vampire tried to escape, but he was too quick. He drove the stake into her heart. A pile of dust landed on the roof. A drop of blood slid from his arm and hit the pile of dust on the ground. Conner stared at the dust. That's all they ever were in the end.

"Conner!" Conner looked up and saw Cordelia entering the roof with Gunn and Fred. Her maternal concern was carried in her voice. She ran toward him. He felt a pang in his heart when he saw the anxiety on her face. He hated hurting her. She put her arms around him. "Conner are you all-" She looked at the dust on the ground. "You killed her." Cordelia's voice was emotionless. She looked away, holding something back, holding it in. "Did she say anything?"

Conner shook his head, torn between guilt and anger. "She just attacked me. I had to defend myself." He displayed his arm to the group. Sympathy appeared in Cordelia's eyes.

The same could not be said for Gunn. "This wouldn't have happened if you'd taken backup!" His frustration was tangible. "What were you thinking? You just dusted our only lead!"

"Charles," Fred said in attempt to placate him

"We've been tracking this vamp for weeks and all of that effort amounted to nothing because you ran off without any backup and dusted her!" Gunn turned away in disgust.

Conner watched the man go with rage boiling in his chest. "So I was supposed to just let her drink me?" Conner shouted at Gunn's departing back "Would that make you happy?"

Cordelia put a hand on Conner's shoulder. "Conner," She said "Please," He heard the pain in her voice and bit his tongue. She took his arm in her gentle grasp and looked at it. "We should bandage this when we get back to the hotel, come on."

Conner followed Cordelia and Fred back to the truck. Gunn was already in the driver's seat seething. Conner hopped into the truck bed. "I'll ride in the back."

Cordelia looked like she was about to protest then looked from Conner to Gunn. She nodded and got in the truck with Fred. Conner sat in the back with his arms around his knees which were pulled against his chest. So he'd been seen, it didn't matter. The only one who knew what he had done was dust now. No one would ever find Angel, Conner was safe.

…

Angel sat in an armchair in front of a roaring fire, with Cordelia sitting in his lap, curled against his chest. Conner was asleep in another chair, a book lying on his chest, which rose and fell, marking his breaths, his life. The book slid out of his hands onto the floor. Conner woke up with a start. He stared at Angel. "Hey dad," He grinned. "You should get some sleep."

"Yeah," Angel said "But I don't want to disturb mom."

"Sure," Conner said "You don't have to." Conner stood up and approached Angel and Cordelia. He pulled a stake from his back pocket and raised it high.

Angel's eyes snapped open when he felt the motion. His prison was being raised up through the water. It was another dream. It was always a dream. He preferred the other dreams, the ones where he was in pain and terrified. They didn't give him false hope. The metal container broke the surface of the water. Angel saw figures through the small window in his prison. He heard metal scraping against metal. He felt something against his skin. It was something that had once been familiar, but now felt alien. It was the cold night air. It was real. He felt his mouth being pried open and blood being poured down his throat. Angel wanted the blood, but he had forgotten how to swallow. He couched, sending the blood flying. He heard a voice. "He needs human blood." Wesley, what was he doing at the bottom of the ocean? Oh yeah, this wasn't the bottom of the ocean. This was somewhere else. Where was it? It was dark, nice.

"You're not going to feed me to that thing." A woman, who was she?

"No, your blood's much too thin." Angel smelt something familiar, something that spoke to the demon in him and awakened his instincts. He felt something being pressed against his mouth. It was hot, full of life. Human blood dripped into his mouth. Angel sucked in the warm life-carrying fluid. He felt himself being rejuvenated. To soon the font of blood was pulled away.

Angel didn't have the strength to move, but he could now take in his surroundings. He was on a boat. Wesley was there with Justine. How odd, maybe he was still hallucinating. Yes, he was still hallucinating because there was Darla, walking up to Angel from behind Wesley who was bandaging his arm. "Looks like our boy takes after his mommy." She said "I'm so proud."

"No," Angel moaned

"Our special boy," She said "My special boy,"

"He's not yours." Angel said "You can't have him."

Justine said something he didn't hear, but it was this. "Sounds like he remembers what you did. Do you think he'll forgive you because you saved his life?"

Angel saw Wesley look over at him. The man's face was full of pain. Conner stepped up to Darla and grinned at Angel. "We'll never be a family." He said "You'll never be a dad."

"Never, never," Angel said

…

Gunn was in the office, putting away the files Cordelia had left out. She'd collapsed into a bed upstairs after bandaging Conner's arm. Cordelia had been pushing herself too hard and had reached the limit of her endurance. He heard Fred enter the office. "She was our last lead."

"First, last, and only." Gunn agreed "We're back to square zero."

"We need help." Fred said

Gunn stiffened. "I don't want to talk about this."

"Well I do." She said, affronted "We need to talk about this."

"Wesley doesn't want anything to do with us."

"Can you blame him?"

"Yeah," Gunn said "For a lot of things." He stared at her, suppressing his frustration. "I don't want to talk about them though. Wesley made it clear to me that he's done with us."

"Charles he's our friend-"

"He was our friend." Gunn cut her off "Not anymore,"

"Charles we can't just forget about him, pretend that he never existed."

"We could if you didn't keep bringing him up." Gunn's aggravation was coming to the surface. "He's never coming back. So we might as well pretend he was never here."

"What do you mean 'keep bringing him up'? When do I keep bringing him up?"

"Look," Gunn said "I said I don't-"

They heard the front door open. The couple ran out into the lobby and saw the two people they least expected to see, much less together. "Angel!" Fred ran toward the vampire. Wesley deposited Angel onto the couch. Angel looked disoriented, disconnected from reality. Wesley started to walk away without a word. "Wesley wait!" Fred shouted "Where are you going?"

Wesley paused. "Nowhere," He said

Fred looked from the weakened Angel to her old friend. "How did this happen?"

Wesley hesitated again. "It was Conner. He and Justine locked him in a box and dropped it to the bottom of the ocean." Wesley took in their looks of horror and disbelief. Was that how they had looked when they'd found out he had betrayed them? He imagined so.

"Why?" Fred asked

"You'd have to ask Conner that." Wesley said before he walked away

Fred and Gunn just stared in disbelief as the door swung shut, unable to process this new information. They heard footsteps on the staircase. They looked up and saw Conner looking at the scene in the lobby. He looked from Angel, to Fred, to Gunn, back to Angel again. Conner took off running up the staircase. Fred and Gunn started after him but they were no match for his speed. As Conner reached the top floor Cordelia stepped from around the corner and used the hilt of her sword to hit Conner in the face. Conner's momentum made the injury that much more severe. He hit the ground moaning. Cordelia drove the sword into the ground right next to the boy's head. Fred and Gunn stared slack-jawed at where the sword lay imbedded a centimeter from Conner's check. Conner looked up at Cordelia who loomed over him, furious.

"Just tell me why." Her voice was a deadly calm. "Tell me why you did this."

"I-I…" Conner stuttered, frightened "He deserved-"

Cordelia grabbed Conner by the front of his shirt and threw him against the wall. Conner made no move to defend himself against her when she punched him in the gut. "Try again," She whispered in that same deadly calm "And try a lot harder Conner."

"He killed Holtz." Conner said

"That's a lie!" Fred protested

"Shut up Fred." Cordelia said, causing Fred to step back in shock "Conner and I are having a conversation." She never looked away from him. "Why do you think that?"

"Justine told him." They all watched as Angel struggled to the top of the stairs. Fred and Gunn tried to offer him support but he waved them off. "She killed him and framed me."

Now all eyes were on Conner as he took this in. "Liar," Conner spat

"She confessed everything to Wesley." Angel said "And then he made her tell me."

"So what you guys are buddies now?" Conner asked

"No," Angel said "But he did tell me you've been living the good life in my house while I starved at the bottom of the ocean for three months. That sort of rubs me the wrong way."

"So now what?" Conner asked "You kill me?"

Angel chuckled. "It's always about the death with you." Angel said "Why is that?"

"I was born to two murderous demons." Conner said "Might be a contributing factor."

"Huh," Angel said "That's what Darla said, weird."

"Uh Angel," Gunn said "You okay man?"

"Yeah," Angel said "Can I have a minute alone with my son?"

Fred and Gunn shared a look. "Are you sure that's a good idea?" Fred asked

"Go," Cordelia said "I'll stay."

Angel didn't protest so Fred and Gunn headed back down to the lobby. Conner sent a weary gaze toward his father. Angel returned the stare. For a moment there was silence. Conner realized this was a battle of wills. He intended to win. Two minutes later he caved. "What?"

"Did you ever think about what it must be like for me?" Angel asked "Ever feel guilty?"

Conner shook his head. "No,"

"You're lying." Angel said "I've been lied to by you enough to tell. Maybe there is hope for you Conner. Maybe one day you'll be a champion. Now get out." Angel stepped away from the staircase. "If you ever want to apologize, stop by. Until then, stay gone."

Conner cautiously approached the staircase. Then he took off running toward the exit.

…

Wesley sat at his desk. He remembered sitting here three months ago making a promise to himself. He would find Angel, he owed him that much. When Wesley had found Angel, or at least found out what had happened to him, he would allow himself to have his reward. Now Angel was back at the Hyperion safe and sound. Wesley could have what he had wanted three months ago. He put the glass next to the bottle of very expensive scotch. He reached for the bottle of pain pills, the ones he hadn't been taking as often as prescribed. He poured a handful of pills into his palm. He stared at the little white pills. He'd considered leaving a note, but there was no one to read it, no one who would want to read it. His father would see the suicide as a sign of weakness, an insult. It would never occur to the man that his son had been working through something that he needed help with. As for the remaining members of Angel Investigations, would they even notice he'd left the world? He liked to think so, liked to think that they might care, but he couldn't think it, not really. This was one of the few times in his life that Wesley wished he wasn't so smart, that he could lie to himself. He poured the very expensive scotch into the glass, filling it to the rim. Some would spill, but it wasn't like he was going to get to drink a second glass. Wesley stared at the pills in his hand. He'd imagined this moment for three months. He would wake up, try to get some work done, have some fun with Lilah, take Justine out on the boat and then lie in bed thinking about this moment until he got up and started the cycle over again. Three months of unending pain, of just going through the motions until he had earned his end. Father was right he thought; he was weak. He was too afraid to keep going. He wasn't strong enough to move past his failures. So many failures, a failure of a life. So much unhappiness. He'd gotten used to it, and then something had happened. But he couldn't think of that, could never think of that again. He couldn't remember what it had been like to be a part of something, to belong somewhere. He had changed, been hurt, but this time he had become stronger. He hadn't let his pain erode at him, he had used it. This time he had something to fight for, a reason to care. But not anymore. He was different, not a repressed school boy with delusions of grandeur hiding secret shames. Now he was a man, a man who couldn't look at himself in a mirror. He was a man who had found his inner demons and let them out. He hated himself. Now he was going to kill the person he hated most in the world. He was going to send that person to hell. Nobody would care, nobody would weep. That was just.

He heard a knock at the door. There was only one person who knocked on his door these days. Wesley looked at the pills in his hand and the full glass of scotch. She would go away if he didn't answer. "Come on lover!" He heard her call "I just had a great day and I need to celebrate." She sounded so happy. It was funny. The idea of two people he had hated getting together for the most unholy couplings, himself and her, had seemed fitting. He got to let out all the repulsive urges he had spent so long hiding from, because there was no reason not to anymore. She was just as disgusting and screwed up as he was. She made him forget, for little stretches of time. Then he looked at her and he hated himself even more. "I know you're there."

How was that? How could she know? Had she seen his car in the parking lot? He was curious, not about how she knew he was here, but about why she was so eager to see him. There must have been something that had happened. Maybe she had just closed a troublesome case, ordered the slaughter of some innocent. "We have twenty-four hour surveillance on the Hyperion." She said "I have to say you had me fooled with your cold as ice routine."

So that was how she knew. He stared at the pills. Was her joy connected to Angel's return? Did she have some plans for the vampire with a soul? It seemed pointless to have saved Angel just so Lilah could enact some vicious move against him. Then again Wesley would be hard-pressed to find something about his life he didn't find pointless. But if he could find out what Lilah had planned and warn Angel, then at least his last action on this earth wouldn't have been. There was something to that. Wesley poured the pills back into the plastic container and put it in his desk drawer. He stood up to answer the door. When he opened the door he saw a leering Lilah Morgan leaning against the frame. "There you are lover boy." She said

"I was sleeping." He complained

"As you should be after a hard day's work." She said "Saving Angel, getting the senior partners' prophecy boy out of cold storage, which we appreciate." She leaned forward and kissed him. "I got a fair bit accomplished today as well. Killed my boss and took over the L.A. branch."

Wesley raised an eyebrow. "Good for you." He said

"You just have to know how to play the game." She said "Now are we going to do this or what?" So Lilah had been promoted, no need to warn Angel about that. He could turn her away and get back to what he was doing. But her kiss had stirred him, and what did it matter what his last act was? If he was going to hell anyway, he might as well indulge himself while he could.

He stepped out of the doorway, giving her access to his apartment. "Come in."

…

Angel sat on his bed, downing a quart of pig's blood. He heard a knock on the door. He recognized Cordelia's knock. "Come in." He wiped his mouth and set the jar of blood aside.

She came in, her face full of sympathy. "Are you okay?"

"I'll mend." He assured her

"I know." She said "That's not what I meant."

Angel sighed. "I figured." He ran his fingers through his hair. "I don't…"

Cordelia came in and sat down next to him. "Take your time."

"Thank you," They sat in silence for a little while until Angel found the words. "I love him so much, more than I ever thought I could love a person. All I wanted was what was best for him." Angel struggled with the next part. "So he dumped me into the bottom of the ocean."

Cordelia leaned against his shoulder. He could feel her heartbeat. "I'm sorry."

"He saved me." Angel said

"Wesley?" Cordelia clarified

"Why did he do that?"

"Why wouldn't he?" Cordelia replied

"Well for starters." Angel said "I tried to kill him."

"Sure," Cordelia said "But all things considered, I think he understands."

"This doesn't change anything." Angel said "I can never forgive him."

"I don't think I can either." Cordelia said "But he did save your life, so maybe we should hold off on the homicide thing yeah?"

Angel chuckled despite himself. "That was just a…" He couldn't figure out what he meant. "I don't want to kill him, I just can't ever forget what he did."

"I never will." Cordelia said "I don't think any of us can. It's… unforgivable."

Angel nodded. "But Conner, he's my son. It's different."

Cordelia sat up straight, lifting her weight from him. Angel looked at her. He tried to make out what was in her eyes. "No, it's not different, you only perceive it to be."

"What?"

"We want it to be different, but the only different is in that want. You want Conner to be your son, and I want that as well. But Angel, it isn't any different. I can't lie to myself."

Angel nodded. "Well," He said "It doesn't matter right now, they're both gone."

Cordelia leaned against him again. "But you're here." She said "And I'm so glad."

…

Conner sat on the edge of the overpass, watching the cars go by under him. They reminded him of the demon stampedes he sometimes saw in Quor'Toth. Conner thought about what Angel had said. Was it true? Could it be true? Had Justine killed Holtz? He refused to believe it, but even as he was refusing a part of him knew. A part of him had known for a long time. Conner swung his feet. Conner wasn't stupid. He knew that Holtz had lied about a lot of things, but the man was still his father and Conner loved him. But if Holtz had killed himself, or had Justine do it for him, than Holtz wasn't the man Conner thought he was. Holtz couldn't really have loved him if he had left Conner here on purpose; left him to finish Angel. Conner had done what he was supposed to like a good boy, he had taken revenge, but that had come back to bite him big time. Now he was out here all alone, and Cordelia hated him. Cordelia, the mother he had never had. She had loved him, without reservation and with her whole heart.

Conner got to his feet, full of nervous energy. He was angry, but unsure who he was angry with. So he just ran. He wanted to find something to kill. The night was full of creatures.

…

"You should have seen the look on Gavin's face when I told him to pick up Linwood's head. I thought he might wet himself right there in the conference room."

Lilah was on top of Wesley, her mouth against his skin. She could feel all the little imperfections that made up a human epidermis. She could feel his scar. Under his skin she felt the flow of his blood. Was what she sensed now something vampires were attuned to always? He gripped her, felt her body, the shape of it. It was just that, a body. It didn't matter to him that the woman inside was evil, that he should hate her, that he had hated her. She was just meat, like all of them. She was just another animal making its way through the senseless world postponing a senseless death. Good and evil, right and wrong, these concepts that had defined him no longer held any meaning. All that mattered was her body and those pills in his desk drawer. So he lay in bed, feeling her, in some way a part of her; he listened to her story. On some level it amused him.

He took in the scent of her hair, her expensive conditioner. "Why didn't you kill him?"

"Gavin?"

Wesley nodded, his cheek brushing against her hair.

"Cold-blooded murder Wes? How dark," He could hear the smirk he couldn't see.

"You hate him, why not kill him?"

"I'd rather see him suffer." She said "Besides, if I have to deal with an interoffice rival I prefer an incompetent like Gavin to someone who actually knows what they're doing like Lindsey." She pulled away, severing their connection, rendering them two lost souls again.

"Where's the sport in that?" He asked her

She lay next to him, as close as a person can be to another, and a million miles away. She kept that cocky smile, the one she could never let down in front of men. She would never let them know what was under it. "That's what I have your friend Angel for." She said

"He's not my friend." Wesley's face and tone gave no hint of the emotion hiding in him.

"So then why did you save his life?"

"I owed him one."

"Right," Lilah said "For kidnapping his son."

Wesley got up. "Get out." He told her

"Sensitive much?" She asked, unmoving

"No, I'm just bored."

She sat up, as inscrutable as him. "I was just getting started."

"Well I'm done." He told her "I have things to do."

"Like what?" She asked

"Like getting some sleep." He said "Leave. Now."

"The man of many secrets." She gathered her clothes. "See you later hot shot."

"There is no later." He said "Don't come back."

This gave her pause. "So you're going back to the clean living then?"

"No, I just don't ever want to see you again."

"Fine," She pretended not to care. "One more for the road?" She dropped the clothes she had been picking up. The hurt she felt at being treated like a whore didn't even approach the surface. Her demeanor was as unaffected as ever. She crawled back into the bed.

"Why not?"

When they were done she left and Wesley listened to her retreating footsteps. They lulled him to sleep. He did not dream. It was a peaceful sleep, his first real one in months.


	2. Ground State

Wesley woke up with a feeling of surprise. He got out of bed and headed into the bathroom to stare at himself in the mirror. It was something he hadn't done in a while. "I'm alive." He marveled "That will have to be corrected." He got in the shower and thought about his first real sleep in a good while. He thought about his reflection. He hated that reflection. He got out of the shower, dried off, and then got dressed. It occurred to him that this was all pointless, a waste of water, and a waste of air. He was going to kill himself, why bother? But some habits die hard and he found himself sitting at his desk clean and well-groomed. The scotch was still there where he had poured it yesterday. He opened his drawer to remove the container of pills. His phone rang. He hesitated, then picked up the phone. "Hello," Who would be calling him?

"Is this Wesley Wyndam-Pryce, the paranormal guy?" A man asked

"Yes," Too late he considered lying and saying the man had the wrong number.

"I have a paranormal problem. I own a magic shop, mostly cater to tourists and wannabes, but sometimes the real deal shows up. A demon has moved in, wants payment or she'll eat my customers. I'm at the end of my rope. Can you help me?" Wesley wanted to say no, wanted to finish this. He was silent for so long the man thought he had hung up. "Hello,"

"Yes I'm here, yes I can help you."

"Great," The man's relief was audible. "Thank you."

…

Cordelia hurried through her morning preparations in order to be at the hotel as early as possible. She wanted to be there when Angel woke up, make sure he was okay. To be honest Cordelia wasn't sure if she was okay herself. The sting of Conner's betrayal after months of caring for him like a son was still fresh. But Angel needed her and that had to take priority. She looked around for her keys and they shot from the kitchen counter to the air in front of her where they levitated. "Thanks phantom Dennis, I couldn't live without you." She gave him a wave as she headed out the door. She was halfway to her car when she felt the vision coming on.

She could feel the sensations as though they were a part of a dimension parallel to her own, one she was allowed the occasional brief glimpse into. She was still aware of everything around her, but the vision realm was just as real. There was a dark room filled with boxes. One of the boxes had an urn in it. This urn was really important, life or death important. They had to get it. The sense of urgency Cordelia felt was unlike any she had felt before. She ran the last few steps to her car. She was going to have to run a few red lights this morning.

…

Wesley walked through the front door of the small magic shop. He looked around at the dim lighting and dust. This place looked like it had been closed for a while. He saw a man walk out from the back room. "Great," The man from the phone said "You're here."

"So where's this demon?" Wesley asked "I have an appointment to get to."

"Sure, sure," The man said "She said she was stopping by for the money at nine o'clock and that's in twenty minutes, so she should be here soon." The man looked nervous.

Wesley reached into his bag and pulled out a vial of powder and a sword. "From your description I believe I identified the sub-species. This powder will disorient her enough for me to sever its head. Decapitation should be final, but you should burn the body just in case."

"The whole body, or just the headless part?"

"Whatever you feel most comfortable with." Wesley said in a very dry voice

"Right, that was a stupid question." The man said

Wesley felt a pang of sympathy for the man, he seemed familiar somehow. "No, it wasn't." Wesley assured him "You're obviously very new to this."

"Yeah," The man was almost shaking. "How about you?"

"How about me what?"

"How long have you been doing this?" The man asked

"Too long," That seemed to kill the conversation, which was good because it allowed Wesley to hear the noises in the back when the demon entered through the back door. Wesley gestured for the man to step away from the door to the storage room. Wesley entered with caution and saw the large grotesque demon. It turned around and snarled at Wesley, yellow puss dripping from between its fangs. Wesley threw the vial and it shattered at the demon's feet. The demon took a step back, puzzled. Wesley swung his sword and neatly decapitated the demon. He was almost disappointed by how easy it was. Wesley stepped forward to examine where the body had fallen between a wooden crate and a stone sarcophagus. He paused in front of the sarcophagus. There was something about it, something important. He reached out to touch a crystal on the stone lid. A circular pattern in the sarcophagus unwound and released a puff of warm fetid air. Wesley inhaled the air and coughed. He waved the air away. The pattern had closed, as if it had never been open. Wesley grasped his throat, feeling his scar.

"Are you okay?"

Wesley turned around and saw the shop owner enter from the front of the store. "Yes I'm fine." Wesley said "The demon is dead." Wesley gestured to the body. "Problem solved,"

The man reached into his pocket and pulled out a wallet. Wesley was tempted to tell the man to keep his money, it wasn't like Wesley was going to need it. But the man might ask questions and Wesley just wanted to get home and finish this. He had delayed enough. "I can't thank you enough." The man said "If you ever need magic supplies you have a discount here."

"Thanks," Wesley's throat felt sore, maybe his old wound had gotten infected.

"No, I really appreciate this. That thing would have driven me out of business."

"Right," Wesley massaged his throat. For no reason he felt the need to ask the man something. "What is that?" Wesley pointed to the stone sarcophagus, it must have weighed a ton.

The man shrugged. "I got it really cheap, and it looks spooky. I figured someone would want it. Why, do you? I can cut you a great deal, like I said I didn't pay much for it."

Wesley shook his head. He felt his blood pounding through his arteries. The pressure against his temple was painful. "I was just curious about the markings, they are peculiar."

"I have no idea what they mean." The man said "I know surprisingly little about magic for a magic shop owner." The man chuckled; it was a nervous chuckle, like he feared judgment.

Wesley rubbed the side of his head. "Well I have to go." He started for the exit.

"Thanks again!" The man called after him "Remember that discount!" The shop owner approached the sarcophagus and stared at the crystals embedded in the lid. It had been strange the way the man who had sold him the sarcophagus had just showed up and said he would sell it at any price. The seller had seemed almost desperate to get rid of the thing. The shop owner shrugged and set to pulling the demon's body over to the furnace.

…

"Is this it?" Gunn held up a book opened to a picture of a vase.

"No Gunn, an urn, not a vase." Cordelia said after a brief glance

They were all sitting behind the front counter flipping through books Wesley had left behind at the hotel. The four of them were looking for Cordelia's urn. "What's the difference?"

"Urns are… urnier." Fred told her boyfriend

"Thank you Fred." Gunn said with an almost convincing sincerity "That was helpful."

"Guys focus." Angel said "Cordy said this is important."

"It is." Cordelia said "When I had my vision I had this sense of-" She put her hands up, trying to capture what she had felt. "Something powerful, something coming," She paused. "It's a bad thing, whatever is coming." She looked down at her book. "This urn will help us fight whatever it is." She closed the book. "No that's not it. The urn doesn't help us fight." She sighed and rubbed her temples. "I don't know." She confessed "I just know it matters, a lot."

"We'll find it." Fred said "Won't we?"

"Sure," Gunn said "One urny urn, coming up." Fred gave him a good-natured shove.

"Here!" Angel handed his book to Cordelia.

"Yes this is it!" Cordelia almost jumped out of her chair with excitement. "The Urn of Possession, it traps souls. Why would we need that?" She looked at her friends.

"I don't know, it was your vision." Gunn said

"Well when we find the urn, we can figure out what it's for." Angel said

"So where is it?" Gunn asked

Cordelia looked at Angel's book. "Forged in the eternal flame, blah, blah, blah; buried for a hundred centuries, blah, blah, blah, foretold to be the final resting place of powerful old one, blah, blah, blah, it doesn't say." Cordelia closed the book. "Luckily our friend Google is here."

…

Wesley staggered into his apartment. His headache had gotten progressively worse on the drive back. It kind of sucked that he was going to die with a headache, but oh well. He had helped the shop owner, done one last good deed, and now he was ready to go. No hesitations this time, no interruptions. He would do what he had been planning to for months. He headed straight for the bottle of pills and the still poured glass of scotch. He poured the handful of pills into his palm and put them in his mouth. He forced himself to swallow the hard dry pills. He put the glass of scotch against his lips and downed the harsh liquid. Wesley felt it burn as it chased the pills down his throat. He sat down heavily is his desk chair. Wesley reached for his pounding head. His vision blurred. He felt a moment of panic. This was the end, but what if he'd forgotten something? He fell out of his chair onto the ground. The room spun, then everything went dark.

…

Angel looked over Cordelia's shoulder at the picture that was identical to the one in their book, except this one was in color. It was also on an auction house website with a thirty million dollar price tag under it. "Are you sure we need this specific urn?" Angel asked

"There are other soul-holding urns, Sahjhan is in one." Fred said

"We need this one." Cordelia said "It's very important."

"You mentioned that." Gunn said

"Well where are we going to get thirty million dollars?" Fred asked

"We aren't." Angel said "We're going to steal it."

Fred sighed. "My daddy told me I would fall in with a bad crowd if I moved to L.A."

"Isn't that sort of the opposite of what we do here?" Gunn asked

"Cordy how important is this thing?" Angel asked

"Life or death important," She told him "Maybe world ending important,"

Gunn sighed. "Sometimes I hate my job."

"Come on Gunn," Angel clapped the man on the back. "Haven't you ever fantasized about living out one of those heist movies?"

"Sure, I've imagined, but if I get caught in my imagination I get sent to imaginary jail."

Angel waved away Gunn's concerns. "We won't get caught."

"We won't?" Gunn asked

"Fred will use her super genius skills to come up with an infallible plan." Angel said

"I will?" Fred looked nervous.

"I have every confidence in you." Angel said

"Gee, thanks," She did look kind of excited through the sarcasm, despite herself.

…

Lilah sat at her desk, staring at her computer screen. Now that she was in charge she had a lot more work on her plate. But she still found time for the simple pleasures in life. One of them was knocking on her office door right now. "Come in Gavin." She said in a sing-song voice

Gavin came in, shaking with fear. He held out a file for her to take. She took the file and began to flip through the papers. Wolfram & Hart had put twenty-four hour surveillance on Conner after he had been evicted from the Hyperion. Lilah looked over Conner's movements. A vampire staked here, a demon hacked to bits there, but there was no rhyme or reason to it. "Why isn't there a report on the target's location from two hundred hours to two hundred forty five?"

Lilah looked up at the trembling Gavin. She didn't even try to pretend she wasn't enjoying herself. "The surveillance team briefly lost him, but they picked him right back up."

"Huh," Lilah seemed to consider this. "See I put you in charge of this project, which means any failures by the surveillance team are your failures. Why did you fail me Gavin?"

"I'm sorry," He said "It won't happen again."

"That's okay Gavin." She stood up and put a comforting hand on his shoulder. He flinched. "If it does I'll just set you on fire and cut your head off. The order I'm not sure of yet."

Gavin swallowed. "There will be no more failures."

"Good," Lilah patted his shoulder. She sat back down at her desk and didn't give him a second look. "Now get out." Gavin was happy to oblige. Lilah leaned back in her chair. Life was good. She picked up the file and began to lend it closer scrutiny.

…

Angel stared at the high gate they would have to scale. "No problem,"

"Says the superhuman freak," Gunn muttered

"Come on," Cordelia said "We have a time limit."

Angel pointed his grappling hook gun at the top of the gate. He fired and the hook caught the top of the gate. He tugged at the cord. "Feels safe,"

"Says the guy who won't die if it breaks." Gunn muttered again

"Charles," Fred said

"Okay, okay," Gunn grabbed the cord. "I'll go first." Gunn started to scale the wall.

The four of them scaled the gate and ended up in front of the side door. Angel pried off the lid to the fuse box. He ripped out the wires. Fred plugged the gadget she had thrown together in a few hours into the electronic keypad. In a few moments it blinked green and the door opened. "We all know our jobs right?" She asked to a collection of nods

"You and I go to the security station and I knock out the guards while you hack into the system. Cordy and Angel head over to the vault and grab the urn. Easy as pie." Gunn said

"Except pie doesn't carry a twenty year sentence." Fred said nervously

"Don't worry," Cordelia said "We can do this."

Gunn and Angel nodded, then started off in opposite direction. Cordelia and Fred shared a look of exasperation. "Guys," Said Fred

Gunn and Angel switched directions. Cordy followed Angel and Fred followed Gunn, the women sharing a final look of commiseration. Angel and Cordy made their way to the vault. The urn was in a satin bag on a pedestal surrounded by green lasers. "I don't think my cheerleading skills are sufficient to get through that." Cordelia said

"Fred will fix it." Angel said confidently

At that moment a gate came down from the ceiling, blocking the entrance. "Good job Fred." Cordelia said "That helps." Angel got to his knees and tried to lift the gate.

A woman in a black skin-tight body suit came down from the ceiling holding onto a black cord. She was upside down, suspended above the urn. She smiled at Cordelia and Angel. "I put that down for a reason." She informed them as she reached down to touch the green lasers

"Who are you?" Angel gaped at the lasers that instead of triggering an alarm bent upwards, giving her a clear shot at the urn. She grabbed the urn, smiling at Angel and Cordelia.

"We need that!" Cordelia protested "Why don't you take something else?"

"Because I want this." The cat burglar said "Duh,"

"Please," Angel said "The fate of the world depends on us getting that urn."

Cordelia sighed and shook her head. "She's never going to believe that Angel."

"She's right." The cat burglar said

"But it's true." Angel said

"Doesn't mean she'll believe it." Cordelia said, exasperated "Sometimes you kill me."

"Well you two look like you have some issues to resolve." The cat burglar said "I'll just be going now." Before she had a chance to rise through the ceiling an alarm went off and the gate went up. Angel smiled and rushed the cat burglar. She dropped the bag and landed a kick against Angel's face. She hit the ground, landing in a crouched position. She stood in time to block a punch from Angel and still managed to get thrown. Cordelia ran to collect the bag and the cat burglar kicked her in the gut. Cordelia fell as Gunn rushed into the room.

"I see you guys already know about our party crasher." He said

Angel continued to fight the thief. "Grab the urn!" He shouted

"Right," Gunn headed for the bag.

The burglar turned and shoved Gunn away. Where her black gloves connected with his shirt a blue spark erupted. Gunn dropped to the ground. Angel ran over to his friend and felt for a pulse just as Fred entered the room. Angel tried to process what he felt under the skin of Gunn's neck, but it didn't make sense to him. "He's dead." Angel said, but couldn't believe

The burglar paused, then made a decision. She ran up to Angel and Gunn, shoving Angel aside. She reached down and touched Gunn's shirt. She pushed against the fabric a couple times, releasing blue sparks each time until Gunn gasped and opened his eyes. The thief was already on her way over to where the bag rested. Cordelia was trying to collect the bag, but the cat burglar punched her in the face. Cordelia reeled back. The thief grabbed the bag in one hand and the cord in the other. She disappeared through the ceiling in moments. The four members of AI stared at each other and then at where the thief had been moments before. Angel helped Gunn to his feet.

…

Wesley opened his eyes to get a good look at hell. It looked a lot like his apartment. He pushed himself off the ground and staggered to the bathroom. He looked in the mirror at a pale sweaty imitation of himself. He touched his face and pulled his hand away. His skin burned, it was so hot touching it was painful. Wesley started to fill the sink basin with cold water. His head still hurt, but other than that he felt fine. This wasn't hell, not unless they had downsized due to budget cuts. He splashed some cold water on his face and heard it sizzle. That wasn't normal.

Wesley felt a sick feeling in his gut. He barely had time to lean over the toilet before the bile came up his throat, burning his tender esophagus. Among the acidic contents of his stomach were a handful of undigested pills. Wesley cupped his hands under the sink faucet and brought the cold water to his lips. He sipped the cool liquid. "That's impossible." He spoke to no one. No one replied. "I should be dead." Wesley told the silence "I took more than twice what I needed to. I should be a rotting corpse. Why am I still alive?" He slammed his hand against the sink basin. His hand slid into the water. He felt the temperature of the water go up as it suffered from prolonged contact with his burning skin. He pulled out his hand. "What's happening to me?"

It was curious, a puzzle. Wesley loved puzzles. But like all of the other pleasures he managed to find in life puzzles had lost their allure. Whatever it was, it would die with him. He headed for the closet to get his pistol. He had vetoed the idea on the grounds that the noise would disturb his neighbors and the land lady would have to clean up the mess. He didn't want to bother anyone. But the pills hadn't worked and if he hadn't been able to drink himself to death in three months he wouldn't be able to in a day. Desperate times called for desperate measures. He made sure the gun was loaded and looked at it. It was such a beautiful machine, deadly, efficient.

Wesley heard the absolute silence of his apartment. The silence was heavy, cold. It calmed his fever. The weight of the gun in his hand was power, the power over life and death. He could choose to live, or to die. He could point the barrel at himself or put it down. The noise, it would disturb the neighbors. Some of the people who lived in this building had kids. If the kids heard the gunshot and asked their parents what had happened, the parents might have to explain that a neighbor had shot himself. He didn't want to be responsible for an innocent kid finding out early about the hard cruel world. Wesley unloaded the gun and put it back in the closet. He walked into the kitchen and picked up a butcher knife. He held his arm over the sink. This wasn't as certain, but it wasn't as though anyone would find him before he bled out. Wesley put the point of the knife against his wrist and in a single quick movement he drew the blade along the vein. The skin parted and released a flow of blood. But the flow lasted only for a moment.

Wesley stared in shock and horror as the blood coagulated with an impossible speed. The blood caked up at the site of the slit. He stopped bleeding in seconds. Wesley dropped the bloody knife on the kitchen floor. He stared at his arm. "This is impossible." Wesley backed out of the kitchen. He entered his study and picked up the bottle of very expensive scotch. He downed half the bottle. He stared at his arm. He clawed at the dried blood and the flow resumed, only to stop in less time than before. Wesley's own body was revolting against him. "This is impossible."

…

Gunn stared at the printed readout from the heart monitor. "Doesn't look like much."

Fred entered the room. "Hey," She looked nervous, like she was afraid he would collapse into dust and float away. "How do you feel?" She walked up to his bedside and sat down.

He reached up and touched her hair. "I feel great." He said "You're here."

"Stop it." She said quietly, no playfulness in her voice "I'm serious."

"Well don't be." He said "You're too serious."

"I can't lose you too." She said "I keep losing people, not you, okay?"

He leaned forward and kissed her. "Okay," He said "I promise."

…

Conner felt exhaustion weigh on his eyelids. He needed to sleep, but he didn't want to stop walking. He wasn't safe, it was never safe. Holtz had told him, he could never rest, he could never sleep. He had felt safe at the Hyperion, but that had been a lie. Nowhere was safe. He continued to walk down the street, looking for somewhere, anywhere, where he could rest. But there was no such place. A woman approached him, a threat? She spoke. "Are you okay?"

Conner looked at her. Petite, blond, but there was a strength to her. She looked tough, like she was capable of weathering awful storms. He stared. "Who are you?" He growled

She looked like she wanted to retreat, but she didn't take as much as a step back. "I'm Anne, I run a teen homeless shelter a few blocks down. You look really tired."

"I am." Conner said "I'm very tired."

"Well you can sleep there if you want." She said "We have room."

He shook his head. "Not safe,"

"Maybe not," She agreed "But it's probably safer than just wandering around at night."

"I can't rest."

She nodded. "Well maybe you can just eat a hot meal and then lie down for a few hours."

He stared at her. "That sounds nice."

"What's your name?"

He hesitated. As a part of the ruse he had been using for the last three months he had been going by Conner. He had even come to think of himself as Conner. But he had been raised as Stephen. Who was he? Was he anybody? Anything? "I don't know."

She reached out and touched his shoulder. He stiffened, then relaxed. "It's okay."

"No," He shook his head. "It's not."

"Maybe you're right." She said "But I'm here to help you make it be. Come on."

Conner followed her. He didn't know who she was, didn't trust her. But he liked her. He liked her kind voice and her gentle touch. She led him to the shelter she had spoken of. There she made him a bowl of soup and then led him to a room with four beds. Three of them were occupied, but the forth was made up and empty. She told him he didn't have to sleep if he didn't want to, but he did have to be quiet and leave the lights off. He laid down for a moment to gather his strength. He promised himself he wouldn't sleep, and that he would leave in a couple of hours. It took seconds for him to fall asleep, and he slept until dawn when pale light filtered in through the curtains. Conner snuck out of the room and ran from the building.

…

Angel approached the woman from behind. She was approaching a reflective elevator door, but of course his reflection was absent. "Hey," He said

She glanced behind her and then back at the elevator door. "Huh," She dropped the bag and in an instant was in full combat mode. She swung at Angel and he caught her punch.

"Who are you?" He asked "Really,"

"I might ask you the same question invisa-boy."

"I really do need that urn."

"I really need twelve million dollars." She said

"The urn is worth thirty."

"If my employer wanted to pay thirty million dollars, he would have just bought the thing legally." She said "What's so important about it anyway?"

"It holds souls." Angel explained before the thief's foot connected with his face

"And you need to hold a soul?"

"It's complicated." Angel said "My friend gets these visions from higher powers that tell us about people who need help or monsters that need to be killed. This urn will help us defeat one." Angel threw the cat burglar into the elevator. She kicked him when he approached, making him stumble onto the floor. She reached for the satin bag. "I'm telling the truth."

"Because liars never lie about whether or not they're lying." The thief put her hands on Angel's chest and he felt a surge of electricity flow into him. His heart beat for a moment. He stared at Gwen and felt his mind be hit with an assault of sensations, her smell, appearance, and the feeling of the electricity. He was alive for a moment and that feeling overcame him. He leaned forward and kissed her. She reciprocated, tounging him with a fury.

Before Angel could react further metal cylinders shot out of the wall, trapping them in the elevator. "What did you do?!" The thief asked

"I didn't do that." Angel said

"No, I did." A man in a suit appeared in the room.

"What is this?" The thief asked

"A double-cross," Angel's voice was heavy with loathing.

"I know it's a- shut up, nobody asked you." The burglar said

"Well Gwen, it was nice knowing you." Angel observed the man's affluence and arrogance. He was the kind of person who couldn't just kill a person, he had to tell them about it first. He had to brag about how he did it. Angel hated people like that.

"Is he one of yours?" Gwen gestured to Angel.

"I assumed he was one of yours, what with the make-out session." The wealthy man said

"You don't have to do this." Gwen said "The job is done, you can take your urn and I'll go." She picked up the bag and held it up in front of the bars. "You don't have to kill me."

"No, but I really want to."

"You really rub people the wrong way you know." Angel said

"And you're mister charming." She shot back

"This elevator is insulated." The wealthy man said "There is nothing for you to use your light show on. When I shut the doors and turn on the gas you'll be a dead woman."

Gwen hit the heavy bars, to no avail. "You'll pay for this."

"I rather think not." The elevator doors shut, cutting off their view of the wealthy murderer. Gas began to come in through the vents. Angel looked around for something to use.

"That son of a bitch," Gwen said

"Get down." Angel said "Stay close to the floor."

Gwen slid to the floor. "Why don't you?"

"I don't need to breath, stop talking or you'll use up your air."

"No reflection and doesn't breath, what the hell are you?"

Angel had an idea. "Do you know where the wiring is?"

"I can't blow this thing through the insulated walls."

"Just tell me where it is." Angel snapped

Gwen pointed and started to tip over. She was losing consciousness. Angel began to hit the wall where she had pointed. The plastic began to crack and bend inwards. Angel got through the wall to the wiring beneath and then grabbed Gwen's hand, using his body as a conduit for her electrical power. The doors shot open, revealing the wealthy man and his goons.

"Crap," The wealthy man said

Angel stormed out of the elevator and proceeded to take down the wealthy man's goons in short order. The wealthy man started to run for the exit, but Gwen had recovered and she blocked his way. He backed up, terrified of her touch. "I'm not so happy with you." She said

"Gwen please," He begged

"You want me to spare you?" She asked

"I'm sorry," He said "I'll pay you double."

She took a moment to consider this. "Triple,"

"That's more than the thing is-" He saw the look on her face and shut up.

"And he gets to keep the urn." She pointed to Angel. Angel was surprised by this turn of events, and just stood back watching. She stared at the wealthy man, he was shaking.

"Deal," He said

"So where's my money?"

"Right," He looked around for a conscious mook. One was starting to rise and the wealthy man ordered him to go get thirty-six million dollars from the safe.

Gwen took her money. "Always a pleasure to do business with you. Never call me again." She started for the exit. Angel ran into the elevator to grab his urn and then hurried after Gwen. "Sorry," She said when he caught up to her "I'm busy tonight."

"What?" He asked

"You wanted some more hot electric loving right?"

Angel was stunned. "Actually I was wondering why you let me keep the urn."

"Oh," This took her by surprise, but she recovered. "I didn't want that jerk to have it, and what am I going to do with some ancient flower-holder?" She said

"Actually it's- never mind." Angel smiled at her. "Thanks,"

She stopped in her tracks and turned to face him. They stood on the dimly lit sidewalk, examining each other. "Who are you?" She asked "Really."

"My name is Angel." He said

"And the invisible, heart usually doesn't beat thing…"

"I'm a vampire." He admitted

"Right," She rolled her eyes. "Fine, don't tell me."

"Is it really that much stranger than your ability to produce electricity?" He asked

She shrugged. "I guess not." She admitted. "Do you drink blood?"

"Animal blood," He said "Well I had human blood a few days ago, but that was a special case." Angel wondered why he felt the need to bring that up. It could have gone unsaid.

She raised an eyebrow, but didn't comment. "Okay Angel, maybe I'll look you up sometime." She winked at him and then took off. She was gone in seconds, leaving him alone on the sidewalk with the satin bag. Angel wanted to say something, but she was gone, and what would he say? Would he say he had a girlfriend? He didn't, not really. Angel sighed and headed back for the Hyperion. Part of him hoped he never saw Gwen again, part of him hoped he did.

…

Wesley sat down on the side of his bed holding the gun. This would work. He felt deep in his bones that this would work. He could just put the barrel in his mouth and pull the trigger. It would be so easy. He stared at the ground. The carpet was kind of dirty, he should vacuum, but soon it would be stained red. Did people always have weird thoughts like this before they killed themselves? For obvious reasons it would be hard to know for sure. Maybe he should write down what he was thinking. What was he thinking? He was thinking that his head hurt and that his skin burned. He was thinking that he wanted to rest. All he wanted was to rest. He put the gun on the nightstand and lay down on his bed. It would just be a quick rest. When he woke up he would feel better, and he could finish this. It would be over, all he wanted was for it to be over.

…

Cordelia watched Angel enter the hotel lobby with a black satin bag. "You're okay,"

"Did you think I wouldn't be?" He said with a smile

She walked up to him and put her arms around him. "I almost got Gunn killed."

Angel put the bag down and held her at arm's length. "What?"

"I insisted we have this stupid urn, and it almost got Gunn killed."

"The powers sent you a vision." Angel reminded her

"Yeah, me and my wonderful visions." Cordelia let out a bitter laugh. "Not good for a whole lot if you ask me. They never clue me in to the important stuff." She let the implication go unsaid. "We don't even know what the powers want us to do with this stupid thing."

"They'll let us know one way or another." Angel assured her

"Yeah," She sighed "So no trouble getting this thing from electro?"

Angel shook his head. "Nope, no problem." He let go of her. "I'm really tired though, think I'll go take a nap." He gave her an odd smile. "You need me?"

"No, go rest." She moved her hand down his arm.

Another odd smile bloomed on his lips. "See you later."

Cordelia watched him go. When he was up the stairs and out of sight she picked up the bag and carried it into the main office. She placed the bag on Wesley's old desk. She opened it and pulled out the urn. She examined the relic. "What do you want this for?"

The powers didn't answer of course. She opened the safe and put the urn inside. It was a question for another day. For now she wanted some rest too. She headed for her car.


	3. The House Always Wins

Gunn watched Cordelia stare at the book with the passage on the urn. Based on previous trends they had two minutes before she slammed the book down and grunted in frustration. She was a little ahead of schedule when she shoved the book closed with unnecessary force and growled. "I hate this stupid urn and the stupid vague descriptions of it. What the hell is it for?"

"Well Cordy," Gunn said "Since the last time you asked that I actually-"

She held up her hand. "No, not in the mood."

Fred came downstairs. "What are you two fighting about?"

"What else?" Gunn asked "The urn,"

Fred gave Cordelia a smile that was both sympathetic and disapproving. "Cordy when the powers want us to know what the urn is for they'll tell you. Until then it doesn't matter."

"But it does matter Fred. Something-"

"Is coming," Gunn interrupted "You may have mentioned that a few times."

"This is serious." Cordelia said

"You've been saying that for a week. You've been rereading that book for a week. It's gotten you nowhere." Gunn reached for the book and put it on the counter. "Let it go."

"Please Cordelia," Fred said "We're worried about you."

Cordelia looked away. They didn't understand, couldn't understand. What the powers had shown her, the urgency of it; that was more important than her health. Whatever was coming it was something terrible. It would lay waste to everything. But she couldn't tell them that. They were both happy, happier than either of them had been in a long time. Losing Conner, then Wesley, then Angel, then Conner again, had taken its toll. But now Angel was back and the team was regaining its rhythm. Whatever was coming Cordelia had to find it and stop it. She had to keep it from destroying her friends. She saw Angel descend the staircase. "Hey," She smiled.

"Hey," He smiled back. It still stunned her that in the time since he'd been back she had been unable to find the appropriate time or place to talk about what they had been heading to the beach to talk about. It stunned her that he hadn't even brought it up. "What are you up to?"

"Nothing, you?"

Angel shrugged. "Ready for a day of hard work. What do we have?"

"A big fat nothing," Gunn said

Angel raised an eyebrow. "No open cases?"

Fred shook her head. "Nope,"

"No visions?" He looked at Cordy.

"Not since the stupid urn vision that still hasn't been resolved." She said, unable to hide the bitter undertones in her voice "I guess the powers don't have much else to say."

"You know who I wish were here?" Fred asked, wistfully

Gunn felt his heart leap into his throat. She wasn't going to say it. How could she say it in front of Cordelia and Angel? That she could even think it bothered him.

"Lorne,"

Gunn let out a sigh of relief that nobody noticed.

"How's he been?" Angel asked

"We don't know, he hardly ever answers our calls." Cordy said

"He moved to Vegas, got famous, and forgot about the little people back home." Gunn said "Even when you were missing and we would call for psychic assistance he avoided us."

"That's kind of weird." Said Angel

"Yeah, fame changed him." Fred said

Cordy looked wistfully into the distance. "Fame," She said longingly

"Down Cordy," Gunn said

She shoved him playfully. "I do kind of miss him."

"Well he chose to leave and forget about us, nothing we can do about it." Gunn said

"Not unless we packed up and went to Vegas." Fred joked

Cordelia gasped and sat up straight. "No," Angel and Gunn said simultaneously

"Hear me out." She said "If I sing for Lorne he might be able to tell me what this stupid urn is for. I could sing and he could give me a reading. Plus, road trip. We need one."

Angel shook his head. "I don't like the idea of leaving the city."

"Why not?" Cordelia asked

"Well what if something happens to Conner."

"Pfft, what's going to happen to him in a couple of days?" Cordelia asked

"I'd like to go see Lorne." Fred said "Maybe when he sees us he'll remember what good friends we are and feel bad about abandoning us." She started to look excited.

"I don't know…" Angel said

"I wouldn't mind a trip to Vegas." Gunn admitted

Angel sighed. "It looks like I'm outvoted."

Cordelia clapped her hands together repeatedly. "Yeah! Road trip!" She gasped. "I have to pack!" She ran for the front door. Her three companions watched her go in stunned silence.

"That's the happiest I've seen her in a good while." Gunn noted

"Really?" Angel asked

Gunn nodded and Fred elaborated. "She was so upset when you went missing, and she's been stressed about this urn thing for the past week. Well that and…" Too late she considered that saying Conner's name in front of Angel might not be the best idea.

"It's okay Fred. I'm over it."

"Really?" She was surprised.

"No," He admitted "But maybe it's good that we're all getting out of town. We can try to forget about certain things for a little while." He gave her an encouraging smile.

…

Wesley woke up and looked at his scarred arm. The long scar was the right length and in the right position. The cut should have killed him. He sat up and ran his thumb along the scar. He felt a dry heat in his throat. He coughed, and blood flew from his mouth, staining his sheets. Wes got out of bed and promptly fell to the ground, too weak to stand. Whatever was happening to him was keeping him alive, but it was also making him weak. Wesley coughed some more, getting blood on the carpet. He crawled into the kitchen and used the refrigerator door handle to pull himself up. He opened the freezer and reached for a handful of ice. He felt the ice melting in his super-heated hands. He pressed the ice against his face and throat. It took less than a minute for the ice to have melted into water and then evaporated into the air. Wesley stood in front of the open freezer. The cold air felt so good, but it wasn't enough to bring down the temperature of his scorching skin. Wesley pulled a carton of ice cream from the freezer. He closed the freezer door and staggered over to the dining room table. He grabbed a spoon on his way. He tried to fill his body with the cold substance in an attempt to bring down his internal temperature. It wasn't happening. Wesley was sweating so much that the chair he was sitting in was covered in salty water after only a few minutes. He put his head in his hands. Why was this happening to him, and why now? He had been so close to ending it all and now events were conspiring to keep him here and keep him in pain. Was this his fate? Was this how his life was going to play out?

…

"Yeah, road trip!" Cordelia seemed pretty excited as they loaded their gear into the car.

"We haven't had a vacation in- We've never had a vacation." Gunn said

"I know." Cordelia gushed "Our first real vacation."

"You've had vacations before." Angel said "You had one less than a year ago."

"This is different." Cordelia said "We're all going on vacation together."

"Because there's no one I'd rather go on vacation with than an undead photophobic and an overexcited seer." Gunn said "They make the best vacation buddies."

"Don't worry." Fred put her hand on his shoulder. "We'll ditch them and hang out on the casino floor the whole time. I can count cards and pay our bar tab with blackjack."

"Is it possible for you to be any hotter right now?" Gunn leaned in for a kiss.

Cordelia rolled her eyes to conceal her internal emotions. Seeing Gunn and Fred together reminded her of the meeting she'd never had with Angel. Would that ever be resolved? She adopted a jovial tone that gave away nothing. "Okay love birds, get in the car. We've got a lot of driving to get in before sunrise." Cordelia got into the passenger seat.

"Yes mom," Gunn said as he and Fred got into the back

In what felt like no time at all Angel investigations was cruising down the strip. Cordelia was joyously pointing out signs and landmarks. "Where do you think Lorne is?" Fred asked her

"He's probably performing at a lower end joint." Gunn said

"Or not," Angel rebutted

"What?" Cordelia asked "Do you think he's singing at the Riviera with his mug?"

"Not the Riviera," Angel pointed at a flashing billboard. It advertised the Tropicana's current main attraction with a giant picture of Krevelorneswath of the Deathwok clan.

"Huh," Cordy said "Well that's… huh,"

…

Lilah gave herself one last look-over in the mirror. It wouldn't do to show up at work with any flaws in her appearance. She heard a knock at her door. Odd, she wasn't expecting anyone. She walked up to the front door and looked through the peephole. It was Wesley, and he didn't look so good. She opened the door. "Geez Wes, what the hell happened to you?"

He was holding onto the doorframe to support himself, too weak to stand without it. He was a milky pale and his clothes were soaked through with sweat. "I need your help."

Lilah snickered. "It looks like you do, but I'm not big on doing favors for people."

"Please Lilah," The plaintive tone in his voice was one she had never heard from him before. He coughed, and blood dripped from his mouth onto his shirt. "I don't have anywhere else to go." Blood stained the edges of his mouth and dripped down his chin. It was disgusting.

She considered closing the door in his face. What would happen? Would he collapse to the ground and choke to death on his own blood? Did that bother her? He looked so weak and helpless, pathetic. Weak people, she ate them for breakfast. But she knew he wasn't like this, would never choose to let this happen to him. What must it be like for him to have to crawl to her door begging for help? She stepped out of her threshold, clearing his way. "Come in."

…

Angel took his seat at their table. "This is surreal." Cordy said as she scooted down to make room for him. "Lorne is some kind of superstar now? How is that even… what?"

"He is a pretty good singer." Fred reminded them

"He told us he had an album coming out." Gunn recalled

"Okay, fine, but he's a de-" Cordelia looked around. "D-e-m-o-n." She whispered

"People probably just think it's makeup." Fred said "Like the blue man group." She thought for a moment. "Hey you don't think the blue man group-"

"Only two of them," Angel said

The curtain opened and revealed Lorne sitting on a bar stool. The lights were dim and mist floated out onto the stage. He began to sing. Angel had almost forgotten that the demon was in fact an excellent singer. "Wow," Cordelia said "That's beautiful,"

"Yeah," Fred said

The group watched the show in awe. Lorne was in his element, connecting with the crowd, merging with the music. This was his calling. Angel enjoyed listening to the music, enjoyed watching his old friend do what he was made for and enjoy doing it. When the show was over AI followed the crowd of fans backstage. The fans had out their autograph books and were buzzing with excitement. When Lorne emerged the crowd lost it. "Lorne!" Angel shouted

The Pylean ignored Angel and his friends. "He's acting like he doesn't see us." Fred said

Lorne signed a few autographs and then departed for his dressing room. "I don't believe it." Cordelia said "He totally snubbed us. What a jerk,"

Angel didn't say anything, he just shrugged and walked back toward the casino. Cordelia followed him. Fred and Gunn stood amidst the departing crowd. "Something's wrong." Fred said

"I'll say." Gunn said "I guess fame really does change people."

"No," Fred said "He acted like he didn't see us at all. It was like he was pretending not to know us. Why would he do that?" She looked around at the now empty hallway.

"You think something spooky is going on." Gunn deduced

Fred nodded.

Gunn grinned. "Now we get to get our sneak on?"

"We need to get into that dressing room." Fred said

Gunn leaned forward and kissed her. "You're so sexy when you're breaking rules."

…

Conner walked along the edge of the rooftop. He heard footsteps approaching, but he ignored them. "What's a nice boy like you doing out at this time of night?" A female voice asked

"I don't know."

"Would you like to come home with me?"

"I don't date vampires." Conner said

There was a moment of silence. "Well that takes the formalities out of the way." He heard her run at him, but he didn't move until the last possible moment. He grabbed her and used her own momentum to throw her off the roof. He jumped down after her. Most people would have broken at least a leg, but he was fine. He threw her against the wall before she had regained her footing. He pulled a stake from his back pocket and shoved it into her chest. He saw her face for the first time and watched it dissolve into dust. She was pretty. He stared at the pile of dust on the ground. She wasn't pretty anymore. She was gone, and she couldn't hurt anybody ever again.

Conner wanted to go home and tell Cordelia what he did. She didn't want to see him. She would never want to see him again. He had nowhere to go, and he was tired again. He had been sleeping a couple hours at a time in deserted locales. His highly attuned senses would pick up on something and he would be gone again. He longed for a true sleep. He thought about the shelter and Anne. What would she think if he told her about the vampire? What would she think of him?

Conner started down the street toward the shelter he had unintentionally memorized the location of. He couldn't tell her about the vampire of course, about any of it really. But he could get some sleep and maybe she would listen to a few things. He could tell her that he had a complicated relationship with his father and that his father had thrown him out. That wasn't as impossible to believe as his father being a vampire. Maybe he could just talk to her, it had been a long time since he'd sat down and had an honest conversation with someone without there being any angles or hidden agendas. In fact, he couldn't remember a single honest interaction with anyone. Holtz had used him, Conner had never trusted Angel, Conner had lied to Cordy, Fred, and Gunn. He had no one he could be himself with. But she didn't know who he was, so maybe he could be himself with her. At the very least he was going to get a real sleep. He couldn't do this anymore. He had to find a place where he could close his eyes for more than a few hours.

…

Lorne sighed as he took a seat on the couch. He knew what was coming. He was going to have to condemn three people to a fate comparable to death. If he refused, a young woman would die and the blood would be on his hands. More people would continue to die, until he gave in. That's what had happened last time. Lorne wished he had never left L.A. He heard a knock on the door and sighed, here it came. The slimy skeezeball who ran this place entered.

"Lorne," He said "What a fantastic show!"

Lorne displayed a very fake smile. "Well, I do my best."

"Yes you do, and now," He snapped his fingers at his bodyguard.

Lorne picked up the seating chart for the ballroom where he had performed. "Can we do this later Lee, I'm kind of tired." Lorne knew delaying was pointless, but he couldn't stand it.

"Sure Lorne, sure we can do this later, right after I pink slip another girl from your act."

Lorne looked at the man's unrepentant grin. Lorne pointed out the people with the most valuable destinies on the chart. "That's it." Lorne said "Now will you leave me alone?"

"You're invaluable." The proprietor said "Keep it up kid!" He left

Lorne sat on the couch, wallowing in misery. The last few months had been total hell for him. First he had gotten captured and held hostage by this psycho, then the man had forced Lorne to choose between being complicit in the theft of people's destinies or having to watch a girl being murdered in front of him until he agreed. Then he'd had to deal with the fact that Angel was in trouble and there was nothing that Lorne could do to help his friends while his captor was keeping watching him. Even the thing Lorne most loved, performing, had become the worst part of every day. Each performance sealed the fates of audience members, doomed them to an existence devoid of meaning. Lorne couldn't allow it any more. He stood up and grabbed a bottle of vodka. He stood just to the side of the door. The next time the casino proprietor or one of his goons opened the door Lorne was going to clobber them and make a run for it. He was going to escape or die trying. Seeing Angel and his other friends had inspired him. He might not be a champion like Angel, but he could find a way to stop these travesties from taking place.

He stood there for a long time waiting for the door to open. When it did he brought the bottle forward to collide with the entrant's head, shifting its trajectory at the last moment to avoid hitting the girl with the green makeup and fake horns. She shouted in surprise. "I'm sorry honey." Lorne said, cursing himself "I was trying to- Fred!" He recognized the face under the makeup. "Is that really you Fredikins? Oh bless my heart, you're here to rescue me!"

Fred gaped at Lorne. "What do you mean rescue you? You're being held prisoner?"

Lorne wrapped Fred in a hug. "I knew you guys would figure out my code."

"What code?" She asked when he released her

"Every time I called I asked about Fluffy, the dog you don't have. That's code for help me, I'm being held hostage." Lorne spoke as though this were obvious

"Right," Fred said "So we need to rescue you?"

Lorne nodded.

"Okay, time to think of a plan."

…

Wesley heard the front door of Lilah's apartment open. She was back. He was lying on the bed in the guest bedroom, a metallic waste basket was at the bedside about a tenth filled with blood. A pitcher of ice had been next to a glass of cold water on the nightstand when she left. It had taken only a few hours for him to drink it all and he was still so thirsty. He heard her throw her purse onto the couch and head for the kitchen. He could hear her designer shoes hitting the tile. His breathing was shallow and his lungs were coated in blood. He heard her approach the guest room. She appeared in the doorway munching on a sandwich. "How do you feel?" She asked as though he was only suffering from a slight cold "Because you look like death."

"I don't feel much better." He admitted

"No, I imagine not." She reached into her pocket and pulled out a small pouch. "The guys in spells and potions swear by this stuff for bringing down mystical fevers." She put the pouch on the nightstand and picked up the pitcher. "I'll get you some more water."

He waited until she came back with the pitcher of ice water. "Why are you helping me?"

She shrugged. "Having someone drop dead outside my front door seemed like an inconvenience." She poured some of the water into the glass. "I'd have to call a cleaning crew."

Wesley started the laugh, but the laughter turned into coughing up more blood. He picked up the waste basket and spewed the blood into it. "You're such a sentimentalist."

"Yeah," She said "What the hell is wrong with me?" She still had that amused smile.

"I think I'm dying."

"Well you certainly look like you're dying." She assured him

"It's ironic." He said

"I hate that word." She said "So you better have a good excuse for using it."

He rolled up a shirtsleeve and showed her his scar. "It's killing me, but it won't let me die." He rolled the sleeve back down and then sprinkled some of the powder into his glass of water. "It wants me to die, but not yet." He drank the entire glass in one gulp.

"Well that's more pathetic than ironic." Lilah said

"I don't agree." He said "Nobody says you're a coward for emigrating from one country to another, why is it so bad to immigrate dimensions? I just wanted out." He put the glass down.

"Well somebody isn't done with you." Lilah said "Why did you want out anyway?"

"I'm tired." He said "And I didn't have any more reasons to stay."

Lilah nodded. "Well you're pretty stupid for a smart guy. There's no resting there."

"You'd know." He admitted "But I wouldn't be able to make any more mistakes."

"Just the last one." She said

He poured more water into his blood-stained glass. "Why did you do it?" He asked

"Sell my soul?" She asked

He nodded.

"Gee there were so many reasons." She said "The money was probably the clincher."

He smiled in amusement. "Of course,"

"What about you? Why did you sign up to be a white hat?"

He shrugged. "Well I could tell you all the same lies I told myself, but there wouldn't be much point to that. The truth is that I just did what other people told me to do. The one time I tried to take charge of my own fate I ended up with my throat cut. Sometimes the people ordering me around were cruel, and sometimes they were kind, but it all amounted to the same thing. I thought I could be better than that, that I could be somebody. I was wrong."

"You're big on the self-pity huh?"

"I don't feel sorry for myself."

"Well that's one thing we have in common." She told him "But for what it's worth I thought you were somebody. I thought you were somebody to manipulate and hurt, but that's still somebody." She shook her head and turned to leave the room.

"What would you have thought?" He asked her

She turned back around. "If you had killed yourself?"

He nodded.

"Nothing, then you wouldn't be anybody anymore." She left the room.

…

Angel sat at the poker table next to Cordelia. "I can't believe he just brushed us off."

"What a jerk," Cordelia said "It's one thing to dodge someone's calls. I mean I do that to my own mother. But to just act like we weren't even there. That really hurts."

Angel nodded. He used his vampire senses to read the heart rate of the other players. He folded. "I mean the value of friendship, is that just gone from the world?"

Cordelia shifted in discomfort. She sensed that Angel was thinking about more than just their green-skinned buddy. "After everything we went through together." She agreed

"You just never really know a person these days."

"You really don't."

"One minute everything is all fine and hunky dory, and the next everyone is ignoring you in a Vegas casino and keeping secrets and dropping you at the bottom of the ocean."

One player looked up and gave them an odd look. "What?" Cordelia asked him

The other player looked away again. Angel looked at his cards and maintained his poker face. He read everyone else's heartbeat. "You think you can trust someone, and then they stab you in the back. They lie to you and they kidnap your son. You fight side by side with somebody, you trust them absolutely with your life, with something that means more to you than your life, and they betray you. I don't even know anymore Cordelia, I really don't." He raised.

"Angel," She said "We were all hurt by what Wesley did."

Angle twitched upon hearing the name. "I don't want to talk about that."

"I think you do." She said kindly

"I don't want to talk about him, think about him, or even-" Angel stared at his cards.

"Angel," She put her hand on his back.

"I thought I could forget about him."

"You can't just forget about someone, not when they meant that much to you."

"So what do I do? What did you do?"

She picked up one of her chips and tapped it against the top of a stack. "Sometimes," She smiled. "I think about the old days, back in the beginning. I think about what we all went through together and I think about the three of us just sitting around the office. We would talk, fight; God Wes and I used to fight about everything. Sometimes I would forget what we were fighting about and just keep going because I knew that I was right and I had to win." She used her chip to gesture at herself for emphasis. The smile was still there. "Then I think about Conner." The smile slipped away. "I think about holding him in my arms as a baby. I think about realizing he was gone, that he was really gone. I think about him coming back in so much pain. So I think of those old times again and I think of Doyle." Angel jerked in surprise. "I realize I'm remembering Wesley the same way I remembered Doyle after-" She held back the tears. "And I realize that he's dead to me. Only Wesley didn't die in a heroic sacrifice to save your life. He died because he stabbed a knife in our backs. But he's just as dead to me, and memories are just that."

Angel turned and embraced Cordelia. "It's going to be okay, we'll get through this."

"Do you guys want to maybe take this somewhere else?" A player asked

"No way, I have a straight flush." Angel said

Everyone folded. "Angel," Cordelia's voice was weary.

"I know, I shouldn't have tipped my hand."

"No," She said "We need to go."

Angel looked at her and saw 'vision' written clearly on her face. "Let's go." He said

…

Conner sat at the table in the empty rec room with Anne. They were sharing a bowl of ice cream with two spoons. "And your mom didn't say anything?" Anne asked

"Nope," Conner said "She wanted me gone too, they all did."

"Well they're missing out on a great kid." Anne said

Conner smiled and shook his head. "Not really,"

"Hey," She said "I mean it. You've made mistakes Conner, but you're a nice boy. It was wrong of you to throw your dad's stuff into the ocean, but he should have at least tried to talk to you before just kicking you out. Especially considering the things that have happened to you."

Conner shrugged. "I never got along with him anyway." Conner said

"Why is that?" Anne asked "What was the initial trigger?"

Conner sighed. "It all started when one of my dad's friends kidnapped me when I was younger and I lived with another relative for a few years. He told me he was my dad."

"Right," Anne said "How many years was that again?"

Conner said the first number that popped into his head. "Seven,"

"That's crazy," Anne said "Your dad didn't try to help you through that at all?"

"I guess he did." Conner admitted "But it isn't that simple."

"No," Anne agreed "It takes time to get over something like that, the scars never fade."

Conner nodded emphatically. "My dad just doesn't understand what it's like for me."

Anne gave him a sympathetic smile. "Nobody's perfect Conner." She said "We all make mistakes. Sometimes it's hard for us to understand another person's situation. We want to think we would have done so many things differently, but we're looking at their situation from our own perspective. Your dad probably wanted you to get over what happened faster than you could because he couldn't truly comprehend how traumatic it was for you. He wasn't there."

"No," Conner said bitterly "He wasn't. He wasn't there and he let them take me."

"Conner," Anne said "I'm sure your dad would have done anything to prevent that."

"But he couldn't!" Conner leaned back forcefully into the couch. "He couldn't protect me." Conner stared at the opposing wall, holding in angry tears. "He was supposed to."

Anne reached over the table and took his hand. He looked at her, comforted by the maternal concern. "I know you're angry Conner, but sometimes forgiveness is the best cure."

Conner looked away again. "It's hard. I'm so angry, where does that anger go?"

"You just have to let it go." Anne said

"I can't." Conner said

"I know." She said "I see that, but maybe one day you can."

Conner nodded. "Maybe, one day."

"Get some sleep Conner." Anne said, picking up the ice cream bowl "You need it."

…

Angel threw open the doors of the office Cordelia had led them to. Inside Lorne, Fred, and Gunn were being held at gunpoint. "Thank heavens," Lorne said "Angel-cakes,"

"What's going on here?" Angel asked

"Well we got captured." Fred said

Angel shot her a look. "I meant what's the evil du' jour?"

"Right," She said "Evil casino guy is using an enchanted wheel to steal destinies."

The casino proprietor stepped forward. "And just who might you be?"

"Angel," Angel said "And you're holding my friends captive."

"Gee," The guy said "Should I feel bad about that?"

Angel vamped out and attacked one of the guards pointing a gun at Fred's head. Gunn elbowed the one behind him and soon they were all in the fray. Cordelia tossed the slime ball himself to the ground, but was then distracted by a mook. Lorne ran for the glass orb holding all the destinies. He picked up a heavy metal cylinder to smash it with. The proprietor rushed to his feet and stepped in front of the orb. "We can talk about this." He said "I can give you everything you ever wanted. Fame, money, what will it take?" The man pleaded

Lorne shoved him aside and smashed the orb. Destinies spilled out and rushed off to find their proper owners. "You should have known better than to mess with my friends." Lorne said

Cordelia smiled and shot a look at Angel. Angel returned her grin.

…

Wesley was in a strange place. He wasn't awake, but he wasn't really asleep either. He was only peripherally aware of reality. He felt the fire, burning. His body was in revolt, boiling his blood like a pot of water on the stove that someone had left on high and then walked away and forgotten about. His internal organs were warping and deforming. His insides were changing. As he changed blood poured out of remodeling organs and rearranging vessels. He felt the blood in places it shouldn't be, including his lungs. He was aware of all of this, but beyond that reality was outside his perception. He was in another world, a dream world, a waking dream.

He was in a hallway, being dragged down the hallway. He was a little boy, maybe six. "If you want to act like a fool maybe some time in the cupboard will teach you a lesson."

He wanted to drag his heels, but he knew better. "Please daddy, I'm sorry."

"I don't ask much of you boy, but I won't tolerate you embarrassing me."

He began to cry. He knew he wasn't supposed to cry, but he hated the dark. He didn't want to be put in the dark again. "I'm sorry daddy, I'll do better next time. I won't make a mistake next time. I'll get it right." The tears thickened his voice. "Please daddy, I'm afraid."

His dad threw open the door under the staircase. "Afraid of the dark are you?"

His father shoved him through the door. Wesley stood in the doorway and nodded.

"That simply won't do. A watcher mustn't be afraid of anything. You stay in there now boy, and if I see a light under the door you'll be in for a severe thrashing, you hear?" Roger Wyndam-Pryce watched his son bring his head slowly up and down. He slammed the door shut and Wesley heard the click of the lock. There was no light, not a single ray. Wesley couldn't even see his hand in front of his face. He knew there was a footstool in the cupboard and if he stood on it he could reach the chain for the hanging light bulb. But if he turned the light on he would get in even more trouble, have to sit in the dark for even longer. Wesley sat down on the ground and leaned against the shelves that held mother's jams. He hated the dark and the idea of what might be hiding there waiting for him. There could be spiders crawling on his clothes, demons lurking in the shadows, or vampires. Wesley was terrified of vampires. Father said he was going to show Wesley a real vampire one day, said every watcher had to face one. Wesley didn't want that. If he had to stay in the dark, had to see vampires, he didn't want to be a watcher. But he couldn't tell father that. Father would be very angry that Wesley would dare to even think such a thing. He would be even angrier than he was now about Wesley's botched attempt at his weekly Latin translations. Wesley went over it in his head. He'd messed up the tenses. He tried to list them mentally, but he kept getting distracted by thoughts of spiders and vampires. He was scared, so scared, and he just wanted to turn the light on. Why was it so dark?

Wesley didn't know how long it had been when his father opened the door. Wesley wiped the tears off his face, it wouldn't do to anger father further. "Well boy, what do you have to say for yourself now?" Wesley looked at his father's stern face. He was afraid. What if he said the wrong thing and got locked under the stairs again? He was so terrified. "Well?"

Wesley swallowed, his throat felt funny. "I'm sorry. I-"

Father cut him off. "Don't say that." His voice was harsh, angry. "Don't ever say that."

"I'm s-" Wesley flinched, but managed to keep the reflexive reply back. "Why?"

"Just fix it. If you make a mistake fix it, and don't make it again."

"What if I can't?" Wesley asked "What if I can't fix it?"

"Find a way." Father said "Fix it, or you'll have to be punished some more."

"Yes Father, I-" He closed his eyes. Don't say it, ever. "I'll do better."

"Good boy," He stepped back, letting Wesley leave the cupboard. "Was that so bad?"

He shook his head. He just wanted to go to his room and fix his mistake. "No Father,"

"Go on then." Wesley took care not to run, though he so wanted to.

He heard a voice. "Wes," Who was that? "Wesley," His childhood home dissolved and he was in the fire again, unseeing. "Wesley wake up." His vision cleared and he saw her.

"Lilah,"

"Expecting someone else?" She teased

"No," He tried to pull himself into sitting position, but hadn't the strength. "I don't think it worked." He said in reference to the mystical fever powder she had procured for him

"I'd have to say not." She pulled his shoulders, helping him to sit up against the headboard. "You were mumbling in your sleep." She informed him

"I wasn't asleep, I was hallucinating." He said

"Bad sign," She told him

"I'd say so." He agreed

"What were you hallucinating about?" She asked

"My father," He wondered why he told her that.

"I see,"

"What did I say?" He asked

"That you would do better." She informed him

"Oh," He hated that she had seen into the part of him that he hid so carefully from everyone, even if she had only caught a glimpse.

"Did you?"

"I tried."

"We all try our best for daddy." She said

Wesley flinched. "Sometimes you're a real bitch."

"It's sort of my shtick." She reminded him

"But thank you." He said "For not turning me away."

She shrugged. "It doesn't really matter does it? You're dying."

He tried to nod, but couldn't. "Aren't we all?"

"Deep," She mocked "Poetic,"

"Screw you Lilah," He coughed again, aspirating more blood.

"Well you were doing that for me, until your little predicament arose."

"Couldn't be helped." He said

She shrugged. "Well, these things happen I suppose. Anyway," She started to leave. "I recommend you turn your thoughts to more cheery memories; all that moaning, it's bothersome."

She was gone. He lay there, trying to stay awake and aware. He hated this. He hated being weak and helpless. He wanted to do something, to fight. He wanted to take action.

…

Cordelia relaxed in the passenger seat and enjoyed the cold night air on her skin as they drove out of Vegas. "What did we learn today kids?" Angel asked

"Vegas is a horrible, horrible place." Gunn said "We're never coming back."

"It's not all bad." Fred said "I won five hundred dollars counting cards."

"Vegas is a wonderful place and we should come back every year." Gunn amended

"Not me." Lorne said "I'm never leaving L.A. again."

Angel smiled. "Good, we missed you."

"The feeling is mutual Angel-cakes." Lorne said

"I just wish we'd found out what was happening to you sooner so we could have helped you earlier." Cordelia said "I hate to think of all the grief you endured, and we didn't even know what was going on." Cordelia turned around and gave Lorne a comforting smile.


	4. Slouching Toward Bethlehem

Lorne came downstairs from his room. "I tell you kids I am happy to be back home. I'm taking a break. I'm not going to read anybody for the next month. I'm just going to kick back, listen to some good music, and relax. Because I need to relax." He looked at the uncomfortable expression on Cordelia's face. Angel, Fred, and Gunn mirrored her. "Of course,"

"The thing is," Cordelia said "We just need you to do one tiny little reading on me."

Lorne sighed. "Okay," He walked over to the couch and sat down next to Fred. "I get the sense that some serious mystical mojo is going down and you need a push in the right direction."

Cordy nodded. "You got it."

"Well let's hear it." Lorne said jovially

Cordy smiled. She began to sing. The smile slipped off Lorne's face and Cordelia didn't finish her song, the look on his face concerned her too much. "What is it?"

"Ummm, apocalypse." Lorne said "Serious apocalypse,"

The rest of AI drew closer. "What do we do?" Angel asked

Lorne shook his head. "Everything is pretty unclear. All I know is that our dear Cordy is real important and I got an address. Whatever causes the apocalypse is there."

Fred handed Lorne a pen and piece of paper. Angel sighed when he saw the address Lorne wrote down. "Lilah," He said "Why am I not even remotely surprised?"

…

Lilah set the pitcher of ice water down on the nightstand. Wesley was coughing up blood into the aluminum wastebasket. She felt something, but pushed it down. She didn't want to know what it was. "I'll see you later." She paused. "If you're not dead."

Wesley laughed, then coughed up more blood. "I'll try to stick around."

"Good man," She felt an urge to reach out and give him a comforting touch, she held that in as well. "Well I'm off to destroy all that which is good in pure in the name of evil." Someone knocked on her door. Lilah walked over to the front door and looked through the peephole. She sighed. She opened the door. "What do you want?" She asked the vampire and his three companions "And you're not invited in." She reminded Angel "Just so we're clear."

Cordelia pushed past Lilah. Fred and Gunn followed. Angel smirked. Lilah gave him an exasperated look. "So to what do I owe the pleasure?" She asked Angel

"We have a source that says you have something pretty evil stashed here." Gunn said

"Gee," Lilah said with a smirk "I know you guys don't get along, but that's a little extreme don't you think? I'm evil, and I have to tell you, he's not up to standards."

"What are you talking about?" Cordelia asked

The five of them heard coughing coming from through the closed door to the guest bedroom. Gunn walked over and opened the door. AI stood in shock, staring at their old friend coughing up blood into the aluminum trashcan. Cordelia shoved Lilah against the wall. "What did you do?" Cordelia pressed her arm against Lilah's neck to pin the lawyer to the wall.

Fred rushed into the guest room. "Wesley,"

Gunn grabbed her arm. "Maybe you shouldn't get too close."

Fred shook her boyfriend off. "What happened?" She stepped up to his bedside.

Wes looked up at her. "Fred?" He asked "What are you doing here?"

"We were kind of wondering the same about you." Gunn said, his voice cold

"I'm hallucinating again." Wesley decided "You're not really here."

Lilah pulled uselessly at Cordelia's arm. "Choking," She said with effort

"Tell us what happened." Cordelia let her go.

Lilah massaged her neck. "I don't know." She said "I guess it's true what they say about how no good deed goes unpunished. I couldn't test the theory until now."

"Good deed?" Angel asked from the hall

"Look I was just helping out a sick friend." She leered at Angel, reveling in the confrontation. "Poor Wes had no one else to turn to, what with you and yours abandoning him."

Fred knelt down so that she was at eye level with Wesley. "What happened to you?"

"I'm formulating several theories." He told her "But data interpretation is difficult because I can't remember what is a hallucination and what isn't." He coughed and specks of blood hit Fred. Gunn pulled her back. Wesley kept coughing and Gunn tried to drag her away.

She shoved him away from her. "Stop it."

"Fred I don't want you to catch what he's got."

"It's actually pretty nifty." Lilah said "It makes you invulnerable."

"What?" Cordelia asked

Lilah just continued to leer, giving no further information. Fred approached Wesley again. "Wesley," She said "What's happening to you?" She took his hand and then quickly dropped it. "Ow!" She shook her hand to dispel the pain. "You're like a furnace."

"Invite me in." Angel told Lilah

"Let me think, no." She said

Cordelia pinned Lilah again. Lilah stared at Cordelia, making it clear she wasn't afraid of her. Cordelia let Lilah go. "You really expect us to believe that you didn't cause this somehow?"

"To be honest," Lilah said "I don't care what you think."

Wesley put his hands against the side of his head. "Shh," He said to something "I don't have to listen to you. Stop talking to me." He pressed against his burning brain.

"Hallucinating again," Lilah said

"Why?" Cordy asked "What is it?"

"Some kind of mystical fever," Lilah said "And none of the stuff I can get my hands on does anything for it. He's losing his mind and his blood, there's nothing I can do."

Angel stared at her. "But you tried," He was incredulous.

"Yes," Lilah admitted

"Why?"

She didn't answer.

"Shut up!" Whoever Wesley was hallucinating about Wesley was upset with.

"Wesley," Fred said "It's us. You know us."

He looked up at her. "Fred, what are you doing here?"

Angel felt a pang of sympathy. He wanted to do something to help somehow. How long had this been going on? How long had his old friend been here, dying? Why hadn't Wesley come to him and asked for help? But Angel knew the answer to that last question. "Wes," He said

Wesley looked at the front door across the apartment. He saw Angel standing in the threshold. Angel saw busted blood vessels in Wesley's eyes, and comprehension. "Angel?"

Angel wanted to ask what had happened, but Fred had already done that. What could he say? What could he do to address this? "Wesley you're sick, you need to come home."

"I don't have one." Wesley said

Angel flinched. A single tear slipped from Fred's eye. "We have to do something."

"The apocalypse," Gunn whispered "That's what Lorne said."

They all took this in. "No," Fred said "We can fix this."

"We should get him back to the hotel." Angel said

"Feel free," Lilah said "He wasn't even paying rent."

Gunn walked up to Wesley and pulled the man to his feet. Gunn and Fred helped Wesley out of the apartment. Cordelia stared at Lilah. "I don't get it." She said

"You never will." Lilah answered "Now get out."

…

Conner scrubbed the bathroom floor. "I appreciate the help." Anne said

He smiled at her. He couldn't explain that she was doing him a favor by letting him earn his keep. "I just like spending time with you." He said

"You have such a lovely smile." Anne said "You should use it more often."

He grinned at her. "I smile more here than I did before."

She returned his smile. "We enjoy having you here."

Conner used his muscles to scour the grime and scum up from the floor. The repetitive motions were relaxing. He felt more at peace than he had in a long time. "Thank you,"

"You don't need to thank me for enjoying your company." She said

"But I want to."

She considered this. "Do you enjoy my company Conner?"

"Very much," He said

"Thank you Conner."

They shared a look. It was a happy look, and genuine. Conner went back to the relaxing movement. Even when they were silent, being with her made him feel good. He felt happy, safe, and comfortable. He felt like he could tell her anything. "I miss my mom."

He felt her put her hand on top of his. Through their latex gloves she put pressure on his hand. It felt good. "You should call her Conner, just to talk. Everything starts with small steps."

He nodded. He couldn't call her. What would he say? 'Hey Cordelia, it's me Conner. I know you're probably still mad about me dumping my dad at the bottom of the ocean, but I thought we could talk about things. How is old dad by the way? Still a vampire?' "Maybe,"

"When you're ready," Anne said

"Yeah,"

…

Lorne watched wide-eyed as Gunn and Angel practically dragged a bloody Wesley into the Hyperion lobby. "What the- Wesley," Lorne watched them put him on the couch and then quickly let go. Their hands were red from the prolonged exposure to his burning skin.

Blood dripped from Wesley's nose. "Ow," He said softly

Lorne looked at the man. "This is-" He noticed something. Lorne grabbed Wesley's arm and could feel the heat through the fabric of his shirt. Lorne rolled up the sleeve and exposed a long scar on his arm, right along the vein. The members of AI just stared. Lorne dropped Wesley's arm. Wesley was still out of it, and seemed unaware of what was happening.

"Why?" Fred asked softly

"We should get him into one of the rooms." Cordelia said with a voice that betrayed no emotion "Come on." She pulled Wes to his feet and Angel helped her bring him up the stairs.

Fred, Gunn, and Lorne stared after them. Fred was holding back tears. "Why did he do that?" She asked Lorne "Could you see why in his aura?" She wiped her eyes.

Lorne shook his head. "But I know why,"

"Why?" She repeated

"It's not for me to say." Lorne walked away.

Fred leaned against Gunn and he wrapped his arms around her.

…

Wesley wondered why it was so hot. Then he realized that he was hallucinating again and the cold ground he lay on under the night sky wasn't real, not anymore. The only real thing was the fire, burning him to a crisp. His slit neck wasn't real, it was long healed, marked only by a scar. He hated that scar. He tried to avoid mirrors so he didn't have to see the mark of Cain on his neck, proclaiming him a traitor. Why didn't he just bleed to death? He remembered. He was thinking of Angel, Cordelia, Fred, and Gunn. He wanted to explain. He wanted to tell them what had happened and why he'd done what he'd done. That was so stupid. Why had he thought they would listen? Why had he thought they would hear out a traitor? How very stupid of him.

A man knelt in front of him, clad in shadow, impossible to see. The man was speaking to him. "Wesley can you hear me? Wes? Wesley?" There was so much blood, why was he still alive? Why was he fighting? He should just die. But… He should just let go. But…

"I don't want to die." He mumbled "I thought I did, but I don't."

His vision cleared and he saw Angel. Angel was trying to talk to him, but none of it was reaching Wesley. He saw Cordelia leaning against the wall, watching him. There was hate in her eyes. She had made up her mind about him, the first person to ever like him. Now she hated him.

"You're not going to die." Angel said

"I want to live." He was still looking at Cordelia, but the room was fading. He was on the ground again, his blood staining the dirt. Boots were coming toward him, stopping in front of his face. Holtz knelt down. "Leave me alone." Wesley begged "You tricked me."

"Did I?" Holtz whispered

"You're a villain."

"But you're the one who took Conner from his father. It's all your fault."

"Why did you do this to me?"

"You did this to yourself." Holtz said "You just weren't good enough."

"I tried. I tried."

"Wesley stop it. Whoever you're talking to isn't really there."

Wesley blinked and tried to see Angel, but there was only fire, blood, and the empty night sky. He was all alone in the dirt, where he belonged. "I tried to do the right thing."

…

Fred couldn't sleep. The Hyperion was dark and still. She slipped out of bed. She looked at her lover's rising and falling chest. How could he sleep so peacefully? Fred got dressed and headed down to the lobby. She stopped when she heard sobbing. Fred headed over to the main office. She pushed the door open and saw Cordelia with her head on the desk. The woman was shaking with sobs. Fred walked over and put her hand on Cordelia's back. Cordelia sat up, startled. "I'm sorry," Fred said "Are you all right?" Fred sat in the chair in front of the desk.

Cordelia wiped her eyes and tried to smile. "I'm fine."

"We'll find a way to help him." Fred assured her

"That's not why I'm crying." Cordelia said

"It's not?"

Cordelia shook her head. "I still can't forgive him."

"I don't… understand."

"Seeing him like that, it should make me want to forgive him."

"But it doesn't?"

Cordelia stared at her hands. "I trusted him more than I trusted almost anybody else. If I knew something like what he knew, I would have gone to him right away. But he didn't trust me the same way. He didn't trust me enough to tell me what was going on. I can forgive what he did to us, but I can't forgive that he didn't trust us. How could I ever trust him again after finding out that he never trusted me? How could I ever get past that? I can't." Cordelia looked up at Fred.

"I see." Said Fred

"I hate myself a little bit for that."

"You shouldn't." Fred said

"He could die, die with me hating him."

"He won't." Fred said

"But I'll still hate him. That's my point. Even if he dies I'll hate him."

"Cordelia…" Fred couldn't think of anything else to say.

…

Angel stepped through the doorway and looked at Wesley. The man wasn't even aware that he was there. Angel wondered where he was right now. Angel pulled a chair up to the bedside. He whispered to Wesley. "Tell me how to help you." Angel said "I don't know."

On impulse Angel took the man's hand. He felt himself pulled away from the world. He was in Wesley's head. "What do you call a woman with two black eyes?"

Angel saw the lobby of the Hyperion and he saw Fred and Wes. He was chasing her up the stairs. This must be what had happened when Wesley was under Billy's influence. Angel looked away, he didn't want to see this. It occurred to Angel that he knew how Wesley must have felt. Angel knew what it was like to deal with the guilt over having done things that violate everything you believe in. But he had never talked to Wesley about the Billy incident. Angel found his perspective following the action. He saw Fred's fear. He saw the hate Billy had forced on Wesley. He saw the man be overtaken by it. Angel was forced to watch the whole thing right up to the point that Fred knocked Wes out. It occurred to Angel that Wesley had to watch all of this too, and certainly didn't want to. Now Angel was in the hall outside Wesley's apartment watching Fred talk to Wesley. The man looked beaten. "I'm so sorry." Wesley said

Angel didn't recognize his next location. A little boy was sitting cross-legged on the floor in front of a dead bird, reading from a scroll. "What the bloody hell are you doing?!"

Wesley dropped the scroll. "I-I-"

A man loomed over the little boy and snatched him up by the arm. The man twisted the boy's arm at an unnatural angle. "Where did you get that scroll and what are you doing?!"

"Ow!" Angel could see the moment the bone broke. "Daddy please!"

"I asked you a question." The man didn't let go of Wesley's arm. Did he not realize what he had done? His voice was now softer, but it was frightening in its calm.

"I'm sorry." The little boy was crying. "I'm sor-Ow!"

The man twisted his son's arm further. "You know you aren't supposed to say that. I told you not to say that. It's just an excuse to get out of punishment, it doesn't mean anything."

"I-I-" The little boy was flustered, confused, and in pain. He couldn't figure out the right words to say, and he just wanted the pain to stop. "Please let go, you're hurting me."

The older man let go of his son. The boy fell to his knees and kept crying. "Get up."

A woman ran up to the doorway. "Roger, what is going on?"

"Your son just tried to use a resurrection spell on a dead bird."

The woman looked at her crying son. "What happened to his arm?"

"What do you mean?"

Angel tuned around. He had known for a long time that Wesley hadn't had a very happy childhood. He had known since that demon had taunted Wesley during their attempted exorcism about being locked under the stairs. Sometimes Wesley said things, things he hadn't meant to say out loud, but Angel never mentioned it. Angel loved kids, had even before he had gotten one of his own. Parents who abused their children was a sore spot for him, now more than ever. Seeing this, but being unable to do anything about it, made Angel sick. Angel walked down the hall and saw the little boy, wearing a cast. "You aren't supposed to be here." Wesley said

"It was an accident." Angel said

"That's what he said." Wesley looked at his cast.

"I'm sorry." Angel said

"Not supposed to say that word." Wesley said

"I think it's a good word, it has its uses."

"Like what?"

"Like when you hurt someone, but you didn't mean to, didn't want to. When you regret something you have done and you truly feel bad about it. It lets the other person know that."

"Just make it right." Wesley said "Daddy says you just have to fix it."

"Some things can't be fixed." Angel said "Not all the way."

"Then you have to be punished." The little boy said "Daddy said so."

Angel walked up to the little boy and looked at his neck. He had an angry red scar. "How did you get that?" The little boy put his hand to his neck and it came away bloody.

"I had to be punished."

Angel knelt down in front of the little boy so that they were eye level. "Wes?"

The little boy's blue eyes stared into Angel's soul. "I couldn't fix it. I tried."

Angel saw blood drip from the boy's hand. Angel picked up his arm and looked at the long cut, gushing blood. "This doesn't fix anything." Angel said "It never will."

"What would?"

Angel put his hand against the bleeding arm, trying to stop the flow. "I did something bad too." Angel said "I did a lot of bad things actually, I hurt people I care about."

"Did you fix it?"

"I tried." Angel said "Sometimes that is all we can do."

"It's not enough." Wesley said

"It should be." Angel said "And if you care enough about somebody it is."

"Nobody cares about me." Wesley said

"I do."

Wesley shook his head. "Why?"

"You're my friend." The little boy looked at something behind Angel. His eyes were wide with terror. Angel looked over his shoulder and saw at the end of the hall a hospital room with a man lying on the bed. "I don't want to see this." Angel begged, but the little boy didn't have any more control over what they were seeing than Angel did. They both had to watch as Angel went into the room and tried to smother the man on the hospital bed. "I'm sorry." Angel whispered "I made a mistake." He looked at the little boy. The boy was terrified. "Try to understand." Angel begged "I know you can understand, things were so bad and confusing."

The little boy slowly brought his head up and down. "I understand. You get to make mistakes, you're a hero. I'm not like you. I fail at everything, I don't save people."

Angel blinked back tears. "I keep trying to help people and screwing up. I tried to help Lindsey, but I didn't give him enough of a chance. I tried to help Tina when I first moved here and a vampire sucked her dry. I tried to help Doyle and I got him killed. I've made more mistakes than you could even imagine, so I know what I say doesn't mean all that much, but I can tell you that you did save someone. You saved me." For a while no one spoke.

The little boy looked at his bleeding arm. "I don't want to die."

"You won't." Angel said "I'm going to save you."

"But you already did." Wesley said

Angel looked down the hall again and saw a kitchen. He smiled. "Breakfast?"

Angel looked back at the little boy, but he was gone. "Wesley?"

A figure turned the corner and approached Angel. It was the man, the one who had broken the little boy's arm. "I know who you are." The man said "I know the prophecies."

"Who are you?"

"You will find out in time." The psychic manifestation of the formless being said

"You're what is doing all this?"

It nodded.

"Then I'm going to kill you."

It laughed. It had an arrogant cruel laugh. Angel's eyes snapped open and he tore his hand away from something hot. Angel looked at his hand and saw that the skin was blistered and cracked from prolonged exposure to the heat. Angel looked around and he was in the Hyperion, he was really there, this wasn't a hallucination. He looked down. "Angel?" Wesley asked

Angel could see that the man still wasn't all there. "Yeah,"

"You were in my head."

"Yeah, sorry, it was an accident."

His eyelids drooped closed. "It's okay, warm in there…"

Angel watched his friend's labored breathing as Wesley drifted off to sleep.

…

Lilah stood behind the lab technician. The young woman adjusted the view on her microscope. She was nervous. She knew Ms. Morgan had decapitated the former occupant of her current position. The tech had no illusions that she would evade a similar fate if she didn't produce results. "This is like nothing I've ever seen before. I almost can't explain it because it is too ridiculous." The tech said "But I think his body is shedding his DNA."

"That does sound pretty ridiculous." Lilah agreed

"When we arrange the samples you gave us by time we see alterations in the basic genetic code. It's like the body is producing new blood with the new DNA and ejecting the old blood like an invader. But it should be the opposite. The body should reject the new blood because it doesn't match his DNA. His DNA has been altered somehow, is still being altered. It's almost like he's evolving, becoming a whole new species. But the speed with which the transformation is taking place is impossible. There has to be a mystical cause for what is happening to him, but either way, his body shouldn't be able to last through these rapid transformations." The tech shook her head. "This is all so impossible."

Lilah nodded. "Could you use the DNA alterations to construct an idea of what this new creature might be like?" This was an interesting development, maybe something to inform the partners of. They didn't like to be bothered over trivial matters, but this could be big.

"I can try."

"I have the utmost confidence in you." Lilah had the ability to make that statement as frightening as a death threat. She used it, the tech would do what she had to.

…

Lorne walked into the room and felt his heart drop. Wesley didn't look any better. In fact he looked a lot worse. All of the members of AI followed Lorne into the room. Wesley was still coughing up blood and sweating rivers. "Hey Wes, remember me?" Lorne asked

"It hasn't been that long." Wesley's voice was soft and scratchy.

"Right, do you think you can sing?"

"I can try."

Lorne approached Wesley. Angel had told him about the weird psychic connection he had shared with Wesley when he'd touched him. Lorne thought he might try to tap into that if the singing didn't work, but as he didn't have a vampire's healing factor he didn't want a similar angry red burn. "Well just pick a song and don't worry about how you sound."

"Because that's what I'm worried about." It was actually painful to hear Wesley talk; Lorne could only imagine what it was like to have to be the one doing the speaking.

"A couple of lines should suffice." Lorne told him

"Poor old Johnnie Ray," Wesley whispered in a poor excuse for singing "Sounded sad upon the radio. He moved a million hearts in mono." Wesley couched into a handkerchief that was so red and wet that it didn't serve much of a purpose anymore.

"That's fine." Lorne said gently "And great taste in one-hit-wonders."

"Lorne," Angel said

"Here's the deal." Lorne said "You're infected with something, or someone. A powerful being has decided to move into your body and doesn't much care that it's already occupied."

"So he's possessed." Gunn said

"Not in the traditional sense." Lorne said "At least not yet."

"What do you mean not yet?" Fred asked

"I mean this is like nothing we have ever seen before. We're dealing with an old one."

"That's impossible." Wesley said in his wheezing voice "They all left this dimension long ago." He used the back of his hand to wipe sweat from his sallow skin.

"Be that as it may, that's what has taking root in you." Lorne said "Sorry,"

Lorne meant every word. He was sorry. He could see what was happening inside Wesley's body and knew that Wesley could see it too. Lorne knew Wesley could feel his organs burning up and his bones shifting. Lorne hated to think about that kind of thing happening to anybody, but he hated thinking of it happening to a friend of his even more. He didn't hold a grudge about the Conner thing. Lorne had a unique perspective on most situations. When he said he could see every side of the issue he wasn't being metaphorical. He could feel their emotions, see into their thoughts. He could feel the accusation in Cordelia's and Gunn's hearts. He could see the conflict in Angel, who wanted to forgive Wesley more than anything, but wasn't there yet; the image of his son's face kept getting in the way. Lorne saw Fred's heart most clearly, as she was wearing it on her sleeve. She wanted everyone to be safe and healthy. She wanted them to all be friends again. Lorne could see Wesley's heart too. The thing he saw that banished even any residual resentment was that Wesley blamed himself more than any of them blamed him. He hated himself. He was going to die feeling that way unless they did something about it.

"So what do we do?" Angel asked

Lorne felt so helpless. "I don't know. I suggest we start by figuring out the name of the old one that has infected Wesley. Maybe there's a special way to defeat it."

"How do we do that?" Angel asked

"We hit the books." Said Cordy

…

Fred flipped through the book in front of her, a feeling of heavy despair settling over her heart. Most of the books that might be useful were in demonic languages none of them could read. Getting Wesley to help was out of the question because he was currently disconnected from reality due to his brain boiling in his skull. Fred looked up at Angel who was struggling with a text written in a language he'd 'come across before' to turn a phrase. He put the book down on the table. "Unless this old one has something to do with chicken I'm reading that wrong."

"Maybe its followers sacrifice chickens." Gunn suggested

"Charles," Fred rebuffed

Gunn frowned and returned his attention to his book. Lorne was eyeing them both with a searching gaze. "Gee chickadees," He said "I don't feel like I'm doing a whole lot of good here."

"Well you could try reading Wesley again." Cordelia suggested

"Then again," Lorne said "We need to get this done."

"Was it that bad?" Angel asked quietly

"It was pretty bad." Lorne's voice was soft and kind.

"But we can save him right?" Fred asked

Gunn shot her a look, curious about her desperate tone. Lorne didn't answer and for a while nobody did. Finally Cordelia spoke. "We will." Her confidence was impressive.

A crash rang out and AI was stunned to find themselves surrounded by a Wolfram & Hart swat team. Angel stood up to go on the offensive. He felt darts land in his back and he hit the ground. He watched the world disappear, his friends collapsing to the ground as mystical sedatives entered their systems and got to work faster than any manmade medication could.

…

Cordelia groaned as she got to her feet. She sighed when she saw a familiar place. It was a mall, but it was empty and of course, unreal. "Skip!" She shouted "What is this?"

Skip materialized behind her and spoke. "It just seemed like a good time for a chat."

Cordelia yelped as she whirled around. "Why do you do that?"

He shrugged. "I've got to get my kicks somehow."

"Why am I here again? I didn't pass out because of my visions, it was a drug."

"I know. I just needed to chat with you about something."

"Do they not have phones here?" Cordelia asked

"Actually," Skip said "We do have phones, but come on. Would you take us nearly as seriously if we were just a voice at the end of the line? Reality constructs, way cooler."

Cordelia shrugged in concession. "I see your point."

"Remember those side effects we talked about during our last meeting?"

Cordelia adopted a weary look and tone. "Yeah, I was hoping the floaty glowy bit was sort of the extent of that. There's more?"

"A lot more,"

"And here I was thinking I had enough problems."

"This is a solution to your problem Cordelia."

"What do you mean?"

Skip gestured for Cordelia to follow him. She fell into step and stopped when he halted in front of a TV monitor. He picked up a remote and pressed play. Cordelia saw horrible images that filled her with sickness and despair. A blue creature was running through mud. It chased down lower species and gobbled them down. It could drive a thriving race extinct with a single day's hunt. It bathed in warm blood. "That is Illyria the god-king." Skip explained

"That's what's inside of Wesley." Cordelia whispered

"Yes," Skip said "And inside of you is the power to defeat her."

"Her?"

Skip shrugged. "She's the only one of her species, but yeah."

"She's an old one?"

"Been doing homework?" Skip asked

"Lorne told us. Wes said they all left a long time ago."

"Yeah," Skip's voice was sad. "About him,"

"He's going to die," She whispered

"Only if you kill him."

"What?"

"That's what we gave you Cordy. You're the only one who can defeat Illyria. You're the only one who can kill her. She'll never be as weak as she is now. You have to kill her."

"And Wesley,"

"Before she takes control, yeah."

Cordelia nodded. "No."

Skip jolted. "What?"

She shook her head. "I won't kill him."

"You hate him." Skip said "Killing him is the only way to save the world."

"Yep," Cordelia said "All of that is true. But I'm not a murderer. If the powers want me to be a warrior for good I'm game. But I won't kill an innocent person."

"He's not innocent."

"But he doesn't deserve to be murdered."

"I don't suppose I can change your mind?"

Cordelia smiled at her guide. "Take me home Skip. My friends need me."

…

Cordelia opened her eyes and looked around the room at all of her friends. "Lorne!"

Cordelia scrambled over to where Lorne was tied to a chair with blood leaking from his skull. The rest of Angel Investigations met her there. "What did they do to you?" Fred asked

"Ohhhh," Lorne moaned "They sucked my brains out."

"Don't you need those?" Angel asked

"They took my reading." Lorne said "They know what I saw about Wesley."

"They know about Illyria." Cordelia whispered

"Who?" Angel asked

…

Fred needed to get away from her friends. Lorne was resting in his room. Gunn, Cordy, and Angel were discussing what Skip had told her. Cordy said Skip had told her the name of the old one possessing Wesley and that the powers had given her the ability to defeat Illyria when they had made her part-demon. The way that Cordelia avoided certain questions made Fred feel like there was more to the story than she was being told. Fred found herself furious with the powers. Had they known last year that this was going to happen? Why hadn't the powers warned them? She had wondered something similar over the summer. Why hadn't the powers sent Cordelia a vision of Angel's location? Fred was angry, but unlike her boyfriend she didn't have an outlet for her rage. She couldn't just go hit something and then feel better. Fred had been working out more and it showed in the field, but the experience never altered her emotional state like it did Gunn's. She'd seen him go downstairs furious about something and then come back up after twenty minutes of punching a bag, feeling much better, as if nothing had ever been wrong.

Fred walked down the upstairs hall and stopped outside of Wesley's room. She knocked on the door. There was no response. "Wesley?" She called "Are you all right?" Fred opened the door and saw the man shivering and shaking in the bed. Fred approached him. "Wes?"

She started to reach out to him, an automatic expression of empathy. She stopped when she remembered what Angel had said about the psychic connection. It was a side effect of Wesley's condition, another piece of the puzzle. Fred was good at puzzles. She was good at tying the pieces of things together to make a picture. But this wasn't a physics problem, this was somebody's life. Fred stepped closer, standing right over him. His eyes opened, but he didn't see her. "I know what you did." He croaked to somebody in his head "I know where you've been."

"Wesley," She whispered "Listen to me. Look at me."

He wasn't there. She picked up a washcloth from the bowl of melted ice on the nightstand. She gently put the wet cloth on his brow. "I'm all alone." He whispered

"You're not alone." She said "I'm here."

He looked at her, saw her. "Fred?"

"Yeah, it's okay."

"Am I hallucinating?"

"Not anymo-"

"Fred." She jumped at the sound of Gunn's worried voice. "You disappeared."

"No," She said "I left."

Gunn entered the room. "How is he?"

"Bad," Fred said

Gunn put his hand on her arm, a comforting gesture. She wanted to lean against him, but it felt wrong somehow. It felt wrong to be a part of anything happy while Wesley was burning alive right in front of them. They were powerless to stop it. "We're doing all we can." Gunn said

Fred thought it was strange, that he said that to her, and not the man they were supposed to be helping. "I know you." Wesley was looking at Gunn and Fred saw her boyfriend tense up.

"Yeah it's me, Gunn." His voice was not comforting or compassionate.

"That's your name." Wesley said, delirious

"He's out of it." Gunn said

Fred stepped back. She didn't want to look anymore. "We have to get him back."


	5. Supersymmetry

Gunn winced as his girlfriend jumped up and down shrieking. "They published me!"

Gunn reached out and gipped her waist as she hopped up and down in front of him, her hair whipping his face. She held up the academic journal, grinning. "You mentioned," He said

"I can't believe they published me!" She shouted "This is so great!"

Gunn held out his hand for the magazine. "Well let me see this thing."

Her ecstatic grin grew when she handed him the periodical. "It's not a big article. I mean it's not like I made a ground-breaking discovery or anything. It's just a theory really."

Gunn squinted at the magazine. "I think they sent you a copy written in French."

"What?" Fred looked down at the magazine. "No they didn't."

"Oh you're right, there's an English word." Gunn pointed to the word space. "Oh and there's another one. I think that's it." He looked up at her with a teasing smile. "Brains and beauty, looks like I got the full package." He looked at the article. He couldn't understand any of the concepts being laid out in it. Science had always been his worst subject.

She moved closer to him and enveloped him in a passionate kiss. "They want me to present my article at an exhibition. Can you believe it?" She started jumping again.

"Of course I can."

"You'll be there right?"

"Of course I will." He said a little less enthusiastically

"Good," She moved in for another kiss. Gunn made a mental note that if physics always got his girlfriend this hot and bothered he needed to buy a textbook.

…

Angel entered Lorne's room carrying a tray of food. "How do you feel?"

"Better now that you come baring carbs." Lorne said eagerly

Angel smiled at the demon as he set the tray down in front of him. "And your head?"

"Ringing like a bell," Lorne confessed "But what can I do?"

Angel nodded in sympathy. "I'm worried about what Wolfram & Hart's is going to do with the information they got from you. We're in the dark until they make another move."

The two demons heard a scream. "What was that?" A startled Lorne asked

"It's just Fred." Angel said "I think it's a Texas thing."

"Right," Lorne started to delve into his food. "So what's the situation?"

"The same. Wesley hasn't gotten any worse. He hasn't gotten any better. We're at a dead end as far as research goes and the powers are apparently pissed at Cordy because they're keeping their lips sealed as far as helpful information goes." Angel was bending the truth as far as Wesley's condition went. Wes was having fewer and fewer moments of clarity.

Lorne could see the lie in Angel's aura. He saw a lot there. "Do you want to talk about it?" Lorne asked "And don't let's pretend you don't have any idea what I mean."

Angel sighed and pulled up a chair to Lorne's bedside. "You're still recovering from having your brain split open and peered into. I don't want to burden you with my troubles."

"Burden away honey bun." Lorne said "I want to be burdened."

Angel smiled and shook his head. Then he began. "I'm confused. I don't know what I'm supposed to do. So many things… are complicated. It doesn't make sense."

"I hate to break it to you sweetness, but that's called being a grown-up."

"Yeah well I think my problems are a little more severe than average."

"Hey," Lorne held up his hands in surrender. "No arguments here. But the decisions you make today, and tomorrow, and for a while really, are going to determine the fate of the world."

"So no pressure," Angel said dryly

Lorne chuckled. "Come on Angel. Talk to me."

"I can't shake the feeling that this is all my fault somehow. When I was at the bottom of the ocean I had dreams. There were so many accusations, and it was all me, accusing myself."

"True," Lorne said "And that's the rub isn't it. No matter how many people you save you'll never be free of the guilt. And it isn't just the old stuff. You've made a lot of mistakes buckaroo." Lorne gave Angel a sympathetic smile. "We all have. But you have a chance here."

"A chance to do what?"

"To save the world."

Angel looked into Lorne's eyes. They were like a pool of melted cherry slushy on amusement park asphalt. So very red, so very bright; they knew things. "How?"

"I've got a theory."

"I'd love to hear it."

"Funny thing is," Lorne said "I think if I tell you what it is it won't work."

Angel stared at Lorne. "How am I supposed to do it then?"

"I have confidence in you." Lorne said "You'll figure it out."

…

"You hear that?" Wesley blinked. He wasn't in the real world. He should just ignore everything. The thing that was inside of him was looking at him. It had the appearance of his father, but Wesley knew that was just a mind trick. "What a whore,"

"Shut up," Wesley gritted his imaginary teeth.

"What a filthy, disgusting-"

"Shut up! You aren't real! You aren't here!"

"I'm always here." Wesley looked at his father. It wasn't his father. It was an ancient demon playing tricks on him. But it looked like his father and talked like his father.

"I know what you're doing. You want me to give up, give you control. But this is my body and you can't have me. I'm stronger than you. I can beat you."

"Why do you say things you don't believe? Do you think your wishing can make it so?"

"Shut up. Go away."

"You only bring yourself more pain. I will break you. Any resistance you put up to slow my plans is just that much more suffering you will have to endure. I grow more powerful every day. I gain sustenance from your agony. Soon my mind will be complete and I will fill your head with my history. Your sanity will ooze away like runny egg yolks. Give in and you will be spared this fate. Let it all go, rest in the graveyard and I will let you sleep with happy memories."

"Fuck you." Wesley said "I'll never give into you."

"Fine," Illyria said, still his father. "How about we try Faith again?"

"You think this is new for me? You think you're doing anything to me I haven't done to myself a million times before now. You really are pathetic."

Illyria smiled. "But this will never end Wesley. You will never wake up."

"I'll wake up."

"Maybe a few more times, but then it will end. What will you do with your last moments I wonder?" It grinned at him, still wearing his father's face. "Your world will end and you will be the host of its destruction. A fitting end for a pathetic creature such as yourself."

"I'll beat you."

"Do you want to know a secret Wesley boy?"

Illyria walked up to him and leaned in close. It whispered in his ear with a familiar voice, Angel's voice. "Do you want to know why I didn't care when Faith tortured you?"

"You're not real."

"Because I just thought it was funny." The laughter rang like loud church bells ringing in his head with no respite in sight. Angelus's laugh, Illyria mimicked it perfectly.

…

"I never even made it through earth science in middle school." Gunn mumbled

Angel, Cordelia, and Gunn made their way to their seats. "When I was that age people still thought fevers were caused by evil spirits and washing your hands was pointless."

"That's disgusting." Cordelia complained

"Just saying, string theory, not my thing." Angel said

"How about you?" Gunn asked "I take it you weren't a science nerd."

Cordelia shrugged. "I got a 5 on the AP physics exam."

"Bummer," Angel said

"That's the highest possible score on a college level exam." Gunn informed the vampire

"Oh," Angel said "I didn't know that."

"Well whatever," Gunn said "Cordy can translate for us."

Cordelia frowned. She stared at the stage in front of them. "We have to go."

"Cordelia none of the speakers have even gone up yet." Angel said

"One of them is going to get attacked by some kind of squid monster."

Gunn sighed. "These sorts of things never happened to me before I met y'all."

"Who?" Angel asked

"A woman, tall, blond, she's the last speaker. There's a man reading from a book."

Angel stood up and started toward the backstage area. They needed to get Fred. "You two go look for the book man, I'll get Fred and see if we can locate Blondie."

Cordelia and Gunn left the auditorium. "He's here." Cordelia said "I sensed that."

"What's he look like?" Gunn asked

"He's old, balding,"

"So we're looking for an old white gut at a physics convention? Cordelia you must realize that takes us from needle in a haystack to needle in a pile of needles."

"I didn't say he was white." Cordelia protested

"Was he?"

"Yes," She mumbled "But you shouldn't have assumed."

Gunn rolled his eyes. "Whatever."

"I think the book will be more helpful anyway." Cordelia said "It's bound in brown leather and covered in a bunch of strange symbols. I almost recognize them from somewhere."

Gunn scanned the room. Most of the books he saw were new, no leather. "From where?"

She frowned. "I'm trying to-" She snapped her fingers. "Pylea!"

"What did you say?"

Cordelia whirled around and saw herself face to face with the man from her vision, sans book. He was staring at her suspiciously. "You," She said "You're the one."

His gaze hardened. "Be careful what you say young lady." The man said

"Professor!" Cordelia looked past the man and saw Fred running up. Angel was nowhere to be seen, he must not have found her yet. Fred saw Cordelia. "Hey Cordy, if you don't get a seat soon all the good ones will be taken." She was grinning, still so excited about her speech.

"Fred we need to talk." Cordelia said

"What about?"

"Are you going to introduce me to your friend Winifred?" The professor asked

Fred blushed. "Sorry, Cordelia this was my professor when I was in school. Professor Seidel these are my friends Cordelia Chase and Charles Gunn."

"Cordelia Chase," The professor said "How alliterative,"

"Yes," Cordelia said in a cold voice "You were Fred's professor?"

"She was my best student." He said "Until she dropped out unexpectedly,"

"It was more of an involuntary relocation." Fred said "But I'm back now."

"How long have you been back in L.A.?" The professor asked

Cordelia watched Fred's bubbly overenthusiasm. Her heart ached for her friend. "She never said she left L.A." Cordelia said "Just that she relocated,"

"Well I assumed-"

"That she would never make it out of the hell dimension you sent her to." Cordelia said

The grin disappeared from Fred's face. She stared at Cordelia. "What?"

"I had a vision." Cordelia said "He was going to open another portal, hurt someone else."

Fred slowly turned her head and looked at her old professor. It wasn't terror, or anger, it was something cold that took over her face. "You sent me to Pylea? It was you?"

"I don't know what you're talking about." The professor said "I don't know what all this talk is of visions and hell dimensions. It just sounds like a bunch of nonsense."

"But when I was in school you were obsessed with the idea of alternate dimensions."

"A phase," He said "I've moved past it."

"Or you knew they existed. You knew how to get to them and used the information to get rid of students who were a threat to you. You sick son of a bitch." Fred kept staring.

"Fred," He reached out for her shoulder. She flinched and backed away.

Gunn stepped forward. "We need to have a conversation professor."

The man took off running. Gunn pursued. Cordelia started to follow Gunn, but then stopped and looked at Fred. "Fred are you okay?" She was silent. "Fred,"

Fred could hear Cordelia's warm compassionate voice. Her hands clenched with rage.

…

Lilah spread out the papers in front of her. One was the lab report on the DNA they had pulled from Wesley's blood. One was the mystics' report on the information pulled from the Pylean's head. One was a photocopied page from an ancient tome that had references to the being known as Illyria. It was time to put in a call to the senior partners. Lilah took in a deep breath. Contacting the senior partners was no light matter. They could kill on a whim if they so desired. Lilah picked up her cell phone and entered in the complicated code.

The voice that came through had a lilt to it and upon hearing it one could not help but picture a woman that looked like Marilynn Monroe in the sense of encapsulating the feminine ideal with her blond curls and dimples. One had to imagine a taut stomach, fair skin, blood red lips, and an ample bosom. There was magic in the voice, it encouraged you to spill secrets. If you did your blood ran in a second. "Hello Lilah, you have something important to tell us?"

"The being known as Illyria has returned to this dimension."

"Kill the host." There was no hesitation. "Immediately,"

"He's connected to the vampire with a-"

"This has nothing to do with the vampire or our plans. Kill Illyria." Lilah listened to a dead phone line. She had to kill Wesley. That shouldn't be a problem. Of course it would take a little time. Plans would have to be made, intel gathered. But she would do it. Why wouldn't she?

…

Lorne walked into Wesley's room. "Knock, knock,"

Wesley was sitting up and he looked better. Better of course meant he still looked like he was past dying and onto dead, but at least he was aware of the world around him. "Hello Lorne,"

"I brought you a little reading material." Lorne said

Wesley squinted and saw the academic journal. "Fred's article,"

"I figured you would want to read it."

Wesley smiled. Lorne had forgotten what his smiles looked like. That thought broke Lorne's heart. "I did actually." Lorne handed the man the magazine. "She's brilliant."

Lorne saw the love written in the man's aura as clear as day. "She really is." He agreed

"One can only imagine what she might have done by now if she hadn't gotten sent to Pylea for five years. Not that I'm knocking your home dimension." Wesley coughed into a new handkerchief. How fast was he going through those? He eagerly opened the magazine.

"Knock it, slander it, do whatever you want to it. I hate that place." Lorne said

"Hum," Wesley pretended to be listening, but he was engrossed in Fred's article. Lorne didn't mind. Sometimes there were things he wished he didn't know. Lorne watched Wesley drink up the article, absorbing the information and the voice of the writer. Lorne read destinies, but destinies didn't always come about. In fact, short of cosmic finagling people rarely got to where they were supposed to. Lorne had seen hundreds of people walk past their soul mates, not giving them a second glance. Lorne could see connections. He could see when one person was another's missing half. But there was always something in the way. Angel and Buffy were one such case. When Lorne had first heard Fred sing he had thought her and Wesley would be one of the rare exceptions. After all they were already friends, now all they had to do was get to know each other better and realize their connection. Lorne should have known. Soul mates almost never ended up together. There were always trials, and few had the strength to endure them.

"I'll leave you to your reading sugar." Lorne left. Wesley barely noticed. Lorne wondered what Fred would say if he told her Wesley was her soul mate. It would be cruel of course, he would never do it. But he wondered what she would say. Lorne was all about nudging people onto their paths, but it had only taken him a few fiascoes to learn that you never outright told someone who their soul mate was. You could maneuver them close to the person, or say that they might make a good couple; but you never said they were soul mates or that someone was 'the one'. It never ended well. So he just watched. Life was a cosmic tragedy, and he saw it all.

…

"I can't believe he got away." Gunn said "I would have caught him if there weren't so many old people there. You have to be careful about knocking one over, they could break a hip."

Fred trudged into the hotel lobby after her friends, almost catatonic in her lack of responsiveness. The whole way back she had been silent, thinking. The thoughts had gone through her head shifting from place to place, concept to concept. She couldn't hold onto one thought for very long. But it all came back to Pylea. "Fred," Gunn said "Baby,"

"I'm going to my room. I'm tired." She didn't look back as she headed up the stairs.

She didn't even start to go for her room. She headed straight for Wesley's. She opened the door without knocking and saw that he was reading a magazine. It was the one her article was published in. He looked up, startled. "Fred," He said "What happened?" He saw it on her face, the trauma. His look of concern bothered her, but she couldn't pinpoint why.

"I need your help." She said

…

"So what do we do?" Gunn asked "How do we handle a situation like this?"

"It's not like we can call the cops." Cordelia agreed

They were all gathered in the main office, brainstorming. "I hate this." Angel said "I much prefer evil demons to evil people. Less grey area, more slicing things to pieces."

"Is that totally out of the question?" Gunn asked "Kidding," He held up his hands in surrender upon seeing the poisonous look Cordelia shot him. "I know we don't kill people."

Cordelia looked away, biting her lip. Angel saw something and he knew he would have to ask; but it needed to wait. Right now all that mattered was stopping the professor. "Well we don't have to worry about the girl from Cordy's vision." Angel said "She left town."

"How'd you swing that?" Gunn asked

"Trade secret,"

Gunn got the feeling he didn't want to know. "So that just leaves the professor."

"I don't know." Angel said "Cordelia is right, the cops can't help us. Even if we tipped them off to the professor's connection to all the missing students they wouldn't be able to find any physical evidence to link him to these crimes. We're on our own."

"There are lots of things we can't do, what's something we can?" Gunn asked

For a while the gang tossed ideas back and forth, each getting shot down. They silenced when Fred came down and headed for the main office. "Fred?" Gunn asked as she came out with a book. "What's up?" She walked to the lobby doors. "Fred, what are you doing?"

"I'm going to the store. I'll be back."

Cordelia started to protest. "Are you sure that's such a-" The lobby doors slammed shut behind Fred. They watched her walk off, her steps heavy with purpose. "That was weird."

There was a moment of silence. Then Angel realized what was going on. "She's not going to the store." He said "Come on, let's get to the university."

…

"Going somewhere?"

Professor Seidel turned around to face his office door. He had a pile of books in his hands which he was packing into a box on his desk. "Fred," He said "I was hoping I would see you again before I left." He smiled at her as he put the pile of books in the box, all but one.

"So you could get rid of the last of the evidence?" She asked

His smile didn't falter. "I suppose there's not much point in maintaining the charade, not with you." His grip on the book in his hands tightened, and he saw the similar one in hers.

"No, not much point." She agreed, her voice hard as stone

"How did you get out?" He asked "Did you use that wonderful brain of yours?"

"No," she admitted "And yours won't do you much good either. At first I thought I'd send you to Pylea, but then I realized that wouldn't be cruel enough. Things are better there now; a person at least has a fighting chance. When I got there they made me a slave. You have no idea what kinds of horrible things they did to me, you couldn't even imagine. But if I sent you there now you'd be free, and might be able to find your way back. I can't allow that."

"Thank you for telling me." Seidel said "I'll stop using that place if it has improved."

"You don't get it." She said "You're going to suffer, forever."

"Is that right?" His arrogance bled into his voice and demeanor.

Fred reached into her pocket and threw a handful of powder at Seidel. "Wes, that's a friend of mine you haven't met, said he's never used this stuff before. It would be unethical to temporarily paralyze a human being. But you're not human. You're as much a demon as the creatures that tortured me in Pylea." She opened the book in her hands. "But the creatures in this place are much worse. If you're lucky, they'll eat you quickly." She began to read.

She heard the door to the lab burst open. She began to read faster. A portal opened up behind Seidel. He grabbed his desk, trying to keep himself from flying in. Gunn, Angel, and Cordelia rushed up to where Fred was standing in the threshold of the office. "Fred stop!"

She didn't know who had spoken. She didn't care. "You were right professor! There are other worlds. There are horrible depraved worlds. And instead of using your discovery to benefit the scientific community you used it to further your own selfish ends, to hurt innocent people!"

"Please Fred!" The professor called out as the powder began to work and his grip on the desk weakened "This isn't you! You aren't like this! Please! I'll stop!"

"I know." Gunn rushed forward to grab the professor. Fred turned and swung the thick leather bound book at him. He put up his arm to shield himself. The force of her swing unbalanced Fred and propelled her toward the portal. Gunn grabbed her by the waist to prevent her from falling in. Seidel slipped into the portal. It closed. For a moment they all stared in silence. The other Angel Investigations members were in shock. Fred shoved Gunn away from her. "Get off." She said "I don't need you to hold me like some traumatized little girl."

"I don't believe it." Angel said

"Fred," Cordelia whispered

Fred locked eyes with Cordelia. She was unrepentant. "What?"

"You murdered someone."

"I killed a monster, it's what we do."

"We don't kill people." Cordelia insisted

Angel and Gunn were still too stunned to speak. "I've learned a lot in the last six and a half years." Fred said "I've seen things. I learned that the world is grey. I learned that it is rarely so simple as right and wrong. But sometimes it is. Sometimes there are real monsters, real boogeymen hiding in our closets. They don't always look like demons, but they are. He may have been a human in the biological sense of the term, but he murdered God knows how many innocent students. He took my-" She looked away, voice cracking with tears. "He had to die."

"It wasn't your decision to make." Cordelia whispered

Fred's voice hardened again. "Because it was me?"

"What?" Cordelia didn't understand.

"Sure, Angel gets to smother people who hurt him, but I-"

"Shut up!" Cordelia shot her down like an aggrieved matron.

"No," Angel said "She's right."

"What?" Gunn was in disbelief.

"I made a mistake." Angel said "I was angry, and I was wrong."

Fred shoved the book into Cordelia's hands. "I trusted him. I looked up to him. He sent me to hell. Not because of any of that moral grayness we were talking about. He saw me as a threat to his reputation. He wasn't trying to save me, or anybody else. He was a monster."

Gunn took the book from Cordelia. "Wesley," He mumbled

"At least he was _trying_ to do the right thing!"

"No," Gunn said "I mean he told you what book to get, what to do, didn't he?"

Silence reigned. "I'll meet you back at the hotel." She left them there.

…

Gunn stormed up the staircase, fuming. He headed for the door to Wesley's room, thinking about all the unpleasant hateful things he was going to say to the man. Gunn threw the door open and forgot all of them. Wesley was on his knees on the floor, holding onto his throat as he coughed up not just blood, but other things, fleshy, pulpy things. The blood was everywhere, on the floor, on his face, staining his shirt. Gunn stared. "Wes," He whispered

Wesley didn't hear him, he was still coughing. Gunn walked up to the man. He had to do something. But he had no idea what he could do. Gunn reached for the Wesley's arm to help him to his feet. When Gunn touched Wesley's arm he found himself in another place. "I think I want to hear you scream." He saw a raven-haired woman. She was torturing a man bound to a chair.

"You never will." Wesley said

Gunn saw blood, not as much blood as was back in the hotel room, but still a great deal of blood. This was a memory, not reality. As such it was shaped differently than reality. When Gunn looked at a wound he could see how it had gotten there. He could see the raven-haired woman's fists, and a sharp piece of glass. He could see pain that was never spoken of.

Gunn was in Angel Investigations' old office. He had never been there, but he knew what had happened here. He had seen the results. The building blew up in a spectacular display of fire and ash. Gunn saw someone on the ground. He was only conscious for a few moments, but those few moments were ones of searing pain. Now that same kind of pain was a constant state of being for him. He wasn't in a burning building, he was in a burning body. Gunn looked away.

When the location changed and Gunn realized where he was he wanted to run away as fast as he could. "Don't show me this! I don't want to see this!"

"Why not?"

Gunn turned around and saw an older man. They stood facing each other on the abandoned street corner. People knew better than to come here. But Gunn and his two friends were approaching, soon to be in mortal peril. "Who are you?" Gunn asked

"People keep asking me that."

A little boy appeared next to Gunn and took his hand. The little boy's flesh was scalding hot and Gunn snatched his hand away on reflex. The little boy looked hurt. "I was just trying to help." He said "It isn't safe here. Pain, it's all about pain. Breaks you down, unmakes you."

Gunn stared at the little boy. "Wesley?"

The little boy looked at his feet. "Don't call me that."

Gunn stared at the child. It was Wesley, a younger version of him. "What's happening?"

"I told you." The boy said "This is a place of pain, it unmakes you."

"Why?"

The older man snickered. "It's just blood and bone, but I need it."

"A body," Gunn looked at the old man again. "You need a body."

The older man nodded.

"You can't have this one." Gunn said

"I already do." The older man told Gunn "I'm just clearing it out."

"He won't break."

"He's already broken." The older man said

"Officer," Gunn looked down the street at him and his two friends facing the zombie police officer. Wesley had just showed up. Gunn closed his eyes. He didn't want to see.

Gunn felt the little boy's warm hand take his. Gunn felt the little boy tug at him and Gunn followed. He didn't want to see the gunshot or hear it. He didn't want to see Wes get shot for claiming him as a friend. They ended up in an alley and Gunn recognized the place. "If you ever withhold information or attempt to subvert me again I will fire you."

The older man had followed them. "Ironic, isn't it?"

"Yeah," Gunn agreed, hand burning from the heat of the little boy

"He kept a far more important secret from you."

"Yeah," Gunn agreed again

The little boy let go of Gunn's hand. "You're angry with me."

Gunn felt frustration boil in him. "Why do you look like that?" He asked

"Like what?"

"Like a little boy,"

"I feel like a little boy." He said "I always did. I tried to be…"

"A man," The older gentleman said "But you always failed, every time."

"That's not true." Gunn regretted the words as soon as they were spoken. Why had he spoke up for Wesley? He was still furious, still annoyed. Gunn looked at the little boy. He looked so sad. Gunn had seen a lot of children who looked like that growing up on the streets, children with dead eyes. They had nothing to hope for. Hope was a foreign concept to them. They existed each day only to prolong that existence. They knew they could never aspire to more. They knew their fates. Gunn wondered if Wesley had actually looked like that as a little boy, or if his current emotional state had just been transplanted onto the younger version of his face. But although he wondered Gunn didn't really want to know. "You just weren't a very good one."

"I lied to you." Wesley said

"And you weren't even sorry." Wesley flinched. Gunn opened his mouth to say more, but stopped when he saw the blood dripping from the little boy's arms. "Why did you do that?"

"I couldn't make it right." Wesley said

"So you just gave up. That's pathetic." Gunn was angrier than ever.

"I know."

The alley dissolved. They were in front of a boarding school now. Teenagers were running for cars that would take them home. One fifteen year old boy trudged toward a particular car. He looked miserable and had a big black bruise on his eye. Gunn saw the boy get in the car and he saw everything that happened in the car, even though he shouldn't have been able to. Like the room with the raven-haired girl the rules of reality didn't apply here. "Oh Wesley," A woman in the front seat sighed "Have you been fighting?" The boy hung his head to conceal his face.

The man in the driver's seat reached back and grabbed his son's chin, roughly forcing his face up so that they could examine it. "No class at all," He dropped the boy's chin.

"It wasn't my idea." The boy mumbled

"What's that?" The older man said sharply "Speak up."

"I didn't mean to get into a fight."

"Well what happened?"

Wesley was quiet.

"I asked you a question boy."

"They tricked me." He said "Some boys in my class told me we were all supposed to meet up in a room and when I got there they beat me up." The teenager leaned into his seat as though he were trying to disappear. He stared at his hands which lay flat on his knees.

"Well that's your own fault. What do I always tell you?"

"Never trust anybody." Wesley mumbled

"What?"

Wesley spoke in a clearer voice. "You can't trust anybody. I know."

"Apparently you don't." His father said

"I received good marks this semester." Wesley said "One of my teachers said I'll probably be head boy." Gunn flinched. The kid's voice pleaded for approval.

Wesley's father made a derisive noise in the back of his throat. "We'll see."

"What the hell are you doing here?" It all melted away, leaving darkness. Gunn stood facing a shadow with a familiar voice. There was only darkness here, but he felt earth under his feet and knew they were outside. "Who told you that you could be here?"

Gunn stepped forward, but the figure retreated. "I didn't come here on purpose."

"I know, you wouldn't."

"I would have done a lot of things for you." Gunn whispered "I trusted you."

"And you're angry that I didn't trust you." The shadow said

"Yeah, I am."

"I took a bullet for you." The shadow accused "But it's funny, I never thought of it like that. I was just glad that everything turned out all right. But you, you felt bad."

"Of course," Gunn said

"You felt so bad because you made a call, the best one you could make. Things happened that you didn't foresee, but everything turned out all right in the end. You still felt bad though."

"Yeah,"

"How do you think I feel?"

"I don't know." Gunn's voice was harsh with anger. "How do you feel?"

"Like I'm dying and the only people who ever cared about me hate me."

Gunn flinched, but held his ground. "You did this to yourself."

"I know." The words hung there, heavy. He did know. Gunn felt so bad, but also so angry. He wished this wasn't happening, that he could just hate this man without any pesky moral ambiguity. But it had always been ambiguous, from the very beginning. A dumb kid fighting vampires, getting people killed in his pointless war. A man trying to make a life for himself fighting the slime that oozed under the city. But things had never been clear, not even for a moment. The unspoken accusations, the spoken ones, they tainted everything.

"I would have trusted you."

"I don't trust anybody." The shadow confessed "Do I really deserve all of this for that one flaw?" The shadow seemed to lose his train of thought. He muttered something to himself that Gunn barely made out. "Sometimes the price we pay for one bad choice isn't commensurate with the offense." He remembered where he was and resumed their conversation. "Do I deserve to have you running around in my head, looking at things you have no business seeing? You're not supposed to talk to me, I'm subconscious. I cannot hide or lie. I'm naked in the dark."

"I'm sorry." Gunn said "I didn't come here on purpose."

"You think I did?"

"What do you mean?"

The shadow was silent for a moment. "Every time I come here, am drawn into here, I know I might never come back out again. I know I might have seen my last glimpse of the real world. Even if I make it until I surface again I've probably seen my last sunset. I've breathed my last breath of cool air. This is my life now, and I'm not even here, just a bunch of memories."

Gunn stood silent for a moment. "I'm sorry."

The little boy appeared behind Gunn and took his hand again. "You're not supposed to say that word." Gunn felt the burn, and he let it continue. "You never get to say that word."

"Are you though?" Gunn asked

Gunn found himself in a hospital. A doctor was talking to little boy Wesley while a nervous woman hovered over the doctor's shoulder. "How did this happen Wesley?"

"He fell down the stairs." The woman answered

"Mrs. Wyndam-Pryce," The doctor said "Can you go talk to my assistant? She'll be needing some information on you." The woman nodded and left. She cast Wesley a nervous glance before the door shut. "Now Wesley," The doctor said "Tell me what happened."

"I fell down the stairs."

The doctor gently lifted Wesley's arm, which appeared to be broken, and displayed the purple handprint on his flesh. "Are you sure about that?" The doctor asked

Wesley nodded. "I was playing around. I shouldn't have done that."

"Well it's only natural for little boys to play." The doctor said

"I shouldn't have been though. I knew it was wrong."

The doctor stared at the boy for a moment and then stared at the purple handprint. "Why don't you tell me what really happened? You won't be in trouble."

"But I was bad, I have to be in trouble."

"It was just a mistake." The doctor said "Whatever you did, you don't deserve this."

Wesley's next words were a whisper. "I was only trying to help."

"I know. Tell me what happened."

Wesley met the doctor's eyes. "I fell down the stairs." The doctor looked away. "You're angry." Wesley said "I can tell that you are angry with me."

"No, not with you." The doctor said "But yes, I'm angry."

Gunn felt his connection to this other world sever, and he was very thankful. He saw the walls of the Hyperion. He heard Fred's voice. He smelt cooking meat. But all of that was in the background to the terrible pain. For that cooking meat was his hand. Gunn shouted in pain.

"Charles what happened?" Fred's voice was panic.

Gunn felt her pulling at him. She was the one that had broken the connection. Gunn stepped further back from where Wesley was collapsed on the floor. "It was another psychic thing." He said "Ow," He cradled his hand. "God that hurts." Fred reached out to Wesley to help him to his feet. Gunn pulled her back. "Be careful. You might get drawn into the psychic-"

She slapped him. He stepped back, stunned. "Stop." She said "Stop pulling me."

"I was trying to help you!" He shouted "I was trying to keep you safe!"

Fred pulled Wesley back onto the bed, careful to avoid touching his skin. He was breathing heavy shallow breaths, fighting with the air. "Don't." She said

"What is wrong with you?" Gunn asked

She walked up to him. She stood right in front of him and looked up to lock eyes with him. "Go," she said "I'll handle this. Go get your hand bandaged."

He looked down at the burnt meat that was his hand. "Why are you being like this?"

"Because I am sick and tired of being your virtuous ideal. Go,"

He stared at her. He wanted to say something, but he couldn't think of anything he hadn't already said. His hand was in so much pain. Was this what Wes's whole body felt like? He looked at her anger. He wanted to reach out and touch her face, wipe away her frown. He wanted her to look at him the way she used to. He wanted her to smile. "Fred I love you." He said

She turned away from him, unresponsive.


	6. Spin the Bottle

Cordelia stared at the book on the table in front of her. Skip had told her she had the power to defeat Illyria. She could go upstairs right now and end all of this. The world would be safe from Illyria. Wesley would be dead. None of these books were going to help because everything she needed to know Skip had told her. She knew what to do, just couldn't do it.

The lobby doors opened and an exuberant Lorne entered. "I ask you, am I the demon or am I the demon?" He walked up to Cordelia. "I really am the demon."

"Yep, you're a demon." Cordelia agreed "What happened?"

"I have in my hands a copy of the complete Illyria mythos, translated to the English language. This baby is very rare, I had to call in every favor to get it." Lorne handed Cordelia a book. "But if it can help, it's worth it." He grinned, happy to be able to do something instead of just watching the action move forward around him, unaffected by him.

Cordelia mirrored his smile. "Thank you Lorne."

"What are friends for?" He asked

Cordelia turned the book over in her hands. Was it possible that there was something in here that the powers hadn't told her? Was it possible that there was another way? Cordelia didn't know, but she was going to read this book from cover to cover a couple of times to figure it out.

…

Conner was in a hurry to get back before curfew. He didn't like curfew. It cut down on his hunting time to be have to back early every night and not be able to sneak out until everyone was asleep. But making Anne happy was worth it. He actually felt bad about sneaking out and back in every night, but he had to do his job. He didn't know why, but he had to. Anne wouldn't be able to understand that, not without knowing what he was. Of course she couldn't know what he was, Conner didn't even know what he was, or who he was. The name he went by, Conner, still felt strange. Was he even human? Conner didn't know. He didn't know how to figure it out.

Conner entered the shelter. Kids were hanging around, socializing. Anne encouraged him to talk to the other kids, but she didn't press the issue. Conner appreciated that. "Hey new kid,"

Conner looked over at a boy about his age who was smirking at him. "Me?"

"Yeah you," The kid walked up and put his arm around Conner. "Who else?"

Conner shrugged. "I don't know."

The other kid laughed. "Hey man, I just wanted to hear if the rumors are true. Are you really banging our beloved benefactor? I got to say, I'm a little jealous. She's very… you know."

Conner stared at the kid. "What?"

"Don't play dumb. I know you two are screw buddies."

Conner shoved the kid away from him. "Shut up."

"Hey," The kid lost his laid back tone. "Watch who you're messing with."

"Stay away from me." Kids were gathering around to watch the spectacle.

The kid who had approached Conner moved in and started to swing at him. Conner caught the fist with ease and twisted the boy's hand until he heard a satisfying crunch. "Ow! Oh fuck! Oh fuck!" The kid shouted "This freak broke my wrist! Ow!" Conner released the kid.

Anne came running in. "What happened?"

"This freak broke my wrist!" The kid said, then he turned to look at Conner. "What are you?" Conner backed away from the boy, from his question, from Anne. Conner ran.

…

Lilah glanced over the tactical reports. This had to go over without a hitch. The senior partners needed Illyria dead, so she and her host would have to die. Lilah told herself that she felt nothing at all to this effect. It would be quick, a mercy even. They would put a bullet in his brain and he would be done. It was after all what he had wanted. Soon he would be nothing. Except Lilah knew that wasn't true. She knew there was a hell, and probably a heaven. Well he was a white hat, so maybe she was sending him to a nicer place. But he was like her, the darkness had seeped inside of him, staining like ink. But this was no life for anyone to live, burning up from the inside. She told herself that it was kind. She told herself it didn't matter.

The knock on the door she recognized as Gavin's. "Come in."

"Team's ready," He said

"When I give the order we go in."

He nodded.

"You're dismissed." She watched him scurry away like a cockroach she had shined a flashlight at. All she had to do was give the word. Wesley would be dead, the partners would be pleased and everything would be fine. Because her life was fine and she was happy. Lilah looked down at the reports. "This is what I want." She said "It's worth anyone's life."

…

Angel pulled his sword out of a dead demon. It seemed like the last week or so had seen an increase in demonic activity. Well this one wasn't going to be bothering anyone again anytime soon. "Yuck," Angel turned his head and saw a dark-haired woman standing a few meters away. "So this is what you do when you aren't stealing valuable urns huh?"

"Gwen," Angel smiled at her. "What are you doing here?"

"I came to see you." She said "I looked you up."

"I'm flattered." Angel said

She looked around, at the demon, at the shady L.A. street, and at him. "So did you save the world yet with that ancient flower-holder?" She asked

Angel shook his head. "No, still trying to figure that out."

"Well you're pretty capable from what I've seen, you'll get it."

Angel nodded. "Was there a particular reason you stopped by or…"

She smiled at him. It was an odd smile, one he couldn't quite figure. "I can't touch people, not ever. If I shake someone's hand they'll die." She looked away. "I can't hug, or kiss, or…" She let the sentence hang there. "You're not like other people though. You don't breathe and apparently you can't be electrocuted either. So I was just wondering… I was just wondering if you wanted to touch me. Then I would know, I would know what it's like."

Angel was stunned. He understood what this woman was saying, better than she probably thought he could. He knew what it was like to want to feel something barred from you. He shifted uncomfortably. "Gwen I… I have a- not a girlfriend really, but I…" Angel cursed himself internally, he sounded like an idiot. "What I mean to say is that I couldn't in good conscience-"

"Angel I'm not asking you out." Gwen said "I'm asking you to hold my hand."

Angel watched her peel off a long black glove and hold her pale hand out to him. He moved closer to her and took the hand, as though to shake it. A jolt of electricity ran through him, and when he didn't let go, another hit him. Angel felt the heartbeat again. He felt the sensations he shouldn't be able to. He felt her skin, tingling with this power. He leaned forward and kissed her. She kissed him back, her inexperience obvious as it was irrelevant. Their lips came together like old friends, their tongues explored each other's mouths. Angel felt bad, he felt wrong, and he didn't want to stop. He took her waist in his hands. He wanted her, wanted this.

Angel stepped back, severing their connection. She was panting. "So that's what that's like." She smiled at him, free from shame or guilt. He wondered what that was like.

"I shouldn't have done that." Angel said

"But you did." She replied

"I know, but I shouldn't have. I'm not like other men."

"I'm not like other women."

Angel didn't know how to respond to that. "I have to go. See you around Gwen." As he left he berated himself for that last statement. What had he meant by that? Oh well, Angel just wanted to get back to the hotel and pretend this whole thing had never happened.

…

Gunn stood back, watching Fred tinker with an old radio. She sometimes tinkered when she was trying to work through a problem. His favorite invention of hers was the spring-loaded decapitation device she'd used to save Angel from those giant bugs. They hadn't had a chance to use it since, but he had fond memories of the contraption. There were so many things like that about her that made him love her. "Fred can we talk?" He watched her tense up. "Please,"

"I'm a little busy Charles."

"I want to talk about us." He said "You moved your stuff into a different room without even saying anything to me. You've been avoiding me for a week. Please Fred, I know what happened with your professor upset you, but this is killing me. I just need to know we're okay."

She took in a deep breath and then let it out slowly. "We're not okay."

"Why? Why can't we work past this?"

She looked up from the radio and at him. "Charles we have more important things going on right now. If Lorne is right about what he read from Cordy then the apocalypse is coming."

"Fred," He said "If the end is coming that's all the more reason for us to try to fix what we have. I love you, you're the best thing in my life and if there's not a lot of time-"

She exploded. "Stop! Don't you see what you're doing to me?"

"What am I doing to you?" He asked

"I can't be your anchor. I can't be your reason. That's what you want and I can't give it to you. I can't be the reason you fight. I'm… I'm better than that. I'm sorry."

"Fred all I want from you is you."

She sighed. "I can't give you that either." She stood up and approached him. She took his hand in hers. "I can fight now, I can be strong when I have to be. But you, you want me to be weak so that you can protect me. You don't think you do, but your every action screams it. You want me weak and helpless, because you help the helpless. But so do I now, and I don't need someone to protect me. I need someone who respects me. I know you love me, but that isn't enough for me." She kissed his hand. "I really am sorry." She dropped his hand.

"If I did something, I can change." He pleaded

She gave him a sad smile. "You're a good man, but you're not the man for me."

Gunn stared at her for a minute. "So who is?"

She frowned. "I don't have to answer that question."

"Doesn't matter, I know. You're in love with him, aren't you?"

Fred began to collect the pieces of her radio. "I'm going to my room."

He clenched his fists. "I don't know what you want from me."

"Nothing," She said "That's the point."

"So you're finished with me?" He asked "You're just casting me aside?"

This gave her pause. "Why would you think that?"

"You're breaking up with me right?"

She nodded. "But we're still friends. Charles we'll always be friends."

He rubbed his forehead. "I don't want to lose you."

"I'm not yours to lose." She walked away.

…

Angel sat down next to Cordelia on the couch where she was reading. "Anything useful?"

"Not yet," She looked up at him and gave him an encouraging smile.

"I've been thinking." Angel said "About the thing we…" She stared at him. Her heart rate accelerated. Was he finally going to bring up their interrupted rendezvous at the bluffs and the relationship between them? "Talked about in Vegas," He finished to her confusion

"What?"

"You know, how you feel about Wesley,"

Well this was just… disappointing. "Right, Wesley,"

"I know how you feel, because, well because you told me actually. But what I mean is…"

"Angel," She said "I don't really want to talk about this."

"Okay but I need you to answer one question."

She nodded, giving him permission to continue. "Could you ever have forgiven him? We weren't friends Cordelia. We were a family. We went to hell and back for each other, sometimes literally, so many times I lost count. I want you to think about the early years again and think about the man you knew. Then I want you to think about the man you hate. Because Cordelia they're both dying, and you may never get a chance to take back the decision you're about to make. Which is more important to you? Is it more vital to hate the Wesley that betrayed you or to be there for the one that you loved-love. Cordelia, he'd going to die. We're all he has."

"No," Cordelia looked back down at the book. "He's not going to die."

"Cordelia,"

She looked at him again. Her vision swam with tears, but she could make out the face of the man that she loved. "I can't. He hurt me Angel. He hurt all of us, he caused all of this."

"Yes," Angel agreed "But I think maybe I did first. I let all of you down when it really counted. You accepted me back, but would you have if the skilosh demons had killed you?"

"Well no, I'd be dead so I couldn't very well do anything."

Angel gave her an exasperated look. "Sometimes we pay more attention to the consequences than the actions. Imagine what it would have done to you if Conner had died because of me, if I had lost it and killed him." He anticipated her objections. "Don't think about how impossible it is, just think about how it would have made you feel. That's what he was trying to prevent. I know he should have told you. He should have told Gunn and Fred too. But I get why he didn't. I didn't want to understand, but I do. Wesley doesn't trust anybody, not when it counts, not really. But part of the reason why is that the people he wants to trust keep proving themselves untrustworthy. That's my fault, partially. I have to take blame for that."

Cordelia was quiet. "Damn you Angel." A single tear escaped, but she managed to keep the rest back. "Damn you and how wonderful you are. I'll never be able to do it."

"Do what?" He looked at her with a face so open it took her breath away. She wanted to touch that opening and pour herself into it. She wanted to be a part of him.

"I have the power to defeat Illyria, to kill her. If I do it now… the world is safe."

"And Wesley dies," Angel said in a monotone as he came to understand her meaning

"I told the powers I wouldn't do it."

Angel looked at the book in her hands. "Is there a way to get her out and save him?"

"Yeah," Cordelia said "Illyria's host is her connection to this dimension. While in his body she doesn't have her full strength, but she needs him to be here at all. Once her realization has progressed she can shed her-his body, but she needs him alive to stay here. I'm not sure about the specifics, the book presents multiple theories on how it all works. But basically he has to be alive for her to be here. Even if he's not really alive in the traditional sense, so long as his heart beats she gets to stick around. So at any point killing him ends her. It's a one way connection, so she can be killed without hurting him, but only once she has left his body. When that happens she becomes far more powerful. I don't know if the abilities the powers gave me will do any good at that point." Cordelia put her head in her hands. "Why did they choose me?"

Angel put his hand on her back, feeling the rhythm of her heart. "Because you're worthy." He slid his hand down to her waist. He pulled his hand back, realizing he might be crossing a boundary. "Cordelia I know this is hard for you, but if anyone can do this, it's you."

She lifted her head and looked at him. She moved closer. He heard her heart beat and closed his eyes, letting the sound take him over like a beautiful song. He smelt her skin. He felt her put her head against his chest. "I was going to tell you." She said "How I felt about-"

Glass shattered. The world fell apart.

…

Lilah watched from the armored car as the swat team entered the Hyperion. She saw them point their dart guns at Cordelia and Angel. The vampire moved in front of Cordelia to protect her. Lilah smirked, ever gallant that one. Angel was hit and fell down. Lilah watched the leader point a tranq gun at Cordelia and fire. Cordelia swung her arm in front of her and a beam of light radiated behind the arm. It consumed the darts, leaving nothing. She ran to the weapons cabinet and grabbed a sword. A commando rushed her and she incapacitated him, making her way to the stairs. The team followed her. Lilah looked at the video feed from the commando's helmets. She watched them come across Fred and Gunn. Gunn tossed Fred a sword and the two of them held back the swat team for a few minutes. One of the commandos pulled out a knife and went for Gunn's throat. Fred tried to block the attack with her sword. She saved Gunn, but earned herself a nasty slit in the arm. Gunn called out to her. Lilah tried to find Cordelia on the feed.

…

Cordelia ran into the room where Wesley was dying. Something in her revolted. The power she had been given reacted to the traces of Illyria that stained this room and the body the room contained. Cordelia felt her power be activated. She had been afraid of this. She closed her eyes and asserted her will over her power. Her hands glowed white, but the power was still in them, awaiting her command. She walked over to Wesley. He was consumed by the fever. She knew she couldn't touch him. She knew her power would kill him. She didn't know how she knew these things and it all kind of scared her. "Wesley," She whispered "Are you still there?"

He blinked and looked over at her. "Cordelia?"

She heard Fred and Gunn fighting down the hall. "It's me. They're coming for you."

"Do they want to kill me?"

"Yes," She said "They do."

"You should let them I think."

Her heart fractured along a fault line, one she had been trying to protect. "Never,"

"There is something evil in me, it has to be destroyed."

She heard footsteps approach the room. "I'm going to protect you." She said

The door burst open and Cordelia turned to face it. She held up her hands and released her power, sending the light into the ranks of the Wolfram & Hart swat team. She heard men scream in pain. She walked into the hall and saw Fred cradling an arm bleeding heavily. Cordelia picked up a member of the team and threw him down the hall. She identified the leader and hauled him to his feet. "Is she watching?" Cordelia asked "Don't answer, I know you are."

"Who are you talking about?" Gunn asked

"Lilah," Cordelia stared at the commando's helmet. "You listen to me, you bitch. If you or your goons come anywhere near this hotel or my family again I will personally flash fry you."

Cordelia threw the head commando down the hall after his subordinate. They all ran for the exit. Cordelia looked down at the blinding light in her hands. She could do so much with this power, save, or destroy. The powers that be had entrusted her with it because they believed that she wouldn't abuse it. They believed that she would do the right thing, that she would save the world. She wouldn't let them down, and she wouldn't compromise her morals. She would prove that they had made the right choice. She walked up to Fred and placed a hand on her arm. Fred flinched, but then her eyes widened when she saw the flesh of her arm knit itself back together with ease. Soon the wound was gone and the shed blood cleansed by Cordelia's light.

"How did you do that?" Fred asked

"I'm still trying to figure that out." Cordelia confessed

"Is Wesley okay?" Fred asked

"No." Cordelia said "But no less so than he was before. I have to go check on Angel."

Fred and Gunn watched Cordelia head down the stairs. Gunn turned to Fred. "Fr-"

Lorne came running down the hall from his room. "What happened?"

"Wolfram & Hart attacked." Fred said

"Is everyone okay?"

Fred looked at her arm and then at Gunn. "Everyone's okay." She continued to look at Gunn as she answered Lorne's question. "We're all going to be okay." He smiled at her.

"Well that's good." Lorne said "Angel fought them off huh?"

"No Cordelia did." Fred said "She was incredible."

"She made those lawyer wet their nappies, I'll tell you that." Gunn said

"Do you think they'll be back?" Lorne asked

"No," Fred said "I don't think so."

Lorne looked from Gunn to Fred. "I'm going to go check on Wesley."

They waited for the demon to leave the hall. "So it's over? You're sure?" Gunn asked

"I'm sure." Fred said "But we're good, and we'll always be friends. I don't think any of us could ever not be friends. Even when we hate each other, we'll be friends. Sometimes I feel like I've known all of you my whole life, or that I was always supposed to. You know?"

He nodded. "Sometimes I wonder if we get to choose anything."

"We chose." She said "I chose to be with you, and now I'm choosing not to be."

"Okay," He said "I understand. I'm glad we're still friends." He leaned down and kissed her forehead. With a sad smile he headed back to his room.

…

Conner sat down in the alley. He felt the water on the brick wall stain his shirt and chill his skin. He held his knees against his chest. Tears dripped onto his knees. "I don't know."

"Look at the little boy honey," A smooth female voice said "He looks yummy."

"I could eat." A male voice said "But I'm in the mood for something plump."

"Well I'll take this one and you go get something inside."

Conner stood up and looked at the two vampires. He pulled out a stake. "If you're hungry come and get it." The female vampire grinned and rushed him. Conner took out all of his fury on the undead creature. She couldn't lay a hand on him. He threw her and pulled her. He pounded on her flesh with his fists. When it became clear his mate couldn't defeat this prey the male vampire stepped in, but his interference made no difference. Conner beat them both. He waited to stake either of them until both of the vampires were soundly beaten and had fallen helpless on the ground. He staked the female first. The male tried to run away, but Conner threw it to the ground again. It cowered, helpless. Conner kicked it. He enjoyed hurting it, making it suffer.

"What are you?" The vampire asked

"I don't know, but you're dust, and that's enough for now." He staked the vampire.

…

…

Cordelia helped the groggy Angel to his feet. "I'm getting really tired of that." He said

"Are you all right?"

"Fine," He waved away her concerns. "How is everybody else?"

"No one is hurt." Cordelia said

Angel rubbed his head. "Good. What happened?"

"Wolfram & Hart swat team came, then they left. I encouraged them a bit."

He smiled at her. "You're wonderful." He said

Cordelia frowned.

"What is it?"

"Vision," She looked horrified. "They were hoping the firm would be successful and they wouldn't have to resort to this. Angel they want me to do it now. They're showing me something awful." She stared at something Angel couldn't see. What he did see was the pain it brought her and it hurt him. "I won't let this happen. We've stopped plenty of my visions from coming true."

"What are they showing you?"

She looked away. "Angel there is no way to stop this. She's going to take control of him." He heard her voice begin to crack. "We can't save him from that. We can't stop her."

Angel took her in his arms. "But we can bring him back right? That's what Lorne's book said." He held her close to him and let her heart beat against him, almost like it was his.

"There isn't a lot of time."

…

Fred, Gunn, and Lorne listened to Cordelia and Angel explain. "So let me get this straight." Gunn said "You want to build a cage downstairs, put Wesley in it, let the demon thing finish its possession of him and then wait for them to separate so that Cordelia can maybe kill it with her light show powers that she isn't even sure how to use. That is the dumbest plan I've ever heard. I can't even begin to count all the ways that can go wrong."

"I think it's a good plan." Angel said

"Just out of curiosity, what's the alternative plan?" Lorne asked

"There isn't one." Cordelia said

"Well there is, but you don't want to say it." Gunn mumbled

"We are not killing Wesley." Fred said in a cold voice

Gunn flinched. "I just think we should all consider the possible side-effects of this plan."

"Like death, destruction, and chaos?" Lorne asked "We all know."

"This is the only way." Cordelia said "We have to save everybody."

"Okay," Gunn said "But if you try not to get anybody killed you wind up getting everybody killed. And before you all jump down my throat do you want to know who told me that? Wes did. I may feel a lot of things about the man, but he was right. Sometimes we have to make sacrifices. We don't want to, but it has to be done for the greater good."

For a few moments the thick heavy silence filled the room. "No," Cordelia stated simply

"We don't have to follow those rules." Fred said "We're heroes. We save the day."

Angel locked eyes with her. "Yes, we do. We can make a happy ending. We can save the day. We can save everybody. I believe that. I have to believe that."

Gunn looked around the room at his companions. Those words were so ridiculous. They were heroes, yes he wouldn't deny that. But this wasn't a comic or a fairy tale. Sometimes bad things happened and they couldn't do anything about it. Wesley had told him that too, only with actions instead of words. Fred could insist that the world ran on fairy tale logic, and Angel could accept that because he wanted to. But Gunn knew it wasn't true. Angel may be a champion, but he was fallible and he couldn't save everyone. Gunn looked at Cordelia. Could she? Did she have the power to save them all now? He didn't know. "Okay, you convinced me."

…

"To save his life," Lorne said "We have to watch him die. It feels wrong."

Fred nodded. They were both standing just outside Wesley's room, watching him struggle with nightmares. Neither went in. The temperature in the room was over a hundred degrees, the air-conditioning unit had broken trying to battle the heat. They would go in with pitchers of water and run out, watching them evaporate in minutes. Wesley should already be dead, but the changes made to his body were protecting him. The only one who would be able to go into the room without passing out from heatstroke would be Angel. He was downstairs working on the cage with Cordelia and Gunn. Fred and Lorne were watching Wesley from afar.

"Why can't we just stop this?"

Fred took his green hand. "It'll be okay." For the next hour they watched in intense silence. Then something began to happen. "Get Angel." Fred whispered "Now." Lorne ran downstairs. Fred went into the superheated room. Wesley was convulsing on the bed, radiating still more heat. She couldn't get close. "Wesley!" She shouted "You need to keep fighting!" The heat drove her back out of the room. She wiped sweat from her face as she heard Angel run up the stairs toward them. "I think it's happening." She told the vampire

Angel ran over to the bedside. He looked at his struggling friend. "Hey Wes,"

Wesley stilled and then looked at Angel. Angel saw confusion in his eyes. "I think I'm a little sick." Angel's friend said, completely delirious

"Just a little," Angel assured the dying man

"Something's wrong. I did something… wrong."

Angel wanted to take his hand, but couldn't. "Everything is fine."

"No, it's not."

Angel hung his head, not wanting to look at the effects of the disease. "No, you're right."

"I hurt you, didn't I?"

"It doesn't matter."

"But why can't I remember?"

"Just focus, focus on staying here in this moment."

"I'm sorry," Angel almost jumped out of his seat at those words.

"Really?"

"I'm so sorry."

"I forgive you."

"You don't have to just because I'm dying."

"I forgive you because you're my friend." Angel said "We'll always be friends."

"You were my first friend." Wesley confessed "It's very ironic."

"Why?"

"I was trained to hate vampires. But you're the first person I ever met I wanted to trust."

"I'm sorry you couldn't trust me Wes."

"I do, I do trust you. I didn't want to though. I'm sorry."

Angel didn't understand, but he didn't think he would get a clearer statement from the delirium. "I forgive you. Just stay here okay. Just stay with us in this world."

"I don't remember."

"Remember what?"

"Your name,"

Angel's heart sank, it wouldn't be long now. "Angel,"

"That's funny," He coughed up some more blood.

"Wesley, do you know who I am?"

"No," He said "But I have to tell you something."

"What is it?"

"Very important, but I don't remember." He looked at something behind Angel, something Angel knew wasn't really there. "It's dark and cold there, but I have to tell you something. I have to explain. If I die you'll never know, never know why I did it."

"I know Wesley."

"Because Angelus was going to kill Conner and you wouldn't be able to come back. I was trying to protect you." He began to cough some more. "I'm sorry, I was trying to help."

"I forgive you Wesley. You already apologized and I already forgave you."

"But I don't remember anything. I don't know who I am."

"Do you want me to tell you?"

"Please,"

"You're a good man." Angel told him "You help people. And you're my friend."

Wesley coughed some more, but there was no blood. All of the blood was gone, burned away by the heat of Illyria. Wesley was hollow inside now. All he had left were memories, but she could take them all away. "We're friends? That's nice. That feels right."

"We can help you, you just have to stay here a little longer." Angel said

"Angel?" Angel saw the spark of clarity and knew it would be the last.

"Yeah I'm here Wes."

"I don't want to die."

"We'll find a way to save you, to get you back."

"I'm so sorry."

"I forgive you. I-" Angel looked at a now still body. "Wes?" He shook the man. "Wesley I forgive you. Wesley? Wesley please…" Angel heard Fred crying in the hall. They weren't ready for this. The plan wasn't ready. The only thing they could do now to prevent Illyria from enacting untold destruction on the world was to destroy this dead body before it got back up.

"Angel what do we do?" Fred asked from the hall "We don't-"

Wesley's hand rose from the bed and grabbed Angel's throat. The hand was no longer hot, or even warm. It wasn't even room temperature, but slightly cool, like a fall breeze. Fred gasped and Angel saw Wesley open his blue eyes. But they were different now, a different kind of blue. They were like ice, with no pupils. "Vampire," It was Wesley's voice, but different. "I have been waiting for this, the hour of our true meeting. I am so pleased that you are here." The being threw Angel to the other side of the room. It stood up. Its skin adopted a blue tint. It smiled a horrible smile that spoke of death and pain. It started toward the hallway. Fred began to run away from the creature. It grabbed her by the shoulders and slammed her against the wall. Her nose broke, blood leaked onto the floor. It dropped her and turned to face Angel, who was running at it. It backhanded Angel, sending him down the hall. "You pathetic mortal creatures are all fools. You could have saved yourself and this world. You chose to cling to false hope instead and now you will all die." It watched Angel get to his feet. "You remember when such thoughts would never have occurred to you. You have grown weak in your complacency."

The creature fled with such speed that Angel couldn't even see which direction it had headed in. He rushed over to Fred. "Fred are you all right?" He helped her to her feet.

She touched her gushing nose. "Fine, what do we do now?"

…

Gunn and Cordelia watched Fred and Angel enter the basement. "Fred!" Gunn shouted

She shook her head. "Doesn't matter," She said in reference to her nose "He's gone."

"What do we do now?" Lorne asked "We still have a bunch more work to do on the cage and she's out there doing God knows what in Wesley's body."

"I'll tell you what we're going to do." Cordelia said "Angel and I are going to go find Illyria and drag Wesley's body back here. You three are going to finish the cage and the enchantments that will allow it to hold Illyria. We can still make this plan work."

"The plan hinged on getting all this done before she took over. The plan failed." Gunn said "We'll never get her back here in one piece. We tried, it didn't work. Now we just need-"

"Shut up!" Cordelia snapped "I told you what we're going to do. Help or go."

Gunn was shocked by her cattiness. "Who died and made you queen of the universe?"

"Cordelia's right." Angel said "Just have everything done by the time we get back."

Gunn watched Cordelia and Angel go. He sighed. He looked at Fred and Lorne. They were both giving him cold looks. They didn't understand. But Cordelia was right about one thing, he could choose to help them or leave them. "Let's make a list of the remaining supplies we need. You two can work on what you can while I run out and get the stuff. Time is short."

The three got to work.

…

Illyria shaded her new eyes to look up at the sun. It was very bright. Well that was all right, she could just turn it off. Darkness would descend on the land, and creatures would come out to play. She would find pets and eat well. When she was in the world wholly she could shed this weak mortal body and store it somewhere safe, devoid of its mind so it could not flee. She smiled at the thought of being here, truly here. Her kind had been trying to return since they had been cast out and now the days of foretold were here. She had been the first. She had beaten all of her ilk to the finish line. She had beaten the Wolf, Ram, and Hart. She had beaten the nameless one with a pretty face. She had gotten here first. This world would be hers.


	7. Apocalypse Nowish

Lilah sat at her desk, thinking. Soon the senior partners would be calling to tear her a new one, possibly literally, and she needed a spin. But all she could do was wonder why she wasn't upset. That her death might be impending bothered her, but the fact that she had failed in killing Wesley couldn't. That was the problem. Lilah refused to be soft, to be weak. She was ruthless when the job demanded it, hell even when it didn't. Now she was glad someone was alive, when it might cost her a job and a life. How much of a life did he even have really? He was dying, so why was she glad that his suffering continued? Did she hope that he might be restored? That was ridiculous, childish. Lilah refused to be like them, the soft ones who hoped and longed.

Lilah's phone went off. She sighed with relief when she saw the number. "What?" It was surveillance. What they said made her blood run cold. "Find it, I don't care what you have to do, just find it." Their response was lost to her as she thought of the partners, and of Wesley. "If you find it, kill it. Bystanders are not a problem. Taking out Illyria is top priority." She hung up her cell phone and closed her eyes. She wouldn't react. She couldn't react. She didn't care.

…

"Angel?" They sat in his car, trolling the city for clues. It felt like an old one should be a bit more conspicuous. The violence and blueness were just a few indicators of abnormality.

"Yeah?"

"Was I… overstepping?"

He glanced at her. "Cordy the powers gave you the ability to take down Illyria. It makes sense that you would be the one calling the shots. They chose you for a reason."

"They also told me to kill Wesley."

"They picked you because you were willing to sacrifice yourself for others. They picked you because of a choice you made. Now we all have to trust your next few choices will be just as good." He looked at her again to smile at her. She returned that smile until his eyes were back on the road. She didn't want him to see her fear and insecurity. She wanted him to see her as strong.

"So no pressure,"

He reached out and gripped her shoulder. "I'll be with you, every step of the way."

She rested her head on his hand. "Always?" Was that too much? Should she have said that aloud? Would he realize what she was asking? Did it even matter in a time like this?

As a million questions consumed her he answered the only one that mattered. "Always,"

…

Illyria walked down the streets of L.A. while people muttered about her appearance. They did not know her. Illyria the god-king was worshipped by all, feared by all. These pathetic creatures did not know her. That would have to be the first thing to change. She would have to announce her arrival to all. Someone bumped into her. "Watch it freak." A giggling man with fermented grain on his breath said "I'm walking here." He giggled some more. Illyria shoved her hand through his throat. Blood dripped down her stolen arm and onto her stolen chest as she stood with her hand placed through the throat of the insolent man. People screamed in terror.

"All will clear a path for me, or be trampled under me." She let the body drop to the ground. People shouted and ran away. Soon they would all know, but there were many of these vile creatures here, billions. It would take a loud statement to tell them all she was here.

…

Conner stared at the shelter from a rooftop down the road. Could he ever go back or was it just another place cut off from him forever? He should just go. But he had nowhere to go. It wasn't as if they would take him in at the Hyperion. He heard screams. Conner ran toward the sounds of fright. He saw the thing that people were running from. It looked human, but it had blue skin and hair. When he got closer it began to look familiar. "You," He snarled

It turned its gaze on him. "Conner," It said "The ancient prophecies do love you."

"What happened to you?" Conner asked "Why do you look like that?"

"Not by choice I assure you." The thing that looked like Wesley said

Conner realized this couldn't be the same man. His heightened senses told him that this was something other than human, however human it might look. "You're not him."

"No," It said "I am Illyria the god-king. I come to the earth as the ancient prophecies come to be and things set in motion millennia ago begin to converge. You are here as is foretold because the end of all things is coming. I will bring about that end." It grinned at him.

Conner pulled out a stake. "I don't think so."

"Foolish boy, you cannot defeat me with that."

"I can try."

It laughed. "I like you boy. You remind me of a soldier that once followed me in the ancient times. It desired only to inflict wounds, without regard for gaining power or preserving its self. I would not mind having such a soldier again. Would you like to follow me Conner?"

"Never." Conner spat out the words whilst looking at the body at her feet.

"A shame, perhaps you will change your mind." Conner's advanced eyesight caught only a blur as she left the area. Conner cursed. He kicked the ground. Something evil had come to L.A., something that knew him. This bothered him. Was it another clue to what he was? He hoped not. He could smell the darkness in that thing, he didn't want it to be connected to him.

…

Illyria picked a spot and stood there. She closed her stolen eyes and sent a message through the city. She talked to the plants and the creatures. She talked to the slimy demons and the scurrying rats. She talked to all of those who listened to the earth. She talked to those that belonged to the darkness. She gave them her commands and they knew to obey.

All across the city strange things began to happen. Vermin came up through the sewer pipes and invaded homes. Demons that usually hid and slunk committed brazen attacks under the light of day. Mold and fungus crept through foundations and weakened the structural integrity of buildings. These attacks seemed random, but they were a part of a calculated assault. Illyria was a warrior, but she was also a general and strategy was one of her first inventions in the days before man. The attacks formed a pattern and she was at the center. Soon her message would be ready and she would send it far and wide. Soon all would know she had returned.

…

When Angel and Cordelia returned to the hotel they were in a foul mood. "Did you-"

"No," Cordelia said curtly in response to Fred as they entered the basement

"How's your nose?" Angel asked

"Fine," she assured him

"Cage ready?" He asked

"Almost," Said Lorne "Just a couple more enchantments and we should be good."

"Emphasis on should," Gunn said "This might not work."

"I see mister negativity is still working overtime." Cordelia said

Gunn looked away, declining to reply. "I don't know if this is related." Fred said "But the phones have been ringing off the hook. There has been an increase in demonic activity, and in other kinds of activity as well. We don't know if Illyria has anything to do with it."

"If she does it might help us find her." Cordelia said "Let's go over the reports."

Cordelia and Fred went upstairs, leaving Angel, Gunn, and Lorne to finish the cage. "Say you find her." Gunn said "Do you have any idea how you're going to incapacitate her long enough to get her back here. Last time she just vanished. Even if you start to overpower her she can just pull a Houdini and you'll be back at square one. Angel think about this."

"I trust Cordelia." Angel said

"We all do." Gunn said "That's not the issue."

"So what is the issue?"

"She might not be thinking straight. Maybe the mojo the powers gave her have made her a little overconfident. I know she wants to save everyone, we all do. But Angel, we can't."

"We have to." Angel said

"Maybe we need to step back, treat this like just another case-"

"This isn't just another case!" Angel shouted

"But if it were-"

"It's not." Angel's words were final. "Let's get back to work."

"Angel," Lorne said "You okay man?"

"Watching someone die, it's not a fun experience."

…

Lilah stood in the surveillance room, watching the feeds as her teams swept the city for traces of Illyria. They had a minor breakthrough when they found the body of one of Illyria's victims, but she had been silent since then. Lilah wondered what it would feel like when the feeds captured an image of the old one and she saw it for the first time. Would it still look like Wesley, or would it look like the thing the lab had constructed for her? Would Lilah feel anything when they shot it down? She picked up her cell phone when it rang. "Talk," She turned away from the video monitors. "Run pattern- You already did? What did you find?"

Lilah hung up the phone and told surveillance to give the teams new coordinates.

…

Cordelia looked through the reports. "What does it mean?"

"I don't know." Fred said "There's no cohesion to it. The demon species, the types of attacks, the victims, none of it falls into any pattern. It's just nonsense."

"You're looking too closely." The two women turned around and saw Gavin Park entering the Hyperion. "You need to step back and look at the bigger picture."

Cordelia glared at the smug lawyer. "What did I just tell Lilah?"

"Lilah didn't send me, not officially." Gavin held up a file. "When you find Illyria, what do you plan to do with her?" Cordelia stared at Gavin, her eyes were ice. "Kill her?"

"Not at first," Cordelia said "We're going to save Wesley first."

Gavin held out the file for Cordelia to take. "If the senior partners found out we gave you this Lilah would be in serious hot water. I think that's why she sent me. If I'm complicate I can't rat her out without screwing myself, and I can't not do the job without her cutting my head off."

"We wouldn't want that." Fred said in a very insincere voice

Cordelia took the file. "So why is she giving this to us?"

Gavin shrugged. "I was kind of hoping you'd tell me. Everyone in the office knows she and your English friend were sleeping together, but she's hardly the type to-"

"What?" said Fred, horrified "She and Wesley were sleeping together?"

"That's why he was at her house." Cordelia mumbled, just then making the connection

Gavin examined the scene, taking it all in. "Interesting,"

"Get out." Cordelia said

He held up his hands in surrender. "You're welcome."

They watched him go. "I think I'm going to be sick." Fred said

Cordelia looked through the file. "It doesn't matter."

"She's everything we hate. She's our most bitter enemy. She used those fake visions to hurt you and manipulate Angel into freeing Billy. She slipped Conner's blood into Angel's food to drive him crazy. She's responsible for most of the terrible things that ever happened to us! We have a falling out with him and he just jumps in the sack with her!" Fred was furious.

Cordelia pulled a piece of paper from the file. "This isn't the time." Her voice was emotionless as she focused on the file and on figuring out its contents, ignoring her pain.

"We're trying to help him! How could he- Why would he-" She looked away.

"I know you're hurt." Cordelia said "But what Gavin just brought us might be helpful."

"What is it?" Fred muttered

"A map,"

…

Conner walked down the street and heard the cries of terror. People were fleeing this street, fleeing the demons and animals. People ran in every direction, but one direction seemed to have the largest numbers and some of the people going that way looked like they had been running for a long time powered by pure adrenaline. It was almost as if there were another line of carnage on the other side of town. He headed toward that direction, running at full speed. When he had been growing up in Quor'Toth Conner had learned how to read the patterns of migrations and stampedes. It didn't take long for him to realize that there was an area within which all the chaos was occurring and a smaller area within that where there was no trouble. Conner decided to follow the borders of the first area, protecting people. But on his way toward the carnage he stopped and thought about the ting he had seen. It was doing this, he knew that. Maybe killing it would stop all the death, all the destruction. That thing would be in the second area, probably the center of it. He would find it, and then kill it. Perhaps that was what he was here for.

…

Angel looked at the map Cordelia had handed him. "I don't know."

"It matches our data." Cordelia anticipated his reaction. "This isn't just a trick by Wolfram & Hart to distract us, or if it is it's a really good one. The paranormal activity that started right after Illyria showed up forms this pattern. It's the ancient symbol for-"

"Fire and destruction, I know." Angel said "A symbol that large, drawn with blood and chaos on the earth itself… it isn't good. It can be used for powerful magic."

"Like what?" Gunn asked

"Like more blood and chaos," Lorne said

"She'll be at the center of the symbol." Angel said "Working the magic."

"So let's go." Cordelia grabbed the map and started for the stairs.

"I'm going with you." Gunn said "Enchantments are almost finished."

"Me too," Fred said "Lorne you can finish right?"

Lorne nodded.

"No," Cordelia said "You two stay here."

"This thing is powerful." Gunn said "Maybe the most powerful thing we've faced yet."

"You need us." Fred finished "We'll follow orders, but we're coming."

Angel touched Cordelia's hand where it lay on the banister. "We do need them."

Cordelia nodded. "Let's go."

…

Lilah watched the sun go down through her office window. Soon Angel Investigations and her team of specialized killers would converge on the skyscraper at the center of the pattern on the map she had sent Angel's team. Somewhere in that building was Illyria, and somewhere in Illyria was Wesley. Angel wouldn't be able to kill his old friend's body. Lilah knew him, had been following him for a long time now. The vampire was soft. But as confident as she had always been on her ability to read the vampire with a soul, now she wasn't so sure. Lilah wasn't sure of much of anything anymore, least of all herself. Everything she thought she knew, thought she was sure of, was being called into question. The orange light dimmed and she could understand how it must feel. It was nice to have power, to burn bright, but the darkness always laid you to rest at night. It droned you in an inky sea. She put her hand on the glass. It was cold for some reason. She liked the feel of something cold on her skin. She wondered what Wesley would have given for that feeling while he was dying of the heat. She wondered why she wondered about him. She wondered how long she could keep the answer from herself.

…

"Are you okay?" Gunn asked Fred as they all drove to the center of the symbol.

Angel and Cordelia were up front while Fred and Gunn sat in the back. "I'm fine."

"You look upset." He said

"We're going to face a powerful demon wearing our old friend's skin. I'm allowed to be upset about that Charles." She flinched. Why was she taking this out on him? "I'm sorry."

He put a comforting hand on her shoulder. It was a true gesture of comfort, not wanting or suggesting. She appreciated that. She laid her head on his hand. "It's fine." He said

"Everything is so confusing." She said "I want the good days back."

He couldn't respond to that. Cordelia looked in the rearview mirror at the cars they were passing in large quantity. They were in a hurry and that was good, but deep down Cordelia didn't want to get to her destination. She didn't want to face Illyria. She looked down at her hands, devoid of the glow. Did she want them to start glowing? She looked at Angel, who was watching her between glances at the road. "What about you?" She whispered so only a vampire could hear, leaving Fred and Gunn out of their conversation "Do you want them back?"

"More than anything." He said "It's never going to happen."

She would have taken his hand, but it was on the wheel.

…

Illyria entered the ballroom on the top floor of the tall building. People turned to stare at her, confused. There was some fear, but not enough. She grabbed a man holding a tray with glasses holding fermented grapes. He dropped the tray. The glasses shattered, spilling their amber liquids on the floor. She snapped his neck and dropped him to the ground. A woman in a red dress screamed. Illyria picked up the tray and threw it like Frisbee, decapitating the screaming woman. People began to run and shout in panic. Illyria loved panic. She loved destruction. She loved chaos. She wasn't like her old playmates, the Wolf, Ram, and Hart. They loved order. She despised it, their boring rules and boundaries. There was no room to run among those boundaries. One had to slink. She had no patience for their words or their planning. The only laws Illyria followed were the most ancient ones, the ones of prophecy. One of those prophecies had said she would be reborn and so here she was. But Illyria did not make bargains or speak pleasantly. Her language was this, violence. She grabbed a man by the throat and pushed her other hand into the throat, pulling out a large section of the flesh. Blood poured from the throat and down the man's chest. She used her stolen mouth to lap up some of the blood.

Blood was still warm, good. It had a new taste, but it was warm. That was all she cared about. She killed everyone in the room, and then began to drag their bodies into an arrangement that mirrored the symbol her creatures had drawn on the earth with their havoc. The door she had come through admitted another. She looked up. "Conner," She said "You changed your mind?"

He shook his head. He was still holding that pathetic stake.

"You have come to die then?"

"To kill you," He said "You're evil, so I kill you."

"Ah yes, morality." She looked through the memories of her host. They allowed her to maneuver in this world. "Right and wrong, these concepts govern actions, they present rules."

"Yeah," Conner said "And what you're doing is wrong, so I have to kill you."

"So then does your father have to kill you, for what you did to him?"

Conner's stance weakened a bit. "Shut up. I don't care what a monster like you thinks."

"Do you care what Cordelia thinks?"

"How do you know so much about me?" Conner asked

"I am looking through my host's memories. He remembers you as a baby. You were pretty and innocent, like a flower petal soft and smooth. In my time the young of opposing clans were dessert after a conquering. I would have loved to dine on you. But you grew. You came back and betrayed your maker. You did it improperly. There is a way to such things. You must tear out and devour the heart. Then you take his castle and his people to enslave or dine upon."

Conner stared at Illyria. "What are you?"

"I am Illyria the god-king of the primordial. I now rule this earth."

"Oh yeah?" Conner asked "You and what army?"

"An army of evil wretched things. It will flock to me when I call them."

"I don't think so."

Conner turned around and saw Angel Investigations approaching. Cordelia was in the lead, having been the one to speak. Angel addressed Illyria. "You have something of ours."

Illyria stared at the five warriors for good. "It's mine now." She picked up a shard of glass from the ground and threw it so it would hit Conner in the eye. Angel pulled the boy out of the way, causing the glass to land in Angel's own shoulder. "Improper," Illyria said "The boy is a traitor. You should kill him as you should have killed this one. So much grief you would have been spared. But I am not mortal as they are. I am not human; there is no weakness in me. I cannot be held down and made to squeal like a pig. But that is what I will do to you and yours."

Illyria rushed the team. They spread out. Angel tried to block her first blow, but she hit him in the face and sent him reeling back. It was strange. She looked like Wesley, but her fists felt as though they were made of steel. He had to remind himself that this was an ancient powerful demon, not a mortal man. Angel saw Fred fire a crossbow at Illyria's back, but Illyria sensed the incoming projectile and spun Angel into the line of fire. The arrow embedded itself in his abdomen. Illyria shoved him to the ground and the arrow went further in. Gunn went at Illyria with his ax. She grabbed it and kicked him hard enough to send him flying into the wall while she bent his ax into a useless hunk of metal. Cordelia stepped into Illyria's line of fire and raised her hands to point at the creature. Illyria threw Angel at her and they both hit the ground.

At that moment all of the windows shattered as the Wolfram & Hart kill squad propelled into the room. They didn't have tranq guns this time, but high-powered assault rifles. Angel ran at Fred and tackled her to the ground just in time to get her out of the line of fire when bullets filled the air. Gunn lay on the ground with his arms over his head. Cordelia did the same. Bullets hit Illyria and flew askance into the walls and buffet tables that had been set out for what was probably a celebration before Illyria killed all the guests. The Wolfram & Hart team fired for what must have been a full moment and then they stood staring at the undamaged old one.

"Unimpressive," She said in that creepy voice that barely sounded like Wesley.

"Want to see what I've got?" Cordelia stood up and held out her hands.

Illyria grabbed Conner from where the boy had ducked behind a table during the fire fight. She held the boy in front of her. "I do in fact desire to see the full extent of your power."

Cordelia's hands began to glow without her bidding, but she lowered them away from the old one and her hostage. The pure white light reacted angrily to presence of the creature it was designed to kill. Cordelia willed the power to remain in her hands. "Let him go."

"I do not yield to your authority, nor to any being's." Illyria said "You will bow to me."

"I have the power to defeat you." Cordelia said

"I smell it on you." Illyria said "A power gifted on a mortal instrument. But you will not use your power, because you are weak. You are afraid of what you can do, much like this one."

"Kill it." Conner said

"No Conner," Cordelia said softly "I won't hurt you."

Angel, Gunn, and Fred all rose. "What of you vampire?" Illyria asked

"I won't hurt my son." Angel said

"Still so determined to save everybody, even those you should have killed yourself."

Illyria picked up Conner and threw him into Cordelia. They both hit the ground with great force. Angel ran over to them. Fred raised her crossbow again. "You are a confusing one."

Fred faltered. "What do you mean?"

"In my time desire was a force, but not this thing called love. Now in this time love supersedes desire, tempers it, hides it. For love of you he locked away desire of you. I do not understand this. I do not understand why he did not take what he wanted from a weaker person."

"I'm not weak." Fred fired the crossbow and Illyria caught the arrow.

Illyria threw the arrow back at Fred where it went into her arm. Gunn caught her as she stumbled back. Illyria moved her hand and Angel, who was just getting to his feet, saw the Wolfram & Hart swat team go flying through the windows at amazing speeds. She moved faster than his eye as she threw each of them off the building before they even knew she had touched them at all. Time returned to normal and Illyria stood in the center of the pattern she had made.

Angel ran toward her and then stopped when the dead bodies erupted into flame. The flames licked the ceiling and concealed Illyria's escape from the building. Through the window Angel saw fire begin to rain from the sky. Angel tried to get closer, but the flames barred his path. He looked back at his friends and son. How had Conner gotten here? Cordelia healed Fred's arm again. Poor Fred, she kept getting knocked around. What if it hadn't been her arm, what if it had been her heart? What if it had been Conner's heart? They could all have died here.

Cordelia approached Angel and put her hand on his arm. He felt pain and despair. He was consumed by hopelessness and gloom. A million questions bombarded him and each had a hundred horrible possible answers vying for his time. What if they were making a mistake? What if his family was doomed? What if the world was doomed? What if they were too late? But when she put her hand on his arm he felt all concerns melt away. He felt himself be imbued with a purpose. He felt calm and he felt certain. "Thanks you," He whispered so only she could hear

Angel turned to look at Conner, but the boy had slipped away. Gunn and Fred were watching them, waiting for guidance. Angel had needed guidance to, and whatever Cordelia's touch had done to him gave him that guidance. He stepped away from the fire. He and his friends left the room and its unholy sacrifice. They walked to the car in silence. High above the fire continued to rain down. It hit homes and cars, but no people. Everyone had gone inside to escape the profane downpour. It was a horrible thing. Angel took Cordelia's hand again, and then he took Fred's. She gripped Gunn's hand. They stood together against the horrible thing that threatened them and the city. It called to the monsters and they came running out to see. They were excited to meet the new thing that had come. Perhaps it would shift the balance of power away from the day walkers and onto the creatures of the night. "Let's go home." Cordelia said

…

Conner ran. He didn't stop, wouldn't stop. The monster had escaped, and it had escaped because of him. He still didn't know what he was, but he knew one thing. He wasn't a hero. A cluster of fire hit him in the leg and he fell. The searing pain stopped him and he hobbled over to the overhang of an empty building for cover. He leaned against the glass display window. How could he have been so stupid? Why had he thought he could be a warrior for good? Conner looked at the glass and at his reflection in it. Conner hit the glass. It shattered and an alarm went off, howling into the night. No one was coming to check on the alarm, everyone had much bigger problems tonight. They had problems that Conner was partially to blame for. He kicked the shards of glass on the ground. He looked around at the world outside his little shelter. If he left he would get hit by more fire. The glass storefront was already broken. He could go inside and take a quick nap. He knocked out the remaining shards of glass from the pane and stepped inside.

Conner looked around and saw the wares that were peddled here. Clay knick-knacks, glass figurines, wooden carvings, and similar such items. All of it was useless and silly. Conner wanted to smash it all. He walked behind a shelf and laid down to go to sleep. In a few hours he would wake up and be gone before anyone arrived, if anybody was going to. He wondered if he could sleep through the blare of the alarm and the sting of pain in his leg. He found he could.

…

"It escaped." Lilah said in a monotone

Gavin had just opened the office door after being invited in to tell Lilah how the mission had gone. The view outside her window already had. She was standing in front of the window with her head resting against the glass, her hands pressing against it. "Yes,"

For a moment there was silence and Gavin though about just going. When she spoke he almost jumped out of his skin. "You should sleep in your office tonight Gavin. Wolfram & Hart is the safest place to be in the event of an apocalypse." Her empty voice frightened him.

"Thank you for the advice,"

"Do you know what I wish sometimes?"

"No mam,"

"Every day I work to bring about end times, and now they're here. It's not the senior partners' end times, but there isn't really a difference, not in the end. And this is the end. She's going to kill us all. I wish I were a little girl again. My mom used to make me hot cocoa and read me _Alice in Wonderland_ whenever I was upset about something. I wish I were her. I think dying as her, with warm chocolate in my stomach and pretty words in my head, wouldn't be so bad."

Gavin didn't know what to say. "I see."

"No you don't." She said "I know you Gavin. Your whole life you've been clawing your way to the top. I was you Gavin. All I cared about was winning. Well the joke's on us because we will win, but we're on the wrong team." She turned around. "We're going to send this bitch back to where she came from and then continue trying to end the world on the senior partners' terms because we may be on the wrong team, but we're still going to win." The transformation was incredible. One second she was speaking in a soft voice, feeling the glass while declaring them to be on the wrong team. But when she turned around that woman was gone. She was hard and strong and she didn't give a damn about anything but coming out on top. Gavin believed her when she said she was going to win. It would bring her no happiness, she was beyond that now, but she would win none the less. It was her nature, and she wouldn't change.

"Yes mam,"

"Get out. We have work to do."

…

Angel started for the staircase up to his room. Lorne came running up from the basement to meet them. "It's done." He said "Did you guys-" He saw the expressions on their faces.

"Don't go outside or look out the windows." Fred said

"Apocalypse?" He asked

"Serious apocalypse," Cordelia said in a sad echo

"Let's all try to get some sleep." Said Angel "We'll figure this out in the morning."

"I'll stay here tonight." Cordelia said

"Of course," Angel hadn't even considered that she wouldn't.

"Do you think Dennis will worry about you?" Fred asked

"No, he knows I'm with you guys." Cordy said "And I can take care of myself." Angel and Cordelia both headed upstairs. Lorne sighed and went up after them. Fred and Gunn watched the three go to their separate rooms. The lobby was still as both hesitated to follow. "Rough night," Gunn said "Are you okay?" He looked at her, trying to forget that he still loved her.

"I'm fine." She smiled at him that smile he had kept wishing she would.

"Good, I'm glad."

"You?"

"I'm cheery,"

She stared at him and all of a sudden she wanted to kiss him. Everything had been so confusing and painful tonight. She felt like she was standing on unstable earth. She remembered being with him and how she had felt calm and safe. She wanted to be with him again. He would take her back in a second if she let on that she was feeling this way. But she knew that in the long run she didn't want a crutch, and that's what he would be. She would lean on him when she felt scared instead of standing up. She didn't want to do that. So she stood tall. She smiled at him again, warmly, friendly, but with no romance. "Good night Charles, I'll see you in the morning."

"Good night Fred." He watched her go and waited until she was in her room until he went to his own. He lay down and thought about how much he wanted to be with her. Then his thoughts turned to darker things. His thoughts turned to the future. He dreamed that night, many dreams; and all of them were nightmares. He dreamed of death and of horrors.

…

Anne looked around the living room. They were filled way past capacity tonight and she wasn't turning anyone away no matter how crowded or late it got. Kids who came in with burns were sent to the kitchen for first aid. It was the only place besides her office and the bathrooms where there weren't too many sleeping bags to move around. She looked at all of the kids huddled on the floor or on the couches, scared and confused. She looked at the door. She wished so desperately that Conner would come through it. She had been so worried about him and she had hoped that perhaps one good thing would come out of this nightmare in that it would drive Conner back to the shelter. She had no such luck. Wherever he was she prayed that he was safe.

…

Wesley wasn't dreaming. Except he was. It was all very confusing. He was in the high school library at Sunnydale of all places. Why was he here? Cordelia was there. She was as she had been as a high school student. She was sitting at the table with Faith and Buffy. There was a fourth person there. She was blue and had long curly black hair. He thought she, but she was very androgynous, which was good as she was completely nude. Cordelia and the slayers didn't seem to notice the blue woman. They were laughing about something. It was odd, he didn't remember them getting on particularly well. He wondered what they were talking about.

He tried to listen, but their words slipped away when he tried to catch them. "Excuse me ladies," He said "Could I have a moment of your time?" They didn't react to him. "Just a moment if you don't mind terribly." The blue woman turned to look at him. She had no pupils.

"Be quiet." She said

"I beg your pardon."

"You've done your part, now you must sleep."

"But I'm not tired." She looked away from him, back at Cordelia and the slayers. "What is this?" He asked "Where am I? Why am I here? Answer me damn it!" His shouting didn't seem to bother the girls at all. He looked around and saw the door to the library. He walked over to it and opened it, assuming it would lead to a hall in the high school. Instead the door opened into a dingy motel room. Angel was there, looking around. "Angel," Wesley breathed a sigh of relief.

Angel looked at him. "You're late."

"What? Oh, right." Wesley picked up a crossbow and pointed it at Angel. "I bet you never thought you'd see me again. Oh wait," He shook his head. "I was supposed to say 'Hello Angel' first. Should I go again?" Wesley lowered the crossbow. "This isn't working."

"To be honest I didn't put much thought into it at all." Angel said

"Let's not play this game anymore." Wesley said

"Crossbow," Angel said

"What?"

Angel looked at the crossbow. "I have to knock it out of your hand. You need to point it at me." Angel shook his head. "Come on Wesley, how many times have we rehearsed this?"

"I don't want to point a crossbow at you. You're my friend."

"It's just a play." Angel said "We're just players in a play."

"I think we can change our destinies." Wesley said

"You know what that line of thinking gets you." Angel reminded him

Wesley looked at the ground. He dropped the crossbow. He was dreaming. Except he wasn't. It was all very confusing. "I'm sorry. I did my best. I'm so very sorry." He looked up and Angel was gone. Wesley turned around and looked through the door. He had to get out of here.


	8. Habeas Corpses

Conner sensed someone close to him. He awoke suddenly and sat up quickly. The older woman standing over him backed away, frightened. "Did you take anything?" She asked

Conner assessed the situation. He was still behind the shelf. The older woman was holding her keys in such a way that suggested she intended to use them as a weapon if such action were required of her. But she didn't want to. Conner shook his head. "No,"

"You just wanted out of the fire?"

Conner looked at the busted window and felt a surge of guilt. "I'm sorry."

The woman seemed to come to a decision. "I'm not going to call the police."

"Thank you," Conner got to his feet and the woman retreated further. "I- I'll sweep up the glass if you want me to." He shifted awkwardly from foot to foot.

She looked him over and then nodded tersely. She walked behind the counter without ever taking her eyes off him and got a broom and dustpan. "I guess I understand." She said as she handed him the items "It must have been very frightening. I was frightened." Conner started to sweep. He never had before, but he had seen Cordelia and Fred do it. The silence seemed to make the older woman uncomfortable. She felt a need to fill the void. "I was at home when I heard the reports on the radio. I didn't believe it until I looked out the window. Not even then maybe. I got up this morning and looked outside. I saw my car and I- believed. I do now."

"Believe in what?" He sensed she was talking of more than the firestorm.

"That we're being punished, judged. We're sinners. I know that now."

Conner flinched at her words.

"You're hurt."

Conner looked at his leg, already healing. He shrugged. "Yeah,"

She went behind the counter and got a first aid kit. "Come over here." She commanded

He leaned the broom against the wall and went over to her. She gestured for him to hop up on the counter and stretch out his leg. He did and then she cut up the pants leg to reveal the burn. Conner hissed in pain as she peeled the fabric away. She swabbed it with disinfectant. He watched her wrap his leg in bandages. "Thank you," He said "I appreciate this."

"It isn't that bad." She said "Should be worse."

"I heal fast." He said

She made a sound like: "Harrumph," It sounded very motherly and condescending.

"I am sorry about the window."

"Insurance will cover it, I think." She frowned. "They're all crooks."

Conner nodded. He had no idea what she was talking about. "Thanks again."

She watched him hop down from the counter. "You should go easy on that leg."

He shrugged. "I'll finish sweeping." He set to his task.

For a little while she just stared at him. "I'm not going to open today."

Conner looked through the empty window. "That's probably a good idea."

…

Angel walked down to the lobby. Everyone else was already there. "Why wasn't I invited to the big meeting?" He said in a jest that nobody found funny

"No meeting," Said Fred "Just… sitting. Sitting and thinking."

"About what we're going to do," Angel said

"Yep," Said Lorne "I'll just assume my run and hide idea will be vetoed."

The other four members of their party nodded. "We have to find Illyria." Cordelia said

"We did find her." Gunn said "And she kicked our asses."

This was met with uncomfortable silence. He was right. "So new strategy," Lorne said

"I can use my power on her, I think without killing her. But I have to be alone with her or innocent people could get caught in the cross-fire." Cordelia said

"No," Angel said "No way are you going up against that thing alone."

"Angel we have to do something." Cordelia said "This might work."

"You could get hurt." Angel protested

"Maybe we're going about this the wrong way." Fred said "What does Illyria want?"

"To destroy the world." Angel said

"Okay, how?"

This was met with silence. "Well I for one thought the rain of fire was an excellent start." Lorne finally said "It was pretty apocalyptic."

"But I mean how does the world end, exactly?"

"I think I get what you're saying." Angel said "It's not like she can just go through the world and kill everything she sees- well maybe she can, but that seems pretty inconvenient."

"Yeah inconvenient, that's the word I'd use." Gunn mocked

"She'll do something big." Cordelia said "Something to lay claim to the world."

"Right," Angel said "Something horrible,"

Again there was a long stretch of silence. "Feel free to jump in guys." Cordy said

"There's no way for us to know what she is going to do until she does it." Gunn said

"And by then, it's too late." Lorne finished

"So we just wait for her to do something terrible again and then go after her and hope this time we catch her?" Fred asked "No, we have to do something now, before more people die."

"Speaking of the people who died last night," Said Gunn "Their blood is on our hands."

Angel snapped. "You know I'm getting really sick and tired of your attitude."

"And I'm getting sick and tired of following dumb plans that never work!" Gunn said

"You want to leave? There's the door!" Angel pointed to the lobby doors

"Enough!" Cordelia said "Gunn's right. If we'd come up with a plan sooner, done more, then maybe we could have saved those people. Their blood is on our hands. But we can save everybody else if we just pull together. We need each other now more than ever. This is no time for fighting." She looked from Angel to Gunn to Angel again. "Okay?"

"Okay," Gunn mumbled

"Yeah," Angel agreed

"So," Cordelia said "Plan time,"

…

Lilah sat at her desk flipping through the information they had on Illyria. She heard her door open. "I didn't say you could come in." She told who she presumed was a bold employee

"I didn't ask."

She looked up at Conner. Though she was afraid neither her face nor voice betrayed any of that fear. "Of course not, how very like your father you are Conner."

"I have questions."

"Ask away," She said while subtly pressing the emergency button under her desk

"What am I?"

"An oldie but a goody," She said "Philosophers have been asking that question since-"

Conner grabbed her by the neck and threw her up against the wall. "I want answers."

"Sure no problem." He dropped her. "We have a fully stocked lab where we can-" The security team came in. Unimpressed, Conner took them out in short order. "Sometimes I hate the people I work with." Lilah said "Okay, you want to know what you are? Follow me,"

Conner hesitated. "No more tricks?"

Lilah looked down at the two security guards passed out on the ground. "Are you really worried?" She asked

…

Illyria looked up at the sky. It was still so bright, so bothersome. She approached the Wolfram & Hart building. How things had changed since her time. There were no more stone terraces or flooded moats. Gone were guard dogs with teeth the size of swords. Gone were the ancient ways themselves. Wolfram & Hart were to blame. By pooling their abilities they had more influence over this realm than any of the remaining old ones. They had influenced the changes to this dimension. They had imposed order, eliminated chaos. They would pay for that.

The second she entered the building it shut down. The senior partners had not grown careless in their old age. Good, that made things more fun. Their employees were but sheep, they came willingly to the slaughter that was these mortal hands. She tore at them with fingers too small, but adequate for the job they must do and teeth that were too dull, but once again would do for now. She felt herself growing stronger, becoming a part of the here and now. Soon it would take but a little push for her to hatch out of this mortal man. Soon she would be herself again; Illyria, god-king of the primordial. Until then she occupied herself with carnage. She worked her way up, one floor at a time, killing all. None could hide from her. Her eyes saw more than mortal eyes. She smelt their fear. She tasted their life. She felt their death. Their cries of pain and sorrow were music to her ears. Other senses, human and inhuman developed to what they had been before her death. Her sense of self, her sense of the world. She felt her old play mates upstairs. They weren't really there, but something almost as good was.

…

As Lilah led Conner into the lab the lights went off and alarms began to sound. "Is that supposed to happen?" Conner asked

"No," Security was running down the hall. "What's happening?" She demanded

"Something broke in. You should get somewhere safe Ms. Morgan."

Lilah watched them continue toward their deaths. "Come with me." She told Conner

"You go, I'm staying."

"Look, if the building has shut down, and I think it has, there's only one way out. I can get us somewhere safe, get us outside, but you have to trust me."

"I don't trust you." He said "And I wouldn't go with you even if I did."

"Why?"

"I'm going to kill that thing."

"Illyria can't be killed by a puny mortal boy."

"Then let's hope I'm not one." He took off toward the disturbance.

"Stupid kid," Lilah headed for the emergency exit. First she would need something from her office. Hopefully Illyria would take her time massacring Lilah's employees and Lilah would have time to get what she needed and get out. Lilah ran for her desk. She put a flash drive into the computer and logged into the most secure part of the server. She opened her desk drawer and pulled out a gun. She checked that it was loaded and clicked off the safety. She knew it would do no good against Illyria, her former swat team could attest to that, but it couldn't hurt either. She waited for the files to finish downloading. "Come on you stupid piece of crap." She complained

"What's wrong Lilah?"

She looked up. There it was. "W-Illyria," She said "How nice to finally meet you."

"Yes, it is. You are a rare human, I will give you that."

"Thank you Illyria. Is there something I can do for you? My services are at your disposal." Lilah tried her best to sound confident and subservient at the same time.

"I have worshippers world-wide. What need have I for one of my enemy's turncoats?"

"I have a unique set of skills." Lilah said "I know things about the senior partners."

"I know more of them than I wish to." Illyria said

"There must be some way I can help you." Lilah said

"You can die." Lilah raised her gun and pointed it at her former lover. Illyria halted, not in fear, but out of curiosity. "You would shoot such a familiar face?" It asked

"With ease, and gladly."

"You are as beautiful a creature as I thought you were. Your blood will be sweetest of them all, far sweeter than Gavin's. He tasted of fear and mediocrity." Lilah fired at Illyria, hitting Wesley's forehead. The bullet bounced off his hardened skin and hit Lilah's window, cracking the glass. Illyria smiled. It was a familiar smile to Lilah. It was not a happy smile, merely the absence of a frown. Had she ever really seen him smile? "Your courage is outstanding. You do not weep or mewl. I detest squealers." Illyria moved in on Lilah. Lilah got off two more shots, but only because Illyria was moving with purposeful slowness. Illyria knocked the gun out of Lilah's hand and threw her onto the coffee table. Illyria thrust her thumb into Lilah's abdomen.

Lilah held back a scream of terror, but not the groan of pain. She did not beg.

Illyria placed Wesley's thumb in his mouth. "You taste like power, but also grief. It taints the flavor." Illyria reached into the hole in Lilah's gut. She tasted still more blood. "You are not as fascinating as I had thought. You are corrupted by human emotions. You love your maker and a man who shared your bed. You have feelings for the host. You are as pitiful as him."

Lilah realized in that moment that she was going to die. "Fuck you bitch."

"But such spirit. It does amuse." Illyria turned in time to see Conner running at her with a short sword in his hand. Illyria was fast enough to throw Lilah into her desk and still have time to grab Conner as he came at her. Illyria threw him into the hall. "You do not wish to save this one Conner I assure you. Her wickedness knows no bounds, well one, but that's it."

"She's human." Conner said as he got to his feet

"No more so than you."

Conner faltered. "You know what I am."

"And if you defeat me in honest combat I will tell you."

"What do you mean honest combat?"

"I mean we hit each other until one of us breaks."

Conner actually smiled at that. "Sounds like fun. But let her go."

Illyria looked at Lilah. "Why?"

"Her being here distracts me. I'll want to protect her."

Illyria nodded. "I see." She addressed Lilah. "Go human."

Lilah struggled to her feet and ran from the room. Illyria watched her go. "Satisfied?"

"Let's go." Conner ran back into the room. He and Illyria engaged in brutal battle. The two of them were fierce warriors, but Illyria could have taken Conner out in moments if she wanted to. She toyed with him, testing his limits, stretching him to his breaking point but not giving the final shove. She was playing a game, nothing more. Conner realized this. At first he was horrified, but then he tried to play it to his advantage. As she was learning of him, perhaps he would learn of her. He might deceive her as to what he could do and perhaps find some weakness in the old one. It appeared she had none. Her skin, or the skin she had altered to her ends, was harder than any material he knew of. Her speed was far greater than his own. Her strength was impossible. He couldn't defeat her. She felt him as they fought, and she felt the moment of his realization. She felt him accept. The boy was battered and bloody. She threw him into the wall, knocking him out. He would rise. He would carry scars but he would rise.

…

Lilah didn't know how long Conner would be able to hold off Illyria, but she wasn't going to stick around to find out. With her flash drive in hand she struggled toward the emergency exit. It was a storage closet on the third floor, so very far. The elevators wouldn't be working and she would have to go down the stairwell to get down the dozen or so floors between her and her salvation. She might pass out from blood loss before that. Lilah pulled at the door to the stairwell. There was no way she was letting some dead demon walking around in her ex-lover's skin take her down. She was Lilah Morgan and she would not die, would not fall. She won, she always won. She tripped on a step and rolled down a few flights of stairs. "Oh," She moaned in pain "Oh God," She felt her stomach. The blood was coming out so fast. She couldn't get to her feet. She would have to crawl the rest of the way. She didn't care, there was nobody to see and she refused to die, refuse to kneel, refused to back down. She was becoming weaker from blood loss, her thoughts were beginning to make less sense. She was thinking about fire and a frozen devil with three mouths. She wished she could tell someone something about that, but who or what escaped her. She just wanted some hot chocolate. The door was in front of her. She grabbed the handle and pulled. She was too weak to get the door open. "I am not weak." She declared "I am strong." She pulled herself to her feet and pulled against the door. She had always been the hardest worker. When her roommate in law school was going home for the holidays Lilah was in her room studying. Lilah missed her grandmother's funeral because of an interview with a prestigious law firm she didn't want to reschedule. Her mother had been furious. Was that why they'd given her the job? They knew how cold she was. "I'm cold, cold as ice." Lilah pulled at the door. She couldn't pray to God, she doubted her prayers were any good with him. She prayed to her master, the devil, or three of them anyway. "Get me out of this and I swear I'll make sure that bitch goes down. I've never asked you for anything and I'm not going to start now but I'll find a way to hurt her, you know I will. Tit for tat, quid pro-" The door came open.

Lilah collapsed onto the floor across the doorway. The door slammed into her abdomen and she screamed in pain. She crawled forward. She could make it to the supply closet. She had made it all the way down the stairs, crawling down the hall was nothing. The floor was littered with dead bodies. Occasionally the hall was so jammed she had to crawl over a body instead of around it. She heard Illyria's heavy steps. The old one wanted Lilah to know she was coming for her. Lilah saw the door to the closet. Gavin was dead in front of it. The little bastard had found out about the emergency exit. It was kind of impressive, she was the only one supposed to know about it. "Sorry Gav, at least it looks like you went quick." Illyria had snapped his neck. Lilah got to her feet and tugged at the door. This one was far easier to open. She knelt in front of the shelf and pulled the lever. The tunnel opened up in front of her. Lilah heard the approaching steps grow nearer, Illyria was on this floor, close by. Lilah dove into the tunnel. She heard the entrance closing behind her and she slid down through the building and into the sewers. Dirty water splashed all over her as she hit the hard ground coated in an inch or two of water. The sewage tainted liquid seeped into the fabric of her bloody sweater, mixing with her blood. She was probably going to get very ill. She would have to crawl through this disgusting tunnel in her bloody beaten state. She would. And she knew exactly where she was going to go.

…

Angel shoved the papers from the file Gavin had brought and the books with references of something that might be Illyria away from him. "This is pointless."

"Wow I wish I had thought to say that. Oh wait, I did." Gunn said

"You're not helping." Angel said

"Oh and you-"

"Enough," Cordelia said sharply, but calmly "We don't need any male posturing."

"I'm not posturing." Angel sounded hurt. "I don't posture."

"You occasionally posture." Fred said

"Heh," Gunn said, but in a good-natured tone

Angel shot him a brief smile. It wouldn't do to let the stress of their situation drive a wedge between them. "The problem is most of this stuff says Illyria worships chaos."

"So not big on the premeditation huh?" Gunn asked

The lobby door opened and a familiar figure entered. "Her slaughter at Wolfram & Hart felt pretty deliberate." Lilah said as she staggered in and proceeded to collapse on the couch

"Hey," Cordy said "Don't bleed on the couch."

"Screw you princes."

"Lilah hi," Angel said with mock jolliness "Nice to see you, get out."

"Illyria is attacking Wolfram & Hart." She said "If you hurry you can stop her."

"Yeah," Said Gunn "Because we totally want to save your evil buddies that have been making our life a living hell for the last few years. We really want to do that."

"Conner is there."

"What?" Angel got to his feet, suddenly serious. "Why?"

Lilah chuckled while she held onto her distended stomach. "Why don't you go ask him?"

"Listen you little-" Angel stopped to regain his composure. "Where is he?"

"Don't know, but last I saw he was tussling with Illyria, better hurry."

Angel ran to the weapons cabinet. "Lorne stay here and mind the store." He grabbed the biggest longest sword in the cabinet. "Let's go." Everyone else ran for weapons.

"Are we just going to leave evil lawyer lady here?" Fred asked

"I have a name." Lilah said

"Yeah but I don't care." Fred said

"Lorne watch Lilah." Angel said "If she moves or looks at you funny or you get a bad vibe from her knock her out or tie her up." Angel rushed toward the door.

"Building is locked down." Lilah said

"How do we get in?" Cordelia asked

Lilah shrugged. "Figure it out."

…

Angel investigations stepped through the giant hole in the wall Cordelia had made with a burst of white light. "How did you know that would work?" Fred asked

"I didn't."

"That's sort of becoming a thing with you isn't it?" Gunn asked

"Are you complaining?"

Gunn looked at the scorch marks on the wall. "Not even a little."

"Guys talk later, find Conner now." Angel said

"Where would he go?" Asked Fred

"We'll split up, find out." Angel ran off.

Cordelia sighed. "I love that man, but sometimes…" She realized what she had said "We need to find Conner." She hurried forward while Fred and Gunn exchanged a look.

The three of them made their way through the building. Bodies were everywhere. Fred found herself averting her eyes from the carnage. "I know they were evil but…"

"I don't get it." Gunn said "Why would something evil like Illyria take out members of its own team. Wolfram & Hart is trying to end the world just like Illyria."

"I don't think she's on anybody's team but her own." Cordelia said

"Do you think he'll remember?" Fred whispered

"Dear God I hope not." Cordelia said

Fred saw something move out of the corner of her eye and rotated her position. "What is it?" Cordelia asked, shining her flashlight back down the hall "What did you see?"

"Nothing," Fred said "I'm just jumpy. All this death, it's wrong."

"This is a house of death." Cordelia whispered "Gunn!" Her eyes widened

Gunn turned around in time to throw a woman off his arm. She had managed to sink her teeth into his arm before he did so. "What the hell?" Gunn retreated a few steps. Cordelia shined her flashlight around them. Dead bodies were rising from the floor. "I don't believe it." Gunn said "Now I really have seen everything. Zombies? Freaking zombies?"

"Are you going to turn into one?" Fred asked, nervous

"I don't think so." Cordelia said

"How do you know?" Gunn asked

"I don't, I'm trying to positive." Cordelia said

"Oh man, just promise if I go all undead you'll flash fry me okay?" Cordelia nodded and raised her hands. "Not yet!" He objected, prompting Cordelia to roll her eyes

She pointed her hands at the approaching crowd of the undead as her hands began to glow with that pure white light. She released the power against the zombies. Where a couple dozen of undead monsters had stood there was now nothing but ash. "Let's go." She said

…

Angel skulked down the hall, following his subconscious. He believed his paternal instincts should lead him to Conner. Conner's scent was always familiar to Angel even though he hadn't been exposed to it frequently of late. He knew Conner was nearby. Something charged around the corner and attacked Angel. Angel grabbed whatever it was and threw it against the wall. He saw his son's broken face. "Conner!" He hugged the boy. "Thank God you're alive!"

Conner stared at Angel through a swollen eye. "What are you doing here?"

"Rescuing you, let's go."

"What about Illyria?" Conner asked

"We can worry about that later, right now we have bigger problems." Angel said

"Like what?"

"Like getting you back to the Hyperion and patching you up." Angel said

Conner stared at Angel, uncomprehending. "Why do you care?"

"Conner you're my son, I love you." Angel pulled him into another embrace. Something lunged at Angel from behind. Angel used the hilt of his sword to knock it back. He saw Gavin lying on the floor with a broken neck. He hadn't hit him that hard, and what was that smell?

"You killed him." Conner sounded as surprised as Angel felt.

Gavin got to his feet. "No he was already dead." Angel said

"What like a vampire?"

"No," Angel said, offended "Like a zombie," He shoved Gavin back.

"What's a zombie?"

"An undead thing," Angel explained

"Like you?"

"No!" Angel insisted "Zombies are mindless creatures who crave human flesh."

"Like you," Conner gave Angel a cheeky grin with his bruised mouth.

Angel returned the smile. "Let's go. Cordelia can probably heal you." He playfully pushed the boy down the hall. A crowd of zombies was blocking their way. "Damn,"

"They don't look very tough." Conner said

"Yeah, but they move in large crowds and have no sense of self preservation."

"Damn," Conner echoed his father

…

Cordelia, Gunn, and Fred were fleeing a crowd of zombies. Cordelia turned to release another burst of light and nothing happened. She shoved out her hands, nothing. She began to shake her hands, nothing. "I think I'm out of batteries!" She told her companions

"That can happen! Why aren't we aware that can happen?"

"We are now." Said Fred "Come on!"

They kept running down the hall and ran right into Angel and Conner. Cordelia drew Conner into a hug the second she saw him, before she said a word. "You're alive."

"This is very touching." Gunn said "But Zombies,"

"Cordelia can you do something?" Angel asked

Cordelia let go of Conner and smoothed his hair down, the very picture of a fretting mother. "No," She didn't take her eyes off the boy. "I'm out of juice."

"Do you think we can make it to the lobby?" Gunn asked

Fred looked at the zombies shuffling towards them. "Not really,"

"I've got an idea." Angel said "But it's a really bad idea."

"So like all of your ideas?" Gunn asked

Angel scowled. "The white room, there's someone there who might be able to help us."

"So let's go." Said Cordelia

"We have to get to the elevator." He said

"They won't work." Fred said "No power,"

"Can you use your super genius skills to fix that?" Angel asked

"I can't just science our way out of every problem you didn't anticipate." Fred groused

"So yes?" Cordelia asked

"Yes," Fred said "Let's go."

They ran for the elevator doors. Angel pried the doors open and Fred slipped inside to hack into the control panel. While Angel, Gunn, Cordelia, and Conner fought off the zombies Fred carefully disconnected and reconnected a few wires. The zombies pressed in on the group of heroes and just as Angel was regretting his plan a ping sound let him know the elevator was working again. They all rushed into the elevator. Angel conjured forth the memory of the complicated combination of buttons it took to get to the white room. Gunn caught a glimpse of Gavin and stepped out to cut off his head before returning to the elevator. "I hate seeing someone I know like that, even someone I hate." Angel got the code and a button materialized where none had been before. He pressed the button and the elevator doors closed.

They materialized in a place unlike any place in the world. There were no walls, no boundaries up here. It was just infinite white space that stretched on forever. A person trapped here would never find a way out, they would never see or feel anything again. It was nothing here, not even darkness. It was just white that stretched on forever. Lying down was a little girl, or an ancient evil that liked to pretend it was a little girl. Illyria was kneeling over the girl and hovering her hand over the evil thing's chest. Black energy was leaving the girl's body and entering Illyria through Wesley's hand. Angel Investigations stared at the scene. "Is that the person that was supposed to be able to help us?" Fred asked

The little girl looked over at them. "The answer is among you." She whispered

"What do we do?" Gunn asked

The flow of energy stopped. Illyria got to her feet and turned to face them, still wearing the face she had no right to. She smiled at them. "Have you brought me more to eat then?"

They raised their weapons. Cordelia looked at her hands, nothing. They stood in front of the ancient monster and prepared to fight to the death. The white room was gone, and Illyria was no longer baring down on them. They were alone in the Hyperion lobby except for Lorne behind the counter gaping and Lilah on the couch wincing with incredible pain. They looked around for some trick, but none presented itself. "She saved us." Angel realized

"Why?" Cordelia asked

"She wants us to kill that thing." Angel said

Lilah struggled to stand. "I can help with that." She held up a flash drive. "I can help you defeat Illyria and send her back to where she came from, or somewhere equally unpleasant."

"In exchange for what?" Angel asked

"Nothing," She said "My services have already been paid for."

Cordelia walked up to Lilah and stared at the woman. "If you say you can help us, then we'll accept your help. But if you screw us, you'll wish Illyria had killed you."

Lilah nodded. "I understand."

Cordelia took Lilah's flash drive. "Lorne can you help her upstairs?"

Lorne hurried over to help the evil lawyer to a room. Cordelia went behind the counter to plug the drive into a computer. Conner had watched all this unfold. "Are you going to let her stay here?" He asked Angel "Even though she's evil?" He was glaring at his father

"If Illyria finds her out there, she'll kill her."

"Right," Conner started to go.

"Conner wait." Angel said "Stay here with us. We're your family."

Conner shook his head and left, running from the lobby. Angel sighed. He sat down on the couch and put his head in his hands. He wanted to go after the boy, but he couldn't make him stay, couldn't force him to be a part of the family. He felt a hand on his back. He looked up at Cordelia. She took his hand and he squeezed hers. "He'll be back." She said "He's your son."

"He's hurt." Angel protested "He needs medical attention."

She sat down next to him. "He'll be all right. We have to focus on Illyria."

"Anything useful on the drive?"

"I think so."

…

Anne opened the door that was being incessantly knocked upon and gasped. "Conner come inside!" She ushered him into the empty living room. Everyone was asleep upstairs.

"I know it's after curfew."

"Shhh," She ran to grab a first aid kit. "Conner who did this to you?"

"I got in a fight, lost."

She took his bruised face in her hands. "Why Conner?"

"I had to."

She took a wet washcloth and started to clean his wounds. "No, you didn't. You never have to put yourself in these kinds of situations. You don't deserve this abuse."

"It's not as bad as it looks."

Anne brought him into a hug. "Oh Conner," She felt like home to him.

…

Wesley stood in the Hyperion lobby. He touched the stair banister. "This is a house of evil." He turned around and looked at Angel. The vampire was smiling. "I told you."

"Not anymore," Angel said

"Listen to me." Wesley said "I know what I'm talking about."

"Because you aren't saying anything." Angel said

"I was afraid to." Angel shrugged and walked off. Wesley looked around. He had to get out of here. He started up the stairs. He looked down a long hallway. There were so many doors, and the hall stretched on forever. "I'm lost." He turned around to go back downstairs but there were no stairs anymore, only the hall that went on forever. "I'm alone." The lights went out and it was completely dark. Wesley reached out and felt a doorknob. He pushed the door open and entered Cordelia's apartment. It was empty, she wasn't home. "Cordy!" He cried out anyway

He turned to go and saw a mirror. It didn't reflect him. "I'm not a vampire." He said

The front door opened. "I'm home!" Cordelia called out. She walked up to him. "Hey Dennis." She headed to the kitchen without giving him a second thought.

"I'm not a phantom." He protested "I'm not a ghost." He followed her to the kitchen where she set about making her dinner. "Cordelia listen to me. I'm not a ghost." She ignored him. "Cordy listen to me." He reached out for her arm and it went through her. "Please listen."

"But you aren't saying anything." Cordelia said without looking at him, almost as though she were talking to somebody else

A woman entered the dining room and sat at the table. "Hey Wes,"

Wesley's eyes widened. "Cordelia it's Faith."

Cordelia brought two plates to the table and set one in front of Faith. She put the other down at her own seat and sat next to the slayer. "Can you tell he's the smart one?"

"You two aren't friends." Wesley said

"We've always been friends." Said Faith "Since the dawn of time."

"You weren't there at the dawn of time." Wesley protested

"Neither were you." Faith said

"I suppose you have a point." He said "Do I get any dinner?"

"No, I made chicken." Cordelia said

"I like chicken."

"No cannibalism on Sundays." Faith said

"Is it Sunday?" Asked Cordelia

"Only if tomorrow is Monday." Faith said

"You're right." Said Cordy "I have to put out the decorations."

"What are they for?" Wesley asked

"For you." Faith said "Tomorrow's your birthday."

"No it's not." Wesley protested

"But I made cake." Cordelia said "And I invited all of your friends."

"Who did you invite?" Wesley asked

"She didn't invite anybody." Faith said

"I have to go." Wesley said "I have to get out of here."

"Nobody asked you to stay." Said Cordelia

"Somebody did." Wesley said "I remember that."

"Then you better go find him." Faith said "Hurry."

Wesley headed for the front door, but the blue woman was blocking his path. Now that she was standing in front of him he saw that she was very short, about five feet tall. "Stay."

Wesley shook his head. "I have to go. I have to get out of here."

"Stay, and I'll set you a place at the table. I'll invite Fred to your party."

"Fred isn't here." Wesley said "She never comes here."

"Where are you?" Wesley looked over his shoulder. Faith was there, having finished her dinner and followed him. She had asked the question. "Are you here, or over there?"

"I'm where I am."

"I'm not." She said "I'm somewhere else."

"I'm like you now." He said

"You should go." Faith said "I'll stay here and tell everybody where you went."

"Where did I go?"

"You went to where I am." She told him "But the bars are a different color."

"What color?"

"Blue,"

He turned back toward the front door. The blue woman was gone. He left.


	9. Long Day's Journey

Gwen stood still under the dark sky. The night was her natural element, but lately the night had become a lot more dangerous. Gwen knew when it might be a good idea to get lost and she had a flight to Tahiti leaving tomorrow. She saw the man approach. "Hi," She greeted him

He frowned at her. "The item I need you to steal is a protection talisman. It-"

"We're getting a little ahead of ourselves." Gwen cut him off. "I can't do your job."

"Do you know who I am?" The figure menaced

"That's why I agreed to the meeting. I'm trying to show you the respect of telling you no to your face. Weird things are happening here and I'm going to get myself gone."

"Foolish little girl. You know nothing of what is happening."

"I know enough to stay away from it."

The man took this in. "I can understand that." He admitted "I-" Out of nowhere a fist emerged from the man's chest. Gwen gasped and stepped back. The figure that now stood behind the man had come out of nowhere. It smiled at her, horribly. She ran, leaving the blue creature behind as it began to dig through the man's body. Her last glimpse was of a ray of beautiful light.

…

Lilah stared at the rays of pale light coming in through her window. She had slept fitfully during the night, never getting more than twenty minutes of sleep before she was awoken by the pain in her side or a flash of terror as she remembered what Illyria had done. It had been like this for the last three days. Her stomach was healing, but slowly. She headed downstairs to check on the white hats' progress. They were still pouring through all the information Lilah had brought them on Illyria and on the conduit. "Good morning." Lilah said with fake, mocking cheer

"Great Lilah's up." Cordelia said

"Hey guys," Angel said as he flipped through some computer printouts "Do you remember how much easier this research thing was when Wesley was around? I miss that."

"Because you didn't have to do anything." Cordelia muttered

Fred looked up at Lilah. "Are you here to be useful or just annoy us?"

"I didn't say anything." Lilah said

"Your presence bothers me."

Gunn coughed to conceal his laughter. "Fred," Angel said in a warning voice "Lilah is our guest." He struggled to keep a straight face. "Try to be nice."

"Yeah," Said Cordy "Evil lawyers can be so sensitive. Remember how upset Lindsey got when you cut his hand off?" Cordelia reminisced

"That was great." Angel said whimsically

"I know what you're trying to do, and it isn't working." Lilah said

"Guys!" Gunn held up a page from Lilah's files. Lilah hurried down the stairs as the members of Angel investigations crowded around Gunn and his page. "The conduit, she wasn't just a conduit. She was a member of an ancient order called the Ra Tet. Could that be useful?"

"I knew that." Lilah said "Why would Illyria care about them?"

"Because the mojo stuff that Illyria sucked out of little miss evil is a relic of Ra she carried inside of her. Illyria didn't just kill the girl, she took that relic and probably for a reason."

"Gunn's right." Angel said "What have you got on the Ra tet?"

Lilah shrugged. "They're not important to Wolfram & Hart's plans."

"Well they're important to Illyria's." Cordy said angrily

Lilah looked through the books they had out and picked one up. "It should be-" She held the book open for them to see a picture of five figures. "This is the Ra tet."

"Hey I know her." Lorne pointed to one of the figures. "She's a powerful shaman, lives in Asia, works some beautiful magic. Let me give her a call." He headed to the phone.

Angel looked at the figures. "Are we sure Illyria was after the girl because of this Tet?"

"Who's Illyria?"

It occurred to Cordelia that she was getting really sick and tired of people just walking into the Hyperion unannounced. She scowled when she saw Gwen. "Oh look, it's you."

Fred gave a similar glare. "Here to kill someone again?"

"Oh please, it was only for a few seconds." Gwen said

"Gwen," Angel said nervously "What's up?"

"I just need to know, straight up, is the world ending?"

Angel gave her an odd look. "What happened?"

"You mean besides the rain of fire?" She asked "One of my clients just got murdered."

"And the fact that someone who employs a professional thief like you has been killed portents the apocalypse because…" Fred said in an angry voice

"Because he was killed by some horrible blue thing." Gwen said

This got everyone's attention. "What did it look like?" Lilah asked,

Fred glared at Lilah. Cordelia approached Gwen, pulling a picture from her pocket. "Did it look like him, but bluer and eviler?" Cordelia showed Gwen a picture from the early days of Angel investigations, with Angel, Cordy and Wes. She pointed at the Englishman.

"Yeah, kind of." Gwen said "But not really, you know?"

"We know." Fred said softly "Did you client look like one of them?" Fred showed Gwen the book with the pictures of the members of the Ra Tet.

"That guy," Gwen pointed out her client.

"Okay," Angel said "Illyria wants to take out the members of the Ra Tet, why?"

"Who cares?" Gunn asked as Lorne reentered the room "Let's just stop her."

"That shaman I know, she's dead." He looked at Gwen "Who's the hottie?"

"So Illyria was in Asia for the three days we heard nothing from her." Angel said

"And now she's back." Cordelia said "Yay,"

"But this is good." Gunn said with refreshing optimism "We know where she's going and we can stop her before she gets there. She'll be after the last two members of the tet."

"Totems," Lilah said "The members are totems."

"Nobody asked you." Fred said

Gunn coughed again. "So all we have to do is find them and wait for Illyria to show."

"Does Wolfram & Hart keep track of sightings of beings like these?" Angel asked Lilah

"Oh am I allowed to speak now?" Lilah asked

Angel's glare was all the answer she needed.

"Yes, it should be in those files I brought." Fred headed over to the computer

"All right," Angel said "We're finally on a roll."

"This is what constitutes a roll for you people?" Lilah ridiculed

Gwen looked from Lilah to Lorne. "You have really interesting friends Angel."

"She's not my friend." Angel said at the same time Lilah spoke

"He's not my friend."

Gwen grinned. "Aww, that's so cute how you think alike."

"She's evil." Angel told Gwen

"So why is she here?" Gwen asked

"It's complicated." Angel said "That blue thing you saw, it wants to destroy the world."

"So why is there a picture of you and it all chummy?"

"The thing you saw," Cordelia said "It's called Illyria. She left this dimension long ago and can only come back with a human host. She possessed our friend."

"Oh," Gwen said "I'm sorry,"

"Don't be." Lilah said "They hung him out to dry after he got his throat slashed open by someone with a grudge against your vampire boyfriend here."

"Lilah!" Angel said "Sometimes I really hate you."

"Aww, that's so cute how we think alike." Lilah said

"Go upstairs," Angel said "We'll call you if we need you." He watched Lilah put up her hands and retreat up the stairs. He almost felt bad for her. Mocking them was all the power she could exert over anybody anymore. She had lost all of her employees, all of her strength.

"I got it." Fred came into the room. "One of them is in South America, the other is in Death Valley." She handed two computer printouts to Angel.

"Great," Angel said "All right, let's split up. Two of us got after this…" He squinted "I think that's a cat. Two of us go after this orb keeper and two of us stay and guard Lilah."

Fred raised her hand. "I volunteer to not guard Lilah." She said "Unless I might have to hit her, you know, to help save the world." She shared a grin with Cordelia.

"I couldn't help but notice." Gwen said "That your little head count included me."

"I figured you would want to help." Angel said "End of the world and all."

Cordelia looked at the two of them. "If she doesn't want to help-"

"No I-" Gwen looked at Angel. "I'll go with you to find one of these guys."

"I'll go with Cordy." Gunn said "If Fred can stand to be in the same building as Lilah."

Cordelia gave Angel and Gwen another look. "Angel can I talk to you?"

"Don't you think we ought to hurry?" He asked "This is our big lead."

Cordelia paused. "You're right of course. Gunn and I will take South America. You can't exactly fly. Stay in touch with me oaky?" She looked around. "All of you."

…

Angel drove down the road wondering how he had gotten himself into this position. "So are you and her like a thing?" Gwen asked "You and that lawyer chick?"

Angel almost veered off the road he was so startled. "What? No!"

"Okay, okay," She placated "Sheesh I'm sorry. I just remembered what you said before."

"I was talking about Cordelia." Angel said "The woman with the short brown hair."

"Really? I didn't get that vibe at all."

"What do you mean?"

"Nothing, I just… nothing."

"No, what do you mean you don't get that vibe? You don't see us… as a couple."

"I don't really know either of you." Gwen said

"But from an outsider's perspective," Angel said "Could you see us together?"

"I'm not really the person to ask this." Gwen said "I'm not an expert on relationships."

"But if you saw us and heard we were a couple would that surprise you?"

Gwen sighed. "You're like a dog with a bone Angel, let it go."

He picked up on her frustration and dropped the subject. "So what do you want to talk about for the next," He looked at his watch. "Three hours and forty minutes?"

Gwen sighed. "I just don't see it is all. You don't look… sparky."

"Sparky?"

"Sometimes I see two people walking down a street together, or holding hands, or making out and I see sparks. Not like mine, but it's electrical, a different kind of electricity."

"And Cordelia and I… you don't think we spark?" Angel tried to disguise his hurt.

"Look just forget I said anything." Gwen said "We can talk about electrons for the next three and a half hours. It's actually interesting how my power increases the kinetic energy of-"

"I mean you don't think we have kyrumption? Lorne said we have kyrumption."

"I don't know what that means."

"It's two great souls calling out to each other. Or something like that. It's a Pylean thing."

"What does that- Never mind, I don't actually care. So the velocity of the electrons-"

"What is a spark exactly? Is that even a real thing or did you just make it up?"

Gwen looked out the window. "Where's the apocalypse when you need it?"

…

Cordelia frowned as she and Gunn got out of his truck at the airport. "Go back." She got back in the truck and shut the door. "We're going back to the Hyperion."

"Why?"

"He isn't there."

"You had a vision."

She nodded. "Come on let's go!"

"But I already paid for parking." Cordelia glared at him. "Right, we're going." He got back in the truck and started out of the lot. "What did you see?"

"The cat-thing is dead. Angel and Gwen are going to find the orb-keeper in his lair."

"The cat-thing's lair?"

"They're bringing him back to the hotel."

"The orb-keeper?"

"But when they get there Illyria will be waiting."

"They haven't even gotten to Death Valley yet. We'll be at the hotel way before them."

"I know." Cordelia said "But Illyria is going to kill us."

…

"Got it," Fred hung up the phone. "We have to go." She told Lorne

The lobby doors did not open, they flew into the building. Shards of glass filled the area, slicing their skin. Lorne put his hands to his face to still the bleeding. Fred hit the ground. Illyria entered the hotel. "I wonder," She mused "How it works. I wonder how you all work." Fred got to her feet and ran for the stairs. Illyria grabbed her by the throat. Lorne picked up a sword and ran at Illyria. She grabbed him with her other hand. "There is so much of this world I do not grasp entirely. My host knows many things, yet many things are unknown to him. I wonder how it is that you have managed to live this long, but I have a theory. You do love theories Fred."

Fred pulled at Illyria's arm, trying to breath. "Wesley," She gasped

Illyria laughed. "He can't hear you honey, but shall I take a message?" Lorne pulled at the arm holding his throat with a similar lack of results. "I think it is the great ball of fire in the sky that allows you to be so bold. You should not be so bold. In my time creatures such as you feared fire. Now it gives you life and in return you worship it. I will snuff out your flame. I will blot it from the sky so that you weep and tremble." Illyria dropped Fred and her demon friend.

The two of them tried to regain their breath. Fred tried to get to her feet but Illyria pushed her back down. "Why are you toying with us?" Fred asked "Why don't you just kill us?"

"I want you to see it. I want you to see the sky grow dark."

Footsteps rang out in the lobby. "And I want you to die." Cordelia said

Illyria smiled as Cordelia raised her hands and the white light started to form. "You will not kill me weak mortal girl. You are afraid of losing your soul, like the vampire. All of you attach such importance to those things. You think they are immortal, unlike your bodies."

"I may not kill you, but I'm going to knock you out and find a way to exorcise you."

"You think I am as a puny ghost? I am Illyria-"

"Yeah, yeah, god-king of the primordial. I've heard this song and dance."

Illyria threw Fred and Lorne away from her. Gunn ran over to them while Illyria ran at Cordelia. Cordelia pushed Illyria while her hands slowed with blinding light. Illyria was sent backwards, with two handprints burned into 'her' chest. She swung her fist with her supernatural speed and hit Cordelia in the head. Cordelia went sprawling. Cordelia swung her hand, releasing a beam of light that filled the room. Illyria was using her time distortion abilities, but when the room filled with Cordelia's light Cordelia was outside of time. Illyria's and Cordelia's effects canceled each other out. Cordelia ran at the old one who caught her and threw her into the air.

Cordelia hit the ground and felt time return to normal. Illyria stood over her and reached down to throw her again. Cordelia reached out to shove Illyria's face with her glowing hand, but Illyria grabbed Cordelia and threw her again before Cordelia made contact. Cordelia felt the beam of light shoot out at the air, not affecting Illyria. "Cordy!" She heard Gunn call out to her and looked over at him. He tossed her a sword, which she caught. When she gripped the sword she saw the blade glow white. Cordelia grinned as she faced the old one. This was new.

"Your blade may cut this flesh, but you are not fast enough to touch me with it."

"I'm pretty fast." Cordy said "And a really good fencer."

"You are an arrogant mortal who will soon be shown her place."

…

Angel and Gwen trekked to the totem's lair. "So what do we do with this thing once we find it?" Gwen asked "How do we stop big bad blue from killing it like it did my client?"

"There's a plan."

"Well what is the plan?"

"I'm waiting for it to come to me." Angel said

"How are you still alive?" Gwen asked "I'm honestly curious."

Angel smiled at her. "There's this thing with a prophecy, it's a long story."

"Is it as boring as your Pylea story? Because I was ready to jump out of the car."

They arrived at the crevice at the bottom of which was their destination. Angel started down the wall. Gwen was close behind him. When Angel reached the bottom Gwen slipped and he was forced to catch her to prevent her from breaking something. "Nice try Gwen,"

Gwen smirked. "Think you've got me all figured out huh?"

Angel drew his sword as they started toward a cave. "Just about,"

"There's a lot more to me than meets the eye." Gwen said

"I know." Angel said "But my other senses are pretty good too."

Gwen stopped. "What do you mean?"

Angel turned to face her. "Gwen I'm flattered, really I am. But I-"

"You think I've got the hots for you?"

"I get it all right. The darkness, the mystery-"

"Has anyone ever told you that you're exceedingly arrogant?" Gwen asked

"Well if you don't like me, why did you insist on coming with me?"

"Because I know you can fight and I don't want my head popped off by that blue thing."

"Cordelia can do more against it than me." Angel said

"Well no one told me that." Gwen glared at Angel. "So get over yourself."

Angel started to reply but was halted by the smell of cooking meat. He followed the scent and found the totem on the ground, the flesh burnt from its bones. "So that's a problem."

"I'll say," Said a short man as he rounded the corner into view "And you would be?"

Angel looked at the man in surprise. "Who are you?"

"I asked you first." The man said

"Oh my God," Gwen said "I really have been sent to an alternate reality inhabited by a bunch of school children. I'm Gwen. That's Angel. He's a vampire." Angel shot Gwen an exasperated look. "I hate these games." Gwen said "I get enough of them at work."

"Vampire huh? Well you can't kill me." The short guy said

"And why is that?" Angel asked

"Only a being of supreme power can kill me."

"You're one of the totems?" Angel said with dawning realization

"Orb-keeper, yep,"

Angel stared. "You don't look very… what's the word?"

"Impressive," Gwen said

"You're immortal?" Angel asked

"Unless I'm killed by a higher power,"

"Like an old one?" Angel asked

"Yeah, is that what's been taking out my family tree?"

"Illyria," Angel said

The short man lost his laid-back tone and he was overcome with terror. "That bitch is back on earth? I though all of her kind left millennia ago." The orb-keeper was shaking.

"Don't worry," Angel said "We're going to protect you."

"A vampire and some skinny girl can't protect me against an old one, especially not the most brutal and evil old one of them all, well except for maybe the Wolf, Ram, and Hart, those are some scary ladies, let me tell you what. But Illyria, she's nothing to laugh about."

"Don't worry." Angel said "We know a safe place."

…

"Ooph," Cordelia hit the ground, almost dropping her sword. She flipped over and threw herself forward, extending her sword toward Illyria. Illyria evaded the blow and backhanded her.

Lorne, Gunn, and Fred were in the background with their own swords, but the action was moving too fast for any of them to have a chance of helping. "Is that fear I smell mortal?"

"No, razzle dazzle shampoo, makes my hair smell nice."

"Your attempts at humor are ill-fated and untimely."

"You know what humor is? Could have fooled me,"

"I know many things about you Cordelia, like that you are a shallow vain creature who was outcast from her native land and sought refuge with those similarly sent away."

Cordelia's next swing almost cut Illyria's arm, almost. "You know nothing about me."

"I know everything that Wesley knows about you."

"You can't understand human thoughts or emotions because you aren't human."

"Nor do I wish to be. Your feeble race offends me. It offends me that you have reigned for so long in defiance of our might. No longer, soon the world will be mine again."

"Keep talking, your illusions of grandeur are so fascinating."

"You think the powers chose you because you are special? They chose you because you were convenient. You stand amongst powerful events and figures, having done nothing to earn your place there. You were easy to put a purpose in because you were so empty."

Cordelia stumbled and felt Illyria grab her arm. The bone made a horrible sound when it snapped and Cordelia dropped her sword. "You know nothing about me." Cordelia said again

"I know that you are weak. I know that you are afraid." Illyria dropped Cordelia, revealing that her hands were burnt where she had grabbed the seer's arm.

Cordelia picked up her sword with her uninjured arm and swung, cutting deep into Illyria's abdomen. The human guts that were once in there were gone. Her hollowed out body did not bleed. "I know that you underestimate me." Cordelia retorted

Illyria fled. Cordelia dropped the glowing sword and cradled her arm. "Ow,"

"Cordelia!" Fred ran over to her. "Can you heal yourself?"

"Later, when I have more strength."

"You mean if that fight had gone on much longer you'd be out of juice?" Gunn asked

"More like we'd all be dead." Lorne muttered

"Look who caught the negativity bug." Cordy said "Someone call Angel."

…

Angel hung up his cell phone. "We can't go back to the Hyperion."

"Why?" Gwen asked

"Illyria was just there. Cordelia barely fought her off." Angel's hands gripped the steering wheel tighter. If Cordelia had died… Angel refused to think of the possibility.

"So where are we going?" The powerful being who looked like a lazy tourist asked

"I know a place." Gwen said "It's pretty secure, I've got the only key." She held up her hand and let a spark of electricity dance over her skin. It was pretty hot.

"Okay, Wesley didn't know you which means Illyria doesn't know you. Illyria shouldn't be able to find your place so orb-keeper guy should be safe there."

"Manny, name's Manny." The orb-keeper told them

"Right, see I told you I would think of a plan."

Gwen rolled her eyes. "You're impossible."

…

Cordelia placed her glowing hand on her arm. She watched the light slide into her arm and work its magic, fixing what was broken, mending what was torn. She heard someone descend the stairs and looked up to see Lilah. Cordelia groaned. "What do you want?"

"To inspect the damage."

"You came, you inspected, now go back to your room."

"Gee whiz mummy, did I upset you somehow?" Lilah mocked

"Heh," Cordy gave a fake laugh. "You're new around here so I'll cut you some slack, but my patience is worn a little thin right now. I don't want to talk to you Lilah."

"With a mom like you it's no wonder Conner turned out the way he did." Lilah grinned

Cordelia flexed her fully healed arm. She approached Lilah. "Listen up," Cordelia spoke in a low menacing voice. "That's not a name you get to say, ever."

Lilah showed no trace of fear. "Gee Cordy, I had no idea you cared so much."

"Well now you know."

"You people sure do have a funny way of showing concern." Lilah said

"I'm sure an evil witch like you is as confused by normal human emotion as Illyria."

The smile slipped off Lilah's face. "Don't compare me to that thing."

"Did I strike a nerve?" Cordy asked, in as cruel a voice as she could muster

"It tried to kill me."

"That and destroying Wolfram & Hart are the only good deeds it has tried to do."

"You see the world in such black and white terms Saint Cordelia. A lot of the people who work-worked at Wolfram & Hart were just your everyday working-class Joes. They came to work, changed some light bulbs, files some reports, and then went home to bang their spouse and hug their kids. A lot of them had never hurt anybody in their life. Can you say that? Can the man you let those people die in order to save say that? Because I don't think either of you can."

"Wesley has done some bad things," Cordelia gave Lilah a meaningful look. "But he was-is a force for good in the world. Your little law firm, it's pure evil. Nothing, nobody from that place will ever be a part of the solution. Including you Lilah. You're beyond redemption."

Lilah smiled again. "I don't want redemption. I just want to kill Illyria. I want my life back and all my pretty things. Redemption isn't even a consideration."

"Is there anything not evil about you?" Cordy asked

"Once upon a time and down the rabbit hole." Lilah went back upstairs, leaving Cordelia to ponder the meaning of those words. But the words meant nothing to Cordelia.

…

Gwen led them up the stairs of the old building in a state of severe disrepair. Angel had figured a professional thief who had just scored thirty-six million dollars might be able to do a little bit better for herself but he guessed he was wrong. They arrived at a door with no locks or even a handle. "How-" Gwen put her hand over a metal panel. The door opened. "Oh,"

They entered a lavish apartment. "Ni-ice," Manny said "An immortal being could get used to a place like this." He looked at the many halls and doors. "Where's the kitchen?"

Gwen shrugged. "I usually find it if I wander long enough."

"Do you have a vault?" Angel asked "Extra security for Manny couldn't hurt."

"I can do you one better." Gwen led them into a library. For a second Angel thought she would pull out a book and reveal a secret tunnel behind a bookshelf but then he berated himself for being silly. Gwen pulled out a book and revealed a thick metal door. "Panic room,"

"Wow," Angel said "You're whole life is like a movie."

"Fully stocked," Gwen said "Food, cable, bed."

"Liquor?" Manny asked

"How did they screen candidates for this orb job?" Gwen asked

Manny smiled as he went into the panic room. "I like it. Thanks kid,"

Gwen slid the door closed. "No problem,"

"This is pretty sweet." Angel noted as Gwen pulled a couple of arm chairs in front of the book shelf. "All this space, all these neat toys. It's like…" He searched for the word.

"Living in a movie?" She said as a reminder of his earlier metaphor

"Pretty much,"

"Yeah," Gwen stared at the books. "All this space and nobody to share it with."

Angel took a seat and Gwen mirrored him. "It must be hard for you."

"Being alone?" She asked "It's not so bad."

"Being cut off." He elaborated "Among humanity, but never…"

"A part of it." She finished

"I know what that's like. I also know how it is to want to share yourself with someone and not be able to. I get that. I have this problem. I can't… be with someone like a normal man."

"So you're impotent?" Angel almost fell out of his chair.

"No!" He was so glad none of his friends were here, especially Cordelia.

"Wow okay, sorry. Touchy subject, I get it."

"I'm not- I can- that's not what I meant."

"Okay, okay, what did you mean?"

"I'm cursed."

Gwen rolled her eyes. "Bad relationship luck is not a curse. Don't be melodramatic."

"No, an actual curse. Gypsies put an actual curse on me. If I ever achieve a moment of true perfect happiness I lose my soul and turn into a bloodthirsty monster." Angel explained

"Oh, so you weren't being melodramatic. That sucks. It's also super vague."

"If I love a woman, and we… you know."

"Make the beast with two backs." Gwen said without shame

"Yeah," Angel said deadpan "I lose my soul. Bye-bye Angel, hello Angelus."

"So you can have sex, just not with someone you love? That's not nearly as bad as what I have. If I even touch someone they go kablluey. You can still kiss and hold hands with the girl you love and you can have sex whenever you want if you have one of those open relationships."

Angel stared at her in disbelief. "It's not that simple Gwen."

"I think that's because you want it to be complicated. You're big on the self-pity."

"No I'm not."

"Yes you are."

"No I- I'm not playing this game with you Gwen."

"Do you want to play another game?"

"What?" He didn't know what she meant.

"How long has it been since you got any?" Gwen asked

"About two years." Angel wanted to end this conversation, now.

"So let's reset that timer. I might never have another chance to find out what it's like."

Angel stared at her. "We're supposed to be guarding Manny." Angel said

"Alarms will go off if there is an intruder." Gwen said

"I can't just… Gwen I barely know you."

Gwen stood up and began to pace the library. "So what?" She said "Maybe this is perfect for both of us. Maybe this is our shot. You don't love me and I can't hurt you. Angel I have never been able to touch or to be touched in an intimate way, in any way. Now you're here, in my home. You're my one chance to know, to feel. I want to feel, I want it so bad." Angel observed her visible distress. This whole situation had her agitated, him as well.

"It wouldn't be right." Angel said

"Why?"

"I- I'm in love with someone else."

Gwen dropped to her knees in front of his chair and looked up at him. She put her hands on his knees. "Someone you can't have and who can't have you." She whispered

"Gwen," He put his hands on hers. "Please stop." He started to move her hands away, but felt the electricity run through him. She wasn't doing it on purpose, it was automatic. She couldn't turn who she was on and off. She was like him. In many ways they were kindred spirits, searching for a foothold in a world that wasn't designed for them. She was so alone. He felt his heart go out to her, he felt it begin to beat. He wanted this. He wanted it so bad, almost as bad as she did. He leaned forward and kissed her. He stood up, pulling her to her feet with him. He reached under her top and pulled up her shirt. "Are you sure?" He asked "You want this?"

Her lips were all over him, letting off electrical charges randomly. She had no idea what she was doing and she knew that. "Just show me how it works." She said "I learn fast."

…

Conner was sitting in the living room with the other kids. None of them knew about his super hearing. Anne and the girl she was with in the kitchen didn't know either. The girl was crying about some horrible thing. Her story made Conner's insides feel heavy. He felt cold and slimy as he heard her story. He wanted to turn off his hearing, but he couldn't. Anne held the girl, and talked to her. Anne soothed her and told her that she was safe here. Conner didn't understand how a person could be so good, good like her. There was so much bad and evil in the world but Anne just replied to it with kindness and sympathy. Conner just couldn't understand.

"Hey dummy, want to play?" Conner looked over at some kids huddled around a board game. Conner didn't understand what it was. He shook his head and kept listening.

Anne reminded Conner of Cordelia. When he was staying at the Hyperion Cordelia had always been there for him. She had given him a love that was pure, and unconditional. He had lost that love. He wondered what Anne would do if she knew what he was, would he lose her unconditional love? Was it even unconditional if it could be lost? Conner thought about his fathers. Even after everything Angel still loved Conner. Holtz had used him. But there had been love there. Conner knew that. Maybe not a pure wholesome love like Anne's, but it had been a kind of love. Conner put his head in his hands. Why was everything so confusing? Why was the world such a muddy place? Sometimes Conner got so tired, thinking about it all.

…

Wesley stood at the side of a bed looking at a little boy with a deformed face. "What makes you think these people want you around any more than the others did?"

Wesley looked behind himself. He was alone. "Because I invited him here."

"That's not your line." The little boy admonished

"He isn't here."

"Whose fault is that?"

"So I guess we can't run this scene." Wesley said

"Cut!" Giles came through the door. "What is wrong with you?"

"I gave it my best." Wesley told the older watcher

Giles shook his head. "Pitiful, when I had your job I helped save the world."

"I saved people." Wesley protested "I did."

Giles handed him a sword. "We'll practice." Giles said

"I've gotten better." Wesley said

"I don't need to." Giles drove the sword into Wesley's abdomen.

Wesley fell to his knees. "I didn't know." He protested

"You should never have come to Sunnydale."

Faith entered the room. "You're bleeding Wesley."

He looked down at the sword in his body. "Do you want to hear me scream?"

Faith walked over to the little boy on the bed. "He likes the sound."

"I don't care about him."

"Fathers don't have to be possessed to terrorize their children. They can lock them in the dark with no demon help at all. There are spiders in here, cobwebs that collect dew."

Wesley pulled the sword out of his gut. "I have to go. I have to get out of here." Giles stepped out of Wesley's way. Wes went through the door into a pub. He saw the three members of the council's wet works team at a booth on the other side of the room. He went over to them.

"Have a seat Wesley." The leader said

Wesley did. "I won't help you." He said

"Loyalty to a vampire?" Weatherby asked

"No," Said the third member "There's no loyalty in him."

"That's not true." Wesley said

The leader leaned in and whispered to Wesley. "Your father told us the truth about you."

A waitress appeared. "Dinner?" She set three plates of chicken down, giving one to everyone but Wesley. Wesley looked at the food and wondered when he had last eaten.

"I'm hungry."

"Sorry," The waitress said "We only serve chicken."

"I like chicken." Wesley said

"No cannibalism on Sundays." The leader said as he lit a cigarette.

Wesley looked at the no smoking sign. "Is it Sunday?"

"Next Sunday," The third member said as the waitress walked away

"I thought it was last Sunday." Weatherby said

"That was three weeks ago." Said the leader "Or four, I forget."

"We already filmed this scene." Wesley said "Years ago,"

"They're planning a rerelease." The leader said

"You flubbed your lines." The third member said

"No, I wasn't supposed to help you."

"You're the wrong color." Weatherby said

"I'm not blue." Wesley said "I just look it in this light."

"No you're red." The leader said, blowing smoke in his face

Wesley looked down at his bleeding abdomen. "Lilah,"

"Who?" The leader asked

"She has an injury like this."

"Looks painful," Weatherby said "Ought to see to that."

"I have to go." Wesley said "I have to get out of here."

The leader gave a sarcastic wave. "Bye-bye,"

Wesley got out of the booth and walked toward the pub exit. The blue woman was standing in his way again. "Don't worry about Lilah."

"What about Fred? What about Angel and Cordelia?"

"They're where they're supposed to be."

"I'm not."

"You're exactly where you're supposed to be."

Wesley stepped around her and went out the door.


	10. Awakening

Conner woke up with a strange feeling. Waking up today was different somehow. This morning was unlike any other morning he had ever had. It took him a while but eventually he figured out what it was. This morning he felt relaxed. There was no fear. He felt safe and at home in this room at the shelter. "Morning Conner," The shy kid who had also slept in this room last night said "Did you sleep well?" He seemed nervous talking to Conner.

"I did. I slept really well." Conner couldn't hide his tone of surprise.

"Good," The nervous boy said "I'm glad."

Conner headed downstairs for the breakfast Anne was making for all of them. Some of the kids were helping her prepare and pass out the food. Anne was careful to budget these meals in such a way so that no one went hungry but they never ran out of food. She had a reserve of cash she kept for a rainy day, but since one never knew when it might rain she tried not to dip into that reserve too much. Conner noticed the sunshine filtering in from the windows. Anne seemed to love natural light and usually kept the curtains open on sunny days. Conner had never been exposed to much sunshine. The sun of Quor'Toth was black and the Hyperion wasn't very sunny even when Angel had been gone. Conner found he liked the sun, liked the light.

"Good morning Conner."

Conner smiled at Anne. A girl handed him a plate, her hand touching his. She blushed and looked away. When Conner sat down to eat he felt happy and content. Was this what it was like to have a home? Was this what belonging was like? He found he enjoyed it.

Anne sat down next to him. "I've been thinking about you."

"You have?"

"Of course silly." She grinned.

He mirrored her smile. It was like a ray of light on its own. "What were you thinking?"

"You need a job."

Conner thought about this. "What kind of job?"

"Well," Anne said "I have this friend who runs a business clearing out old industrial buildings and he asked me if I could send him some kids to help do a few jobs. Each building you help clear would be a hundred dollars you can do whatever you want with. No drugs or liquor though." Anne amended "But I feel I don't have to emphasize that so much with you."

"Do you think I would do a good job?" Conner asked "I don't want to embarrass you."

"Conner," She said "I could never find you embarrassing."

…

Angel opened his eyes. He looked at the clothes scattered all over the floor. He groaned as he got to his feet. He wished he had a time machine and could go back and smack himself last night, and not in the fun way Gwen had. Angel started to collect his clothes. He heard someone clear her throat behind him. Gwen was dressed and holding some folded clothes. "I found these for you." She said "I'll clean that up, don't worry." Angel folded the clothes he had collected and set them on the chair. He felt very self-conscious as he walked up to Gwen and took the clothes offered to him. He knew it was ridiculous, but that was how he felt. He gave her a look. "What?"

"Can I have some privacy?"

Gwen stared at him. "Seriously?"

"Gwen," Angel said in exasperation

She retreated and he got dressed. He then went to find her in the kitchen. She was eating toast and jam. Gwen wasn't much of a cook apparently. "I had fun last night." She said

"Gwen," Angel shifted his weight from foot to foot awkwardly. He tried to think of a way to diffuse the tension she apparently didn't feel. "Do you want me to make you some breakfast?"

"Sure," As soon as he made the offer he had flinched. How much more romantic could he get than offering to make her a post-coital breakfast? Angel internally cursed himself.

"Gwen," Angel opened the fridge door and took out a carton of eggs.

"You don't have to preface every statement with my name. I'm the only one here. I know who you're talking to." She rubbed her hands together over the sink to dispel bread crumbs.

"About last night, I'm glad you… had fun." He flinched again. "But I…"

"I get it." She said "That was a one time thing. No problem,"

"I don't want to be that guy, you know what I mean." Well she probably didn't.

"Angel you don't owe me anything." Gwen said "I don't expect anything from you."

Angel started to crack eggs into a glass bowl. "You're a very nice girl."

"Gee thanks," She rolled her eyes. "I get it, you're in love with what's-her-name."

"Cordelia," Angel said

"Right, seems like a great gal. You explained all this last night. You didn't deceive me."

Angel still felt awkward. The fact that Gwen apparently didn't at all wasn't helping, in fact it seemed to be making it worse. He began to whisk the eggs. "Good, that's good."

"And if you ever do want a little more love-free loving, ring me up."

The whisk slipped out of the bowl, spraying the counter in egg. "I'll clean that up."

"K," Gwen said "I'll go check on Manny."

Angel started to wipe up the spilt eggs. All he felt was a large bundle of regret festering in his gut. What had he done? Why had he done it? What was he going to tell Cordy? He wasn't going to go up to her and confess, but maybe he should. Angel thought about the last time he had lied to Cordelia about his sex life, that hadn't ended well. No he couldn't lie, but if she didn't ask, well what was the harm in not bringing up the topic? "I'm an idiot." Angel muttered

He headed back to the library to find Gwen talking to Manny. Gwen saw him and delivered the bad news. "Manny has been thinking about why Illyria is targeted his tet."

"Okay," Angel said "Why?"

"If the keepers of the relics are ritually murdered and their relics assembled with a special ceremony then the sun will be blotted from the sky over the area where the ceremony was completed. The darkness will spread over the entire world until the earth is dark." Manny said

"Why are you just now mentioning this?" Angel asked

"It's kind of unpleasant to think about. The heat of the sun is what sustains life. If Illyria completes this ceremony and the earth is cut off from the sun then the world will turn into a barren wasteland inhabitable by any living thing when the darkness has finished spreading."

"Without heat or light all animal and plant life will wither and die." Gwen said

"I just said that." Manny groused

"I'm just trying to wrap my head around it." Gwen said "It's awful."

"Not just awful, the awful. This is true apocalypse. This isn't that dead will walk, sadness will reign crap that makes people weak at the knees. This isn't refugees migrating down abandoned highways under ash-obscured skies. This is everything dead, no exceptions."

"Everything but creatures like me." Angel said "We'll live."

"Because you're already dead." Manny said

"The demons will reign once more." Angel said "I can't let this happen."

"We have to keep you safe at all costs." Gwen told Manny

…

Cordelia, Lorne, Fred, and Gunn were in the unique position of having nothing to do. For so long their lives had been in a constant state of disarray. Now they had no idea where Illyria was and they couldn't go help Angel because she might follow them to his location. All they could do was just sit in the hotel and worry. "This sucks." Cordelia said

"Yep," Gunn agreed

"If something happens to them we won't even know." Cordelia complained

"I'm sure Angel is fine." Fred said "He can take care of himself."

Cordelia began to fiddle her thumbs. She wondered if it was shallow that she was worried about more than his well-being. She had gotten a sense from that Gwen. "Does anyone else think that it's pretty convenient how Gwen just showed up when we got a lead on Illyria? We don't even know this chick. She could be working for Illyria." Cordelia said

"I don't think anyone works for Illyria, she just kind of does her own thing." Fred said

"Besides we met Gwen way before this Illyria thing started remember?" Gunn said

"When she killed you, yeah I remember."

"Well it was an accident, and she brought me back." Gunn responded

Cordelia rolled her eyes. "I don't think we should trust her."

"Oh I get it." Lorne said "You're worried about Angel. You saw it too huh?"

"What?" Cordy asked "What did I see?" Her tone was frantic.

"Gwen sending out the vibes toward our Angel-cakes." Lorne said "Don't worry."

"Yeah, if there's one guy you don't have to worry about it's Angel." Gunn said "He can't hop into the sack with anyone without turning evil. He knows that."

"Doesn't he have to be in love with said sack mate for the curse to kick in?" Fred asked

"It doesn't matter." Cordelia said "It's his life. Why would I care?"

"Because you're madly in love with him." Fred said matter-of-factly

"Cordelia, honey, you'd have to be blind not to see it." Lorne said

"And everyone knows he feels the same way about you." Gunn said

Cordelia stared at her hands. "You think so?" She asked shyly

"We know so." Lorne said "His aura is all crowded with Cordelia love. I know that's why you two were going to meet at the bluffs the night his ungrateful hell spawn went all deep blue sea on dear old dad. You didn't get a chance to tell him then, but what's stopping you know?"

She shrugged. "The moment was never right."

"And it never will be." Lorne said "Moments don't come, they're made. You just have to go up to him and tell him how you really feel. Say 'Angel, I love you' and he'll take the cue."

"It's hard to just say it, especially with all the stuff going on."

Fred rolled her eyes. "Cordelia do you know what happens to people who wait?"

"No,"

"They end up sad and alone with forty cats because the boy they liked asked somebody else to the prom while they were waiting for the right time to tell him how she felt."

"I'm more of a dog person and I had a date… to the… prom…" Cordelia's voice faded as she remembered that night. Angel had been there with Buffy and Cordelia had been dancing with her school girl crush. That had ended quickly and absolutely. But she still cared; she cared more after the most awkward kiss she had ever had ended and she met the person behind those lips.

"Cordelia, what's wrong?" Fred asked "I was just joking about the cats."

"I was just remembering my prom. I was remembering old friends."

"Old friends," Lorne said "That's an idea."

"What do you mean?" Fred asked

"I'm talking about Angel's ex, the chosen one. Averting the apocalypse is kind of what she does. Cordelia why don't you or Angel give her a call? Maybe she can help."

Cordelia shook her head. "I can't call Buffy."

"Why?" Fred asked "If she really is the chosen one we could use her help."

Cordelia thought of how she might try to explain. This made her realize she couldn't explain. She had no reason not to want to call Buffy. Emotional crap aside they could use her, so why did she get the feeling that Buffy coming to L.A. couldn't happen? "The powers don't want her here. Something is happening in Sunnydale, something bad. I don't know how I know that."

"You've got a direct line to the powers." Lorne said "They must be telling you."

"But I didn't have a vision, I just sort of know."

"Maybe you're growing closer to the powers." Fred suggested

Cordy wasn't sure how she felt about that.

…

Angel sat in the arm chair, glad that Gwen was in another room. You would think contemplating the end of all life on earth might distract a person from their sexual conundrums, but you would be wrong. Angel thought about what Manny had said. It was true that when people envisioned the end of all life they tended to picture a rag-tag group of survivors that would rebuild society. There would be no survivors. There would only be ice. Cordelia would be dead. Buffy would be dead. Fred and Gunn would be dead. All of the people Angel had known in Sunnydale would be dead. Even many demon species would be unable to survive in the new environment. Angel would be all alone, all of his connections to humanity severed. He would have nowhere to go. His fight for redemption would be over. There would be no blood to drink and in time he would go mad from hunger as he had under the sea, if the isolation didn't get to him first that was. There would be no hope of rescue, for everyone would be gone.

Angel got to his feet. He couldn't think about that anymore. Besides, Illyria had no way of finding this place. As long as he and Gwen stayed inside, and the rest of AI stayed way everything should be fine. Manny would be safe and so would the world. But Angel didn't quite believe that. He was fairly certain that things would not be all right at all. Angel scanned the titles in the library. He picked up one book with an interesting title, but it turned out to be a history of the periodic table. He quickly realized all of the books were science books. Angel sat back down to stare at the shelf hiding Manny's room until Gwen returned. "Hey Gwen, how come you never mentioned you're a huge nerd?" Angel asked as she entered

Gwen shrugged and sat down with two cups of coffee. She handed one to him. "It never came up." She said "Why, is that a turn-off for you?" Gwen sipped her black coffee.

Angel considered reminding her again that their tryst was a one-time thing, but he knew she was teasing him and decided the less he brought it up the sooner she would cease her attempts to embarrass him. "You just didn't seem like the type. I figured you more for thrillers."

"Yeah?" She asked "Why is that?"

"You seem to enjoy a little excitement."

"People aren't as exciting as they like to think they are." Gwen said "The natural world is a far more complicated and beautiful place than any human mind. It is our arrogance that makes us think our lofty empty words hold more meaning. They hold no meaning."

"So I take it you don't like poetry." Angel said

"Not even a little bit." Gwen said

"I do." Angel was glad to find something they didn't have in common which yeah, that was a little weird. "I love poetry." Angel thought he might need to see a shrink.

"Good for you."

The moment that followed Gwen's statement was one that seared itself forever into Angel's mind. He mentally replayed it several times in the following days. First came the sound that isn't supposed to be. The walls were ripped. Concrete was never meant to be ripped. What kind of creature was it that could treat cement like paper? Then came the action. Illyria grabbed Angel, having covered the distance from the door to this room in less time than it took Angel to stand. Illyria threw him into a shelf. She grabbed Gwen. Gwen shot a burst of electricity into Illyria which oddly did seem to bother the old one. Illyria sent Gwen flying into a wall, knocking her out and eliminating the problem. Illyria grabbed the bookshelf. "No!" Angel struggled to his feet and lurched toward his old friend's body. Illyria tuned and grabbed Angel, using the vampire's body to hit the metal door on the other side of the shelf. She could rip him in half, even without her full strength, but she didn't. She threw him to the ground and finished her work on the door, removing it. Manny's cries of terror were soon stilled. Illyria punched through his chest and dug into the cavity under the breastbone. Angel saw her pull out a translucent orb.

"You have failed vampire, once again. As you failed to protect your son, failed to save your friend, and failed so many other worthy exploits. You have failed to save this world."

She was gone, vanished. Her time distortion effect and his woozy head had combined to allow her to be before him in one moment and gone the next. He neither heard nor saw any sign of her departure. He struggled to his feet and went over to Gwen. She appeared to have a concussion. Angel knew he needed to get her to the hospital. Of course, the impending end of all life on earth might make that a touch pointless. Angel took out his cell phone.

…

Cordelia heard Angel's special ring tone coming from her pocket. "I was beginning to think we'd never hear from you. I almost started to worry." She said

"Well get started."

Cordelia felt a chill. "The orb-keeper?"

"Dead, very dead."

"There are degrees of dead?"

"Illyria is going to blot out the sun."

Cordelia felt her heart skip a beat. That was what Illyria had meant. Cordelia had been hoping for a metaphor when Illyria said they would see the sky darken, like in that 300 movie Angel made her watch because it 'will change your life Cordy' when the guy said arrows would blot out the sun. Illyria had not been being poetic. "As far as evil plans go it doesn't suck."

"It will be the end, of all life."

Cordy walked outside and looked up at the sky. She shielded her eyes from the sunlight that shone as bright as ever. "The sun is still here, what else does she have to do?"

"Assemble the relics in a special ceremony."

"Where?"

…

Conner picked up some more cardboard and threw it into the large portable dumpster they had waiting outside. "Hey Conner!" He heard his boss call "Can you give me a hand?"

Conner rushed over to where his boss was trying to lift a large piece of rusty machinery that was well beyond repair or recognition. Conner could have lifted the whole thing with ease, but he just helped his boss carry it outside. He didn't want to be too conspicuous. "What's next?"

"What's next is that you take a break." Conner's boss said "I wish all of my employees were like you. You're strong, you don't complain, and you do what you're told."

Conner smiled at the man. "Thank you…sir." Anne had told Conner to call his boss sir.

The man returned the smile. "How would you like a fulltime job?"

Conner was visibly excited by this offer. "I'd love it!"

"That's great." Conner's new boss liked the boy, he reminded him of his son. "Stop by my office sometime and we'll work out the details. Like I said, take a break for a few mi-"

The boss watched a few employees run toward him wearing looks of utter panic. "I saw something!" One man said "You won't believe it! It was… blue, and it… Don't go down there."

Conner took off running in the direction they had come from. Conner's boss called after him, but Conner ignored the cry. For a moment he considered stopping and turning around. He considered being just a normal boy who was about to start his first job. Illyria wasn't his responsibility. Except Illyria would have been defeated by now if Conner hadn't gotten taken hostage the night it rained fire. No, Illyria was his responsibility. He saw it, approaching one of the abandoned buildings. He couldn't defeat it, but with a little help maybe… "Conner!"

Conner saw his boss approaching, having chased after him. "Conner one of the guys said he saw that thing rip somebody's throat out, let's get out of here." He started to tug at the boy.

Conner stood his ground. "Can I borrow your cell phone?"

"What? Why?"

"I know what that thing is, I have to call somebody and tell them."

Conner's boss dropped Conner's arms and the man's eyes widened. Conner had the feeling he wasn't going to be starting that new job anytime soon. He was a freak now, associated with this terrifying monster. Why had he ever thought he could have a normal life?

…

Angel drove as fast as he could toward the industrial district. Lorne was with Lilah at the hotel and Gwen was in the hospital. Angel, Cordelia, Fred, and Gunn drove toward the location Conner had called Cordelia and given them. "So Gwen's electricity effected it?" Fred asked

"Yeah," Angel said "Only a little though."

"My light power is way better." Cordelia mumbled under her breath

"Maybe we can use that as a weapon. I could hack into the city power grid and have a surge of electricity enter the building she's in. Then we can cut the lines and electrocute her."

"Like the Thesulac demon." Gunn said

"Good idea." Angel said "Whatever we do we have to stop Illyria from completing the ceremony. I don't mean to sound melodramatic, but otherwise it's the end of all life on earth."

Gunn sighed. "Remember when our lives were simple?"

"No," Cordelia said "How did I miss that?"

"It was only five minutes, I think you were asleep."

Fred laughed at the joke. "We can do this." She said

"You keep saying that." Gunn muttered

…

Conner entered the industrial building. He watched Illyria assemble three objects. She held the orb part of the relic in front of her and breathed the black energy into it. "Conner," She said when she was done "I'm so glad you are here. I want you to share this moment of triumph with me." She set the device down and picked up a heart. She held it over the device.

"Stop that." Conner said "Just stop."

She looked at him. "You look unhappy Conner."

"I'm tired." He said "I don't want to do this anymore."

"You want to belong somewhere, don't you Conner?"

He found himself nodding even though he knew she was just trying to recruit him again.

"You could belong with me. You would not have to think anymore. You would never again have to fear rejection. You could lose yourself in the violence and find peace."

They both heard Angel run up the stairs, dropping the blanket he protected himself from the sun with as he entered the room. The rest of the team were right behind him. "Stay away from my son." Angel told the old one "He's been manipulated enough for one life."

"But you," Illyria said "I have only begun to manipulate." Illyria crushed the heart in her hand, allowing a flow of blood to fall onto the orb. The orb glowed for a second. Cordelia held out her hands and sent the ray of light towards Illyria. Illyria set the relic down and dove out of the way of the light. Conner ran at her, but she threw Conner toward the Angel Investigations team. Conner fell into his father. Gunn and Fred backed out of the way of the chaos. Illyria and Cordelia were once again locked into one-on-one combat. "You could not defeat me before. Why do you think now will be any different? I grow exponentially more powerful each day."

"No you grow exponentially more annoying each day." Cordelia said

"You vex me mortal. Your defiance grows less amusing each moment."

Cordelia swung a glowing fist at Illyria and Illyria dodged the blow, but still caught the edge of it in the cheek. Illyria now sported a large burn. Cordelia drew her sword and it began to glow as it had before. Cordelia used all of the fencing skills Angel had ever taught her as she attempted to land an incapacitating blow on Illyria. Illyria almost appeared to be toying with her as they engaged in the second-oldest dance. Conner rose and ran at Illyria. Illyria grabbed him and threw him through a window. "Conner!" Angel and Cordelia shouted

"We'll get him." Fred ran from the building and Gunn followed.

"I am a power older than your kind. You are a babe to me." Illyria said

Cordelia swung at Illyria again. Illyria dodged with ease. Angel tried to distract Illyria with his own attack, but she batted him aside like a rag doll, sending him tumbling down the stairs to the floor below. "Just you and me now." Cordelia said "Scared?"

"You are funny human, on occasion."

Cordelia swung again, driving the sword into Illyria's stolen leg. Cordelia tightened her grip on the sword, sending a pulse of light down the blade. Illyria's leg charred black. Illyria shoved Cordelia back, sending her into the wall. Illyria pulled the sword from her leg. She approached Cordelia on the black burnt leg, not even limping. "Why do you mislead yourself like this? What makes you think you stand a chance again one who so overpowers you?"

Cordelia locked eyes with her. "I have friends backing me up."

Angel rushed from the stairwell holding a cluster of thick black cords. When they made contact with Illyria the electric power entered her body, turning her into a circuit. Cordelia retrieved her sword and drove it into Illyria's abdomen. The white light made the sword shine and even after Angle had let go of the electrical cords Illyria lay incapacitated on the ground.

Cordelia let go of the sword and it continued to glow white. "We need to get her back to the Hyperion. We need to put her in the cage." Cordelia looked around, something was wrong.

Angel stepped over to the shattered window and looked outside. He didn't have to evade the sunshine because there was none anymore. Conner, Fred and Gunn stood outside staring up at the black sky. The sun was gone. Angel looked at the relics. He picked them up. "What do we do now?" He asked "We were too late. The dark will spread and everything will die."

Cordelia stepped forward and took his hand. "We'll make her tell us how to undo the spell." Cordelia said "We'll bring the sun back before anything bad happens." She locked eyes with him. He stared into her warm brown eyes. They both leaned forward. The world was ending, but somehow the moment was perfect. Their lips were two puzzle pieces that had been trying to fit together for so long. Suddenly it was hard to remember why they hadn't connected before now. The lines were inverses of each other. Cordelia started to close her eyes, but she saw the sword begin to lose its luster. "We have to go." She ran over to Illyria and gripped the sword, strengthening the glow and keeping Illyria knocked out. Cordelia felt like kicking herself. Why couldn't she have waited five seconds and just kissed him already? She resolved that she would the second they had Illyria secure in the cage. She would kiss him and tell him how she felt.

Angel carried Illyria down to the car. Conner looked at him and Cordelia. "Is it dead?"

"Not yet." Angel said "Soon,"

"Why not now?"

Angel and Cordelia shared a look. "We have to save Wesley." Cordelia explained

"That thing is dangerous, you have to kill it." Conner said

"We will." Angel said "When it tells us how to turn the sun back on and we have separated her from Wes. Then we'll kill her for what she has done." Angel said

"It will be too late." Conner said "You have to do it now."

"No." Cordelia said "Conversation over."

Conner looked up at the sky again. "They'll come, from all over."

"Vampires," Gunn said "They can wreak havoc 24/7 now."

"Not even the day is safe." Fred whispered

"We'll get Illyria to lift the spell and bring the sun back." Angel repeated Cordelia's earlier statement to all of them "We have the relic and we'll figure out the counter spell."

"You're all fools." Conner said "All of you." Conner ran away before anyone could stop him. He knew. They didn't understand, but he knew. The bad things were coming now. They would be her army. They didn't have to swear allegiance to her, or even know of her, though they would in little time. Their very nature would compel them to do her will. They would destroy, kill, devour. Conner had to stop it. Vampires, demons, he had to kill them. He would show everyone that he wasn't like them, wasn't associated with them. Conner would kill all the monsters. Angel was weak, but Conner wasn't. Conner knew what had to be done.

…

Angel stepped back from the cage. "Are we sure these charms will work?" Lorne asked

"They have to." Cordelia said softly

The whole of Angel investigations, and Lilah, were looking at the unconscious Illyria that was slowly coming to after Cordelia had removed the sword. It stared at them. "You think you've won." It said as it got to its feet "You think the tables have turned. They have, but not as you think. The world is mine now, my kingdom. Your race will die out." She stared at the humans and then turned to look at Angel. "But not yours vampire. They will live. They will become mindless monsters with no capacity for rational thought. They will live forever, always hungry, with never a drop to drink. You will be like them, your soul will not differentiate you."

"Tell us how to bring the sun back." Cordelia insisted

Illyria ignored her, opting to look at Lilah. "Why are you still here? You've done your part, given them the information they need. Why not go die with your mother?"

"I'm not going to die." Lilah said "I'm too mean to die."

Illyria laughed. It really disturbed Angel. "Perhaps you are, who's to say?"

"Answer me." Cordelia said

Illyria turned her gaze to Cordelia. Illyria's blue eyes, which were like stone walls that allowed nothing in, stared at Cordelia. The seer was creeped out. "You were right." Cordelia didn't understand. She looked at the inhuman thing in front of her. It was a creature who fed on pain, bathed in it. It wanted to hurt her and would any way it could. "He lay with her."

"I don't know-"

Illyria didn't let Cordelia finish. "He enjoyed the sensation of electricity running through his body. He enjoyed a pleasure that you could never give him, even if he were uncursed."

Everyone turned to look at Angel. He looked at the floor in shame. Cordelia stared at the vampire for a moment, holding in her feelings. Cordelia couldn't let Illyria see that she was bothered. But of course the old one knew. It knew everything about them. Cordelia couldn't take it for any longer. She ran up the stairs. She wanted to cry, but wouldn't let herself. She grabbed her car keys and headed outside. "Cordelia wait!" She heard Angel call after her "Please!"

Cordelia got in her car under the dark sky. Angel appeared next to her door. "Call me if Illyria tells us how to stop the spell." Cordelia said "Not before, not for any other reason." She started her car. Cordelia put distance between her and the Hyperion as quickly as possible.

…

"Hello Wesley," Wesley looked around the beautiful room he was in. It was an impossible room. It was designed from imagination, built of will. There were books and equipment everywhere. There was a bed with two nightstands. Each had a lamp and a book. The bed was small enough to force the two people who slept there to cuddle up to each other and large enough to sprawl out in. It was impossible like that. Fred was at the dining room table in the impossible room. "I thought you had gotten lost on your way home. Lost in the hall,"

"Do I live here?" He asked "This seems dream-like."

"Life is a merry dream." She stood up and walked toward him. "You need to rest."

She leaned her head on his chest and wrapped her arms around him. "Am I here?"

"Always, forever, you are here." She replied

"But you're not." He said as he rested his head on top of hers "Are you?"

She pulled away from him. "I'm just playing a part."

"I don't remember my lines." Wesley said "Do you have a copy of the script?"

She walked over to a bookshelf and pulled out a copy of _King Henry IV_. She opened the book and began to flip through the pages. "Did you know that Elizabeth II liked Falstaff so much that Shakespeare brought him back into one of his fictional plays? It snowed there."

"The king killed him." Wesley remembered

"Are you cold?"

He stared at her. "I wish you were real."

"Does it matter anymore? You're sleeping."

"I want to wake up. I'm not tired and I want to go home."

She walked back up to him and handed him the play. "Have you read them all?"

"Yes,"

"Because long ago someone decided these were the best. Other people can be good but someone has to decide they are. Why are these the best? Why not somebody else?"

"The poetry of the language, the subtle word-play, the inter-layered meanings, the fascinating characters, all of this and more. The images, the meanings, it's beautiful."

"It's not real."

"Lies, that tell us things about ourselves, about other people." Wesley said

"No, it's not real."

He looked around the room. "Are you just a section of my mind I'm talking to?"

"You know I am."

"But do you know what Fred would really say?"

"Do you?"

He looked up at the ceiling, it was too tall, too tall to stand. He brought his eyes back to earth and stared into hers. Fred's eyes were deep, but this construct of her was pale glass, it reflected his self back at him. "Could you ever have loved me? Could I have been happy?"

"You should have asked me that when I was real. Now go to bed."

He shook his head. "I have to go. I have to get out of here."

"You can dream forever, of me, with me. You can have your cake and eat it too because that it how the world works here. You were willing to banish yourself to hell, why not here?"

"This is hell." Wesley replied as he went out the door

He was back in the library at Sunnydale. Cordelia and Faith were still at the library table, but Buffy was leaning against a bookshelf staring out a window. "Back here." He said

"You've come full circle." Buffy said "Are you satisfied?"

"I thought I was going forwards."

"A circular motion has an acceleration and a velocity, but it never goes anywhere but along the same path." Buffy said "Forwards, backwards, it means nothing, just words."

"And a rose by any other name-"

"Would cut you just the same." She turned to face him. "And you would bleed."

Wesley stared at her with dawning comprehension. "You're real."

"Yes, I am."

"But you're not Buffy."

"No," She agreed

"Why are you here?"

"I came to see Illyria. We're old friends."

"Who are you?"

Not-Buffy didn't answer. Instead she looked back out the window. "Do you think they'll remember you? I don't. But your face will be remembered, the face of the enemy."

Wesley looked at the table, at high school Cordelia and Faith. "I suppose."

Not-Buffy looked around the library. "Have you read them all?"

"All the books in all the world," Wesley said "No one can."

"I have." Not-Buffy said "Though I have never touched one."

"Why are you here?"

"To touch, to eat, but I can do neither of those things."

"Nor can I." Wesley said

"Sleep human. Lie down among the shelves with your favorite book and read it to the last page from now until the end of time. Sleep, and trouble yourself no longer. I go to see my old friend." Buffy opened the window and climbed out, disappearing into the outside.

Wesley looked at Faith and Cordelia. "You're not real."

"Just players in a play." Faith said without looked away from Cordelia

"I believe we can change our fates. We don't have to play out the parts other people wrote for us. This story was written long ago and I'm a different person now." Wesley said

Faith held up a notebook. It had 'Act I' written centered in neat handwriting at the top of the page and 'Scene I' written left justified in neat handwriting below that. The only other thing on the page was his name with a colon next to it. She held the notebook out to him. "So write your lines." He took the notebook and stared at the page. "What do you say?"

"I don't know." He handed the notebook back.

"Me either," She tore the page out of the notebook and crumpled it up. Faith tossed the ball of paper into a waste basket on the other side of the room. It landed in its target.

"Hey," Cordelia said "You should recycle."

"Everything is recycled." Faith said "All matter and energy is retained. Nothing can be created or destroyed, only altered. Once altered it may never resume its former state."

"But there are infinite things that it may then become." Wesley said

"I still think it's nice to recycle." Cordelia said

"If water is evaporated and then condensed," Wesley asked "Is it the same water?"

"I'm not here." Faith said

"You're just me." He acknowledged "Talking to myself."

"Can you tell he's the smart one?" Cordelia asked

The girls shared a smile. "Talk to me." Faith said

"What should I say?" Wesley asked

"Stop talking to yourself." Cordelia said

"Talk to me." Said Faith

"Where are you?" Wesley asked

"Where are you?" Faith echoed

"I'm in prison. I'm being punished. The doors all go to other cells, other torments. There are no exits." He looked at the window Buffy had gone through. "But the windows…"

"Don't go out that one." Cordelia said

"No," Wesley agreed, and then he looked at Faith "I want to talk to you."

"Come talk to me."

Wesley walked away, through the door into Giles's office.


	11. Soulless

Cordelia ran into her apartment, slamming the door shut behind her. She rushed into her room and kicked off her shoes before crawling into bed. She curled into a ball, her face buried into her pillow. Her covers draped themselves over her. "Thanks Dennis," She said

She refused to cry. She wasn't going to cry about a dumb guy. She didn't care how great she had thought he was, how noble, how heroic, how handsome… She wasn't going to cry like some pathetic lonely girl. She was better than that. She buried her face into her pillow and screamed into it. Now everything made sense. The reason he hadn't brought up their interrupted rendezvous at the bluffs was that he had found someone else. How long had he been romancing the sexy cat-burglar with rather stimulating abilities? She sat up and punched her pillow to outlet her fury. This was stupid. She shouldn't be upset. She rubbed her eyes, denying the tears permission to form. "I don't care." She insisted "I don't care that the only decent guys I've ever been interested in went for other girls." She pulled her knees against her chest. "I don't." Dennis floated over her emergency stash of chocolate. She had him hide it for her every time she replenished the bag so it only got used in real emergencies. This was a real emergency. She reached in the bag and pulled out a piece of 86% dark. "I don't need Angel. I'm better off without him. Who wants to date a stupid vampire anyway? I sure don't, dumb vampire."

Cordy lay down on her bed again. She did, she wanted him. She loved him.

…

Angel sat down on the couch with a sigh. "Somebody's in trouble." Lilah lilted

"Shut up Lilah." Angel muttered, with no passion in his voice; he felt dead

"You slept with Gwen?" Fred sounded disappointed in him. "Why?"

"Because I could." Angel realized how that sounded only after he had spoken. "I mean we could, that is to say… She can't normally and neither can I, so it just kind of made sense."

"Even though you're in love with Cordelia?" Fred asked

"It was a mistake." Angel said "One mistake,"

"I'll say." Lorne said "There goes that happy ending."

Angel frowned. "I'll make it up to her." He said

"It's not that easy." Said Fred "You don't just get over that kind of betrayal."

"Well we weren't in an actual relationship." Angel said

"You're not helping your case buddy." Lorne said "You knew how Cordelia felt about you and you broke her precious heart. For three months all she could think about was finding you and making sure you were okay. Then you come back and sleep with a sexy stranger?"

"When you say it like that it sounds really bad." Angel said

"Because it is." Gunn said "It is really bad."

Angel frowned. "I'm going to start interrogating Illyria." He headed back down to the basement. He was a bit nervous to be down here without Cordelia, but he trusted their spells and charms would protect him. Illyria was grinning at him. "What are you so happy about?"

"I've been looking forward to this."

That statement gave him pause. "You have?"

"I read the prophecies before they were written. I know all about you. I instructed my acolytes that my place of rest be taken to the city of your residence when the time came for my resurrection. These instructions were carried down the millennia. I was reborn here because you are here. The apocalypse centers around you, and I must allow you to play your part in it."

Angel considered this. "It's my fault then, that Wesley was infected."

"Many things are your fault vampire, that is but one of them."

Angel pretended these words didn't cut to the core of him. Angel knew it wasn't Wesley accusing him, but knowing and feeling are two different things. He felt as though the man's ghost were accusing him. Angel felt this accusation was just. "How do we bring the sun back?"

"You don't." Illyria said

"We will, one way or another."

"Okay," Illyria smiled at him. "Do you want to know some more about your friend?"

"Not from you." Angel said "Never from you."

"All that is left of him is inside of me." Illyria said "The last remnants of him."

"Cordelia said when you grow strong enough you'll leave him."

"But what condition will I leave him in? I can shred his mind to pieces."

Angel stilled. "Don't," He said in a soft pleading voice

"Such a waste, all those people you let die, and he will never come back to you."

"Please," Angel hated this, hated begging.

"Does it pain you?" She was clearly having a lot of fun torturing him. "Human emotion, how it must plague you. Why don't you return to who you were? There was no guilt."

"I want to be human."

"But you aren't. You aren't human like Cordelia. You are even less human than the abnormal Gwen. You deserve neither of these women. You are demon, scum, beneath them."

"You're playing on my insecurities. You think demons are above humans."

"They are, you know this. You will return to us."

"Never,"

Illyria stared at him, searching. "He was."

"Who?"

"Wesley, he was human. He was innocent, and you killed him."

"I didn't mean to." Angel said

"But you did." She sounded so much like him. Angel felt his defenses wear down. "You wanted him dead. You wanted him gasping. You wanted his vision to fade to black with little sunbursts of red dots that represented the last of his brain activity. You wanted every piece of who he was gone from this world. You wanted him dead, gone. Now he is, aren't you happy?"

"He's not gone." Angel said "You have to-"

"I don't have to do anything you pathetic idiot. I'm a god."

"No you're not."

Illyria smirked. "My will is done. I put out the fire in the sky."

"And you're down here, is that your will?"

"What do you think?"

It grew quiet for a little while. "I was just angry. My son was gone."

"That was your punishment. This is his. See vampire, the world is just."

"This isn't justice. This is cruel."

"Justice is cruel."

"Then I don't want it."

"What do you want vampire?"

"I want you to tell me how to bring the sun back, I want to save everybody."

"You love the humans, you want to be like them, but you are a superior animal."

"No I'm not."

Illyria stared at him. "He dreams about you."

Angel was visibly shaken. "He dreams?"

"Every moment. He is trying to tell you something. He thinks it is very important."

"What is it?"

"Why would I tell you that?" Illyria asked

"Why wouldn't you?"

Illyria considered this. "Because, dead men tell no tales."

…

Conner stood in the middle of the circle of six vampires. They seemed pleased with themselves as they moved in on him. Conner hid his amusement. He took out one before the others realized what was happening. He took out the second while they ran for him. He dodged the lunge of one while staking another. One wised up and ran away. Conner took out the remaining two in short order and ran after it. The vampire grabbed a girl who had been walking by. She screamed while he squeezed her throat and turned to face Conner. "I don't know what you are, but one more step and she's dead." The girl stared at Conner with wide frightened eyes.

"Okay," Conner said "Let her go and I won't go after you."

"You think I trust you?" The vampire asked

"You'll have to trust me more than I trust you." Conner said "I'm not leaving until I know she is safe, and if you hurt her I'll drive a stake into your heart. Just walk away."

The vampire let go of the girl. Conner threw his stake and it embedded itself in the chest of the vampire. "You-" It collapsed into dust. The girl stood panting in front of it.

"It would have doubled back and killed you." Conner explained

The girl stared at Conner, uncomprehending. She ran as fast as she could away from the frightening young man. Conner retrieved his stake from the pile of dust.

…

Lilah watched Angel come up from the basement, clearly startled. "What happened?"

"Since when do you care?"

"Since we're all gonna die if you don't do something." Lilah snapped

"Lilah nobody wants you here." Angel said "If you don't think we're up to your standards on the world-saving front, which just let me bask in the irony for a moment, then you can go somewhere else. In fact, we'd all rather if you did."

"You need my help." Lilah said "You clearly can't do this on your own."

Fred turned to face the lawyer. "Lilah, go away."

"Gee pudding," Lilah said "When you ask so nicely like that-"

"I'm not asking, I'm threatening. You're a plague." Fred said "You carry pain and misery wherever you go. We don't want you to infect us. Get out." Fred's severity frightened them all.

"I don't carry it with me sweetie, I'm just attracted to it. I go where it is."

Fred and Lilah locked eyes. They both knew what she was talking about. "You were together when he tried to kill himself. Does that make you feel anything?" Fred asked

"I'm not responsible for other people, not their actions, and not their feelings."

"Hold up," Gunn said "What do you mean together? Do you mean like-"

Fred continued her tirade against Lilah as though he hadn't spoken. "No, you don't care about anybody but yourself. You're a selfish bitch and you don't care who gets hurt as long as you end up with more power or money. Well look where it got you Lilah. Look where you are."

The smile slipped away from Lilah's face. "This is temporary."

"All the pain you caused, the people you hurt, was it worth it?"

"I don't care what you think about me. I don't buy into your act. Cute little Fred, sweet, kind, fresh," Lilah emphasized that last word in a disturbing way. "Loved by all, what a joke."

"Stop." Angel said

"I've never pretended to be anybody I'm not." Fred said

"So you really are as wonderful as everybody thinks huh? You know he loved you. He could play the unaffected ice king, but just thinking about you made him melt like the butter you dip crab legs in. But we can't all be you Fred. We can't all be innocent victims for the handsome men to save. Some of us have to be the bad guys. I'm just playing my part."

"I'm not a victim." Fred said

"Right, five years in Pylea as a slave-"

"Enough!" Angel walked in between the two women. "Lilah back off."

Fred stepped around Angel and turned to face him. "No you back off, I don't need you to protect me. I can handle this. I can handle myself. Stop treating me like a child."

"You don't have to listen to her insult you like that." Angel said

"Excuse me," Lilah objected "She started it."

Lilah was ignored by all. "I have to fight my own battles." Fred said "You have no idea how much I appreciate what you did for me, all the things you've done for me. But I'm not a victim any more. I want to help people. I want to help myself. I can't if you keep sheltering me."

Angel backed away. "Okay,"

Fred returned her attention to Lilah. "What were you saying?"

Lilah stared at her adversary. This was one battle she wasn't going to win. "I'm not what you think." Lilah realized that came off as defensive, but she couldn't take it back.

"What else could you be?"

"I helped him when he was sick and dying. I didn't have to. I did it to be…" Then she realized she didn't know why she had done it. That was odd. Why had she let him in?

"What?" Fred asked "Why did you help him?"

She said the first thing that came to mind. "Because he asked me to. Most people would have known better. But some part of him believed in some part of me. I wondered why."

Everyone was speechless. For the first time Angel saw Lilah as a human being. He had always known she was human in the 'I can't kill you because you're human' kind of way, but he had never seen even a glimmer of humanity in her before now. Yet here she was expressing genuine human emotion. "Did you figure it out?" He asked

"No," Lilah said "And it's too late now."

"No it's not." Fred spoke in a quiet voice. "We'll save him. And you can ask him why."

"You're such an optimist." Lilah said the word like it was a curse.

"Maybe you should try talking to her." Angel said

Everyone looked at Angel like he was crazy. Lilah stared with the greatest disbelief of all of them. "What makes you think she would talk to me? It tried to kill me."

"It has tried to kill all of us."

…

Illyria watched Lilah descend the stairs followed by Angel. He stood back at the bottom of the stairs, here only to observe. "My, my, you truly are desperate." Illyria said

"You know me." Lilah said "You know what I do."

"Yes," Illyria said

"I make deals. I want to make a deal with you."

Illyria smiled. "I don't make deals. I am a chaotic force. Your masters deal, I destroy."

"There must be something you want." Lilah said

"What I want I take. What I cannot take I do not deserve to have. There is nothing I cannot take." Illyria's evil grin chilled Lilah to the bone. It reminded her of her near death.

"You couldn't take me. You tried to kill me and failed."

"I try to do nothing. I do what action I take. I let you go because Conner asked me to."

This caught Angel's attention. "What?"

Lilah had an idea. "So that's what you want."

Angel drew near the duo. "What are you talking about? What's your interest in my son?"

"He is a brave warrior." Illyria said "Every general needs warriors."

Angel felt a moment of panic. "You are never going anywhere near my son."

"So you say." Illyria said "But you cannot stop me."

"I can keep you in this cage."

Illyria just continued to smile. "I am disappointed in you. I expected more from the famous vampire with a soul the prophecies speak so much of."

"Now you know how I feel." Lilah muttered

…

Cordelia poured herself a cup of tea. She sat down on the couch, letting the warmth radiate into her hands. Cordelia turned the TV on and saw a newscaster informing people not to use too much power for fear of overloading the power grid. Cordelia turned the TV off as well as all devices she had running in her home except for a small lamp. She sat on the couch in the glow of the lamp and sipped her tea. She felt very lonely. The darkness was oppressive. She picked up her cell phone and considered calling someone. Who would she call? Who could she talk to about how she was feeling right now? Cordelia put the phone down. She really was all alone. Cordy hated the feeling. She grabbed her keys. As she said goodbye to Dennis and then headed for her car she thought about Conner. Was this kind of loneliness the norm for him?

Cordelia drove toward the center of the spreading darkness, the industrial building Conner had led them to. She didn't know if he was still in that area, but she was going to look for him. He was probably scared and alone as well. The roads were crowded with people fleeing the city. It was going to take her a while to get where she was going, and she had forgotten her cell.

…

Conner chased a demon down the street. It was fast, but he was far faster. It tried to scramble up a wall, but Conner jumped onto a dumpster and grabbed the monster's tail. Conner threw it to the ground. He pulled out his stake. He wished he had a better weapon for creatures other than vampires. He drove the wood into the thing's chest. It squirmed and squealed under his grip, leaking horrible fluids. Conner held the thing down as it died. His face and chest were splattered with a pale yellow slime. When the thing was dead Conner pulled out his stake and wiped his dirty face with his dirty sleeve. "Conner," He turned around and saw Cordelia.

"Cordy," He stood still, uncertain.

She approached him with a handkerchief. She wiped slime from his face. "Oh Conner,"

"What are you doing here?"

"It's time for you to come back to the hotel." She said "You shouldn't be alone out here."

"I can take care of myself." Conner said

"I didn't mean it was too dangerous, although it is. I meant you shouldn't be alone."

Conner stared at her. "So now you care?"

Cordelia glared at him, clearly unimpressed with his smart mouth. "Conner I was very angry with you. What you did was horrible. But I still love you, and I never stopped."

Conner stared at his feet. "He doesn't want me there."

"Are you sorry for what you did?"

Conner continued to stare at his feet. Was he? "I don't know."

"Well at least you're being honest." Cordelia said "Conner," She put her hand on his shoulder. "You're a mess. I'll take you home and you can get a shower."

Conner shook his head. "I have work to do."

Cordelia looked around at the darkness. "Yes we do."

Conner snapped his head up and looked at her. "I don't need your help."

She snorted. "Yes you do."

…

Lorne shook his head as he and Angel emerged from the basement. "She won't sing."

"Did you honestly expect her to?" Lilah asked

"Now what?" Gunn asked

"Now I try." Fred said

Everyone was startled by this. "Why you?" Angel asked

"Because everything is worth a shot." Fred said "And I think she'll talk to me."

"Why?" Gunn asked

"She's right." Lorne said "She might talk to you."

"I'll go with you." Angel said

"No," Fred said "I'm going down by myself."

"No way." Gunn said "It's-"

"I wasn't asking." Fred headed down the stairs toward the cage where only a few charms separated her from a powerful old one that had no qualms with killing her.

"I'm so glad you're here Fred." It said

Fred stood in front of the cage. She stared at her friend and tried hard not to see him. She tried to only see the thing that controlled him. "Do you really want all of humanity to die out?"

"Yes, I do."

"They'll freeze to death." Fred said

"It's all very exciting isn't it?"

"You'll be down here, you won't see it. Their blood will grow cold. You like to drink your blood warm, but humanity will be gone and cold by the time you get out of this cage. You will be doing yourself a disservice by killing us in this way. You want to do it yourself."

The smile it gave her chilled her to the bone. The only other time Fred had seen that smile was when Billy had infected Wesley. It was the smile he wore while he was hunting her, it was the predator's smile. It didn't belong on his face. "That's the best try yet. You really are as smart as he thinks you are. I wonder if you're all the other things he think you are."

Fred ignored this comment. She wouldn't be manipulated. "You've been waiting for this for so long. Don't you want to draw it out? Don't you want to play with your new toys?"

Illyria moved closer to the bars so that she and Fred were only centimeters apart. "I am like the unruly child who breaks the toys so no one else may play. I exist for my own pleasure, but my greatest pleasures come from the suffering of others. I do not wish for my brethren to have any chance to play, so I will destroy the toys, the sandbox, and the playground."

Fred stared at her. "What about your host? If he dies so do you. Cordy said so."

"He won't die. Only the living will die." Illyria promised

Fred looked at the face looking at her. There was so much wrongness in this situation, so much was as it was never meant to be. "Is he in pain?" She shouldn't have given Illyria the opening, but she couldn't help it. She couldn't banish the thought from her mind.

"He's in hell. He told you that."

"What?"

"He dreams. He dreamt of you, and told you he was in hell. Does that hurt?"

Fred wanted to sit down or back away. She felt weak staring at this ancient monster. But she refused to give in to fear. "It hurts a lot. Think of all the similar pain you could cause. It will be over so quickly when you could draw this out for decades, so much pain, so much suffering."

"I would tire of it as I tire of all things. I see, I destroy. I have no other way."

"You could find a new way. It would be a cure to your boredom. A million people to torture over a million lifetimes. Victims that create more victims and it never stops."

Illyria considered this. "It is not an easy thing, to bring back the sun."

"But you could do it. You would show humanity the power you have over them. They would tremble and kneel at your feet. They would be in such awe of you. You could demand sacrifices daily delivered to your door. They will obey. Bring back the sun."

"You do not believe your own words. You think you can stop me again once I have done this task. You think you can bring me down here again. You are wrong."

"It will be like a game. You against us, and if you're so sure you'll win, why not play?"

"I don't know if it will be fun."

"Are you having fun now?"

"Ever so much,"

Fred stared at Illyria, at Wesley. "Don't you want to try something new?"

"I do actually. I do want to play a new game, play with you. I want to see if who you are is similar to who he thinks you are. She is very fascinating, almost as much as you are."

"So you'll bring back the sun?"

"Open this door and it will be the first thing I do. I will do nothing else until I have."

…

"No way. No. Nuh-uh. Bad idea." Gunn looked around the lobby. "Are the words 'worst idea ever' on anybody else's mind? This is… We can't let her out, not after all of the trouble we went through to lock her up. This is insanity. Lorne, back me up. This is crazy."

"Yeah," Lorne agreed "Crazy,"

Angel walked back over to the group. "Cordelia isn't answering her cell phone."

Fred looked nervous. "Do you think something happened to her?"

"Lines might just be clogged." Gunn said "A lot of people are calling loved ones."

"Illyria wouldn't lie to get out, she would see it as beneath her." Fred said

"You don't know that." Gunn said "You're guessing."

"She's right." Angel said "If Illyria is willing to turn the sun back on, we have to risk it."

"No we don't, there has to be another way." Gunn said

"Charlie here is right." Lilah said "This is stupid, even for you guys."

"Even if she turns the sun back on she'll just come back and kill us." Gunn said

"We all die anyway if she doesn't bring the sun back. This gives us a chance." Fred said

"A chance for her to do some other horrible thing and not be in a cage after she has."

"All right." Angel said "Enough. I'm going to find Cordelia. Everyone just sit tight until I get back." Angel headed for the lobby doors. The four left behind watched him go. Gunn stared at Fred, unable to believe she was actually proposing they let Illyria go. Lorne watched the psychic energy in the room fluctuate. Lilah stared at the stairs leading down to the old one.

"It's not him." Gunn said

Fred glared at him. "Don't talk to me like I'm stupid."

"Do you think it won't kill us? It will, he's not in there."

"I know he doesn't have any control over what she does. But he is in there. He's in there and we have to rescue him Charles." She stared at him. "Don't you want that? Don't you care?"

"Do you care about all the people that have died because we were trying to save Wes?"

"Why do you hate him so much?" She asked

"Maybe because even after everything he did to us you still like him more than me."

"What?" Fred was in disbelief. "Are you serious?"

"All right kids, let's just take a moment." Lorne said

"Would you try this hard to save me?" Gunn asked

"You know we would." Fred said "How can you even ask that?"

"How can you keep ignoring the bigger picture? Every time I ask for an explanation you guys evade and turn everything back around on me. People are dead because of the choices we made and I wonder if you even care. Would you do it again? Would you let them die so that we _might _save him? I just don't get it Fred. I don't get how we got to this point." He stared at her and she was unable to meet his gaze. She looked at the stairs, biting her lip. "Sometimes a thing gets broken and you can't fix it. I feel like the harder we try the bigger mess we make."

"We can fix this." Fred whispered

"We tried!" He was surprised by his own sudden anger. "We failed!"

"Don't yell at me!" Fred shouted

Gunn headed for the lobby doors. "I'm out of here."

"Uh Gunn," Lorne called after him "Angel said to stay here."

Gunn was gone. "Well that escalated quickly." Lilah said

"Shut up Lilah." Lorne said

…

Angel knocked on the door. "Cordy? Cordy are you there? Dennis?" He heard the door unlock and watched it swing open. Angel entered the apartment. Cordelia's cell phone was on a small table by the couch. All of the lights were off. "Dennis do you know where she went?"

Angel went and picked up the phone. He saw all of his missed calls. Dennis floated over a picture that must have been taken during the three months Angel spent at the bottom of the ocean. It contained Conner trying to hide his face from the camera. Angel took the picture. "She went to find Conner?" The picture floated out of his hands and Dennis used it to make an up and down motion. Angel left without a word. So Cordy had went to find his son, why? Angel got back into his car. He would just have to go find the both of them and tell them what was happening. Maybe Conner could help somehow. Maybe Cordelia had an idea and Conner was helping her attempt it. It hurt Angel that Cordelia would go to Conner for help over him. He must have hurt her very deeply. Angel decided the first thing he would do when he found her was make a sincere apology. He had been wrong and he knew it. Then he would tell her he loved her.

…

Conner sat down heavily on the curbside. Cordelia sat down next to him among the remains of the things they had killed. Creatures of the night, gone now. "Is it night or day do you think?" Conner asked "I don't have a watch. Not that it matters I guess." He looked up.

"You're hurt." She put her hand on his back and healed a long cut there.

"You should reserve your power." Conner said

"I can't stand to see you in pain."

Conner considered this. "I am sorry, but not because of what I did to my dad. I'm sorry because I hurt you. I'm sorry I betrayed you. You're the closest thing I ever had to a mother."

Cordelia put her arm around him and he leaned his head on her shoulder. "I know."

"There are so many of them, and more come each day."

"We'll find a way to stop her, bring the sun back."

"I don't believe that. I want to, but I can't. Things don't just work out."

"Sometimes they do."

"When?"

Cordelia thought about that. "Did I ever tell you about when I saw your father in L.A for the first time? How he saved my life from a vampire with a gorgeous mansion?"

"No," Conner said

"If Angel hadn't showed up I wouldn't be here right now. Sometimes when we least expect it a hero swoops in and saves the day. Sometimes, we have to be that hero."

"Like tonight." Conner sat up and looked at the remains of the battle. "We were heroes."

"Champions," Cordelia said "Like your dad. It's in your blood Conner."

Conner didn't like that. "There's evil in my blood."

"No, there is power in you." Cordelia said "Power can be used for good or evil. It all depends on the choices we make. Make the right ones Conner." She sighed "Do you trust me?"

"More than anyone I've ever known."

"Then trust that I can stop her. I have power too, I'm a champion too. I can stop her Conner you just have to trust me. I see it in you, so much fear and uncertainty. I see pain and I see that you want to give up, but you can't. Believe in me, and don't give into the darkness."

Conner looked up at the sky again. "When it surrounds us, how can we not?"

Cordelia held up her hand and it began to glow. "Sometimes we just don't see the light."

…

Wesley noticed that Giles's office had gone unchanged since Wesley had left Sunnydale, despite the fact that it had been blown to smithereens. Conner and Gunn were sitting at his desk arm wrestling. They were both panting and turning red with the effort. Wesley looked for a window but didn't see one. "What are you doing?" He asked the pair

"We're comparing our manhoods." Gunn said "We are competing to see who is alpha."

"That's a little archaic, don't you think?"

"Nothing ever changes Wes." Conner said "Go back to your musty books."

Wesley frowned and turned to go back out the door. He stopped. "No."

Conner slammed Gunn's hand into the wood. "I win!"

Gunn sighed. He looked at Wesley. "Were you saying something?"

"It's a disservice to you, that my subconscious used you to put a face to my fears of being an inadequate man. You're a person, not a concept." Wes looked at Conner. "It's not about how strong you are, it's about the decisions you make. I made a terrible one concerning you."

"Are you going to make it right?" Gunn asked

"I never can." Wesley said "But I'm sorry for what I did."

"Sometimes that's not enough." Conner said

"Sometimes it is."

"Is it?" Gunn asked "Can you forgive her?"

"If she can forgive me."

Gunn stood up and pushed the desk away from the wall, revealing a window where no window should be. Conner pulled the desk so that he and Gunn could move it to the other side of the room. Wesley knelt down and looked through the safety glass. He picked up the handset to a phone that was attached to a cord that went through the wall. "Hello," He asked "Are you there?"

The raven-haired woman on the other side of the glass stood on her tip-toes and revealed her face to the glass. She put the phone to her ear. "What are you doing here?" She asked

"I need your help." Wesley said

"I can't help you."

"I need to break out of prison."

"You're not supposed to break out of prison." Faith said

"I have to get out of here. Please help me Faith."

"Are you real? This is a strange dream. Is it not a dream?"

"It's a dream." Wesley told her "But I'm real and so are you."

"That's not right."

"So few things are."

Wesley saw the window darken. His connection was severed. He touched the smooth opaque glass. "Did you really think she would?" Conner said from behind him

"I need help. I have to go. I have to get out of here. I don't know how."

"But why ask her?" Gunn asked

Wesley stood up and faced the men. "I don't know."

…

Faith lay down on the top bunk. Her cell mate was snoring away beneath her. Just another day in paradise. Faith closed her eyes. Like all slayers, she dreamed. Faith seldom remembered her natural dreams, but this one was a special dream, she knew that from the moment she closed her eyes. Faith sat up in her bunk. Her cell was empty and the door was open. She walked into the hall and down toward the guard station. The man who stood there in a guard's uniform was familiar to her. "Xander?" She asked "What are you doing here? Are you here to remind me?"

He smiled at her. "No, you have a visitor." He pushed the gate open and gestured into an empty room with high windows. She would have to stand on her tip toes to get a glimpse through any of those windows. Each had a phone handset dangling next to it from a silver cord.

She stepped into the room. "Why would anyone come here?" She asked

She heard a voice come from one of the phones. ""Hello, are you there?"

She walked over to that window and stood on her tip toes to see Wesley. She picked up the phone. "What are you doing here?" He was here, in a way that Xander wasn't. It was odd.

"I need your help."

She looked around at the room with only one exit, the door she had come through. How was she supposed to help anybody? "I can't help you." She felt bad, she did owe him one.

"I need to break out of prison." That wasn't right.

"You're not supposed to break out of prison." That was the only reason she didn't.

"I have to get out of here. Please help me Faith."

"Are you real? This is a strange dream? Is it not a dream?"

"It's a dream. But I'm real and so are you."

Faith stared at the room. This room didn't exist. This was not reality. So how could they both be here? Were they in his head or hers? Was it possible that this window connected his mind to her own? It didn't seem possible, but she'd seen stranger things. "That's not right."

"So few thing are."

Faith gasped as she sat up straight in bed. "Hey," Her cellmate groused "You woke me."

"Sorry," Faith said as she panted

"Nightmare?" The cellmate sounded more curious than concerned.

"Yeah,"

"Was it about a guy?"

Faith swallowed. What the hell had that been, that dream that was unlike a dream? "Yes,"

"I know how that can be."

Faith highly doubted that. She'd had plenty of dreams where the victims of her previous crimes had come back to haunt her, but this was different. This was something else. Faith didn't want to go back to sleep, but there was little else to do. She lay back down and hoped for peace.


	12. Calvary

Fred sat behind the front desk at the hotel with her head in her hands. Cordy was missing, Angel was out looking for her, and Gunn was gone. She had no idea when any of them would be back. "Is this may fault?" She asked to the empty room "I was only trying to help."

She rubbed her eyes to hold back tears. Lorne came down the stairs. "Hey kitten,"

She offered him a weak smile. "It's spreading, people are panicking."

"End of the world," Lorne said

"Do you think Gunn was right? Was this our fault?"

"I don't know." Lorne walked up so that he was standing right on the other side of the desk from her. He took her hand and she squeezed his. "I try not to think about it."

Fred made that almost-laughter sound she sometimes made. "How's that working out?"

"It isn't so much." Lorne said

"So what do we do?"

Lorne considered this. "We wait."

"We can't. We can't wait for Angel to come back with Cordy or Gunn to get over himself and return. Right now we're the front line and we have to act." Fred made a decision. "I'm going to release Illyria." Fred let go of Lorne's hand and headed for the basement.

"What?" Lorne followed her. "Are you crazy?"

"She'll turn the sun back on."

"Are you sure?"

"Fairly sure," Fred said

Lorne took her arm as they went down the stairs. "That's not good enough."

"I'm willing to take responsibility for this if it doesn't work."

"Well seeing as how we'll all be dead, that's not a huge comfort."

"I know. I'm sorry." She slipped her arm from his grasp and continued down.

"Fred," Illyria said "Ready to let me out?"

"You'll turn the sun back on first thing?"

"I told you I would."

"Then yeah, I am."

"Think about this." Lorne said "This is a mistake."

"Maybe." Fred picked up the key to the cage and the charm disillusion powder.

"Not maybe, yes it is. We can't make this call."

"We're the only ones here to make it." Fred said "Everybody else left."

"Don't do this, please. At least wait for Angel to get back. A few hours at most."

Fred faltered. "Time is running out."

"The world isn't going to end in three hours, and that's all I'm asking for."

"He's manipulating you." Illyria said "Trying to weaken your resolve."

Fred turned to look at her. "No, he's not like you."

"You always want to see the best in people. But sometimes they are wearing their worst."

"Three hours," Fred headed back up the stairs with Lorne close behind her.

…

Angel could tell Cordelia and Conner had been here. Demonic activity was too low, they had cleaned this place out. He glimpsed some scorch marks on the wall. The marks confirmed what he already knew. He walked back toward his car. They had left. Where to? If they were hunting demons, and it appeared they were, what was the objective? Was this just damage control? Were they only out here to protect civilians, or was there a larger goal to their systematic demon hunt? Angel hated being in the dark (figuratively that was). The vampire started up his car. If they were trying to take out the most demons they would stay in the center of the spreading darkness. Angel would circle this area and look for signs of which direction they had taken. It would be slow work. Angel got the sense that every moment counted.

…

Gunn walked the streets of his old neighborhood. He needed to clear his head. He heard a scream and went running. A man was shaking a woman. "I know he knows! Where is he?!"

Gunn recognized his old friend Anne. "I don't know where he is! I don't know!"

Gunn grabbed the man and pulled him away from her. "Back off." Gunn's voice was low and dangerous. The man was human, so Gunn wasn't going to kill him; but the man didn't need to know that. "We need to be pulling together at a time like this, not attacking each other."

"She knows something about why the sun went out." The man accused

"No I don't, I swear." Anne said "Gunn please believe me."

"I know you don't." Gunn said "Now you need to get lost." He told the man

"Not until I get answers."

Gunn grabbed the front of the man's shirt. "What did I just say?"

"I'm not afraid of you." The man tried to shove Gunn away.

Gunn pushed the man down the street. The man sprawled out on the asphalt. While the man tried to rise Gunn grabbed his shoulders and threw him further down the street. "I'm only going to say this one more time. Get the hell out of here, or I'm going to get angry."

The man stood and faced Gunn. He looked from Gunn to Anne. "Whatever," He ran off.

Gunn walked back over to Anne. "Friend of yours?"

"He was. He gives some of my kids odd jobs occasionally. He thinks one of them knows something about why the sun went out. I guess fear gets to us all. He's usually a nice guy."

"Seems like a real prince," Gunn said "You shouldn't be out here alone."

"I know, but I had to go to the store. Supplies are almost gone."

"I'll walk you back to the shelter." Gunn said

"Thanks," They started down the street together. "It's been awhile since I've seen you."

"Yeah," He agreed "Sorry about that."

"No it's okay, just… how have you been?"

Gunn sighed. "Honestly, not great."

"What about your friend?"

"What?" Gunn was startled by this question.

"The one who got shot, how is he?"

"Honestly he's not so good either. He's… sick."

"I'm sorry." Anne said "I know you two were close."

Gunn hated talking about this. He wanted to get off the topic immediately. "We were."

Anne was silent for a moment. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"No," The next silence was a lot longer. "How have you been?" He finally asked

"The same," She said "Good," She smiled at him with beautiful authenticity.

"Kids are good?" Gunn asked

"They're great. They make my day. There's this one kid, he's so hurt and confused but I really feel like I'm making a difference in his life. He was starting to come around until the day the sun went out. He's the one that my 'friend' thinks knows something about what happened."

"Why?"

"They were working a job in the old industrial district when they saw some kind of monster, like a demon or something I guess. Conner called some people about it and-"

Gunn interrupted. "Did you say Conner?"

"Yeah," Anne said "Why?"

"Conner has been staying at your shelter?"

"You know him?" Anne asked "How?"

"He's my friend's son." Gunn said "He lived with me for three months."

Anne stopped short. "You're joking."

"No, I'm not. Remember that guy who wanted to screw that law firm over?"

"Angel, yeah. Conner is his son?"

"Yep," They were both silent for a little longer and in a few moments they were outside the shelter. "So what did Conner tell you about who he was? Did he tell you anything?"

"Yes, but I always got the sense he was holding something back. Is it true that one of his father's friends kidnapped him?" Anne asked as they stood outside the shelter

"Yeah," Gunn said "It's complicated."

"Why don't you come inside?" Anne asked "We can talk more in there."

Gunn smiled at her. "I'd love to, but there is something I have to do."

"Slay some vampires?" She asked

"And a few other unpleasant things." Gunn said "It was good seeing you Anne."

"Likewise," She headed for the door and then stopped. "If you see Conner will you tell him I'm worried about him?" Anne asked "Maybe ask him to stop by?"

"I will." Gunn promised

He watched Anne go inside and then started back down the street. He was lost and confused, and his conversation with Anne made him feel even more so. He didn't know what to do, only that something had to be done. There were a lot of monsters crawling out of the woodwork, more every second. Charles Gunn didn't intend to let them take over his city.

…

Cordelia unlocked her front door. She gestured for Conner to enter. "We both need a shower, but I think you should go first. No offense but you're a little ripe."

Conner smiled in good humor. "I don't have any clean clothes."

"I'll scrounge up something." Cordy said "Into the bathroom with you."

Conner headed for the shower while Cordelia looked for the results of her failed attempt to learn to sew a couple of years back. She had taken some of Angel's battle-torn shirts home to mend and ended up with a big mess. The shirts didn't look nice but Cordy thought they would fit Conner well enough. As for pants, she might have a pair of working overalls somewhere. Cordy pushed around some clothes in her closet and saw her old prom dress. She took the dress out and held it against herself in front of the mirror. It had been so long since she'd worn it, but the dress would still fit. She had no intention of proving that assertion but… "Looks nice on you,"

Cordelia gasped and dropped the dress. She turned around and looked at Conner. He had a towel wrapped around himself and was dripping on the floor. Cordelia pulled the overalls from the closet and grabbed one of the least disastrous shirts. "These should work." She put the dress back in the closet and walked over to Conner to hand him his clothes. "No underwear, sorry,"

"It's okay," Conner said "I'll get dressed." He retreated back into the bathroom.

Cordelia went into the living room. It was pitch black, but she didn't turn on any lights because of what the newscaster had said. She picked up her cell phone. The battery had died while she was out. Plugging it in would be a power drain, but if AI needed to contact her in an emergency she would need it. Cordelia plugged the phone it. She went into the kitchen to make a sandwich. She made two PB&Js. She heard Conner enter the kitchen. "Sorry, no bologna."

Conner took his proffered sandwich. "Thanks,"

Cordelia bit into her sandwich as her thoughts wandered to Angel and the rest of her friends. What were they doing right now? Cordelia was still hurt and furious, but the pain wasn't as fresh as it had been. Perhaps she should hear Angel out. She thought she was ready.

"Now what?"

"Hum," Cordelia looked at Conner. "What?"

"Now what do we do?"

That was a good question. "Maybe we should go to the hotel now."

"What about all of the people out there who need our help?"

Another good question. "We help them by bringing the sun back." She told him

"What if we can't?"

Cordelia stared at him. "We have to."

"Right, trust you. I remember."

Cordelia looked away. "I know it's hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel, but it's there just like I told you." She then locked eyes with him. "I promise that I won't let anything happen to you so long as I'm alive. I love you Conner. So does your dad."

Conner stared at the floor. "It's hard, going back."

"I know." She said "But you can't keep hiding."

"Okay," Conner said "We go back." Cordelia smiled. She walked into the living room and picked up her charging phone. She saw a number of voice mails from Angel. She put the phone to her ear. Conner entered the room and saw her eyes widen in horror. "What is it?"

Cordelia put the phone down and looked at his concern. "Illyria," She whispered

"Did she escape?"

"They're thinking about letting her out."

"Let's go." The pair ran for Cordelia's car.

…

Angel threw the vampire against the brick wall. "Okay, okay; I saw two people that might be who you're looking for. A hot brunette and some grouchy kid, yeah."

"Where did they go?"

"I saw them taking out a bunch of my kind and I booked."

"Where were they when you saw them?" Angel asked

"Industrial district," Angel sighed, that was old news. He staked the vamp.

Angel headed back for his car. He was getting nowhere. It seemed that the trail had gone cold, that Cordy and Conner weren't hunting anymore. That was a problem. Angel resumed driving, losing a little more hope that he would find them with each passing moment. Angel wondered if they might have gone to Cordelia's apartment or back to the hotel. He saw dark shadows run past his car. Angel pulled over and got out to run after them. He could do this for days and never find anything out. Angel saw the demons head for the sewers. Angel stopped his pursuit, this was a waste of time. Angel started back toward his car. He was going back to the Hyperion to deal with the Illyria situation. If Cordelia wanted to help she would show up.

…

Gunn threw the vampire he was tussling with to the ground and staked it. He dodged a blow from one of the vampire's buddies. Gunn swung his blade at the undead creature, forcing it back. Gunn grabbed the crossbow slung over his back and aimed it at the vampire. He fired and the vampire knocked the arrow off of its trajectory. As Gunn rushed in for the kill he heard a scream in the distance. Gunn mentally noted where it had come from so he could head there after finishing this vampire. Gunn cut its head off and headed for whatever demonic creature had prompted that scream. A boy of about fifteen was lying on the ground with an arrow embedded in his gut. Gunn felt his heart stop. Gunn ran for the boy. "Are you okay?" Gunn asked

The boy had a line of blood dripping down his chin. Gunn examined the arrow shaft sticking out of the boy to confirm what he already knew. This was his arrow. "Guys," He heard someone say in a whiny nasally voice "Someone already killed our dinner. Now what?"

Gunn turned and saw three vampires. They were everywhere now. Gunn had just taken out two and now here were three more. They were coming in by the dozens, hundreds, to the city of eternal night. They came and they ate and they created more of their kind. This boy had been running from these three, just trying to survive. The arrow meant for the vampire Gunn had been fighting had wound up in him instead. Gunn considered calling an ambulance for the boy, but he knew ambulances didn't come to this part of town anymore. "I'm going to take you to a hospital." Gunn promised the boy "Just promise not to die." The boy managed a feeble nod while the vampires laughed. Gunn stood to face them. "You're in for a world of hurt."

"Are we now?" A vampire asked

"Yeah," Gunn attacked with unparalleled fury. The vampires were dust in seconds. All Gunn could see was red. He stood in the dust cloud and turned to the bleeding boy. Gunn gently lifted the boy into his arms. The boy moaned in pain. Gunn carried him to his truck and drove the boy to the hospital. When Gunn got out of the truck and lifted the boy's cold body into his arms a part of him knew the boy was dead, but most of him refused to believe. Gunn ran for the intake desk with the boy in his arms. "We need help!" The nurse ran over and felt for a pulse.

"I'm sorry-"

"He needs help." Gunn said "Right away,"

"This child has no pulse." The nurse spoke with infinite sadness. "We can't help you."

"What?" Gunn didn't understand.

"We're swamped; we have far more intakes than we can handle. You can take him to the city morgue. I'll write down the address for you." She headed back to the intake desk.

"But he needs a doctor." Gunn said listlessly

"It's too late for a doctor." The nurse said "I'm sorry."

"He can't be dead."

"Was he a friend of yours?" The woman asked

Gunn looked down at the corpse in his arms with an arrow sticking out of it. The boy was an it now, because he was just a body. There wasn't a person in there anymore. "I found him."

"I know it's hard. Everything is so much harder now."

He stared at her. "I have to help him."

"I know. You're a good man. Most people these days just walk on by and pretend they don't see. I can't blame them too much. It's dangerous to stop." The nurse looked at the crowded ER and the people vying for medical attention. "You have to go now. Take him to the morgue."

Gunn walked back to his truck. The corpse grew colder each moment and this frightened Gunn, as if the boy could become more dead. Gunn lay the boy gently into his truck. As Gunn got it he wondered if he should have put the boy in the back now that he was a body and not a person anymore, but Gunn couldn't bear to. He drove toward the morgue, growing number with each passing moment. He had killed this boy. He had killed him just like he had his sister.

…

Fred looked at the clock. "It's time."

"Just a little longer," Lorne pleaded

"We don't have any longer." Fred said "I'm letting her out."

"What's another hour?"

"It's an hour that the vampires run the city and innocent people die." Fred said

"Illyria killed more people in a few minutes than most vampires do in a few months."

"I'm doing this." She headed for the stairs.

"No, I can't let you." Lorne said

"You can't stop me." Fred replied

Lorne picked up a tranquilizer gun and pointed it at her. "I'm sorry sweet pea."

She stared at him. "So am I." She had anticipated this. She didn't hesitate. She pulled her own tranq gun from the waistband of her pants. She shot Lorne right in the chest. He hadn't been prepared for the shot, he didn't have time to react. She doubted Lorne would really have been able to shoot her, but it was a risk she couldn't take. She headed down the stairs as he collapsed.

"You naughty girl," Illyria said "Shooting your friend to help me,"

"I'm not doing this to help you."

"Oh, well my mistake."

Fred threw the powder at the cage, releasing the charms. She put the key in the lock. She knew there was no going back now. Even if she changed her mind, with the charms gone Illyria could just rip the cage door of its hinges. Unlocking the door was only symbolic. Fred felt like she should say something. She unlocked the cage door and pulled it open. "A deal's a deal."

"I don't make deals." Illyria said

Fred's heart dropped to her shoes.

"I don't lie either. I do what I say I will. Your actions are incidental."

Fred's mouth was almost too dry for her to respond. "Okay,"

Illyria started up the stairs. Fred was unsure if she should follow. But she reasoned fear was the only reason not to, so she did. As Illyria entered the lobby from the basement Conner and Cordelia burst in through the front door. "Oh my God." Cordy said "You idiots."

"As much as I would enjoy killing you Cordelia," Illyria said "There is something else I have to do first." Illyria waved her hand and was gone to quickly for any of them to react.

"You-" Cordelia started

She was interrupted by Lorne's moaning. "Lorne," Fred ran over to him. "I'm sorry."

"Why do people keep knocking me out?" Lorne complained "I'm not a bad guy."

"I'm sorry," Fred said "I had to."

Cordelia approached and shoved Fred away from Lorne. After Fred straightened up and regained her footing Cordelia slapped her. "What have you done?"

Fred touched the side of her face. Conner watched with widened eyes. "What I had to."

Cordelia raised her hand again and Fred flinched, but Cordelia lowered her hand. "You might have just doomed the entire human race. Why? How could you betray us like this?"

"I was just trying to help."

"Gee, where have I heard that one before?" Cordelia asked

"She'll turn the sun back on." Fred said

"She's the one who tuned it off!" Cordelia shouted

Lorne started to get to his feet. Fred tried to offer him a hand but he waved her off. Fred concealed her hurt while Lorne stumbled to the couch. "What's done is done." The demon said

"I can't even look at you right now." Cordelia told Fred

"I'll go to my room." Fred headed for the stairs. She just had to hold in the pain and uncertainty until she got to her room. She saw Lilah standing in the hall. "You heard."

"You stupid bitch." Lilah said

"It was the only- I don't have to explain myself to you." Fred continued toward her room.

"I'm evil and even I know better than to do what you did."

"Leave me alone Lilah." Lilah reached out to grab Fred's arm and Fred punched her in the face. Lilah reeled back. "I said leave me alone."

Lilah chuckled. "Look at you, all grown up and dooming the future of the human race."

"Screw you," Fred walked into her room and slammed the door shut.

…

Angel entered the Hyperion to find Cordelia already there. He was relieved. Conner and Cordelia were talking while Lorne rested on the couch. Angel approached them. "Hey,"

Cordelia turned to look at him with pure fury in her eyes. "You stupid son of a bitch."

Angel took a step back. "What?" Apparently she was still mad.

"You knew what she wanted to do and you just left her here with Illyria!"

Angel took a moment to process this. Who was Cordy talking about? Was she talking about Fred? Had Fred let Illyria out? There was no way. But why wasn't Fred down here? Had she freed the old one and then been killed by her? "Is she dead? What happened?"

"No," Cordy said "But Illyria is gone."

"She didn't hurt anyone?" Angel asked

"By some miracle," Cordy said "She didn't."

"Well that's something."

"Angel do you remember how difficult it was to capture her? Now she's gone."

"Fred made a deal with her." Angel said "Maybe she'll keep to it."

"Or maybe she'll come back here and kill us all." Conner said

"Look, I know this is hard, but we have to trust Fred."

"How can we trust her after what she did?" Cordelia asked

"Cordy," Angel said "It's Fred, Winifred Burkle, she would never hurt us."

"Am I the only one getting a weird Déjà vu sensation?" Cordelia asked

"Cordy we don't have to bring that up." Angel said "We just need to focus on the task at hand, finding Illyria. If she does bring the sun back we'll need to capture her afterwards."

"And if she doesn't bring the sun back?" Cordelia asked "What then?"

"Then we still need to recapture her." Angel said

"This is ridiculous." Cordelia said "I can't believe this."

"Cordy-"

"No," Cordelia cut him off "Let's split up. I'll take Conner, you take Gunn."

"Gunn left." Lorne said "He didn't say when he was coming back."

"Well that's just perfect." Cordelia said

"And no different from what you did." Angel said "If I hadn't been out looking for you Fred wouldn't have been able to release Illyria. You could have at least taken your phone."

"Right, because you're so good about answering your cell." Cordelia said "I had to leave to get away from you, after what you did I couldn't be around you for another second."

"Cordelia I'm sorry." Angel pleaded "I really am."

"Well you should have thought about that before you-!" Cordelia stopped herself.

"What?" Angel asked

"We don't have time for this. Conner and I are leaving."

Angel watched his son and the love of his life leave to go after the possessed corpse of his old friend and attempt to recapture it. "I hate my life." Angel said "So much right now."

"It'll get better Angel-cakes." Lorne said "Trust your buddy Lorne."

Angel sighed. "Trust… Fred really let Illyria out huh?"

"After shooting me with a tranq gun, yeah."

Angel shook his head. "What happened to us?"

"I don't know." Lorne said "But I don't like it."

…

Illyria stood under the black sky. To return the sun to its throne in the sky would require powerful magics. It was almost exciting. She would need the relic and a blood sacrifice. She would also need a location saturated in magic. Those three things could all be found in one place so she would bring the rest of the ingredients there. All of the ingredients could be found in L.A. if one knew where to look. Illyria did. Illyria knew many things, ancient things, and she had all of the knowledge of her host. Combining these two very different collections of information gave her a very clear picture. Her advanced senses accented her knowledge. Many of these ingredients were almost impossible to get, but it was no problem for Illyria. The god-king did not comprehend the word impossible. Obstacles were to her just decorations, different species of tree that grew along the side of her path and that she observed with a detached eye. She would bring the sun back, and watch humanity celebrate their reprieve. As they danced under their fire she would eye them like entries on a menu, deciding which to eat first and what preparation to get.

…

Cordelia drove in silence. Conner desperately wanted to ask her something but even someone as deficient in social skills as him knew enough tact to remain silent. Conner had no idea how they were supposed to find Illyria when they didn't know where she was going or even what her goals were. Cordy finally spoke. "We're not getting anything accomplished." Conner wisely chose not to respond. "I have an idea, but if it doesn't work I'll look pretty stupid."

"You could never look stupid."

Cordelia smiled at him as she pulled over. She got out of the car and held her arms out in front of her. Her palms began to glow with a white hot light. She started to very slowly rotate in a circle. Conner watched her and saw a moment where the light in her hands became much brighter and then died back down. Cordelia stopped and looked down at her hands. She moved back to the position she had been in when they were brighter. Her hands brightened again. Cordy looked ahead of her. "We're going to drive that way I guess." She told Conner

"Okay,"

Cordelia got back in the car. "Now we're getting somewhere."

"What do we do if we find her?" Conner asked

"When we find her," Cordelia corrected

"What do we do when we find her?" Conner asked

"We capture her again."

"What if we can't?"

"We can and we will."

Conner was silent for a long time. He considered saying nothing at all. "What if we have to kill her? What if she's about to do something really bad and we have to kill her?"

"It won't come to that."

Conner nodded in agreement, but his implied assent was a lie. He meant what he had said earlier when he had told her he trusted her more than anyone in the world, but he did not believe her last statement. Deep down Conner thought he was going to have to kill Illyria and he swore to himself that he would. To make up for all the carnage Illyria had caused because Conner had allowed himself to be taken hostage he would kill it. He would accept the consequences. He would accept that Cordelia might never forgive him this time. This was what he had to do.

…

Fred was curled up in a ball on her bed. When she heard the knock on her door she wanted to ignore it, but she couldn't hide in here forever. Fred sighed as she walked to the door and then opened it to reveal Lorne. Fred flinched upon seeing him. "I really am sorry I shot you with the tranquilizer dart. I didn't want to hurt you Lorne, please believe that."

"I do." Lorne said "I get it."

"Good."

"Can I come in?"

Fred gestured for Lorne to enter. "I'm surprised you forgave me so fast."

"I don't." Lorne said as he took a seat

"Oh,"

"We're friends Fredikins, always will be. I can forgive a lot of things, and I will."

"But…"

"Shooting me, I'm over that. I forgive you for that. I can't forgive the rift you made in our group. You didn't have the right to make the decision on your own. It was a group decision."

"But it was the right decision."

"Not your call." Lorne said

"You're right." Fred said "But I did what I had to in order to save the ones I love."

"And you would do it all over again, wouldn't you?" Lorne asked

"I'm not going to lie to you." Fred said "I would."

"What if Illyria kills us all?" Lorne asked

"She won't."

"You don't know that." Lorne was getting frustrated. "Fred what happened to you? To all of us? How did we get here? You never would have done something like this before."

"It's the end of the world." Fred said "We're all just trying to survive."

Lorne sighed. "I'm getting nowhere." He said

"I'm sorry." She repeated

"You keep saying that, but you're not, you don't regret what you did."

Fred paused. "You're right I don't."

"I guess I should just go then." Lorne said

"You don't have to." Fred said

"I think I do." Said Lorne "See you later Fred." He left.

Fred stared at the closed door for a few minutes. She felt the tears drip from her eyes and down her face. She went back to her bed and buried her face in her pillow. Had she in one fell swoop alienated all of her friends? They weren't friends, they were family, and now they were all furious with her. Yet Fred couldn't regret what she had done. She believed it was the right call even if it came with these consequences. She wondered if this was how Wesley had felt when he kidnapped Conner. Of course that hadn't worked out. Fred felt a worm of doubt slithering in her gut. If she was wrong, if Illyria didn't turn the sun back on, how could Fred ever live with herself, live with what she had done? Her tears flowed faster, sobs escaping her body.

…

Wes sat down at a table at Caritas. Lorne was on stage singing _Ain't No Sunshine_ while the crowd sat in rapt attention. Faith walked up to the table with two drinks. She set one down in front of him and sat down to watch the show, sipping her own drink. "How are you Wes?"

"Are you real?" He asked

"You know I'm not."

"Then I don't want to talk to you."

"Come on Wes, I thought we were friends."

Wesley chuckled. "When were we ever friends?"

"We could have been." She said "Once upon a time,"

"Once upon a time," He echoed

"I bet you think about it all the time, how thing went down in Sunnydale."

"I have nightmares about it."

"You're a hypocrite." Faith said

"I would take offense to that if you weren't a manifestation of my subconscious."

"All those times you told Angel he needed to forgive himself for his past, and you were at home berating yourself for your failure to be a watcher. And don't even get me started on the whole Conner thing. Slitting your wrists? A little melodramatic, don't you think?"

Wesley picked up his drink. "It seemed like the thing to do at the time."

"You ever see that movie _The Magnificent Seven_?"

"You know I have."

"Planning on stripping down and jumping into any cactus patches?"

"No," He said "I'm not going to do that."

Faith looked around and lowered her voice. "I don't think there are any deserts around here anyway." She held out her drink, prompting a toast.

Wesley ignored the gesture. "It is rather cold in here."

"It's snowing outside."

Wesley stood up. "I have to go. I have to get out of here."

"Be careful!" Faith shouted after him as he approached the stage

"Lorne," Wes said as Lorne was finishing his song "Lorne,"

"I'm performing here pal, can we talk later?"

"Are there any windows here?" Wesley asked

"Behind the bar."

Lorne started a new song while Wes headed for the bar. He saw a window that had never been in the real Caritas (before it was destroyed the final time) and approached it. He opened the window and saw a snowstorm. "I wouldn't go out there." A hand reached for the window and closed it. Wesley watched the window darken into black glass. He turned to look at Angel.

"Where is the exit?"

"No exit," Angel said "You're stuck here forever."

"No," Wesley said "I refuse to accept that."

"Okay,"

"I need your help." Wesley pleaded

"I tried to help you. I gave you things you'd never had before. You didn't repay me in kind; you betrayed me. Why should I try to help you again?"

Wesley flinched at these cruel words, even though he knew they were coming from himself, not his old friend. Of course the man had tried to kill him, so how far could the words be from Angel's actual thoughts? "Please help me. I'm stuck in here. I don't know how to get free."

Faith walked over from the table they had been sharing. She put her hands on his shoulders and whispered in his ear. "This is your prison. You may never leave."

Wesley broke out of her grip and ran for the door to the club. He ran through and entered his apartment. Gunn was sitting on Wesley's couch, watching a sport's game on TV and eating Buffalo wings. "The game is on. Are we going to watch it?" Gunn asked

"I'm not a big soccer fan." Wes said

"This is football." Gunn said

"Americans call it football, but that is soccer." Wesley insisted

"Whatever," Gunn said "You don't have to be such a know-it-all."

"Things should be called by their proper names." Wesley said

"You're right Judas."

Wesley took a step back. "What?"

"I was just calling you by your proper name." Gunn said

Someone walked out of the kitchen. It was Fred. "Hey Wes,"

"This isn't real." Wesley reminded himself

"But it could be." She walked up to him. "Now that you know you're stuck here forever don't you want to pick a nice place to be? Don't you want to rest in a warm bed?" She put her hand on his chest and lowered her voice. "She grows tired of your movement."

"I don't care." Wesley said "I have to go. I have to get out of here."

"Fine," A male voice said

Wesley turned around and saw his dad. This wasn't a manifestation of Wesley's subconscious, this was Illyria wearing a form she knew would frighten him. Wesley knew this, but his terror did not. "Hello Father," Wesley said as the man approached him "How are you?"

There wasn't a staircase in Wesley's apartment, but somehow now there was. There was a door under the stairs and Wesley's dad grabbed Wesley by the arm and threw his into the dark cupboard under the stairs. The door slammed shut with finality. Illyria had decided she was done letting him wander around in his head. She was locking him away, forever.

…

Faith knew she was dreaming. She walked down a road under a black sky. "Faith,"

Faith turned around and saw Buffy. "Hey,"

Buffy walked up to her and put a hand on Faith's shoulder. "You know you're not supposed to be outside." Buffy said "You're being punished for your crimes."

"I have to help somebody. Somebody needs my help."

"Nobody needs help from somebody like you." Buffy told her

"Somebody does."

"No they do not."

Faith woke up with a start. She looked around her dark cell. Something was wrong.


	13. Salvage

Cordelia entered the Hyperion lobby with Conner close behind. Angel was talking to Lorne and Lilah for some reason. Cordelia was further angered by this. "Has Fred come out of her room at all?" Cordelia asked "Or is she still up there sulking?"

Angel sighed. "She hasn't come out yet."

"She's sad because mommy's still mad at her." Lilah teased

"Why is she down here?" Cordelia asked, deliberately avoiding looking at Lilah

"She's using her Wolfram & Hart contacts to help us get a beat on Illyria." Angel said

Cordelia made a dismissive sound. Lorne looked from her to Angel. Both of their auras were shouting wrongness with big bold neon red letters. "You two didn't have any luck?"

Cordelia shook her head. "She moves too fast. Every time we had almost closed in on her she was off to her next location. We do however know she's gathering the ingredients for some kind of spell, based off of where she has been so far." Cordelia explained

"Maybe it's a spell to turn back on the great lamp in the sky." Lorne said

"Maybe it's powerful dark magic that will kill you all." Lilah said cheerily

"God I hate you." Cordy said

"The feeling is so, so mutual princess." Lilah said "I promise."

Angel walked away, feeling despondent. They needed help. They were supposed to be the ones who helped the helpless, but right now helpless was exactly how Angel felt. Who was going to help him? Gunn was gone, having run off to who knows where, coming back who knows when. Wesley was possessed by a demon. Fred was holed up in her room. Cordelia was furious with him. The only one Angel could really count on right now was Lorne, and as much as he cared for the demon Angel couldn't exactly rely on him in a combat situation. So the question was, who saved heroes when they needed rescuing? Who was going to help him?

…

For a slayer staying in shape wasn't just a habit, it was a way of life. Faith was doing her daily pull-ups in the yard. Her slayer senses let her know about everything that was going on around her. She looked through the high fence that separated her from the world. The only reason Faith was in jail was because she willingly stayed. The idea that a regular prison could hold a slayer was laughable. But escape had never crossed her mind before now. The fact that she could flip over the bar she was using for pull-ups and leap over the fence she had always allowed to go unacknowledged. Now she couldn't stop thinking about it. Faith was distracted from her thoughts by the not-so-stealthy advance of another inmate. Faith heard her approach and sensed that she was about to pull a weapon out. Faith swung around the bars and kicked her would-be assailant in the face. The woman hit the ground and dropped a knife. This was not an ordinary knife. Faith wasn't up to date on her occult studies, but she still knew a mystical artifact when she saw one. Something really was going on. The dreams were more than just dreams.

"Step back, step back," A guard came running up.

"Wasn't me Eddie, I swear."

"I saw what happened." The guard said as he picked up the knife "How the hell did she smuggle this in here?" The woman who had tried to attack Faith attempted to get up. "Stay down." The guard ordered "You're in a lot of trouble." He turned to Faith. "Are you okay?"

Faith considered this. "No,"

"Did she cut you?"

Faith made her decision in an instant, and once that decision was made no one would be able to stop her. She grabbed the bars and swung herself up. She caught the barbed wire at the top of the fence and threw herself over. Landing on the other side would shatter most people's legs, but for a slayer it barely hurt. She was up and running while guards and inmates shouted in surprise at the impossible feat they had just seen. Faith tore off a piece of her prison jumpsuit to bandage her torn, bloody hands. She was going to the city of endless night, Las Angeles.

…

Angel removed a glass container of blood from the fridge. "Our noble hero, engaged in the act of drawing sustenance from yet another poor innocent creature." Lilah said

Angel sighed as he turned to face her. "I suppose you're a vegetarian, right?"

"No," She said "But I'm evil remember?"

"Do you ever get tired of making people miserable?" Angel asked

"No," She said "It's my bread and butter."

"That's sad."

"Any more sad than you denying your true nature?" She asked

"What do you want Lilah? I'm not in the mood for games."

"Do you think she'll do it?"

"Bring back the sun?"

"No, the polka,"

Angel glared at her. "I hope so."

"The only reason I'm still alive is to make sure she dies. When Fred let her out I should have been down here to stop her. I never would have thought that little mouse had it in her."

"Don't talk about her like that." Angel said

"I thought you were mad at her."

"She's still my friend." Angel said

"You are such a hypocrite." Lilah said

Angel looked at her. He was trying to discern whether she was just trying to play with his emotions or she actually cared. It was hard to tell with her because he had always assumed she was incapable of caring. "What does it matter to you? I bet the only reason you tried to help him was so you would have data for Wolfram & Hart to analyze. Your swat team tried to kill him."

"Things aren't as cut and dry as we would have them be Angel."

Angel rolled his eyes. "Right, you're just misunderstood."

"No," Lilah said "I'm evil. But I'm just as capable of doing a good dead as you are capable of committing an evil one. Bad people do good things. Good people do bad things."

"Fred did a bad thing." Angel said "But her intentions were pure."

"Like kidnapping your son to save his life?" Lilah asked

"I learned my lesson from that." Angel said "It's why I can forgive what Fred did."

"I'm sure Wesley would feel a lot better if he knew that."

"What do you want from me Lilah? I was wrong. I know that."

This seemed to bewilder Lilah. She hadn't been prepared for him to admit his own culpability in what had happened. "And that makes everything better?" She asked

"No," Angel said "But people make mistakes. We recognize them and move past them."

"I think I'm going to hurl." Lilah said

"You can act all superior if you want Lilah, but deep down you're human too."

Lilah touched her chest and adopted a sarcastic tone and expression. "What is this warm fuzzy feeling I have in my heart? Is this what it's like to feel? Oh, I'm reformed!"

Angel rolled his eyes. "Make fun all you want Lilah, but I know your secret."

"That I was knocking boots with Wes, everybody knows that now." Lilah said

"No," Angel said "That you really cared about him."

Lilah snickered. "You got me. I had a pathetic human emotion for the guy I was screwing; truly I am now on the path of redemption. Love has saved me!" She threw her hands in the air, imitating a caricature of someone at an enthusiastic sermon or prayer meeting.

"Me thinks the lady doth protest too much." Angel said

"Still trying to save everybody huh?" Lilah said "Haven't you learned yet what that gets you champion?" Her pronunciation of champion was as sarcastic as possible. "It gets you heartbreak, pain, and sorrow. You can't save the world Angel, you can't even save your friends and your sad little relationships. Face it, you're screwed." Lilah seemed pleased by this thought.

Angel leaned in close to her and whispered in her ear. "And what are you?" He walked away; leaving Lilah alone by the mini-fridge, feeling empty, and not quite sure why.

…

Gunn stood panting among the piles of dust. How many had that been? He looked at the long ragged cut in his arm. Hot, sticky blood dripped onto the ground. He couldn't keep going like this. He was going to reach his limit. Gunn limped back toward his tuck. "You don't look so great buddy." Angel looked up at a group of four vampires. He knew in his gut that he couldn't take them. He was injured and they were in peak condition. But he couldn't get in the truck before they closed in on him either. He pointed his crossbow at the group of undead.

"I might not be able to take all of you, but I can take some. Do you really want to make that gamble?" Gunn asked "I'm not some scared kid." He told them "This is what I do."

"I'm petrified." A female vampire said

"It's a big bad vampire hunter." Another vampire teased

The female vampire giggled. Gunn caught them by surprise when he aimed at her and fired a crossbow bolt into her chest. She screamed as she dissolved into dust. The other vampires got serious and ran at Gunn. He didn't have time to reload the crossbow, so he threw it at them in an attempt to slow them down. He drew his sword with his left hand, unable to do so with his injured dominant hand. Gunn swung at the vampires. It was all he could do to hold back all three, decapitating one of them was beyond his current capacities. Out of nowhere an arrow embedded itself in one of the vampires' back. It turned to dust. The other two vampires looked for the new assailant and Gunn used the opening to cut one's head off. The other was impaled with a spear. Gunn watched the person holding the spear step into view. "Rondell," Gunn said

"When did you get so sloppy?" Gunn's old friend asked

"When my arm got cut open."

Rondell looked around. "Where are your buddies?"

Gunn frowned. "Not here."

"You need that looked at?" Rondell pointed at Gunn's arm.

Gunn nodded. "That'd be nice."

…

Illyria entered the small demon hide-out. She needed the horn of a full-grown male of this species. They were a rare breed, and the males only grew to maturity after the thousandth year of their life cycle. To Illyria such time was brief. She was forced to kill almost the entire clan before she found the leader cowering in his room. She ripped his horn out before she killed him.

She had now gathered almost all of the ingredients she would need. She walked under the black sky, remembering the days when the sky had been red. She remembered when their violent acts were so many and ferocious that blood became a mist that covered the sky. She remembered red ice and red fire. She remembered animals bleeding on the ground. Those days would come again because it was her will. She would hunt again, feed again. Only when she had used up the last of what this world had to offer her would she turn it into a barren ice land. She smiled.

…

Cordelia laid out on the couch, trying to catch twenty minutes of sleep. She and Conner had been hunting Illyria for days, with no results. Angel was going out as well, on his own since Gunn and Fred were both unavailable for help. He kept his phone on him so he could call Cordy if he found the old one and she could help him take her down. It was a pointless gesture. If Cordy couldn't find Illyria with her glow…thing, then Angel wasn't going to find her with plain old dumb luck. Even if he did Illyria would be gone by the time he had called Cordelia and she had showed up. Lorne was using every connection he had to try and find her, but that front refused to yield results as well. All Cordelia wanted to do right now was get some sleep.

"I don't think the expression lying down on the job is meant to be taken literally."

Cordelia sat up. "Just when I thought my life couldn't get any worse."

Faith smiled at the seer. "What, you aren't happy to see me?"

"Somehow there aren't any expressions in the English language strong enough to communicate just how in the negative my answer to that question is. So no Faith, I'm not."

"Angel here?" The slayer asked, unbothered by her reaction

"Why, you want to kill him again?"

"Come on Cordelia, you know I'm reformed."

"Right, and they let you out for good behavior right?" Cordelia's voice was venomous.

"No, I escaped." Faith held up her bloody hands, bound in fabric.

"Yeah, you're reformed."

"You need my help." Faith said

"The day I need your help will be the day-"

"The sun disappears from the sky?" Faith guessed

Cordelia glared. "We don't want your help."

"Yeah, you guys have it under control." Faith said "How's the sun thing going?"

Cordelia stood up and approached the slayer. "Get out."

Faith opened her mouth to reply, but she didn't get the chance. "Faith!" Angel's voice came from the staircase as he hurried down. "What are you doing here? What happened?"

"I had a dream." Faith explained

"Oh brother," Cordelia rolled her eyes.

"Slayers have been known to have prophetic dreams, Buffy does sometimes." Angel said

"Well this dream was weird." Faith said "There were two of them actually."

"We should properly bandage your hands." Angel said

"Excuse me," Cordelia said "But am I the only one who cares that psycho slayer just broke out of prison?" Angel led Faith behind the counter to get the first aid kit. Apparently she was the only one concerned. Cordelia was infuriated by this turn of events. Hadn't she gone through enough yet? Now she had to deal with Faith, sexy has-a-complicated-history-with-Angel Faith the vampire slayer. Cordy knew Angel had a propensity for going gaga over slayers.

Cordelia followed Angel and Faith. "Tell me about your dreams." Angel said

"It was weird. The first dream was about English. Where is he anyway?"

Angel and Cordelia shared a look. "There's something you should know." Angel said

…

Gunn winced as his arm was bound in gauze. "Pretty impressive, you taking out all of those vamps on your own." Rondell said "It's a little surprising though, thought you were out of that game." Gunn smiled in thanks at the woman who was finishing his arm. "Gonna share?"

"What do you want me to say?" Gunn asked

"What happened to your new crew?"

"I'm starting to wonder that myself." Gunn admitted

"You're not with them anymore?" Rondell asked

"No I…" Gunn wasn't sure how to answer that question. "Things are just complicated."

"So you decided to deal with your issues with a bloody display of violence? That's my pal Charles Gunn." Rondell said in a tone of approval completely devoid of irony

"Some people never change." Gunn said "Guess I'm one of them."

"Nothing wrong with that." Rondell grabbed a spare crossbow from a shelf and held it out toward Gunn. "Are you ready to get back out there?" Rondell asked

Gunn wondered if it was that easy. Could he just slip back into his old life? Could he grab a crossbow and go hunting with his old friends? Could he pretend all of the things he'd seen and done the last few years had never happened? Gunn didn't know the answers to any of those questions, but he did know that somebody had to stop the monsters from taking over the city while the sun was dark. Maybe the rest of Angel investigations could bring the sun back, but Gunn had to make sure that while the sun was out not too much damage was done. "Let's go."

"All right!" Rondell clapped his hands together. "That's what I like to hear!"

Gunn grabbed the crossbow, ignoring the twinge in his hurt arm. "Let's go dusting."

Rondell chuckled. "Those friends of yours have had a bad influence on you. That's one of the worst one-liners I've ever heard. I've heard some bad ones too."

"Shut up." Gunn felt better than he had in a long time. It was weird. He was hurt, and they were about to head out into dangerous territory. Why was he happy?

…

Angel's story was finished and Faith was just staring. "You have a son?"

"Yeah," Angel said

"Cordelia was chosen by the powers that be to rid the world of an ultimate evil?"

"Yeah," Cordy said

"Wesley is possessed by that ultimate evil?"

A new voice answered this time. "Yeah,"

Faith looked over at Lilah who had walked up to the other side of the counter at some point during this exchange. "And the evil bitch who hired me to kill you three years ago is your pal now?" Faith asked in an incredulous voice "What the hell guys? What did I miss?"

"We're not pals." Angel and Lilah said at the same time

"It's so cute how you think alike." Cordelia muttered under her breath

"She's helping us stop Illyria." Angel said

"I thought she was evil." Faith said

"I am." Lilah assured her

"So why do you want to stop an ultimate evil?"

"I work for a different evil force." Lilah said "They don't get along."

"Okay," Faith said "Still confused, but on track."

"So these dreams," Cordy said "Did they contain any helpful information?"

"Not in the strictest sense," Faith confessed "Just the general sense of wrongness."

"Gee," Cordelia said "I'm sure glad you came all this way to warn us about the wrongness going on, otherwise we might never have known. You're a lifesaver."

"Cordelia," Angel said

"Don't Cordelia me. I fail to see how throwing the psycho bitch slayer into the mix is going to help in any way. The last time she way here she tried to kill you, broke into my apartment, and then brutally tortured Wesley. Now she's going to make things better?"

"Cordelia that's enough." Angel said

"No," Faith said "She's right." Faith gave Cordelia her full attention. "You have every right to feel the way you do and I'll be happy to work things out with you when this is all over, but right now all I'm concerned with is stopping this Illyria chick from destroying the world."

"Yeah," Lilah said "That's my job."

"Lilah," Angel said "Could you please stop being so freaking unhelpful?"

"It's my nature." Lilah said "Sorry sugar,"

"So what's the plan?" Faith asked

"The plan is we stop Illyria while you go back to prison." Cordelia said

"Cordy we could use her help." Angel said

Fast, heavy footsteps drew their attention to the staircase. Conner was running toward them from upstairs. The four people downstairs stared at him. "She's here." Conner said

A blue hand shoved the boy down the stairs. He tumbled to the lobby, a fall that would kill or maim most normal people. "Illyria," Cordelia said

"It looks just like…" Faith couldn't finish.

"I know you." Illyria said, sounding amused "I didn't think you would show up."

"What do you-"

Illyria moved so fast that none of them saw where she went. Cordelia's hands began to glow white. Conner struggled to his feet. Angel grabbed two swords and handed one to Cordy while Faith grabbed two swords and kept both for herself. Illyria showed up in front of them holding the relics of Ra from downstairs. She set it on the ground and then poured the contents of a cup that appeared to be carved from some kind of horn onto the relic. Illyria smirked at her assembled opposition. "I will do what I said I would. This ceremony requires a blood sacrifice."

Lilah's eyes widened. "Oh screw that." She took off running for the lobby doors.

Illyria appeared in front of Lilah and grabbed her by the neck. Cordelia fired a blast of light at Illyria, but the old one had already snapped Lilah's neck by the time the blast made contact. Illyria dropped Lilah and was throw toward the lobby doors. While Cordelia lifted her sword, which began to glow again, Illyria used her speed to grab Lilah's corpse and stand before the relics again. Illyria pulled apart the flesh of Lilah's neck, allowing blood to spill onto the relics of Ra. While Lilah's blood flowed Fred appeared on the staircase. She had heard the commotion and come out of her room. She watched with horror as Lilah's blood formed a pool around the ancient relics. She ran downstairs. "Fred don't!" Angel shouted too late

Illyria dropped Lilah's corpse and turned to face Fred. Faith turned around and saw beams of light coming in through the lobby doors. Neither Angel nor Cordelia noticed as they ran for Fred. Illyria picked the woman up by her shoulders. "I did what I said I would do mortal."

Fred looked past Illyria at the sun shining down outside. "Yes, you did."

"Now I can do all those nasty things you reminded me I like to do."

"Did you have to kill her?" Fred asked

"Not her specifically," Illyria said "But a death was required."

"Why did you pick her?"

"I deemed her blood worthy. You are not so fit, a traitor to your own."

Fred squeezed her eyes shut tight. "Are you going to kill me now?"

"No," Illyria said "It will be much crueler to let you live." Illyria lowered her voice as Angel and Cordelia stood nearby, ready to act at a moment's notice. "You're not who he thought you were. You are not so pure, so incorruptible. See, I have corrupted you and it wasn't hard."

Illyria dropped Fred to the ground. Angel swung his blade, which Illyria caught and bent into a useless angle. Cordelia swung her brightened blade, which Illyria dodged. Faith entered the fray with her swords. Angel and Faith's distractions allowed Cordy to pierce Illyria's shoulder with her glowing sword. Illyria used her time distortion to flee the room, leaving them facing each other holding their swords, with no Illyria in sight. Fred was sobbing on the ground.

"Fred," Angel tried to help her up, but she pushed his hands away.

"I killed her."

Cordelia looked from Lilah's body to Fred. Cordy felt all of her anger for Fred bleed away as relief that all of her friends were (sort of) alive took over. "It wasn't your fault."

"You know that's not true." Fred said "You know I'm responsible."

"Sun's back on." Faith said needlessly "So there's that."

"I might as well have slit her throat, because that's how responsible I am." Fred said

"Fred you were right." Cordelia said "Illyria did bring the sun back. She did stop the imminent apocalypse. As far as I'm concerned that's worth Lilah's death."

"How can you say that?" Fred asked as she continued to weep

"I know we're not supposed to speak ill of the dead, but Lilah has tried to kill us quite a few times." Cordelia reminded Fred "It's not as though she were an innocent."

Fred buried her face in her hands. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

Angel's heart broke to see her like this. He knelt down in front of her. "It's not your fault that Lilah is dead." He told her "You made the right call. You did the right thing." Fred shook her head and kept crying. Angel pulled her into a hug and she sobbed into his shoulder. "Shhh,"

Cordelia looked at Conner. She gestured for him to follow her away from Fred and Angel so they could talk without being overheard. She was annoyed when Faith followed, but she didn't object. "We need to follow her." Cordelia said "We have to bring her back in."

"Can you track her?" Faith asked

"She's too fast." Conner said "We can never close in."

"So we bring her to us." Faith said "Bait her somehow."

"How do you propose we do that?" Cordelia asked

…

Gunn was taking on a pair of vampires when he was blinded by a flash of light and deafened by the screams of the two vampires as they burnt to a crisp. He shielded his eyes from the sunlight while his pupils adjusted and then he surveyed his surroundings. A wide authentic smile lit up his face. "They did it. They really did it." He laughed in pure joy.

Rondell walked up to Gunn. "I wonder how many vamps got caught by surprise."

"I don't know." Gunn said "But have you ever seen anything so beautiful in your life?"

"I don't think so." Rondell smiled at his friend. "Do you know what happened?"

"I can guess." Gunn said "I think I know who is responsible for this."

"Well if you see them, say thanks for me." Rondell said

"I will. I'm going to go do that right now." Gunn said

"All right," Rondell watched Gunn head to his truck. "Will you be coming back?"

Gunn paused. "I don't know. My life is really confusing right now."

"Well you know where to find us."

Gunn nodded and took off for the Hyperion.

…

Lorne knocked on Fred's door. He received no answer but the continued sound of sobbing from his favorite physicist. Lorne pushed the unlocked door open. "Fred," She was lying in bed crying into her pillow. "Fred sweetie, what happened to Lilah wasn't your fault."

"You know that's not true." He could barely hear her as she spoke into the pillow.

"I know nothing of the sort. Do you know how many lives you saved?"

"It doesn't make me any less of a murderer." Fred replied

"Fred honey, it was Lilah."

Fred sat up, furious. "So it's okay that she died?!"

"That's not what I meant."

"That's what it sounded like." Fred said in a low angry voice

"You can't beat yourself up about this." Lorne pleaded

"I think I can actually." Fred said

"Fred we need you. We need you strong. You can't give in to-"

They heard a shout from the lobby. "Hey is anybody home?"

Lorne and Fred headed downstairs to meet Gunn. "You're here." Fred said in relief

"Fred what happened?" Gunn asked when he saw her red puffy eyes

Fred looked at his concerned face. He still loved her. She felt so weak, and he looked so strong and he still loved her. So what if she had realized she didn't love him? She walked up to him and kissed him on the lips. She just wanted to be held. He wrapped his arms around her and kissed her back. She felt herself give into the kiss. She felt herself give in completely. She didn't want to be strong anymore. She didn't want to make any more hard decisions that were going to get people killed. She just wanted him to hold her and tell her everything would be all right.

Lorne backed away from the couple. "I'll give you two some space."

Gunn looked at Fred's tear-stained face. "Tell me what happened."

"It doesn't matter." She said "You're here now and everything is going to be okay."

"I'll always be here for you." Gunn promised "I should never have left before, but I'm here now and I'll never leave again." He kissed her. "I promise. I'm here to stay."

"Good," She said "That's good." She leaned her head against his chest.

Lorne headed upstairs to his room. He hadn't heard either of them sing, he couldn't say for sure what the future held, but he did get the distinct impression that when Gunn had promised he wasn't going to leave again that was not in any way true. Lorne doubted that the man was lying, but unforeseen things happened all the time. Situations changed. How long could a relationship last that was founded not on love, but on desperation? She was seeking a lee from her inner storm and a respite from doubt and guilt. In time she would need more than that.

He heard them talking as he made his way to his door. "I love you." Gunn said

"I'm so glad you're back." Fred told him

…

Cordelia led their group. Angel and Faith walked side by side behind her while Conner brought up the rear. Cordelia could feel Illyria's footsteps. Something in her body reacted in repulsion to whatever traces Illyria had left behind. For some reason this new ability bothered Cordelia. She was glad they had this useful tracking tool, but it was yet another reminder that a part of her was no longer human and that part of her grew larger every day.

Cordelia saw the empty Wolfram & Hart building looming ahead of them. She sighed in exasperation. "Even dead they find a way to plague us. That's where Illyria went."

"So let's go kill the bitch." Faith said

"Capture the bitch," Angel said

"Right," Faith agreed quickly "Then we save Wesley, _then_ we kill the bitch."

"You got it." Angel said

"I'm primary," Cordy said "If I can run her through with my sword I can knock her down and keep her down. You guys distract her so I can get a clear shot. Everybody got that?"

Faith knew who the last comment was directed at. "Sounds like a plan." She agreed

"Good," Cordy said "Let's go."

…

Wesley could smell fruit. It wasn't fruit, it was jam. The cupboard was full of shelves housing glass jars stuffed with jam. Wesley wanted to stand up and turn on the light, but something kept him where he was. Wesley felt something scurry over his foot. Was it a spider, a rat, or something far worse? What all manner of monsters were hiding in here? Wesley wanted to reach for the doorknob and try to open the door, but he was forced to remain still. A loud banging sound startled him, but he could not react. Wesley closed his eyes and tried to imagine something else, but he couldn't because this was his imagination. If this was his head why couldn't he control what was happening to him? Wesley heard girlish giggling from the other side of the door. He wanted to call out to the girl, but he couldn't. Wesley wanted to stand up and open the door. It would be locked anyway, there was no point. But he had to try. At the very least he needed to stand up and turn the light on. It wouldn't work. Wesley couldn't move, he couldn't stand or speak. He was powerless and quiet. The girl was now moving around on the other side of the door. Who was she? He wanted to know. He had so many questions. That was his life, a series of exam questions he had to answer correctly. He had to know as much as possible or he might get one wrong, and what would father say? He had come up with the wrong answer in Sunnydale when he had taken Faith from Angel. But he had followed protocol. It didn't make any sense. He had followed the rules. He had come up with the right answer. But somehow he had still been wrong. There had been so many bad choices, and they had led him here, to the darkness with no respite. Wesley wondered how long it would take for him to lose his mind in this dark place. Then he heard the whisper on the other side of the door. It was the voice that went with the girlish giggle. "How long do you think it will take for you lose it out here?"

Somehow he found himself able to respond. "I'd like to take the chance."

"There is no chance out here, only insanity. You will die out here."

"It can't be any worse than this."

"I offered to let you sleep, and to dream pleasant dreams."

"Why?"

"Why not?"

"Why would you have mercy on me? You are a cruel creature. You have the power to hurt me so why would you offer me nice dreams unless I had some power over you?"

"Do not test me mortal. I can be much crueler than I have been."

"I do don't I? There's a way for me to stop you, or at least slow you."

"Maybe there is." She said in a taunting voice "But the price is high."

"I'll pay it. Nothing is worse than this."

"There are a million things worse than things a million times as bad as this and you will suffer them all, every day, if you leave your prison. I promise you this."

Wesley had power, he knew this now. He lifted his hand and put it on the door. "If I don't stop you you'll continue to kill innocent people. You'll hurt my friends."

"You can't stop me."

Wesley pushed against the door and felt it melting under his hand. "I can try."

"You will fail mortal. You are but a man, I am a god."

"No you're not." Wesley said as the warm melted door spilled over his hand and light began to shine in from the hole he had made. "You're just a very old thing that died long ago."

"And you are a very young thing that will remain dead for far longer than I did."

Wesley stood up and looked at the androgynous blue thing that he had first seen in his head's version of the Sunnydale high library. He stepped out of the cupboard and looked around the replica of his apartment. "This is my head." He told her "You have no right to be here."

"And yet," She said "Here I am."

"Well get out."

"You can't talk to me like that." She said

"And yet," He said "I did."

She giggled again. "You're funny human."

"I see no humor in this situation." Wesley said

"You haven't my perspective." She said "You will."

"Is that right?"

"I've been here for a while now. It's a place, not a good place, not an interesting place, not even a unique place, but it's a place. My head, it's like nothing you could ever comprehend of being mortal. If you saw what I had to show, you would lose yourself in it."

Wesley felt a touch of fear. "But I'm not in your head."

"You will be." She said "I'll lock you inside and let the things in there eat you alive."

Wesley could hear the truth and the hate in her voice. "If you could do that you already would have done it." He spoke with little conviction.

"I will do it." She said "I promise. I always keep my promises. You can ask Fred."

If he had possessed an actual physical presence he would have felt his heart stop or his blood turn to ice. "What did you do to Fred?" He demanded "Did you hurt her?"

She smiled at him. "Sure, lots of times; but that's not what I was talking about."

"What did you do?"

"It isn't what I did, it's what she did. She's a traitor now, just like you."

"You're a liar."

"Am I?"

She wasn't. He could see that. "You tricked her somehow."

"I didn't. She made a decision and unlike you she knew the consequences."

"Fred would never betray Angel."

"Neither would you." Illyria said "But you did. It is a funny thing. In my time betrayal was a matter of course. A leader who was weak must be usurped, it was the way. But you loved your leader and this defies reason. You and your species defy reason. You are not a noble race, but you aspire to many foolish ideals such as love and charity. You pretend to be weak when you are strong and you feign strength when you are weak. You condemn thieves while you reach your hand into your neighbor's pocket. You are liars and knaves, yet many of you would run into a burning building to save a crying child. It doesn't make sense. You don't make sense."

"We aren't perfect." Wesley said "But many of us try to be good."

"See where that has gotten you mortal." Illyria said "When the time comes I will throw you into the darkest of pits to scream and writhe in the fire. Your blood will leak from your eyes as you scratch at them to blind yourself. Yet still you will see and hear all the wretched things."

Wesley felt total terror as she grinned at him and let loose another girlish giggle.


	14. Release

Fred stood next to the table Lilah's body rested on. She looked down at the body, the mangled flesh, the pallid skin. "I never realized how pale the dead look. I should have."

Gunn put his hand on her shoulder. "You don't have to be down here."

"I do." She insisted "I have to pay my respects. I never respected her in life, I had no reason to, but now that she is dead I have to honor that. Her death was in service to the world."

"Yeah but her life never was." Gunn said "You don't owe her anything."

"I believe there was good in her." Fred said "I think she died too soon."

"Sugar," Lorne said "Don't taunt yourself by imagining what could have been."

"I know." Fred said "I just wonder if she could have been redeemed if I hadn't…"

Gunn squeezed her shoulder and she rested her head on his hand. Tears leaked from her eyes and spilled onto his skin. "I'm sorry baby." Gunn said "But this wasn't you."

"It was Illyria." Fred's voice was dull "Doing the thing that I convinced her to do."

"In order to save the world and not knowing that Lilah would die." Lorne said

"What if I had known?" Fred asked "Would I have done anything different?"

"It doesn't matter." Gunn said "It's done."

Fred reached out and touched Lilah's icy hand. "The dead are cold. I should know that."

"Come on Fred." Gunn said "Let's go back upstairs."

She felt a flash of agitation. His tone was patronizing without meaning to be. His words implied she was too weak to handle this. He was treating her like a child, or a delicate flower that had to be shielded from harsh weather. She wanted to tell him to stop. Instead she yielded to his advisement and followed him upstairs. Lorne took a moment to look at Lilah before following them to the lobby. She had been evil, and she had been responsible for a great deal of pain and suffering, some of it his own and some of it his friend's. But he felt sorry for her. She had died young and in love. Lorne thought that state of being was unsuitable for death.

…

Angel couldn't shake the feeling that something was wrong. "What happened to all the zombies?" He whispered "They can't have just vanished." It seemed they had.

"What zombies?" Faith asked

"Maybe Illyria killed them." Cordy said in answer to Angel's question while ignoring Faith's inquiry "Again," It had after all been Illyria who had killed them the first time.

"Maybe," Angel said in a perturbed voice

"You can sense it too?" Conner asked his father

"I can." Faith said "Something is very wrong here."

"Wow," Cordelia said "Those slayer senses are really working overtime huh?"

"We should split up." Angel said "We'll cover more ground that way."

"Bad idea," Cordelia said "We'll just be that much easier to slip past."

"I don't want to slip past you."

The group whirled around to see that Illyria had snuck up on them. Conner was scowling, infuriated that she had managed to evade his notice. She smiled at them. "My friends,"

"We're not your friends." Cordelia said "We're here to take you back to the cage."

"I'm afraid I can't allow that." Illyria said "But you are very welcome to try."

Conner rushed the demon with his sword, determined to get in any blow he could. Faith followed him and when the boy was brusquely knocked aside she swung for the creature's exposed abdomen. Her sword made contact and then deflected off the hard skin. Cordelia used these diversions to attack with her glowing sword, but Illyria managed to dodge this blow. Angel ran at Illyria and met the same fate that Conner and Faith had. The group fell into a rhythm, but Illyria knew that only Cordelia could hurt her and was able to focus all of her attentions of evading Cordy's blows. Angel wondered what the point of this even was. Illyria could just flee, so why was she here? Had she been waiting for them? Illyria reached out and grabbed Faith by the throat. "Cordy!" Angel shouted to draw Cordelia's attention to Faith's situation

Cordelia swung at Illyria, but Illyria bent time and appeared behind Cordelia. Illyria dropped Faith to the ground. The slayer gasped for breath and touched the painful red handprint on her throat. Illyria kicked the slayer while ducking Cordelia's swing. Faith hit the opposite wall with a loud thud and moaned in pain. "You must be taught a lesson." Illyria said "You must learn not to defy your betters." Cordelia swung at the old one again and this time managed to cut Illyria's cheek. Illyria bent time again and appeared beside Faith. Faith scrambled away from the monster but was dealt a punch to the face. Faith felt her cheek bones crunch and worse, she felt that Illyria was holding back. The old one grabbed her by the shoulders and threw her against the wall where Illyria bent in to whisper in Faith's ear. "You should not have come here."

"I had to." Faith said

"You cannot fix what is broken." Illyria assured her "The man in here is broken."

"We're going to evict you Illyria, wait and see."

"I look forward to it." Illyria said

The old one punched Faith again and threw her down the hall. Angel ran after her while Cordelia and Conner kept their attention focused on Illyria. The old one sparred with them for a little longer, but she was just playing with them. Cordelia realized this. Illyria grew more powerful each moment and she could take them all out if she wanted. Yet for some reason she let them live. Even Cordelia who kept getting closer to the powers and might pose a real threat to Illyria in the near future, the old one let live. Why? Cordelia didn't have time to ask because the old one vanished. Cordy looked down the hall at Angel helping Faith to her feet.

Cordelia noted the concern with which he looked at the slayer. She felt a wash of frustration and pain. They had failed to capture Illyria, and now here was the man she loved fussing over Faith. She knew the two were just friends and that he wanted to make sure she was all right, but that didn't make Cordelia feel any better. "Let's go back to the hotel." She said

…

Fred flipped through the books scattered on the table in front of her. "This is impossible."

She rubbed her eyes. She felt familiar strong hands settle onto her shoulders. Gunn began to massage her shoulders. "You shouldn't be working so hard. We've gone through those books a hundred times. If there was something useful in there we would have found it by now."

"Maybe I'm just not approaching the problem in the right way. We keep talking about Illyria like she's special. She is, but what if we just look at it as a run of the mill possession."

He kissed the back of her head. "So you're thinking about an exorcism?"

"No," Fred said "Illyria is too powerful for that. She changed his body, is redesigning it to fit her essence so he can hold who she was, but he still isn't her original body. We don't know what her original body looked like. Even the book Lorne got and the records Lilah brought only contain a vague description of Illyria's appearance and it's hard to discern metaphor from what's meant to be taken seriously. But I don't understand how the separation mentioned in Lorne's text can come to be when Wesley's body has undergone such a fundamental change. Whatever she changed in him, I think she needs it. Lilah's reports said his DNA was altered. Maybe Illyria needed his DNA as a template to recreate her own. She took the basic nitrate groups from him and wrote over them, kind of like cancer. Once she has the DNA she can use it to recreate her body and she won't need him anymore. Well she does need him because his presence ties her to this dimension. Their bond overcomes whatever force banished her from this dimension when all the old ones left." Fred sighed. "Of course this is all just speculation and even if I'm right it doesn't help us at all." She felt a flash of anger and she shoved the books from the table.

Gunn knelt down beside her and wrapped his arms around her. "It's going to be okay."

"No," She said "It's not." She wiped a tear from her eye. "Our friends are out there risking their lives to bring her back in. You almost died out there trying to stop the vampires and demons from taking advantage of L.A.'s lack of sun. What have I been doing? Well I've been setting an evil demon loose on the world." She put her head on the table. "I can't do this."

He kissed her cheek. "Cordelia and Angel will bring her back in."

"Than what?" She asked "We need to have a solution ready for them."

"You can do it." Gunn said "I believe in you. If anybody can figure this problem out it's the smartest person I know. You were just recognized for your brilliant physics theories. Now we need a theory just as brilliant for how to get Illyria out of this dimension and back to the hell dimension she came from." He kissed her again. "You'll find it. I know you will."

Fred sat back up. "You're right." She nodded. "You're right."

"It's an annoying habit of mine."

She smiled and wiped her eyes again. "You were also right when you said there was nothing in these books that could help us. These aren't where my answers are."

"So where are the answers?"

"When I figure that out," Fred said "We might just get ahead of this thing."

…

Faith limped into the hotel. Lorne, Fred, and Gunn ran for the returning heroes. Faith sat down on the couch and massaged her neck. "Illyria really did a number on you." Gunn said

"It doesn't make sense." She croaked

"Illyria is very powerful." Angel said "Even a slayer-"

"She means Illyria should have killed her." Cordy said

"Yeah," Faith confirmed

"She's right." Cordelia hated saying that in reference to Faith. "Illyria has a larger plan that we don't see. She's had the opportunity to kill all of us multiple times. Yet she hasn't."

"She wants something from us." Fred realized

"So we need to figure out what it is and keep it from her." Cordelia decided

"So beating up Faith," Angel said "That was just a message?"

"No," Faith said in her creaky voice "She wants me to leave."

"So why not just kill you?" Conner asked

"She killed Lilah." Fred said "Only Lilah, who we hate." Everyone watched Fred, waiting for the brilliant revelation they were sure was coming. "She doesn't want us to give up on him. She wants us to keep trying to save him because… I don't know why."

"But if she kills one of us," Gunn caught on "We might decide lethal force is necessary."

"She's not afraid of us." Cordy said "She can kill us all, it's something else."

"She wants us to catch her." In that moment it all came together for Fred. She tied all the pieces together into a neat picture. "She wants to be separated from Wesley's body like it said in Lorne's book but she needs someone else to do the separating. She wants us to accomplish our goal but she doesn't want us to know it. She wants us to succeed because it's part of her plan."

"Well that sucks." Cordelia said

"So what do we do?" Gunn asked "We can't give her what she wants."

"That's exactly what we do." Angel said "And then we kill her."

"Are you stupid?" Conner asked

All eyes fell on the young man. "Conner," Cordy said in a surprised tone

"We just found out that we're playing into her hand and our plan is to keep doing that?"

"It's not that simple." Angel said

"Yes it is. We have to kill her and you guys are living in this deluded fantasy world where you can save the world without killing the bad guy. You can't, she has to die."

"She will." Angel said "After-"

"No after," Conner cut him off "Now, we have to kill her now. We have to stop holding back and go for the kill. That she thinks we want to take her alive is our only advantage."

"I'm not killing Wesley." Cordelia said "There's no discussion about that."

"Even though he's the one who kidnapped me?" Conner asked "Why do you even care?"

After Conner's angry outburst the room fell silent. There was no sound and the emptiness of it, the lack of sensation, was painful. No one knew how to respond. Finally Angel decided he had to be the one to answer Conner's query. It was his responsibility as a father. "Conner when you disappeared we were all furious. But you have to understand that what happened to you was because of Sahjhan' manipulations and because of what Holtz-" Angel didn't get to finish.

"Don't say his name." Conner said "Never say his name."

Angel didn't know if Conner felt that way because he still viewed Holtz as his real father or because he was furious with his memory of the man. Angel sensed now was not a good time to ask. "Okay," Angel said "But we can't kill Wesley. That would be murder."

"Illyria has murdered hundreds of people by now." Conner said "We're the only ones who can stop her." He raised his voice to a shout. "If we don't that blood is on our hands!"

"Conner-" Cordelia started

"He's right." Gunn said

"Charles," Fred was horrified.

"I'm sorry," Gunn said "But he is."

"Well I'm the only one who can stop Illyria." Cordelia said "So this isn't really a vote."

Gunn scowled and turned to Angel. "You know this is a bad call."

"No I don't." Angel said

Gunn tried Faith. "Where are you on this?" He asked

"I'm with glowy girl and vamp man." Faith's scratchy voice said "I won't help you kill English, not even to save the world. I owe him one and I need to make good."

Cordelia was surprised by this sentiment. Maybe Faith really had undergone a fundamental change. Maybe Cordy should give her a second chance. "This conversation is over."

Conner headed for the door, pissed. "I'm out of here."

"Conner don't!" Cordy called after him "We still need you!" Conner was gone. "Why do we do that?" Cordelia asked "Run off when we get mad? I just realized how annoying it is."

"So let me get this straight," Gunn said "Illyria needs us to separate her from Wesley so that she can be even more powerful and do even more damage and our plan is to do that?"

"Yep," Angel said

"We're screwed."

…

Faith took a sip of ice water. She heard Gunn approach. "We haven't been properly introduces, or introduced at all really." He said as he stuck out his hand

She took his hand and gave it a firm shake. She ignored the screaming of her nerves telling her how broken her body was and the feeling of intense exhaustion. "Faith,"

"Charles Gunn," He said "So you're a vampire slayer?"

"Yeah,"

"I've heard stories."

"Well I don't exactly look my best today." She said "But ancients gods are like slayer kryptonite ya know? We're much better with vamps and your average demon."

"I know how you feel." Gunn said "All of this has kind of… not been good for me."

"I get that." Faith said "Can I ask you something?"

"Sure,"

"What did English do to make you hate him so much?"

Gunn frowned. "I don't hate Wesley. He was my friend."

"Was your friend?"

Gunn sighed. He was glad Fred wasn't here. "He betrayed us."

"That thing with Angel's son?" Faith asked "Angel seems like he's over it."

"He should have trusted us."

"I'm not very trusting either." Faith said "We all have flaws."

"And his got Angel's son sent to a hell dimension for his entire childhood."

"Mine got innocent people maimed and killed." Faith said "Angel forgave me. I tried to kill him and he forgave me. He refused to give up on me because he saw something in me that was worth saving. The question is whether you think your old friend is worth saving."

"You tried to kill Angel?" Gunn asked

"Let's just say I made some bad decisions."

"I want to save Wesley." Gunn said "But it might not be possible."

"Do you want it to be possible?"

Gunn looked away. He wanted to change the subject. "Why do you owe him one?"

Faith remembered mentioning that. She wasn't going to lie or evade. Being accountable for one's actions was a part of the redemption thing. "I tortured him half to death." She admitted

"Oh," Gunn was unsure how to respond to that. "Well that's… huh,"

"I've reformed thought. I'm a good guy now."

"Good," Gunn said awkwardly "No more torture huh?"

"Nope, torture free for almost three years now. I'm very proud."

"That's nice. I'm going to go check on the…" He floundered

"See ya," She gave him a little wave.

Gunn headed upstairs to check on Fred. He briefly glanced over his shoulder to watch the slayer guzzle down her glass of water and then he knocked on Fred's door. "Can I come in?"

"Yes,"

He entered the room. Her bed was covered with books and papers. She would read one for about twenty seconds and then switch to another. There was a franticness to her efforts that struck Gunn as unhealthy. He worried about her. "What's the news?" He asked

"The news is that I'm useless."

"Fred you could never be useless."

"Capturing an old one? It's apparently impossible."

"But she wants to be captured." Gunn said "Right?"

"But we have to capture her on our terms, so she can't just get away once the separation has taken place. By the way, I have no idea how to make that happen. We need to trap her in something stronger than a cage. But we don't have anything stronger than a cage."

"So that's a problem." Gunn walked over to the bed and sat on her bedside so that he was facing her where she sat with her legs crisscrossed staring at her books. "One you can solve."

"How do you know?"

"You can solve any problem." Gunn said

"Your confidence in me is both flattering and misplaced."

He leaned in to kiss her. Their lips met in a passionate kiss, but Gunn got the sense that she was distracted and not enjoying it as much as he was. He pulled way awkwardly. She didn't look at him, opting to stare at the wall. "Well maybe you just need to bounce some ideas off of someone." He suggested in an attempt to move them past the awkward moment

"We need a prison capable of holding an old one." Fred said "We don't have one."

"Maybe you just need to take a break and come back to this." Gunn said

"I don't feel like taking a break. I need to throw myself into this problem."

"Okay, prisons are made of walls, right?"

Fred gave him an odd look. "Well yeah,"

"And walls are made of… stuff."

"Usually," Fred said with what was almost a laugh

"What stuff is too strong for an old one to break?"

"Once she has her full powers? Nothing I know of."

"She has to have a weakness, like kryptonite."

"Kryptonite?"

"Yeah, that was dumb. I was just talking to Faith and-"

Fred gasped. "That's it!"

"It is?" Fred got up and ran out of the room. "Uh Fred," He called after her "What's it?"

…

Angel knocked on the door to the room Cordelia was napping in. A few moments later the door flew open. "What part of I'm going to go take a nap because I'm exhausted did you not understand Angel? Or were you trying to lull me to sleep with your melodic tapping?"

Angel swallowed. "We need to talk."

Cordelia crossed her arms and leaned against the doorframe. "So talk."

"I've made some stupid calls recently."

"Yes you have."

"I slept with Gwen."

"I heard." Her voice contained anger and poorly concealed pain.

"I just want to apologize and acknowledge that I was wrong."

Cordelia bit her lip and looked down at the ground. "Angel you don't have to apologize to me. You don't owe me anything. What you do with your life is your business."

"No," Angel was surprised by the conviction in his voice. "Cordelia I-"

Their conversation was cut short by the sound of Fred running down the hall and the sight of Gunn following her, confused. "What's going on?" Cordelia asked "Did something happen?"

"I have no idea." Gunn said "I think she had some kind of eureka thing."

Angel, Cordelia, and Gunn headed after Fred.

…

Conner walked down the street. He felt like he had walked this same stretch of street a million times, and thought the same thoughts each time. He was alone. He was always alone. He had thought Cordelia had accepted him back into her heart, but in truth she had not. She did not realize what was at stake and she had turned her back on him. Conner clenched his fist. He had no idea where to go. No beautiful blond woman was going to step up to him and offer him a home this time. There was no home for him He belonged nowhere. Every place he fell in love with became closed off to him and every person he gave his heart to misused it. Anne was the lone exception, but he could never see her again. After what his former boss had probably told her he couldn't go back to the shelter. He couldn't explain who he was. So he walked alone.

…

Illyria entered the white room. It was empty now in a way it had never been before. Its sole purpose was to house a being of supreme power and now that being was dead. The room was a useless thing and there was little more tragic than a useless thing. This was the perfect place for her to wait for her new toys. So she sat down to wait. She looked inside at the labyrinth that was a human mind. It was almost funny. This human thought he could hurt her. He thought if he fought hard enough, if he cared enough, if he suffered enough that he could rise above what he had been and be worthy of something more. He thought his paltry human feelings meant something, that they gave him strength. He was weak, and she would teach him a lesson.

…

"Faith!" Faith turned around to see the petite brunette she had yet to really meet but that she knew from Angel's accountings was Fred running toward her. "I need to ask you a question."

"Okay," Faith was a bit puzzled by the urgency in her tone.

"What did he say in your dream?"

"Wesley?"

Fred nodded emphatically.

"He uh…" Faith called on the memory. "He asked me for help. He uh… He said something about prison. He asked me to help him escape from prison and I said you're not-"

Fred cut her off. "There is a prison strong enough to hold Illyria." Gunn, Angel, and Cordelia had arrived behind Fred and they were visibly startled by her assertion. "There is a prison that she created and we can take it and redesign it. We can use her powers and her techniques against her. Just like she redesigned Wesley's body we can redesign the prison she built for him to hold her essence instead of his. Then he'll be free and she'll be locked up."

"Can we really do that?" Angel asked "Are you sure?"

"If she can do it, so can we. We just need a little magic."

"Okay," Gun said "So how do we start?"

…

Faith approached the elevator shaft. "You don't have to do this." Angel said

She stared at the door. "Yes I do. It's why I'm here. It's why I was called."

"I'll do it." Angel said

Faith smiled. "Humanity needs its champion Angel. This is my final act of redemption."

"Faith-"

"I'm ready." She turned to look at the people behind her. Cordelia, who hated her, was at the front of the crowd. Fred and Gunn, who were strangers to her, were looking at her with guilt and admiration. Lorne had stayed behind to hold down the fort. "Do it Fred. Give me the stuff."

"You understand the risk?" Cordelia asked

Faith looked at Fred. "The way you explained it was more of a guarantee."

"No human can survive the effects." Fred said

"I'm okay with that. Let's go." Fred approached Faith and rolled up her sleeve. Fred slid the needle into Faith's vein and injected her with the compound. Faith felt like someone had set her blood on fire. Her vision blurred, but she kept her bearings. "I'm ready. I can do this."

"It will take prolonged physical contact." Fred explained

"We'll help with that." Cordelia said

Angel pried the elevator doors open. After Cordelia and Faith were inside he looked at Fred and Gunn. "You two stay here." They responded with terse nods. Angel let the doors close and followed Fred's instructions on hotwiring the elevator. He then started to input the sequence to get them to the white room. "You're sure?" Angel asked Cordy "That she's up there?"

Cordelia was careful to avoid contact with Faith. "Yes,"

Angel watched the button mystically appear. He pressed it. "Okay,"

…

Illyria watched the door open and the three warriors step out. Cordelia's glowing sword came at her with the speed of tree sap dripping from a spile. Illyria dodged with ease. The vampire came at her and Illyria threw him deeper into the white abyss. Illyria dodged another blow from Cordelia and Faith charged her. The slayer was a fool. She must know she had no way of harming an old one. Illyria batted her aside and saw a flash of something, some picture. Illyria dodged another blow from Cordelia, a blow that caught her a little bit by surprise. Faith grabbed Illyria's hand. The old one pulled out her hand but before she did he saw a woman with golden locks smiling. Illyria backed away from the women while Angel charged at her. "What is this?"

Cordelia slashed Illyria with her sword. Illyria had expected that. She had expected them to attempt to repeat the tactics that were successful before. Cordelia would stab her with the sword and they would lock her in the cage again. They would work the magic necessary to free her from this weak mortal form and she would use her true strength to break away. She would take the world by force. But they were trying something else and Illyria had no idea what it was or how it worked. She was alarmed. Cordelia swung at Illyria again and Illyria backed away, unintentionally narrowing the gap between her and Faith. Faith grabbed both of Illyria's hands with her own. Illyria tried to pull away but the world was gone and she saw something else.

Illyria was standing in an abandoned estate. Angel was looking at the dark girl with sadness and condemnation. "Second best," These words had meaning Illyria did not know.

…

Cordelia approached the unconscious slayer and old one. She touched their clasped hands so that their flesh melted and mixed together. Their hands fused together into a disgusting mangled mass that it hurt Angel to see. "Did we have to do that?" He asked

"We talked about this." Cordelia sounded hurt by the question.

"I know. I just… She's going to die."

"It was her idea. She volunteered."

"I know. She wanted to sacrifice her life for something important."

"She got her wish."

"It feels wrong."

"Angel," Cordelia sounded exasperated.

"I know, I'm sorry. Let's get them back to the hotel."

…

Conner pondered what to do next. He couldn't just sit here. That was of course exactly what he was doing, sitting on a street corner. Illyria was out there right now, wreaking all kinds of havoc no doubt and he was just sitting on his ass. He stood up and felt no better. He hated being in the dark, not knowing what the future held. That had been every day on Quor'Toth, fear, doubt, and confusion. But he had learned to put all of that aside and focus on a single task. That was why he had been known as the destroyer. Destruction had so often been the task that he had focused on and now he wondered if he was good for much else. If destruction was his path it was things like Illyria he wanted to destroy. At least the destruction would have meaning, the lives of innocents would be saved. Conner made his decision. He headed back for the hotel. He would wait for their inevitable success. He would wait for them to bring Illyria back to the hotel and then when an opening presented itself or he forced one to he would strike, killing the monster.

…

Lorne watched with an expression of great distaste as the two bodies were laid side by side on the bed in one of the spare rooms as well as their mangled hands would allow. He hated to see a human body reduced to such a state. "So now we work on the spell?" He asked

Fred pulled out a knife and picked up a glass beaker. She approached Wesley's body with shaking hands. Cordy stepped in front of her and held out her hands. Fred handed over her equipment with relief. The entirety of AI watched Cordelia cut open Wesley's arm and hold the glass beaker under the cut. Nothing happened. Cordelia dug the knife in deeper. She was forced to scrape out blue gunk from inside the arm. Fred turned away, sickened. Cordelia stood up and placed the glass container and knife on a table. She brushed her hands against her pants leg even though they were clean. Just the proximity to Illyria's insides made her feel dirty.

Angel cleared his throat. "Lorne and Cordy have the first watch. Fred; Gunn and I will give you any help you need to work out the spell. We're on the clock people."

"What is this clock?" Lorne asked

"Faith's…" Angel couldn't go on.

"Her pulse," Lorne finished "As it slows the clock winds down until both stop."

Angel stared at the slayer. He wanted to tell her he was sorry, but the room was too crowded and there was work to be done. "She did well. This was what she wanted."

…

Wesley looked up from the table he was working at in the old offices when Cordelia dropped a large stack of paperwork in front of him. "We have to go through all of this."

"What is it?" Wesley asked

"A bunch of nonsense if you ask me." Cordelia said

Wesley picked up a piece of paper and stared at the symbols. "This is gibberish."

"That's what I think." Cordelia, the Cordelia of three years ago, said

"Unless this is a language older than anything we know, older than humanity."

"That sounds really interesting." Cordy said "But I kind of have a thing so…"

Wesley looked up from the symbols to watch her back away toward the exit. "Where are you going?" He asked her "Aren't you going to help me with this?"

"You can't rely on me to fix all of your problems Wes." She left.

Wesley stared at the meaningless symbols and watched them reform into clear Latin symbols that spelled out English words. He read aloud. "Now we play our game. The time has come to walk the forgotten paths and bind ourselves to old friends and enemies. We will-"

Wesley jolted when hands slammed into the table. He looked up at a frantic Faith. Her hair was messy and her hands were burnt. "What are you doing?" She asked furiously "We have to go!" She used her right hand, so burnt it was black, to grab his arm and pull him from his chair toward the door. "We have to build a prison that's impossible to escape. We have to trap her."

"What?"

Faith snapped her fingers in front of his face. "Are you totally out if it?"

"I uh…"

"Illyria, the old one, the thing that possessed you."

"Right!" He started to run down the street with her. "Where are we going?"

Faith looked around. "I think this part is your head."

"We're not like mind-melded or something are we?" Wesley asked

"We are." Faith said "But not in the sexy Star Trek way."

"Good to know." Wesley said "You said something about prison."

"We're all trapped in here." Faith said "But the effects of the spell will wear off in time and we have to trap her permanently, or at least until the others kill her. We have to build a prison for her out of the one she built for you. We can use stuff from my head if we need to."

"Okay, I think I'm following you." Wesley said "How do we build it?"

"You're the smart guy." Faith said "Figure it out."

"You didn't come in here with a plan?" Wesley asked "Why don't you have a plan?"

"Planning is watcher stuff. I'm a slayer, we're doers."

Wesley rolled his eyes. "That's a healthy attitude."

"Hey," She said "It was hard enough finding you here, okay."

"Whatever, let's try to find…" Wesley took a moment to collect his thoughts. "What would trap an old one?" He asked "They're more powerful than anything we know."

"What did she use to trap you?" Faith asked

"My fears, my desires, my memories, mostly fear. She tried to get me to want to stay, but the only thing that worked for any amount of time was terror. Even that was temporary."

"Well what are old ones afraid of?" Faith asked

"Nothing," Wesley said "They're beyond fear."

"Come on Wes," Faith said "Indestructible doesn't mean invulnerable. Even when I was suicidal I was still afraid of things. So she's not afraid of death, there are worse things."

Wesley had to admit she had a point. "Okay, but what would she fear?"

A woman chuckled. The duo turned around and saw Buffy. "Not you," She said

"B?" Faith couldn't hide her confusion.

"That's not Buffy." Wesley said "That's something old and…"

"Not old," Buffy said "First, I am the first."

"The first evil," Wesley said "Why are you here?"

"I've got a fun little apocalypse brewing in Sunnydale. I heard one of my favorite disciples was in this dimension and I have to say that just makes everything even more fun."

"So you're here to stop us from trapping her." Faith said

"No," Not-Buffy said "I'm here to watch you die horrible painful deaths. I have to get my entertainment somewhere. I mean I'm loving the Sunnydale scene, but all work and no play makes the first a dull evil being. Sometimes I just want to admire someone else's work."

"Well we're going to kill Illyria." Faith said "So ha,"

"Faith don't taunt the ultimate evil." Wesley scolded

"Let's get out of here." Faith said "She can't do anything to us."

"Really," Wesley was surprised by her knowledge. "How do you know?"

"Actually," She confessed "I don't. But confidence is key."

Wesley sighed. "Let's go."

Not-Buffy watched them run down the street. She found the whole situation highly amusing. She could not wait to see Illyria destroy them. "This is going to be so fun." She said to herself as she walked down memory lane. There was so much pain in here. There were so many dirty vile things hiding in the shadows. She wondered who would give up first. She wondered when they would become so disgusted by one another and themselves they could no longer bear the sight of each other. These thoughts were very appetizing. She began to hum.


	15. Orpheus

Fred sighed. "Well that's a bust."

Faith looked over at the woman. "What is?"

"This spell would work, but also kill whoever used it."

Faith got up and approached Fred. "How does it work?"

"The person using the spell can draw the subject into their head. The psychic energy needed to trap Illyria would kill them though. If we could use it, this would give the person using the spell time to find Wesley and rework the prison, then trap Illyria inside."

"Okay so let's do it." Faith said

"I just said it will kill-"

"I'll do it. There's not another way. I'll do it."

Angel looked over at them. "I'm sure there's another-"

Faith stared at Fred. "Moment of truth, is this our best shot?"

Fred slowly nodded. "But you don't-"

"I'll do it."

…

Faith watched Angel and Buffy stare at her with disgust. "Second best," He told her

"What is this?" An androgynous yet feminine blue creature asked

"One of my worst memories." Faith informed her

"Pathetic," The creature said "How did you achieve this magic?"

"With great sacrifice." Faith informed her

"You cannot keep me here."

"You're stuck here until I die and by the time that happens you'll be stuck elsewhere."

"You think you've caught me." Illyria said "When you leave this dimension I will stay."

Faith shook her head. "Like I said, you're trapped. When the separation spell is done Angel and Cordelia will kill you. Your evil plans will be foiled. Ha," Faith said cheerily

"You'd like that." Illyria said "For your death to have meaning. It won't."

"We'll see."

Illyria smirked. "I'm trembling with anticipation. But for now…" Illyria looked at the frozen projections, here to play a part. Illyria noticed that Faith's hands were burnt to a crisp.

"What?"

Illyria hit the ground. The walls of the mansion fractured. Illyria hit the walls and the walls began to fall down. Faith shielded her head, but this action was pointless. The masonry turned to dust, as though it were a slain vampire. Faith felt cold raindrops hit her on the top of her head. She looked down the alley. She and Angel were having the fight that had changed her life; but closer to her, with his back turned to the person who wasn't there, was Wesley holding a knife in his hands. His blood mixed with rainwater and dripped to the ground. Illyria stood next to Faith with her arms crossed. The old one watched the show with an expression of utter and intense glee. It struck Faith as odd that one so powerful was also so short. "Why are you showing me this?" Faith asked "What's the point?" Faith noticed that Wesley was shaking. Faith took a step closer to her former watcher. This wasn't Wesley, just another of her mind's projections, a piece of a memory. He was cold as the rain seeped into his clothes and skin. He was shaking with the effort of staying up and alert because he was running low on blood. This man needed a doctor, but this man was long gone. Faith reached out to touch his clammy skin. "I'm sorry."

"Sorry?" Illyria asked "What does this word mean?"

"You wouldn't understand." Faith whispered as her fingertips lingered on the memory that was unaware of her. "It's a human thing." He dropped the knife onto the ground.

"It seems a senseless thing." Illyria said "What does it gain you?"

Faith stared at her seared hands. "I wish I could take it all back. My regret is genuine, but how could anybody ever trust me again? They shouldn't. I'm tainted by the blood on my hands."

"And that is why you volunteered?" Illyria asked "Perhaps your suicidal tendencies aren't quite gone. Perhaps redemption is a path too hard to walk. Perhaps you are weak slayer."

A tear slipped down her face to mingle with the rain. "I just wanted my life to mean something. I wanted to do something to tip the scales. I can never make up for what I did, but I figure a good deed being how I go out, that's worth something. In prison all I could do was sit in my cage. I couldn't alter the balance. I don't deserve to be free, and this is the solution I found."

"You're pathetic." Illyria said "You're afraid of yourself."

"Well," Faith looked at Illyria "I'm a scary lady." Faith offered a wan smile.

Illyria waved her hand and froze the scene. The drops of rain rested in the air like beads of glass hanging from a million invisible strings. "This is your mind, and yet I have the power."

"No," Faith said "Not you, someone else."

Illyria laughed. "You think he can help you?"

"I know he can."

"That man has never succeeded at anything in his entire life. He is a screw-up and a failure whose most notable catastrophe is you yourself. And you will go to him for help?"

"Yes, I will."

…

The sight of the abused bodies lying on the bed was repulsive to Lorne. He did not want to look but he could not avert his eyes. He managed to catch a glimpse of Cordelia. She was keeping her vigil, her face inscrutable. "It's frightening, being so close to her." Lorne said

"Illyria?"

"Yeah," Lorne said "She's so powerful, what happens when she wakes up?"

"She won't wake up."

…

Faith kept running down the L.A. street. Time was running out and she had yet to find the man she was looking for. He was in his head, she needed to find the window there. Where would it be? She looked at the passing buildings, hoping to see something useful. She stopped as a tall glass tower rose right out of the street in front of her. "Of course," Faith headed for the front door of Wolfram & Hart. She entered the building and saw people moving about in the lobby like they had when she had first been here. Faith tried to remember the first time she had been here and how to get to the office where she had met with the lawyers. She made her way to the elevator and stopped when she saw Lilah. "You're dead." Faith said "But this isn't a memory, you're really here. How is that possible?" Faith approached the smiling woman wearing a scarf.

"I'm here to help." Lilah said "The senior partners don't have a lot of confidence in your ability to defeat Illyria. They're hoping a little guidance might tip the scales in your favor."

"Gee," Faith said sarcastically "Those senior partners are really great."

"Come on," Lilah said "I'll help you find Wes."

"Why should I trust you?" Faith asked

"What, you think I'm working for the thing that killed me?"

Faith considered this. "Good point," She followed Lilah to the elevator. "Where to?"

"My office," Lilah said "Well my old office, it's not mine anymore."

"Yeah," Faith said "It's hard to get ahead in corporate America as a dead person."

"Actually," Lilah said "My company is very accommodating toward dead employees."

"Really?" Faith asked

"Yep,"

"Good for you. It's nice to know that evil is an equal opportunity employer."

"If Illyria hadn't shut us down I might still have my job. As it is the L.A. branch isn't exactly functioning right now." The elevator doors opened and they stepped out.

"So once we get to your office what do-" Faith stopped in front of the security office. She pushed the door open and peeked inside at the head of security chatting on the phone.

"What is it?" Lilah asked

Faith stepped out of the room. She had a strange feeling. "Nothing, let's go."

They arrived at Lilah's office. Lilah stepped up to the curtains that concealed her large window from view. She opened the curtain. The view was impossible, and this was troublesome to Faith. Even after the many floors they had ascended they were apparently somehow on the ground level. The dark L.A. street waited for them on the other side of the glass. A car drove past the window and made the glass shake. "I present to you the brain of Wesley Wyndam-Pryce."

Faith touched the glass. "L.A.,"

"There's also a little England, a little Sunnydale, a little other scattered here and there."

"Once we're on the other side-"

"Once you're on the other side," Lilah corrected "I set you on the right path, now I'm getting the hell out of here. I don't want to get caught between your lot and Illyria again."

"Well thanks for your help." Faith was surprised to realize she meant her thanks.

"Sure," Lilah said

Faith went behind Lilah's desk and picked up the chair. She threw it through the window and watched the glass shatter. Lilah vanished. Faith walked through the window onto the L.A. street and started running. She didn't know where to look for Wes she had little time to find him.

…

Fred looked through her microscope and sighed. "Nope,"

"Nothing?" She heard Angel ask

Fred stared at the blue fluid in her slide for a moment longer. "No,"

"So what's next?" Gunn asked as she raised her head

"There's a powder used in certain types of exorcisms. We could do an incantation to strengthen it and see if it has any effect on a sample. I don't think it will though." Gunn and Angel stared at Fred. She looked tired and upset. "We need a miracle." Fred said

"Or a witch," A voice from outside the office said

Angel, Gunn, and Fred ran from the office into the lobby. "Willow," Angel said

…

Faith came to a stop and placed her burnt hands on her knees. She leaned over, gasping for breath. It occurred to her that since this wasn't real she shouldn't need oxygen. "Hey Wesley since this is your brain could you bend the rules of reality to make oxygen unnecessary?"

Wesley was staring at an apartment building. "I don't know how."

"Well shouldn't you get started on figuring it out?" Faith asked

"I can't bend reality." But that wasn't true, he had melted that door.

"This is your head."

"That doesn't mean I'm in charge."

"Well take charge." Faith demanded

Wesley sighed. "Sometimes you have a rather simplistic world view."

Faith rolled her eyes. "I'm sorry, let's just stand here and analyze everything."

Wesley walked up to the apartment building. "I live here."

"Is that important?" Faith asked

"No, but maybe that is."

"You lost me." Faith said

"Maybe it's important that it's not important. This place never felt like home."

"Where did you feel at home?" Wesley looked away from the building and his gaze was caught by something behind her. She turned around and saw the Hyperion. "That wasn't there a minute ago, or a few seconds ago." She headed for the out of commission hotel.

"I guess my subconscious was just answering your question." Wesley said

The duo entered the Hyperion. Faith could see no differences between the Hyperion they were in and the real one. "Is this where we build the prison?" She asked

Wesley touched the stairs' banister. "This is a place of evil."

"It is?" Faith asked

"Not anymore," Wesley informed her

"Good," Faith said

"I suppose." Wesley started up the stairs. Faith followed him and watched him stop at the top of the stairs to stare at all of the doors that decorated the long hall. "My whole life is behind those doors. I don't want to look."

"I'll go with you." Faith offered

"That makes the prospect even more daunting actually."

"Oh," Faith wasn't sure how to respond.

"I'm not trying to offend. I don't want you to see the real me."

"The real you? So this is fake?"

"We're all fake Faith." Wesley said "We show people our superego, we show ourselves our ego, and we hide our id where it can't be found. I don't want to look Faith."

On impulse Faith took his hand. "Somewhere in this hall is a memory, or a group of memories, or an idea, that can trap Illyria and save your life. We have to find it."

"Maybe it would be best if I just faded away." Wes said

Faith bit her lip. Should she tell him what she had done? She decided now was not the time, but she was not going to let him die, not after everything. "No Wes, believe me."

"Why do you care?"

She supposed it was a fair question. She wanted to cop out with some nonsense about it being difficult to explain or every life being worth saving, but she had tried to be more honest with herself and others as a part of her recovery. The truth didn't have to be pretty, poetic, or fitting, it just had to be true. What she said might not be what he needed to hear or she wanted to say, but it was going to be true. "Honestly it isn't about me. Someone once looked at me and decided I was worth saving. I trust that person's judgment. He cares." She answered

Wesley considered this. "So you're here because of Angel."

"He wants to save you."

"Why? I kidnapped his son. I destroyed his family."

Faith rolled her eyes. "Wes you are his family. Now let's find a way to kill a demon."

Wesley looked at her for a moment. He then reached for the door in front of him and pushed it open. Faith gasped. She looked away from the horrible scene.

…

Conner pushed open the window of one of the unoccupied rooms on the second floor of the Hyperion. He crawled through the window and walked to the door to the hall. He put his ear to the door and listened for footsteps and heartbeats. He heard nothing. Conner opened the door and stepped into the hall. He moved toward a room where he heard the sounds of life. He stood still at just the right distance to make out the voices of the people inside. Cordelia was in there with Lorne, the demon. Conner would kill Lorne if he had to, but Cordelia he could not, both in the sense that her power exceeded his own and in the sense that he could never hurt her. He loved her like a mother even if she didn't think of him as a son. Conner slipped back into the empty room. He would stay here for as long as he could avoid detection and when the moment was right he would strike, eliminating the threat. Conner sat down on the bed to wait.

…

Faith stepped through the door and looked at the piles of bodies. There were flies crawling over the sticky fatal wounds. Necks bent at unnatural angles. People wearing clothes that had gone out of style hundreds of years ago lay on the ground, the victims of what appeared to be a vampire attack. "This can't be one of your memories." Faith said "This happened a long time ago." Faith stood in an abandoned field trying not to smell the decomposition.

"It was in a book. It gave me nightmares for months."

"How old were you when you read the book?"

"Five," Wesley said as he stepped up next to her. "My father said a future watcher was never too young to learn what he would be up against one day so I had to read this book."

"Oh," Faith wondered where the details had come from. "Your dad sounds like a jerk."

"That's a slight understatement." Wesley confessed

"I don't think this will bother Illyria too much." Faith said

"No, let's get out of here." Wesley headed out through the door.

Faith followed him and closed the door behind her. "Okay, next memory,"

Wesley shook his head. "I can't do this."

"Bullshit," Faith said "You can."

"I'm not strong enough for this."

"You're stronger than you think." She said

"And what are you basing this assertion off of?"

Faith hated to bring up one of her worst memories, but she had to. "You didn't scream."

"Sure I did. You just didn't hear me."

It took Faith a moment to understand this statement. "Come on Wes,"

He sighed and opened the next door. He was getting really sick of seeing that stupid library that didn't even exist anymore. "The first time we met." Wesley said

Faith smirked as she watched herself dismiss him and leave. "Love at first sight."

"Ha, ha," Wesley sounded slightly amused though

"Maybe Illyria is afraid of libraries." Faith said

Wesley closed the door. "I doubt it."

Faith shrugged. "Two doors down," She looked down the hall. "I can't see the end so I don't know how many are left. But we'll probably find the answer before we get to the last one."

Wesley put his hand on the wood of the door. "What were you afraid of?"

She didn't need clarification. She knew he was referencing her earlier statement about being afraid even when she was suicidal. "Myself; I still am to tell you the truth."

"Were you afraid you weren't good enough?"

She nodded. "I was afraid I was weak. I was afraid I was dirty. I thought I was broken beyond repair and that someone would see through my mask and laugh at me."

"Huh," Wesley said; he didn't want to reveal how familiar that sounded

"Maybe Illyria has hidden fears of inadequacy as well." Faith said

"She's an all-powerful immortal." Wesley said

"So? You know what most scares people with power?" Faith asked

"I'm afraid I don't."

"Losing it," Faith said "It's the scariest thing in the world for us."

"I know what it's like to be powerless." Wesley said

Faith had to ask a question she didn't want answered. "Are you talking about me?"

Wesley shook his head. "I had nightmares about you, often." Wesley said "But there are things out there I fear far more than you, far more than pain and death."

"If I were still evil that would hurt my feelings." Faith teased

Wesley gave her a slight smile. "Come on, we have to go farther down the hall."

"How do you know?"

"I don't, I have a feeling."

"Oh," Faith said "Vague,"

"And you're the queen of clarity." Wesley said

Faith put her hands up in surrender. "Okay, point made."

…

Willow looked at the data Fred had compiled. "This is very thorough." She said in a tone of admiration "This will save me a lot of time." Willow gave them an encouraging smile.

"Okay," Gunn said "You're a witch?"

"Yep,"

"You don't look like a witch."

"And what exactly do witches look like?" Willow asked

"Well until just now I didn't really know witches were a real thing. I guess I shouldn't be surprised; they're the logical progression from vampires and demons. But when I picture a witch I don't picture a supreme hottie, which you definitely are." Gunn remembered that he was in a relationship and shot a look at Fred, but Fred appeared to not even notice his complimenting another woman. She was focused on the data and on finding a solution to their problem.

"The whole warts and brooms thing is a stereotype." Angel said

"Thank you Angel," Willow said "I'm glad there's somebody who doesn't think we're all a bunch of ugly hags." She glared at Gunn, but the glare was playful and her good cheer endured.

"So you think you can magic up a solution to the Illyria situation?" Fred asked

"I think I can." Willow said

…

Wesley stood in front of a door that looked the same as all of the other doors, but he knew this was the right one. "A lot of people don't understand terror, not really. It's the waiting that's the worst. Pain is something we can react to. When we're in a moment, we can at least experience it and know that the end is coming. But the worst thing is the waiting for pain that we know is coming and that we are powerless to stop. So few can comprehend how a prisoner on death row must feel. He isn't dying, he isn't being attacked, but the eminency of his death is a force that rests on him. There is no relief, no respite, just the impending horror that gets closer with each moment and never farther away. Then you hear the footsteps and you know the last few moments have arrived and you want to stretch them out but you can't. You just have to keep waiting as it becomes harder to breathe and your heart quickens. Do you know what that's like?"

Faith wanted to lie, but she couldn't. "I did a long time ago."

"But then you got superpowers." Wesley spoke in a dull voice

"You weren't that lucky huh?"

"No," Wesley turned the doorknob. "And I never forgot the feeling of waiting." He pushed the door inward and watched the bedroom come into view. "I don't think I ever stopped."

Faith looked at the little boy siting on his bed with his knees against his chest. He had his face buried in his knees and his arms wrapped around his legs. "Is that you?"

"Yes,"

"What happens next?"

"Mostly just shouting," Wesley said

"My mom had a boyfriend who was into amateur boxing." Faith wasn't sure why she was revealing this part of herself to him. It just seemed fair. "He couldn't afford a real punching bag I guess, so he just hit whatever was around. The wall was his most frequent target. I was right between my mom and the radio. He would listen to football on the radio." Faith could see that the little boy was trying to make himself as small as possible, as if he could disappear.

"Your story is a lot worse than mine." Wesley said

"It's not about relativity." Faith said "Pain is pain."

"There are no bars in there, but it's a prison."

Faith nodded. This was true. "Do you think it would hold an old one?"

"Illyria is the most powerful being in the world right now. If you're right about power only increasing our fear of losing it then being powerless should petrify her."

"So we make her live the memory of victimization a million times over."

"Until she dies." Wesley whispered

"That's pretty cruel." Faith said "Some might even say fucked up."

"Well we could just let her eradicate all life on earth."

"I wasn't saying that." Faith said "This is a good idea."

Wesley took hold of the door handle and pulled it toward him, pulling the door in a direction it wasn't supposed to go. "A maze of memories, built with impossible dimensions, once she is inside there won't be an exit. Each room will lead only to more rooms like it."

"The sensation of being powerless, felt forever."

Wesley nodded.

"What if we get trapped inside?"

"We won't."

Faith accepted this. "So we build this thing and then we lure her here?"

"Yep,"

…

Angel looked from Fred and Gunn doing research for Willow to the witch herself working on the first part of her spell. "So, how's Sunnydale?" Angel asked

"Oh you know, apocalypse,"

"Wow, two of those going on at the same time, and both in California."

"I know; what are the odds right?" Willow gave Angel that patented Willow smile.

"It's good to see you." Angel said

"Good to see you too," Willow said "It's been a long time."

"How's… the gang?"

"You mean how's Buffy?"

Angel fidgeted awkwardly. "Well also… Xander, I'm curious about him."

"Don't you two kind of hate each other?"

"What?" Angel said in his best imitation of shock "I don't hate Xander. We're…" He floundered. "So how is he? He still… doing that thing that he does… with the… stuff?"

"Wow," Willow said "You're really bad at mock concern."

"Well that's a good thing right?"

Willow shrugged. "Buffy's good. She's…" Now Willow was at a loss. "Good,"

"Is she seeing anyone?" Angel's fake casual voice was atrocious.

Willow tried to figure out how to answer that question. "She's been busy."

"Oh, apocalypse, right,"

"Yeah,"

"How about you? Are you in a relationship? Cordy told me you uh…"

"Yeah," Willow said "I'm seeing a girl." She said "And you?"

"Well I've got that curse thing still."

"Um-hum," Willow focused on her potion ingredients for a few moments. "It's just that you and Cordelia… Well when she called me and told me that you all needed my help it-"

"Cordy called you?" Angel asked

"How did you think I knew to come here?" Willow asked

"I figured magic was involved."

"The magic of the cell phone." Willow said

"Huh, well Cordelia and I are… It's a very… Relationships are…"

"You want to hear something weird?" Willow asked

"Considering how things have been going for me lately, not really, but sure."

Willow smiled. "It's just that you were easier to talk to when you were evil."

Angel chuckled. "Speaking of Cordelia, I'm sure she'll love getting to talk to you again."

"Yeah," Willow said "It's like Sunnydale just popped over for a visit."

"I'm a lot happier to see you than I was last time. Let's hope you bring better news."

"No more dead friends," Willow said

"No more dead friends,"

…

Faith walked down a sunny lane. "Where is this?"

"When my father took me to work with him we walked down this road." Wesley said

"What was that like?"

"I'm not even going to start."

Faith accepted this. She saw movement and tried to track it with her eyes. "I think she's following us." Faith whispered when she saw the flash of blue pass by a little closer

"That's good."

"I keep trying to tell myself that."

It came to a stop in front of them. "Hello friends,"

"We're not your friends." Faith said

"No," Illyria opened her mouth and screamed. It was a horrible scream. Faith could see worlds in that scream, small, wet worlds. The sunny lane broke like glass and hit the tile of the bathroom floor. A woman was holding a child's head underwater. The child was struggling to come up, but she was weak and tiny. This was a world long forgotten, but Illyria had resurrected this old memory. The woman let the dark-haired child up for a breath by yanking up her scalp.

"Is that you?" Wesley asked softly

"Sure, another version of me, a dead one."

Illyria walked behind them. "We are never free of our past."

The woman pushed the girl back down. "When will you learn?!" The woman yanked the child up. "Why do you keep making me do this?!" The woman asked in a frantic scream "Why are you like this?!" The frazzled woman stood up.

The child cowered in her mother's shadow. "I'm sorry." She whispered

"You're always sorry." The woman said "Are you ever anything else?"

"When you drink that stuff you're scary." The girl's voice was almost inaudible.

"Shut up!" The woman kicked her child.

Wesley saw Faith flinch so he took her hand. "I'm really sorry."

Faith scoffed and pulled her hand away. "Doesn't mean anything."

"Yeah," He watched the woman pull the girl to her feet. "I used to think that."

"Used to?"

"The world isn't the way it's supposed to be, or the way we want it to be. But sometimes we find things that make this wretched world worth living in and we want to protect those things and enjoy them. Sometimes we break them. But it was an accident. I'm sorry for what I did."

"Words don't mean anything. They never do. Action is all that matters."

"You can't let her get in your head."

"We are in my head Wesley."

He sighed. "I was speaking figuratively."

The bathroom melted away into a teenage boy picking up a pair of shattered glasses and putting them on anyway. What else was he supposed to do? "You look ridiculous."

The teenage boy turned his blurry gaze to a young brunette. "Oh,"

"Why do you even bother to show up? They'll never let up on you."

"Well maybe they'll get bored."

She rolled her eyes. "You're pathetic. All the girls think so."

"Oh,"

"Is that the only word you know?"

"I know numerous other words."

"Yeah, because you're so smart." She walked up to him and took his glasses. He was too surprised to try to stop her and he wasn't sure if he would have tried even if he had known what she was going to do. She snapped the glasses in half, rendering them useless. "What now?"

"Why did you do that?"

"You're so smart, figure it out." She dropped the glasses on the ground.

"Wow," Faith said as the girl flounced off "What a bitch,"

"She was head girl the same year I was head boy." Wesley explained

"What?"

"She was the smartest girl in our graduating class." He clarified

"What happened to her?" Faith asked

"Wizard killed her,"

"I guess I should feel bad for her." Faith said

"She was the first girl I ever-" Wesley reconsidered sharing that tidbit of information.

"You slept with her?" Faith asked "Why?"

"It seemed like the thing to do." He explained

"I don't get it."

"Me either," He said "There were a lot of things I didn't get then."

"And now?"

"Yes," He said, answering nothing

Illyria walked up from behind them and examined the boy trudging away. "You like to think yourself a victim, but you always had a hand in it. You caused your own suffering."

"How's that?" Faith asked

"If you'd been smarter or better behaved daddy would have left you alone. If you'd kept your head down a little lower those boys wouldn't have needed to show you your place. If you'd been a better watcher your charge wouldn't have returned to seek vengeance." Illyria said

"Bullshit," Faith protested "What I did is on me and you can't blame a child for the abuse inflicted on them by adults. Children should be cared for by their parents."

"If you say so." Illyria said "You little whore," Illyria appeared right in front of Faith and spoke with the voice of the frazzled woman, repeating a well-known monologue. "You ruin everything you little slut. You ruined my life. You grew in me like a tumor or a parasite and poisoned me forever. I wish you were dead. I wish I had ripped you out of me when you were still growing into the disgusting crying thing that became you. I hate you. I detest you."

Faith stepped back and fell onto the floor. Her burnt hands shook as she tried and failed to rise to her feet. She stared at the black crispy things. "Faith," Wesley knelt down in front of her and tried to lock eyes with her, but she avoided his gaze. "Will you listen to me?"

"What is there to say?"

"You were right. Children should be cared for by their parents."

"You say that and you want to believe it." Illyria said "But deep down you know that the both of you are damaged goods. Any and all who tried to help you paid for it."

"Angel," Faith whispered

"He saw something good in you and he was right." Wesley insisted

The scene changed. "I think I want to hear you scream."

Faith closed her eyes. "No, no, no," She cried out "Please don't."

"Faith it's all right."

"I'm so sorry."

"I forgive you."

"I'm sick. I did those horrible things and I enjoyed it. I treated a human being like meat to be used for my pleasure. I felt warm blood on my hands and I hated myself so much." Tears ran down her face. "I'm an animal. I have to be put down. Let me die, oh let me die."

"You're not going to die Faith."

"Yes she will."

Faith kept her eyes shut tight as she listened to Wesley and Illyria speak. "What?"

"That was the price for entry here. She abandoned her life to save yours."

She felt hands grasp her shoulders. "Tell me that's not true."

"I deserve to die."

"Faith you have to listen to me. Look at me."

Faith opened her eyes and looked at his frantic expression. "Evil things have arrived in this world. There is something coming, something bad. You cannot die. It's not time."

"I deserve to die." She repeated

"The world needs you."

"Nobody needs me. Buffy said so."

"Screw that thing pretending to be Buffy and screw the high and mighty slayer herself for good measure. She thinks she's better than everybody else. Well she's arrogant and vain. She may be the chosen one but she doesn't get to decide who is and is not worthwhile."

"I'm a killer."

"And I'm a traitor."

Faith's tears gushed faster. "Maybe there's no hope for either of us."

"Faith we live in a world where a vampire who slaughtered people for hundreds of years is now a champion for humanity. Demons fight for the forces of good. They open nightclubs and help people find their destinies. No matter who you are or what you've done you can find redemption. I truly believe that. Faith you can walk the righteous path."

"It's hard."

"It's supposed to be."

They heard Illyria laugh. "They keep looking for salvation."

Faith took in a deep breath. "I'm ready."

…

Cordelia came downstairs after shift change to see Willow. "Hey,"

Willow looked up from her work and smiled. "Cordelia,"

Cordy returned the candid smile. "Any progress?"

"I think I'm almost there."

Cordelia felt her heart speed up. "Please don't say that unless you mean it."

Willow looked at her old schoolmate with sympathy. "It'll be okay Cordy."

…

Faith yanked the door open to the place. To go inside was to seal one's fate. "I need you to do something for me." Wesley told her as they waited for Illyria to catch up

"Okay," They had moments.

"You have to live."

"It's too late for that."

"Faith you're a slayer. You're not a normal human being."

"But I can still die."

"Not today," Wesley said "You need to go to Sunnydale and help Buffy stop whatever evil force is there. I'm sure Willow will take you back with her if you ask her to."

"Why would she want me?"

Illyria appeared at the end of the hall. "Promise me you'll live and go to Sunnydale."

"Wes-"

He gripped her hand and squeezed it. "Promise,"

"I promise,"

"When she follows me through the door that's when you have to wake up."

"What?" Faith was horrified. "You can't go in there, you'll be trapped forever."

"Just until Angel and the others figure out how to exorcise Illyria."

"How do you know that?"

"Actually I don't. But confidence is key."

"Don't be stupid."

"I'm quoting you verbatim."

"Yes, hence the stupid."

"Faith run," Faith looked from Illyria to Wesley. On impulse she kissed him on the cheek before she took off running down the hall. Her last glimpse was of Wesley fleeing into the prison they had created and Illyria following him in. She stopped and closed her eyes, willing herself to wake as she had promised she would. She had to believe that he would make it.

…

Willow explained how the magic worked to Fred, Cordelia, and Lorne. She held up an enchanted knife for them to see. "The spell is about purification. We bleed Illyria out of him."

"And that will work?" Fred asked

"Yes," Willow said "We use this knife to cut him open and we bleed Illyria into an enchanted vessel. As long as the vessel never breaks Illyria will be trapped there."

"The urn from my vision," Cordelia said

Willow smiled at her. "We trap Illyria in there and Wesley goes free."

"How long until everything is ready?" Fred asked

"It's ready now."

…

Illyria collapsed to her knees. The sensation she felt was unlike anything she had ever felt before and it was agony absolute. She felt like chains were wrapped around her wrists and ankles holding her in place. She was not in control of this situation. She was not the manipulator and she was not in control of her fate. She was like an animal. She screamed in horror. She looked around a room as empty as the white room. The only things in here were the sensations from a million memories combined to create utter terror and despair. Illyria felt the sense of gasping for breath while water filled her lungs. This was a new sensation. Illyria did not need oxygen, but she felt the need and gasped for air. She felt the blindness of being trapped in the dark, this sensation cut her off from her inhuman senses. She looked around for an exit and saw him.

"Hello Illyria,"

"What have you done to me?"

"I'm teaching you about humanity."

"Is that right?" Illyria felt the adrenaline surge that accompanied the sound of footsteps in the hall. She felt real pain. "I will make you pay for this. Didn't I say I would?"

Wesley backed away from her. "Killing me won't free you."

"No," She agreed "It will just please me." She grabbed him by the throat and put her other hand on his forehead. "Look at eternity. See what it holds and how I walked through it."

…

Willow entered the room. Although Willow had no particular fondness for Faith she felt a deep sense for pity for the woman. Willow touched the clasped hands of the slayer and the old one, allowing her healing touch to separate them and heal the burns. She instructed Cordelia to hold the urn under Wesley's arm with as much care as possible. Not a single drop of blood could spill or this would end badly. Willow grabbed his arm and saw the faint remainder of a scar where a desperate man had tried to end his life. This process would leave a scar and she saw no point in giving him a new one. She placed the enchanted blade on the hard skin and began to cut along the old scar. Blue fluid surged from the arm. The liquid filled the urn, obeying the ancient magic in the knife. When the last drop of blue fluid was in the urn Angel investigation saw something wonderful happen. First the cut flesh fused back together. Next all the blue faded out of Wesley. His hair, skin, and eyes returned to the ones Angel investigations were familiar with.

Fred held her breath as she watched Wesley open his eyes. "Wes," Cordy whispered

He didn't seem to see her. He was staring at something on the other side of the room, even though there was nothing there. "Wesley," Angel said "Are you okay?"

His blank stare let them all know that he was not. All of AI was startled when Faith gasped and sat up. "Faith!" Fred said in surprise "You're alive!"

Startled by the sudden movement Wesley fell off the bed onto the floor. Cordelia tried to help him to his feet, but he inched over to the wall and stared at them with wide-eyed terror. "I see it." He said "I see the mountain of bodies and the ones at the bottom that are hidden by the others and the weight crushed their bones and some of them weren't dead until they suffocated."

"Wesley," Cordelia said "It's us. You know us."

But his expression suggested otherwise.


	16. Players

Faith grabbed her bag and started down the hall toward the stairs. She could hear Willow downstairs saying good bye to Angel, Cordelia, Fred, and Gunn. Faith stopped outside the room where Wesley was sleeping. Lorne was keeping watch at the bedside. She stepped into the room and approached the sleeping man. "Can I ask you something?" She asked Lorne

"Of course,"

"Can you really see the future?"

"Pieces of it, sometimes, if people sing for me."

"Will you listen to me sing?"

Lorne nodded.

Faith held in the emotion that wanted out. "I started a joke, which started the whole world crying. But I didn't see, that the joke was on me. Oh no. I started… a…" Faith trailed off.

Lorne got up and looked at her. He wrapped her in a hug. "You think that the belief people have placed in you is misplaced, but you're wrong. You can do this."

A single tear dripped from her eye onto his skin. "What's going to happen to him?"

"I can't see that." Lorne said "But we'll try everything we can."

"Thank you," Faith pulled away and smiled at the demon. "See you around,"

"If you're ever in L.A. stop by."

"I promise." She left the room and went down to the lobby.

Faith saw Willow hugging Cordelia. "I'm sorry I was too late."

"Thank you for coming." Cordelia said "Tell Xander and Buffy I said hi. Giles too,"

"I will." Willow promised before turning to give Angel a hug

"Bye Willow,"

"Good-bye, and don't give up."

"Never,"

While Willow gave her farewells to Fred and Gunn Faith approached Angel and Cordelia with a sad countenance. "Are you sure I'm making the right call?" She asked the vampire

To Faith's surprise Cordelia answered. "You don't belong in prison Faith."

"Really?"

"No; you belong in the trenches like the rest of us. Prison is too easy."

Faith smiled. "Thanks Cordelia,"

"Don't mention it."

Faith stuck out her hand to Angel. "If you ever need me, ring me up."

Angel ignored her hand and pulled her into a hug. "Thanks for not dying."

When Angel released her she nodded. Faith started after Willow, waving at Fred and Gunn on her way out. "Sorry I didn't get to know you better, you seem like real nice folk."

"We'll have to get together sometime." Gunn said

"Bye," The slayer and the witch were gone.

…

Angel placed the urn in the office safe. "And we all know to never touch this right?"

"Yes," Fred said "Now what are we going to do about Wesley?"

"Lorne can start looking for mystical cures with his contacts. I'll hit the streets as well to see what I can come up with. Someone needs to be watching him at all times in case those tranquilizers wear off. I'll pick up some more. Cordy, if you come up with an idea for how to use your power to safely destroy the urn that would be great." Angel said

"Yeah," Gunn agreed "With our anything that can go wrong will go wrong luck it's only a matter of time before someone breaks in here and opens that thing. And I'm not being negative, that is just how our lives go." Gunn said in anticipation of their reactions

"You're right." Angel said "That's pretty much our lives."

"I'll take the next watch." Fred said "With Wesley,"

"Maybe you shouldn't do that by yourself." Gunn said

"He's not dangerous." Fred sounded annoyed that Gunn was implying otherwise.

"We don't know that for sure."

Fred picked up a tranquilizer gun and showed it to him. "Happy?"

"I just-" She was already walking upstairs. He sighed.

"Try to get some sleep." Angel said "Somebody should."

"Right," Gunn said "I've heard of this sleep thing before."

Cordelia watched Gunn go upstairs and then turned to say something to Angel, but he was already halfway across the lobby. She watched him leave and thought about getting some sleep herself. Dennis probably missed her. Cordelia grabbed her keys and headed for her car.

…

Gwen approached the booth where a man sat alone with two plates of pasta. "You're an interesting man." Gwen said "How is it exactly that you got my contact information?"

He smiled at her and gestured for her to sit down. "I know people."

"Is that right?"

"They say you're far from the best in the business."

Gwen took affront to that. "So why call me?"

"You have a unique attribute."

"The ability to make security systems, electric fences, and all the lovely technology that makes rich people feel safe completely obsolete."

"No, I doubt you'll be needing that skill for this job."

Gwen's confusion deepened. "I don't understand."

The man pulled out a photograph and handed it to her. "Do you know this man?"

Gwen felt her pulse accelerate. "Angel,"

"You gave him an urn."

"Yeah, so what? How do you know that?"

The man ignored her questions. "I need you to steal that urn again."

"No thanks," Gwen said "I'm not stealing from Angel."

"Because you fucked him?"

Gwen was startled by the crass language. "I'm done with this conversation."

She stood to go and was frozen by his next question. "Have you ever heard of the LISA?"

She stared at him. "That's a myth."

"No it's not." The man said

When she sat back down she was staring at him with utter loathing. "You have one?"

"The only one," He said "It cost a pretty penny."

"Who are you?"

He smiled at her, a very charismatic smile. "Does it matter?"

"Let's say it does."

He chuckled. "My name is Lindsey. But that stays between us."

…

Fred sat in a chair at Wesley's bedside. She wondered if he was dreaming. She hoped not, because if he was they were probably nightmares. After he had woken up he had gotten more and more agitated until they had been forced to tranquilize him just to stop him from hurting himself by scratching his face and arms and knocking his head against the wall. It had been a frightening scene to watch. Fred hated to see anybody reduced to such a state, much less a friend. She saw his hand resting on the bed and picked it up. "Don't worry." She told him "We'll find a cure."

…

Conner woke up from a restful sleep. He stood by the door to check for people in the hall and then stepped out again. He approached the room Illyria had been in. Something strange had happened while he was holed up in the other room. Through the ajar door he saw Fred watching Illyria, but she wasn't blue anymore. She looked just like Wesley. Conner wondered why. The boy touched his knife. He might never get another chance to kill Illyria. Conner heard footsteps approaching and considered running into the room and doing the deed before whoever was approaching could catch a glimpse of him. He recognized the footsteps as Angel's. Conner knew if his father stopped him he wouldn't get another chance. He snuck back into his hide-out. He could wait a little longer. Patience was the key to hunting, and Conner was an excellent hunter.

…

Gwen stood down the road from the Hyperion. She had a sick feeling in her gut. She didn't want to hurt Angel. She thought about the famous device this Lindsey person had promised her. It could regulate her power, allow her to live a normal life. Was that worth betraying Angel? She decided it was. She took in a deep breath and headed for the Hyperion.

Once inside the building Gwen looked around the empty lobby. "Hello!" She received no answer and headed toward the back office to look around. Lindsey had said the urn would still be in the hotel somewhere, but he had no idea where. A smart person would hide the urn in a random room. It would take a skilled thief hours to check all the rooms. However most people weren't that smart and they hid their valuables behind obvious markers like security systems and steel doors. Gwen maintained that the safe was the least secure part of any home. Anonymity was the best defense. The urn was probably in this office somewhere. She looked around for the tells of a hidden safe. Behind picture frames was the cliché that never went out of style.

"What are you doing here?"

Gwen turned around and saw Fred. "I called out."

"I heard you."

"No one answered so I thought I'd check back here."

"For what?"

"For Angel,"

Fred frowned. "Angel is out."

Gwen nodded. That was one problem out of the way. "Is he with Cordelia?"

Fred glared at Gwen. "I know you and Angel had a… thing, but I wouldn't advise you to try to make something out of it. We're all busy right now and don't have time for drama."

"Right, saving the world and all that. I remember. I was helping you until I woke up in a hospital with a concussion and I never heard from any of you again. That hurt a little."

"Like I said, we've been busy."

"Hey I get it." Gwen said "I just wanted to ask how you brought the sun back."

Fred gave Gwen an appraising look. "We had to sacrifice a lot."

"Sorry," Gwen said "Touchy subject?"

"Yeah," Fred said

Gwen stared at Fred for a moment. "Are you here by yourself?"

"Why do you ask?"

"Well I thought I'd say hi to the rest of the gang."

"Gunn's sleeping; everybody else is out. So why don't you-" Fred was cut off by Gwen backhanding her. Gwen's insulating gloves stopped most of the electrical charge. Fred hit the ground and tried to scramble to her feet. Gwen kicked her through the door and pulled out a loop of thick black cord. Gwen grabbed Fred's wrists and bound them together. "Hel-!" Gwen punched Fred in the jaw. Fred accidentally bit her tongue and warm blood filled her mouth.

Gwen grabbed a rag from the counter and stuffed it in Fred's mouth. "If you sit here quiet like and don't make a fuss I won't have to hit you anymore. If you try to get in my way I'll have to knock you out. Or," Gwen held up a hand. "Short you out. Don't try me okay?"

Fred's eyes widened with fear. She recalled what Gwen had done to Gunn. She nodded.

"Good girl,"

Gwen went back into the office and headed for what she had identified as the most probable location for a hidden safe. She took the picture from the wall and set it down on the desk to reveal the safe. Usually Gwen enjoyed a challenge, but she wanted away from this job as soon as possible, so she was glad they had made it easy for her. It would only take her a few minutes to crack the safe. If Fred's half of a shout had woken Gunn he would be down here by now, so she thought she had the time. What Gwen didn't know was that Conner had heard the commotion and slunk downstairs. Conner managed to avoid being seen by Fred until he wanted to be. She stared at him and tried to speak through the bloody rag in her mouth. Conner removed the rag and put his hand over her mouth. "Shh, who?" He asked in a barely audible whisper

"She's in the office and can produce electricity. Don't let her touch you." Fred whispered

Conner nodded and headed for the office without untying Fred, much to her chagrin. He planned to kill Illyria after incapacitating the intruder, and Fred being tied up brought down the chances of her being hurt. Conner approached the door to the office, unseen. The intruder was focusing on opening a safe. Conner saw a lamp on the desk. The moment the tumblers in the safe lock clicked would be the best time to grab the lamp and hit the intruder over the head with it.

Gwen worked with great patience, Conner admired that. The lock clicked and Conner rushed forward with his supernatural speed. He picked up the lamp and brought it down toward Gwen's skull. Gwen turned and brought her arms up in just enough time to block the blow. She kicked Conner, which he managed to evade by jumping back. Gwen pulled her gloves off and stared at the stranger. He was an unanticipated element. "Who the hell are you?" She asked

"I could ask you the same question." Conner said

"Are you a part of Angel's group?" Gwen asked

"No," Conner said forcefully

"You sound pretty passionate about that. Are you not supposed to be here as well?"

"I'm not here to steal." Conner said

"My motives are complicated."

"I get that." Conner said "But you hurt Fred."

"Not because I wanted to." Gwen said "I need this urn."

Conner looked at the safe and the urn inside. "What is it?"

"I don't know." Gwen said "But I can trade it for something that will save me."

"From what?"

"Myself,"

Conner considered this. "I understand."

Gwen smiled. "I don't suppose you'll just let me walk out of here?"

Conner reflected on this idea. All things considered, why not? "Maybe,"

"Are you serious?"

"If you help me take out Illyria-"

"That scary blue thing? No thanks kid, I'd rather fight you than go up against that thing again. The last time I was face to face with Illyria it landed me in the hospital."

"You went up against Illyria? You survived?" Conner sounded impressed.

"I was unconscious for most of the time, so don't get too overwhelmed."

"I just need you to keep Angel and his friends away from the room while I kill it."

"Hold up. Illyria is _here_?" Gwen couldn't believe it. "I missed something didn't I?"

"Do you want to make a deal?" Conner asked

Gwen stared at the strange boy. Was it a better bet to trust him and risk being betrayed or to fight him and risk losing? At least if he double-crossed her she might still be able to incapacitate him. If she went with the second option a loss would be definitive. Gwen nodded.

Conner backed into the lobby with Gwen following. What they didn't realize was that Fred had heard their whole conversation and managed to get a dagger from the weapons cabinet and cut her bonds while they were distracted. She pointed her tranq gun at Conner and fired it at his back. Gwen pulled Conner out of the way. Fred fired at the two of them again and missed the pair of fast paranormal humans. Conner rushed her. She hit the ground and dropped the gun. Conner pulled her to her feet and held her arms behind her back. "Sorry Fred,"

"Conner listen to me." She pleaded "Illyria isn't upstairs. We exorcised her."

"What?" Conner didn't understand.

"Illyria's essence is trapped in the urn Gwen is trying to steal."

"What?" Now Gwen was the one confused.

"Conner if you let Gwen get away with that urn you could doom the earth. If you kill Wesley that's murder because he's himself again. He's just a normal human being."

Conner didn't let Fred go, but he didn't tie her up again either. "I don't understand."

"Conner you have to trust me. Gwen is a villain."

"No I'm not." She insisted "I helped you guys protect the totem guy."

Fred knew Gwen was a professional thief. She might not have had any idea what was in the urn before she came here to steal it. She might just be a pawn in all of this. "Gwen if you take that urn to whoever hired you to steal it and they release the contents the world will end."

Conner stared at Gwen. "Is that true?"

"I don't know what it is." Gwen confessed "But they can fix me."

"Gwen I know you were dealt a bad hand, but you won't be much better off if Illyria gets out again. You remember what she is, what she's capable of. She's responsible for the sun going out and all of the carnage that ensued. She is pure evil and you're helping her."

Gwen faltered. "Maybe you're lying."

"I'm not." Fred pleaded "Please don't do this."

They heard running footsteps and looked up the stairs. "What the hell?" Gunn ran down the stairs toward the standoff. "Conner let her go!" When Gunn ran by Gwen she shoved him, sending him flying into the weapons cabinet. The glass door shattered and the shards cut into Gunn's flesh. He shouted in pain and Gwen retreated. Her action had been almost instinctual.

"Charles!" Fred struggled against Conner's grip.

Gwen's flight or fight response went off. She ran into the office and grabbed the urn. She took off for the back door. Conner released Fred and the young woman ran for Gwen. Fred collided with Gwen and was sent flying back. The surge of electricity only made brief contact with her, but Fred was knocked out. Gwen fell to the ground and dropped the urn. The urn shattered and a viscous blue liquid spilled into a puddle on the ground. Gwen struggled to her feet and fled. Fred was unconscious but Conner and Gunn could see what was happening.

…

Cordelia went into the kitchen to get a glass of water. She was so tired she wasn't sure how she had managed to drive home. It was strange. She hadn't been this tired before. She had never been this tired, it occurred to her, not ever. She stumbled into her room and collapsed onto her bed. She had no time to change into her pajamas or get under the covers. She was unconscious the moment her body touched the bed. She slept the deepest of sleeps, without dreams or the possibility of being roused. She would sleep until the time came for her to wake as she slept through her metamorphosis. She became other than what she was.

…

The blue liquid moved, almost as though it were alive. Of course it was. The liquid stretched and formed until four fingers emerged from it. The men stared in horror. The fingers rose up to reveal a hand. Gunn stood up from where he had collapsed into the cabinet. He winced in pain and stared at the thing coming together. The liquid rearranged itself into the thing that owned the blue hand and fingers. In a few moments a five foot tall humanoid shape that appeared feminine but was nude and had no sex organs stood before them. "Okay," A voice that sounded a little like Shirley Temple in _Heidi_ said "Now I'm mad. One might even say murderous."

"Oh my God," Gunn said in disbelief

"Dear boy, flattery will not save you, but it is appreciated." Her tone made it clear that she did not think he was referring to her, she was just taunting him. "Is she dead?"

Gunn looked over at Fred. Losing all regard for his safety and the urgency of their situation he ran over to her and felt for a pulse. He breathed a sigh of relief. "She's alive."

"Good," Illyria said "I want the little bitch to see this." Illyria vanished

"Where did she go?" Conner asked

Gunn got up and then attacked Conner. He threw the boy against the wall and pinned him by his neck. Conner could easily break free, but he didn't. "What the hell did you do?"

"I didn't know." Conner said

"You set Illyria free! Are you working for her now?!"

Conner shoved Gann away. "No! I came here to kill her!"

"We had her trapped!" Gunn shouted "She was out of play! The world was safe!"

Conner felt his heart fall into his shoes. His blood turned to ice. Had he just doomed the entire human race? Was that why he was here? "I didn't know. Nobody told me." Gunn punched Conner in the face. Conner was surprised, but not really hurt. He wished it hurt more.

"Do you realize what you've done? Do you understand?"

Conner took a moment and then slowly nodded. "I ruined everything."

"Yeah," Gunn said "Humanity might be doomed now, all because of you."

A single tear dripped from Conner's left eye. "I didn't mean it."

A moaning sound signified that Fred was waking up. Gun went over to her and helped her to her feet. "Are you all right baby?" He asked her as she stabilized herself

"What happened?" Fred asked "Did Gwen take the urn?"

…

Cordelia woke up feeling more energized than she had in a long time. She attributed this to the lack of anxiety. The threat of Illyria and what horrible acts of destruction she might next commit was no longer hanging over her head. Cordy got up and went into the kitchen to get something to eat. She was in the mood for pancakes. She opened the fridge door to get out a carton of milk and froze. She brought her hands up to her face. Her fingernails were as hard as diamonds and glowing. Small circular sections of her fingers and hands were skinless and revealed more of the glowing crystalline substance instead of flesh. Cordelia ran into the bathroom and turned on the light. She screamed. In the mirror she saw two eyes without pupils or irises that glowed a pure radiant white. Cordelia touched her face, which only showed her the changes in her hands again. "No, no, no, what is this? Why are you doing this to me?" She asked

No one answered. Her eyes and hands were the only differences that she could see. She leaned her forehead against the glass and began to cry. What was next? Each change made her a little less human. Cordelia wondered at what point her humanity would truly be gone.

…

Angel arrived at the Hyperion hoping against all reason that the cell phone call he had received from Fred had been a cruel tasteless joke. He entered the lobby and saw the shattered pieces of the urn on the ground. Gunn was standing over the pieces, seething. He looked up at Angel and shook his head. "Anything that can go wrong will. We didn't even have her trapped for a full day before this stupid thing broke." He kicked the pieces of pottery.

"Where is everybody?" Angel asked

"Lorne's on his way. Fred is upstairs. Cordy didn't answer her phone."

Angel found this last piece of news alarming. "Do you think she's okay?"

Gunn shrugged. "Oh and your hell spawn ran off after the damage was done."

"Why would he do this?" Angel asked

"Why does Conner do anything he does?" Gunn asked "From what I can gather he came here to kill Illyria, not knowing she was in the urn, at the same time Gwen came here to steal the urn back from us for some reason. Gwen offered to help Conner kill Illyria if he let her take the urn and when Fred and I tried to stop them the urn broke. Illyria is gone."

"This is bad." Angel said "This is really bad. If she's in her true form she is more powerful than she was before. How are we supposed to take her out?"

Gunn kicked the shattered ceramic again. "This is just great!" He shouted angrily

"Gunn we have to focus."

Gunn took a moment to collect himself. He tried to contain the anger that threatened to break out at any moment. "Okay, what's the plan boss?"

"I'm going to go look for Cordelia. You stay here and wait for Lorne."

"You don't think I should start looking for Illyria?" Gunn asked

"No," Angel said "We need to stick together. That's why we'll all go to look for her as a group once I've found Cordelia. Just keep an eye on Fred and Wes."

…

Conner was an expert tracker. He would find the woman who had tricked him. He would find the woman who was responsible for this next catastrophe in his life. The only question was what he would do after that. He tracked her to an upscale café. He didn't recognize the man she sat down at a table with. Conner's advanced hearing allowed him to eavesdrop on them without entering the café and risking being seen. Gwen seemed agitated, good.

"Do you know what was in that urn I tried to steal for you?"

The man had a laid-back countenance. "Yes," He said genially

"I don't think you do." Gwen said "Because you don't seem stupid to me."

"Thanks," The man said "But I know the essence of Illyria the god-king was in the urn."

"Then why did you have me try to steal it?"

"To destroy it and her once and for all of course." The man lied well, but Conner could still tell that he was doing just that. "I take it your heist was unsuccessful?"

"The urn broke."

The man feigned concern. "Please tell me you're joking."

"No, the stuff in the urn spilled out."

"And Illyria rose to be in her true form?" The man asked

"I don't know; I high-tailed it out of there."

"This is bad." The man said "This is very bad."

"What do I do?" Gwen asked

"My advice, leave town, leave this dimension if you can."

Gwen got up to go. "I'm sorry."

"We'll all be sorry very soon."

Conner watched Gwen flee the café. He made no move to stop her. This man was the real guilty party. He was the one Conner wanted to talk to. Conner waited for him to finish his meal, pay, and then leave. Conner grabbed the man and threw him into the nearby alley. "We're going to talk." Conner told the stranger "About Illyria, and about how to stop her."

The man stood up and brushed off his outfit. "Conner, I'm so glad to see you."

"How do you know who I am?" Conner asked suspiciously

"I know all about you Conner." The man said "Call me Doyle."

…

Angel knocked on Cordelia's door. "Cordy are you there?" He waited a few moments and knocked again. "Cordelia it's an emergency! If you're there-" Angel gasped when the door opened and he saw Cordelia. "What happened?" He asked her

Tears dripped from her glowing eyes. "I don't know."

Angel came inside and led her to the couch. "Start from the beginning."

"There is no beginning. I went to sleep and when I woke up I was like this."

Angel pulled her into a hug. She wept into his shoulder. "It's okay."

"It's not." She said "I'm becoming less and less human."

"No Cordelia," He said "You're very human." But his vampire senses told him otherwise.

"Why are the powers doing this to me? Illyria is defeated, I don't need more power."

Angel smoothed her hair. The silky strands felt good under his skin. "She escaped."

Cordelia pulled away and stared at him. "What?" She asked

"Conner and Gwen-"

"_Conner _and _Gwen_," Cordelia said in disbelief. "What the hell is going on over there?"

"I don't know." Angel said "But Illyria is gone. We have to stop her."

"I guess that's why the powers did this to me." Cordy said

"Whatever they did, it might be the difference between stopping Illyria-"

"And the end of the world," Cordelia finished

"It's time to get back to the Hyperion." Angel said

…

Fred sat in the chair by Wesley's bedside, continuing her vigil. She rubbed her pounding head while she watched the rhythmic rise and fall of his chest. Of all the many things that could possibly go wrong Conner freeing Illyria was definitely one of the worst possibilities. "I wish you were here." She told the man she was fairly certain couldn't hear her. "You were the one who came up with the solutions. We did our best without you, but we need you. We're supposed to be a team. We're not supposed to be apart." She watched him sleep. Sleep was the only peace available to him now. If he woke up he would be overtaken by madness again. "There has to be a cure for you." She said "We'll find it. When we do you can help us figure out how to stop her."

Fred didn't notice Gunn standing in the doorway. She didn't notice his expression of annoyance and envy. He hated feeling the way he did, but he couldn't help it. He saw the concern with which his girlfriend was treating Wesley. She looked positively loving. He wanted to be the guy that was secure enough in his relationship to not let things like that bother him, but he wasn't that guy. The truth was that Gunn was wondering what would happen if and when they did find a cure for Wesley. Would Fred leave Gunn for the man she had cared for with such dedication? Gunn tried to banish these thoughts, but they refused to leave.

…

When Lorne entered the Hyperion the first place he headed was the section of the floor decorated with broken pottery. He felt the power of the magic that had dissipated when the urn broke and released its contents. He felt a small section of Illyria's aura. Lorne sensed not just pain, but unspeakable agony. Whatever Wes and Faith had done to Illyria to trap her might have worked a little too well. An old one was dangerous enough, but they had actually managed to hurt her. She must be pissed. Lorne headed upstairs and met Gunn in the hall. "Why is it that every time Angel's deranged son shows up something terrible happens?" Lorne asked

Gunn sighed. "This is a disaster. Did you find anything?"

Lorne shook his head. "From what I managed to pick up from the edges of Wesley's aura Illyria drove him mad by putting her memories in his head. I don't even want to think about all of the horrible things she might have shown him. Memory removal is advanced magic, hard to get right, and very pricy. You have to be a hell of a lot more connected than me to even get the name of a guy who could fix the mess in Wesley's head." Lorne sighed. "It never ends."

"Right now Illyria is top priority." Gunn said "When Angel gets back with Cordelia we're going after her. This time we can actually kill her, so that's one silver lining."

"Well yay," Lorne said "Things are looking up."

"Of course she's more powerful now, which means way harder to kill." Gunn said

"And now they're back down." Lorne said "What do we do about Conner?"

Gunn put his hands in the air. "He's Angel's son. It's his call."

"How much are we going to let him get way with? Trapping his father at the bottom of the ocean was one thing, one very bad thing might I add. Freeing the bringer of the apocalypse is a whole other ballgame. An evil ballgame, that must be put a stop to." Lorne insisted

"That metaphor kind of fell apart." Gunn said

"Spare the rod spoil the child is what I say." Lorne insisted "Conner needs a firm hand; by which I mean Angel needs to take his hand and use it to firmly pummel his evil son."

"I don't know if evil is the right word." Gunn said "I think he was tricked."

Lorne snorted. "I'm going to go check on Wesley."

"Fred's with him." Gunn said

Although his tone was perfectly normal Lorne picked up a hint of agitation emanating from Gunn's aura. Gunn did not like all the time Fred was devoting to looking after Wes. Lorne entered the room and picked up on an emotion of equal strength. Fred's selfless concern was heartbreaking for Lorne. All Lorne could get from Wesley's aura was a mess of crazy. Fred wanted to help him so badly. Lorne had no good news to give her and it killed him inside.

"You heard?" She asked

"That boy is starting to get on my last nerve." Lorne said

"You and me both." She never looked away from Wesley. Lorne had an idea.

"Will you sing for me sweetheart?"

"Will that help?" Fred asked

"I can't see it hurting." Lorne said

Fred took a moment to think. "Listen to the wind blow, watch the sun rise. Run in the shadows. Damn your love, damn your lies. And if you don't love me now, you will never love me again. I can still hear you saying you will never break the chain." She sang in a subdued tone

Lorne tried to make sense of what he had seen. Anything involving Illyria was obscured as it had been when he had read Cordelia. The whole future was a confusing mess. Lorne couldn't bring enough of the pieces together to form a coherent picture. "I've got nothing."

"But we might fix him right? You didn't see that it was impossible?"

"As far as I can see anything is possible." Lorne wished he could give her better assurance than that, but it was all he had. He watched her grip the former watcher's hand.

"Then we'll find a way." She said

Lorne sensed Gunn standing in the doorway. He sensed something unpleasant.

…

Angel and Cordelia entered the Hyperion. "Guys!" Angel shouted

Cordelia faced the doors, hiding her appearance. She clasped her hands together to conceal the abnormal formations. Angel placed his hand on hers. "I can't." She said

"You're beautiful." He said

She scoffed. "I'm not human."

She wasn't, not entirely. He could smell the otherworldliness on her. In some ways she was less human than Doyle had been. In some ways she was less human than him. What he was belonged in this dimension, but like Illyria Cordelia's powers were a part of something that had left a long time ago. He didn't think telling her this would be helpful. "You're very human."

"Liar," But she smiled at him.

"Cordelia!" Fred shouted as the group came downstairs

Lorne, Gunn, and Fred ran toward them. "What happened?" Gunn asked

"I guess the PTB thought we needed more firepower to defeat Illyria." Cordelia said

"Is it permanent?" Fred asked

Angel shot her a look.

"Because you look so great." Fred amended "Is why I ask."

"We can talk after we kill this bitch." Cordy said "Let's go."

"How do we find her?" Lorne asked

"I know where she is." Cordelia said "We need to go now."

Lorne pretended not to find that creepy. "What about Wes?"

"I'll stay with Wesley." Fred volunteered

"I need you." Angel said "In case we need any technological expertise."

"Lorne, you stay." Cordelia said

"Aye, Aye," Lorne said "I'm always ready to avoid combat."

"Come on." Angel said "We're wasting time."

…

The sound of bells alerted the shopkeeper of a potential patron. He entered the salesroom and was greeted by a blue fist going through his skull. Illyria pulled her hand from the shopkeeper's head and licked the blood from her arm and fist. She entered the back room and saw it, her sarcophagus. "Hello," She whispered as she approached it "We were together for so many millennia. Have you missed me?" She lay her head on the stone sarcophagus.

She hear the sound of a clearing throat. She turned to see the vampire with the one chosen by the powers and their pathetic associates. "You keep killing people in my city." Angel said

"It's time to put a stop to that." Cordelia said

Illyria placed her hand on her sarcophagus and pulled a crystal from the lid. She sniffed it and then swallowed it. "Ummm… Weird." Gunn said "Definitely weird,"

Illyria waved her hand to distort time. Cordelia's inhuman eyes were unaffected by Illyria's trickery. Cordelia ran for the old one and grabbed her arm. Illyria felt the crystals burning through her durable skin. Illyria threw Cordelia away from her. Cordelia grabbed her sword and swung it at the old one. Illyria dodged the glowing blade. Illyria's time distortion kept Angel, Gunn, and Fred out of the fight, but it had no effect on Cordelia. They fought for a while until Illyria picked up a knife from a shelf and managed to slice open Cordelia's belly. This bought the old one enough time to flee. As the effect wore off Angel noticed Cordelia's wound and rushed to support her. Cordelia placed her hands on her stomach and healed the wound in only a few seconds. "I'm all right." She assured her alarmed friends "But she escaped."

"That was too close." Angel said

"How long were we under the time whammy?" Fred asked

"A while," Cordelia said

"So we weren't exactly helpful." Gunn said

"I think keeping up the effect distracted her a bit." Cordelia said

"Let's get you back to the hotel." Angel said

"Angel I'm fine." Cordelia lifted her torn shirt to reveal an uninjured stomach. "See?"

Angel reached out to touch her and make sure the wound was healed. His hand lingered on her smooth stomach for a few seconds too long. "So what do we do?" He asked

Cordelia approached the sarcophagus and put her hands on it. "The stone she took will allow her to do something. She'll be able to take control."

"Of what?" Fred asked, unsure if she really wanted to know

"The world, or at least part of it. Her reach will extend the more damage she does."

"What else does she need?" Angel asked

"Blood,"


	17. Inside Out

Lindsey led Conner to a dilapidated tenement building. Conner followed him wearily, prepared to strike out at the stranger at the first sign of deception. Lindsey opened the door to an apartment. "Come on in Conner." Lindsey said as he headed for the kitchen and got two beers.

"I don't drink." Conner informed Lindsey when he returned to the living room

Lindsey shrugged and opened one. "I shouldn't either."

"Who are you?"

"I told you, my name's Do-" Lindsey observed Conner's glare. "The powers that be sent me to fix the Illyria situation. Cordelia didn't do the job they gave her." Lindsey said

Conner's scowl deepened. "Don't talk bad about her."

"Hey I don't even know her." Lindsey said "I'm just telling you what the powers told me, not in the speaking sense, but in the mind-numbingly painful visions sense of course."

"You get visions?" Conner asked

"From the powers that be, yeah."

Conner stared at the stranger. His earlier impression that this man was lying remained, but Conner's senses weren't foolproof. "So you were trying to get the urn to kill Illyria?"

"Yeah," Lindsey said

"Well you just made everything worse. Illyria was harmless in that urn."

"Until she inevitably escaped." Lindsey said "I had to make sure she never came back."

"Well now she has."

"Yeah," Lindsey sipped his beer. He was more of a wine person, but he had to keep up this charade. He hadn't planned to make contact with Conner for a little while longer, but why waste a good opportunity? It was a good thing he already had his fake identity set up. "Yeah,"

"So now what?" Conner asked

"Now we stop her." Lindsey said

"We're the ones who let her go. We should let Cordelia handle this."

Lindsey shook his head. "You don't get it. Cordelia doesn't want to kill Illyria."

"Yes she does." Said Conner "She just didn't want to kill Wesley."

"They're the same thing." Lindsey said

"No," Conner said "They removed her from his body."

"But he's still her connection to this dimension. Now that Illyria is out and in her true, far more powerful, form the only way to kill her is to sever that connection by killing him."

"Murder,"

"Kill one to save billions. I'm not a mathematician, but that seems fair."

Conner stared at Lindsey. "I don't trust you."

"Good, trust gets you killed."

…

The teenage girl was walking quickly. She was running late and she didn't want to upset her mother. She heard a noise. She stopped, heart pounding. "Jimmy, is that you?" Silence prevailed and the girl wondered if she had imagined the noise. "This isn't funny Jimmy."

A blue thing appeared in front of her. The girl screamed. The blue creature grabbed her by the neck and threw her to the ground. The girl tried to get to her feet, but the blue thing grabbed her throat again and separated her head from her body. Illyria cupped her hands and filled them with warm blood. She sipped the blood. One sacrifice down, two to go.

…

Fred took Wesley's arm and carefully slid the needle into his vein. She injected the sedatives that would keep him asleep. She pulled out the needle and then looked at his expressionless face. She reached out and smoothed down his hair. Lorne had said Illyria put all of her memories in his head. No mortal could bear such horrors. The human mind was not meant to comprehend the knowledge of an old one. Yet Fred had an insane hope that he would find a way to regain his sanity on his own. She knew it didn't work that way, but she wished. She was still holding his arm. She gripped his hand. "Hey Wes," She said "It's going to be okay." Of course he didn't respond. Yet talking to him comforted her. "Cordelia has more power now and she's using it to fight Illyria. She's going to stop Illyria from completing the ritual to give her power over this dimension. So don't worry about that. Just… wake up okay?" He didn't stir or shift in any way. His deep sleep was impenetrable. She put her forehead against the hand she was gripping and held in her tears. "Except we're the ones keeping you asleep." Her tears escaped.

…

Cordelia stood over the body of the young woman. "I know what you're thinking."

Cordelia looked over at Angel, who had spoken. "I'm sure you do."

"This isn't your fault." Angel said

The teenager's head was a few feet from her body. "I should have been faster."

"Where is she headed now?" Angel asked

Cordelia closed her eyes and forced the image of the dead girl from her head. "She needs a virgin, a leader, and a champion. The leader is next. She's going to city hall."

"Come on." Angel said "There is nothing more we can do here."

Cordelia let Angel grasp her arm and lead her back to the car.

…

Gunn glanced at his cell phone. Cordelia's text had the floor and room number where Illyria was going to kill the mayor. The only problem was that Gunn was pretty sure that room was the mayor's office and he wasn't getting in there without a little sneaking. Cordelia and Angel would be here soon, but soon might not be enough. Gunn noticed a janitor walking by and sighed. The fate of the world might depend on his ability to get into that room. Gunn followed the janitor into an empty section of hall. Gunn hit the guy over the head before he even realized that he was being followed. Gunn took the man's keys and dragged him into a supply closet.

…

Lorne heard nothing when Conner snuck up behind him and knocked him over the head with a baseball bat. "Nice one," Lindsey admired Conner's work as Conner headed to the broken weapons cabinet and grabbed a knife. He threw the bat aside and went to the stairs.

"Wait here." Conner commanded

"No can do. I'm supposed to stick with you. The powers said."

"Yeah well I'm not doing this for the powers." Conner said

"You're doing it for Cordelia?"

Conner paused and looked at Lindsey. "What do you mean?"

"I see it. You're sacrificing your morality to protect hers. You're going to kill her friend, knowing that she will never forgive you, so that she doesn't have to make that hard choice."

"Shut up Doyle." Conner headed upstairs. Lindsey followed and Conner didn't bother to protest further. As long as the guy didn't get in his way Conner didn't care what he did.

Conner stopped outside the room. The door was closed. Conner pushed it open to get a look inside. Wesley was on the bed, deep in an artificial sleep. Fred was nowhere to be seen, which Conner found odd. Conner gripped the knife and entered the room. A heavy lamp made contact with his skull. Conner turned and shoved his assailant, accidently cutting her. Fred hit the ground, holding her bleeding arm. Conner took a step back, horrified. "Fred,"

"Why are you here?" She asked "Why do you keep coming back?"

"Do it." Lindsey said "Kill him."

"Haven't you done enough?" She asked Conner, ignoring the stranger

"I'm sorry." Conner said "This has to be done."

"Cordelia, Angel, and Gunn are out there risking their lives to fight Illyria and you're here attacking and murdering innocent people." Fred said "Why are you doing this?"

"They'll fail." Lindsey said "This is the only way."

Fred finally gave him notice. "Who are you?"

"Doyle," Lindsey said

"But that's-" Lindsey stepped forward and socked her in the jaw.

"Hey!" Conner shoved Lindsey into the hall.

Lindsey hit the ground and then got back up. "Are you a coward?" He asked "Do it!"

"I…" Conner looked at the asleep man on the bed and the bleeding woman on the floor.

"Do it now!" Lindsey shouted

Conner approached the bed. Fred got up, but before she could do anything Conner grabbed her uncut arm and twisted it behind her back, holding her in place. She winced in pain as she struggled fruitlessly against his grip. Conner raised the knife above his head and looked at the human man. There was no trace of Illyria in him. "What if it doesn't work?" He asked

"Do it." Lindsey said in a cold voice

Conner started to bring the knife down but stopped when he felt all of the strength leave his body. He dropped the knife and lost his grip on Fred. Fred stared at Lindsey, who was holding the tranquilizer gun he had shot Conner with. "You work for her." Fred said

"No," Lindsey said "I work for me."

Fred watched him pick up Conner. "What was the point of that?"

"It was a test. He passed." Fred started for Lindsey but he pointed his tranq gun at her.

"You won't get away with this."

"You wouldn't believe how many times I've heard that." He told her "Bye,"

She was forced to watch him leave with Conner. When he was gone she ran downstairs to check on Lorne and then called Angel. He would not be happy to find out where his son was.

…

Gunn entered the mayor's office. He was alone, good. The man was on his computer and looked up when Gunn entered. "Can you come back later? I'm in the middle of something."

"I'm not a janitor." Gunn said as he closed the door

This got the mayor's attention. "Should I be calling security?"

"This is going to sound crazy, but someone is coming here to kill you. If you come with me I can protect you. This thing is dangerous, it can take you out with next to no effort."

"Uh-huh," Gunn saw the man reach under his desk. There were far more subtle ways to press a panic button, but Gunn wasn't worried about it. The only thing he could afford to be worried about right now was Illyria. "And who is this dangerous person who wants to kill me?"

The door exploded into splinters. Gunn was knocked to the floor. Illyria stepped over him to get to the mayor. "I am." She said "I'm here for your blood."

"What the fu-" That was all he had time to say. Illyria made her way across the room and pulled his head from his body in just the time it took for him to speak those syllables. She put her mouth to the stream of blood coming from his neck and drank. Her mouth was stained red.

"That is so disgusting." Gunn complained

Illyria licked her lips and turned to him. "Champion," She said

"Oh hell no!" He said as he ran for the door

She grabbed his shoulders and pulled him back into the room. She threw him into the mayor's desk. Blood stained his skin and clothes. She loomed over him to go in for the kill and then fell to her knees when a ray of beautiful white light hit her in the back. She stood and faced Cordelia and Angel. "Even more champions. So much blood to choose from, what shall I do?"

"Die," Cordelia said "That's my vote."

"Well this isn't a democracy." Illyria said "I am the god of the new world."

"What new world?" Gunn asked

Illyria rushed toward Cordy and Angel. Cordy put up her hands to defend herself, but Illyria had landed on top of Angel. Her momentum brought them to the ground. "This one." She explained "This is my new world." She bit into the vampire's neck and showed him the experience he had inflicted on so many before his redemption. She felt the burn of Cordelia's hands pulling her up, but it was too late. The champion's blood churned inside of her with the blood of the virgin and the leader. They activated the crystal. Illyria knocked Cordelia aside and raised her hands. She grew, stretching and widening. She shoved a wall and it collapsed. Her fingers elongated and she put her hands on the floor. Her fingers went through the wood and stretched down the floors and into the earth. Her power took over all the mystical channels in the surrounding area. L.A. fell under her control. The clouds turned red. The streets split open and allowed horrors into the city that had been unable to enter before. She laughed and the building began to fall apart around them. Cordelia helped Angel to his feet and Gunn ran over to them.

"We have to evacuate the building!" Cordelia shouted

Angel put his hands to his gushing neck. "I agree!"

They ran away from the chuckling old one. People were screaming and running from the building. A piece of ceiling dislodged and almost crushed Gunn, but Cordelia pointed at it and incinerated it. They made it to the ground floor and saw cracks in the walls. The structural stability of this building was gone. They didn't have time to get to the parking garage where Angel could flee without burning up. "I'll meet you outside!" He shouted as he ran that way

Cordelia and Gunn fled the building. They watched screaming people come out to join them and then the building fell apart. Cordelia looked around the city. "My God,"

"It's hell." Gunn said

It was. Smoke drifted up to obscure the sky. A pale red light was the only thing that made its way through the barrier. People were fleeing terrors without names. Gunn saw something and took a step back. He couldn't keep his balance and he fell. He sat staring at his personal horror.

"Gunn," Cordelia tried to help him up, but he kept staring, frozen.

"Hey big brother." Alonna approached them

Cordelia stared at the woman coming toward them. "Your sister,"

"Aren't you glad to see me?" She asked

"Gunn it's not her." Cordelia said "Listen to me okay? She's fake."

Gunn couldn't process anything. "Alonna," He said

"I know why you aren't glad to see me." Her face transformed into the vampire state and she rushed forward. She picked Gunn up. "Because you killed me! You and your stupid war!"

Cordelia knocked the fake woman aside. She pushed Gunn behind herself. "Stay back!"

"I'm entitled to vengeance." Alonna said

"You're not real." Cordelia insisted

"What's real?" Cordelia turned around and saw Angel. She breathed a sigh of relief.

"Angel I'm-" His face transformed as well and she realized it wasn't him. "Angelus,"

"The one and only honey." He said

She backed away, closer to Alonna. She scanned the area for Angel's car. "You're not real either. You're just something she created to scare us. But I'm not afraid of you."

"The process is more effective on humans."

Cordelia recoiled as if struck. "I'm human."

He grinned. "We both know that's not true."

"You don't know anything! You're not real!"

"Yep," Angel snuck up behind his fictional double and staked him. The wooden stake stuck out of his back, but the fake vampire did not turn to dust. He didn't even bleed.

"So I'm not real." The fake Angelus said "Are you?" He asked Cordelia

Angel pulled Gunn toward the car. "Cordy let's go!"

"See you later big brother!" Alonna shouted "I'll see you real soon!"

They all got in the car and Angel drove off. "Are you okay?" Cordelia sked Angel

"I'm a vampire, it takes a lot to kill me." Angel said

Cordelia rubbed her face. "What do we do?"

Angel looked around at the city falling apart. L.A. was becoming unrecognizable as a part of earth. It looked like a run of the mill hell dimension. "I don't know." He said "I don't."

…

When Fred heard the commotion downstairs she worried Conner or the man calling himself Doyle had returned. Fred headed for the lobby, holding a tranquilizer gun and a long dagger to defend herself with. She saw a green demon. "Lorne?" She had thought he was in his room asleep. When did he go to the lobby? The demon raised his head so that she could see his face and she screamed. She ran upstairs back into Wesley's room and locked the door.

"Fred!" She heard Lorne leave his room and come running down the hall. "What's going on?" He knocked on the door and she closed her eyes shut tight. "Fred open the door." She took in a deep breath and opened the door. Lorne stood there looking concerned. "What happened?"

"I saw- there was- he was here!" She rubbed her eyes, banishing tears.

"Who was here? Did Conner come back?"

Fred shook her head. "P-P-P-Pylea, he was-" She closed her eyes again.

Lorne reached out and touched her shoulder. "Fred calm down. What are you talking about? Was there a Pylean in the hotel?" Lorne considered that unlikely.

Fred nodded. "I saw him."

Lorne looked down the hall. "I didn't see anybody."

"I'm not crazy!"

Lorne backed away, frightened by her sudden anger. "I never said you were."

She gripped her head. "I'm sorry." She said

Lorne pulled her into a hug. She rested her head on his chest. "It's okay."

"I did see him." She broke the hug. "I saw him in the lobby."

"I'll go look." Lorne said

"Here," She handed him the tranquilizer gun.

"Thanks," Lorne walked over to the staircase and looked into the lobby. He saw no one and descended the stairs. "Hello," He said "Is anybody there? Hellooo, He-llo," There was no reply. Lorne shrugged and turned to go back upstairs. He saw a drokken beast and dropped his gun in terror. "Fred!" He shouted "Help! Fred help me!" Lorne backed away from the beast.

Fred came running downstairs as the beast lunged at Lorne. Lorne barely managed to evade the attack. Lorne ran for the stairs. Fred was standing there with her dagger. "Is that-"

"Yes!" Lorne shouted "Let's go!"

They ran upstairs and then locked themselves in Wesley's room. "How did a drokken beast get here?" Fred asked "They are native to Pylea. Is there a portal open in the hotel?"

"Impossible," Lorne said "The Hyperion isn't a psychic hot spot."

"Then what the hell is going on?" she asked

The drokken had followed them upstairs and was trying to break down the door. Fred started to pull the furniture in front of the door. Lorne helped. "I wish I knew sweet-pea."

"I saw a Pylean downstairs. I knew him in Pylea. He was- I was his slave." Fred said

Lorne shivered. "I'm sorry." Lorne knew he wasn't responsible for what had happened to her, but Lorne loved humans and was disgusted by the way his people treated them. Lorne hated to think about what she had gone through. "If they got sucked through a portal like I did maybe the Pylean is trying to find a way back home and the drokken followed him here." Lorne guessed

"Why come here?" Fred asked

"Maybe he used his psychic abilities to search for other Pyleans in the area."

"You can do that?" Fred asked

"Well… no." Lorne admitted "But some of us have special skills. They practice and are able to use our abilities for atypical things. That's how I read destinies. Most of my people can't do that and wouldn't care to if they could. You knew him, did he have a special talent?"

"I was his slave not his friend." Fred snapped as they pulled a dresser to the door "How would I know if he could search an area for other Pyleans. I was just beast of burden to him."

Lorne flinched "I'm sorry," Lorne said

She looked away. "No," She said "I'm sorry. That was a good question."

"I should have known you would be… upset by the topic."

"I don't know if he had a special talent." Fred said

Lorne reached for her hand. She squeezed his. "It doesn't matter." The drokken hit the door and a crack in the wood appeared. Lorne squeezed her hand tighter. "Maybe the Drokken ate that son of a bitch and is full now." Lorne said hopefully

"Then why would it be trying to break down the door?" Fred asked

"I love your big brain." Lorne said "But sometimes you're too smart."

"It's my curse." They heard moaning. Fred turned to see Wesley, his eyelids fluttering as the sedatives wore off. "Damn it!" She grabbed the medical kit, but she knew the sedative she had given him earlier had been their last. "We're out of tranquilizers." Fred told Lorne

"What do we do?" Lorne asked

The crack in the door deepened. Fred pressed her hands against her head. They would have to restrain him. It seemed so cruel, to tie a person up like an animal. She remembered what that had been like. She leaned against the wall and slid to the floor. "Get some sheets from the linen closet." She said listlessly "Tear them into ribbons." She heard the drokken beast continue his attack on the door. She saw Wesley open his eyes. She closed hers. She didn't want to see.

…

Conner woke up in Lindsey's apartment. He touched his head. "What happened?"

Lindsey was sitting in a chair nearby. "Angel shot you with a tranq dart."

Conner stared at Lindsey. "And then?"

Lindsey shrugged. "Does it matter?"

Conner gritted his teeth. "Yes,"

"He tried to kill you. I only managed to get you away because Cordelia talked him out of it. But they both told me if you ever showed your face at the Hyperion again you were dead."

"He… tried to kill me?" Conner asked

"I'm sorry." Lindsey said

"My dad tried to kill me?"

"I know it's tough. Me and my old man didn't get on too well either."

"Can you leave me alone for a little while?" Conner asked

"Sure," Lindsey left the room.

Conner sat on the bed trying to process this. Angel had knocked him out and then tried to kill him when he was defenseless. Conner couldn't believe it. But what else explained what had happened when Conner was about to kill Wesley? Angel really had given up on him. Conner decided he didn't care. Of course he cared, very much, but he denied this to himself. He would kill Illyria and if Angel wanted to hate him for that that was his prerogative. Conner wiped a tear off his face. He didn't care; it didn't matter. Conner knew what he had to do. He got up and went into the bathroom to wash the signs he had been crying from his face. Conner saw his reflection and felt a surge of fury. He punched the mirror. The glass shattered, cutting his hand. "You can hate me all you want! You made me! I'm just a reflection of you!" Conner sat on the floor and cradled his bloody hand. He remembered what he had done to Fred's arm. He began to sob.

Conner couldn't see Lindsey in the living room smiling while he sipped a glass of wine.

…

Wesley sat up. "Ashes! They're all ashes!" He started scratching at his face. Fred grabbed his wrists and pulled them down. "I see it. Children, parents, brothers, sisters, all ashes."

Tears dripped from her eyes. "It's okay. It's just a dream."

"Whole races in a bite. She bit into the world. She set it on fire." His frantic voice made it clear how terrified he was. He was terrified, crazy, and in pain. Lorne handed Fred the torn up sheets while they listened to the drokken attack the door. "They were alive, they were alive."

"Shhh," The tears came faster. "It's okay. You're going to be okay."

He didn't hear her; he didn't see her. "She set them on fire." Fred tied one of the strips of the torn sheet to his right wrist and then tied it to the bed frame. He didn't seem to notice. "The sky was made of blood, she set the sky on fire. She froze the world so nothing would live again."

She tied up his other hand. "None of that is real." The drokken's paw came through the crack in the door. Its claws slashed at the air, eager to cut into their flesh. Lorne sat down against the wall and clasped his hands together. He began to pray. Fred buried her head in her hands and wept without reservation. The calls of the drokken beast mixed with Wesley's insane ramblings to create a soundtrack of hell. She sobbed. "I don't want to die."

They heard a roar of pain. Fred looked up and saw that the drokken had removed its hand from the hole in the door. She stood and through the hole saw Cordelia, Angel, and Gunn. As she moved away the furniture to let them in she breathed a sigh of relief. She pulled the door open and enveloped Cordelia in a hug. The drokken was gone, there wasn't even a body. Fred sobbed into her friend's shoulder. Lorne walked up to the group. "Move aside, I want to hug out savior."

Fred released Cordelia and stepped back. Lorne gave Cordelia a brief hug. "Where did it go?" Fred asked Cordy, looking around for some sign of what had happened to the drokken

"It wasn't real." Cordelia explained "They are all extensions of Illyria's will. My power works on them just like it does on her because they are a part of her."

Fred nodded. "So the Pylean I saw wasn't real?"

Gunn stepped forward and wrapped his arms around her. "You're shaking."

She was. "It was so awful."

Angel went into the room to look at his struggling friend. Wesley was fighting against his restraints while rambling about the stuff in his head. Angel looked away. Cordelia took his hand and pulled him away. "We have to focus. We can't let this spread. She'll take over the world."

Angel nodded. "How do we start?"

Cordelia looked around. "We have to keep her out of here." Cordelia left the room. Angel followed her downstairs. She picked a sword from the weapons cabinet. She walked into the center of the room and held it up. It began to glow. Angel saw demons entering the Hyperion through the front door. Many of them were familiar to him. Cordelia drove her sword into the ground and a bubble of white light expanded from that spot. Its boundaries dissolved any of Illyria's creations it touched. The bubble surrounded the whole Hyperion, protecting them.

"Cool," Angel said "How did you know you could do that?" When Cordelia faced him he saw her fatigue. "Right, you didn't." He stepped forward and took her hand. "Are you okay?"

She shook her head.

"When we were at city hall… Angelus is your greatest fear?"

She shook her head again. "That I might have to hurt you, that I might have to kill you because I promised you I would, that you might turn into him and then have a million more things to feel guilty about when we brought you back, that's my greatest fear. Seeing you hurt is my greatest fear." She let go of his hand and looked out the door. "I don't know what's next."

Angel put his hands on her shoulders. "How long have you felt that way?" He asked

She shook her head. "Not now, I can't do this right now."

He nodded even though she was faced away from him. "I'm sorry."

"No it's fine." She turned to face him again. "We'll talk later, after we save the world."

He grinned at her. In this moment she reminded him of Buffy. How many times had they rushed into danger together, putting their issues on hold to defeat evil once again? But in this moment she was also very different from Buffy. Angel was confused about a lot of things, but one thing he knew for certain. He wanted to kiss her right now. He would wait until they had saved the world and then tell her how he felt. "So let's get on that."

She smiled. "Her influence extends the more damage she does."

Angel looked around the hotel. "What do you think our capacity is?"

…

Illyria stood in the middle of the city, feeling. She crafted monsters out of people's greatest fears and set them upon the victims. She terrorized. She reached inside of people and looked at their private selves. She turned them inside out. She felt their pain. She giggled as she gargled their blood. Suicides were happening en masse. People ran and hid. She found them and threw them back into the chaos. She felt. She listened. She tasted. She reached into the earth and felt more of it fall under her control. She fed off of her victims. She gained strength from them and used that strength to get more victims. She giggled some more. Soon she would have this dimension again. It would be hers wholly and totally. Her first act as sovereign of this realm would be to exact vengeance on the slayer bitch who had dared to hurt her. Then she would trap the vampire and his friends in a tailor made hell. The anticipation made her feel alive.

…

It spoke to just how terrible things had gotten out there that nobody had even the slightest reaction to Lorne's presence in their new haven. As refugees poured into the one place in the city Illyria's constructs couldn't go Angel, Cordelia, Gunn, and Fred were in the back office figuring out their next move. Lorne was handling intake and room assignment. People were so desperate to have a safe place to stay they were shoving bundles of bills at him before he could tell them the safety of the Hyperion was free. Angel watched the chaos through the office door. "Wow,"

Cordy closed the door, muffling the sound. "Yeah,"

"What about everybody else?" Fred asked

"People are probably evacuating the city." Gunn said

"That's part of the problem." Cordelia said "Their demons follow them and Illyria's reach spreads out even further. The more people run from her the more powerful she gets."

"So we need to stop her fast." Angel said

"We couldn't take her before she put the mojo on the city, how are we supposed to now?"

Gunn's question was fair. "We need to weaken her." Cordelia said

"How?" Fred asked

"The powers must know what her weaknesses are, I need to talk to them." Cordy said

"Which bring us back to how." Gunn said

"Skip," Cordy said "He was the one the PTB sent to tell me about my being chosen."

"So how do we get in touch with him?" Fred asked

Angel opened the desk drawer and brought out a key and a coin. "Same way we met."

…

Skip sat in his chair munching on Buffalo wings. "Do you want to know what one of the great things about working for omniscient powers is? You're seldom taken by surprise."

Skip got up and turned to see Cordelia. "Angel caught you by surprise." Cordy said

Skip smiled. "Good point. What can I do for you?"

"I need information."

"Honey you're a seer, you know a hell of a lot more than me."

"I need to know how to stop Illyria."

Skip chuckled. "Do you think the changes the powers gave you are decorative? You have the power to defeat Illyria. Just blast her good. Death by incineration, it has poetry."

"How so?"

"Well she planned to turn earth into an ice realm."

"Oh I see it now." Cordelia said "Took me a moment."

"Happens," Skip said "Any who, if you want to take her out, just do it."

"I tried." Cordy said "There must be some spell or weapon-"

"No spell," Skip interrupted "No weapon. Illyria is an old one. She's too powerful for some paltry new magic. The ancient magics are long forgotten by all but the old ones and higher powers like the PTB. They put some of that ancient magic in you, a hybridization between the ancient and the current to make a completely new creature, a new one, if you will."

Cordelia glared at Skip. "A new one?" She said "Really?"

"Hey I've been working on that for like an hour."

"So I'm not human anymore then?" She asked

"No," Skip said "You're part human, part mystical being, you're unique."

Cordelia considered his statement. She didn't know how she felt about this, but there were more pressing matters to attend to. "So all I have is this, this power. If I'm not strong enough to wield it properly, if I'm not worthy, then Illyria wins and the world is destroyed."

"Yep," Skip said "You've got it."

"So no pressure,"

"Lots of pressure." He said "Big time pressure. But the PTB are usually pretty good about choosing their champions. I think you can do this. Of course you wouldn't have to if you had just listened to me and killed your buddy Wesley. It's not like sparing him did him a whole lot of good. He's nuttier than a fruitcake with no signs of getting better."

"Well," Cordelia said "We all make choices."

"It's not too late you know." Skip said "He's still her connection to this dimension."

"I'm not killing him." She said "We already had this conversation."

"How many more people are you going to let die for one man."

Cordelia stared at Skip. She remembered a day, a conversation. 'I learned that there are two people I trust absolutely with my life, and that's new.' "Let's not find out." She said

…

Cordelia reappeared in the Hyperion office. Her friends were eagerly awaiting the news of what she had found out. "We're it boys and girls." She said "The buck stops here."

"Well," Fred said nervously "That's petrifying."

"We can do it." Angel said "Right?"

"Yeah," Cordelia said "Let's go hunting."

…

Lindsey saw no point in concealing his fear, the old one would be able to sense it no matter what measures he took. Accepting the fear negated it to an extent, which Lindsey found slightly amusing. He approached the center of the terror. The only other humans in the area were putrid corpses. He saw a dark green python move toward him. Lindsey froze. "Hello," It hissed

"Are you Illyria?"

"No," It said "I'm just a serpent."

"Can she hear me when I talk to you?" Lindsey asked

"She hears all, sees all, rules all."

"I'll take that as a yes. I'd like to give her a gift, a tribute."

"It is proper to pay tribute to a god." The snake said "What have you brought?"

"I did not bring some paltry trinket that could fit in my pocket. I have in my possession the allegiance of the spawn of two vampires. I can deliver Conner to your master."

The snake slithered toward him and moved over his foot. Lindsey knew this thing could bite him and fill his body with a painful poison that would kill him slowly and bring him agony unlike any he had ever known. He knew the thing could slide over his body and wrap itself around his neck, squeezing out the air. Lindsey knew all of this and he was afraid, but only a little bit. "The god-king is pleased with your offering and wishes to reward such allegiance."

"I am unworthy." Lindsey knew Illyria could sense the insincerity in him.

"Yes you are. You are most unworthy, but ask for what you wish."

"I desire only to be able to worship her and do her will for eternity."

"So you desire immortality? That can be arranged."

Lindsey watched the light play on the snake's scales. "I thought you weren't her."

"I am an unworthy servant just like you. I give her my ears, eyes, and mouth that she might use so as not to be tainted by you presence. I am unworthy of the honor."

"We are all unworthy of her."

The snake hissed in anger. "Your insincerity is trite."

"Does she wish to punish me?"

"No, she finds you amusing. She wishes to count you among her true worshippers if you are what you say you are. Prove you control the boy and she will grant your request."

"What proof does she desire?"

"Have the boy kill the champions' companions, not the link of course, but the others."

"The Host, Charles Gunn, and Winifred Burkle?"

"Yes, have the boy slaughter them."

"I will do it."

"Go now then."

Lindsey left, knowing that at any moment the snake might go after him, bite him, strangle him, or crush him. Illyria might have a fancy, and decide to kill him. Death entertained her and killing was her sport. So he just had to be more entertaining. Lorne would have to be the first to die. Conner disliked all demons and it would take little to convince him that the host had to die for the greater good. Once that first boundary was crossed and the bridge between Conner and the others was smoke in the air it would be easier to convince him to kill the other two. Lindsey chuckled as he headed back to his apartment. Soon it would all be his, awesome power. Working for Wolfram & Hart had been a mistake. Illyria was the old one with the true might and if he maneuvered himself to be her right hand Lindsey would be more fearsome than the senior partners themselves. Then everyone would see him for what he truly was, including Angel.


	18. Shiny Happy People

Fred stood at the window watching the fires that raged outside with no one there to put them out. Demons danced in the flickering light. She felt a hand on her shoulder and she jumped in shock. "Sorry," Gunn said "I didn't mean to startle you. Not very pretty huh?"

She turned to look at him. "No,"

"Are you okay?"

She shook her head. "I let Conner get the jump on me. I let a couple of imaginary demons break me. We're fighting an almost unstoppable foe and I can't even hold my own against a teenager and some projections." Fred turned back around. "No, I'm not okay."

"It's not your fault." Gunn said to her back

"That's no excuse."

"Fred," He moved his hand down her arm. "Don't be so hard on yourself."

She leaned into him. "I need to be. I wanted to be weak when I should have been strong."

"It's okay." He told her

"It's not." Outside the fires continued to rage.

…

Conner stared at Lindsey. They were sitting in the living room of Lindsey's cover apartment in a couple of arm chairs. Conner was listening to Lindsey explain the vision the powers had sent him. Of course there was no vision, but Conner had bought into the charade hook line and sinker. It took all of Lindsey's willpower to not destroy the illusion with an ill-timed burst of laughter. "You have to kill the demon, Lorne. His empathic powers allow them to anticipate any attack we mount against them well in advance." Lindsey said

"He's not psychic, I don't think his powers work like that." Conner said

Lindsey gave Conner a condescending smile. "Angel never trusted you, he didn't tell you the full extent of his allies' abilities in case he needed them to fight you."

This stung Conner, but he pretended to feel nothing. "Okay,"

"Lorne's powers don't work as well when it concerns himself. The powers sent me a vision of how to mount a successful attack. You have to target Lore, and only Lorne. If you go after our true target, Lorne will be able to predict the attack. Even if you see an opening you can't take it, it's just a trap. We have to do this exactly like the powers showed me okay?"

Conner stared at Lindsey for a moment. "If I get a chance to kill Wesley you don't want me to take it? I thought killing him was the point of all of this."

"We have to trust the powers." Lindsey said "When they first started giving me visions I thought I knew better than they did and tried to do things my own way a few times. It never worked out. If we deviate from what they showed me we will fail. Do you understand?"

Conner slowly nodded. "Fine, I'll kill Lorne, just Lorne."

"Good," Lindsey said "You should eat something, we'll be heading out soon."

After Conner stood up and headed for the kitchen Lindsey smiled. He had the plan laid out in his mind. Conner would succeed in killing the host, Lorne had no combat ability. After he had committed such an irrevocable act Conner would be more set on his path than ever. When Lindsey told Conner to kill Gunn the boy would have reservations, but he wouldn't want to abandon the cause he had already sacrificed one life to. Conner would do it. Fred would be the difficult one, but Lindsey would form his argument on the same principle. Once Conner had taken out most of Angel's friends the boy would be cut off from his father and belong to Illyria.

…

Cordelia walked down what had once been a street. The asphalt was twisted and distorted into a rough terrain. They climbed over sharp hills and through steep depressions. Angel trailed her, keeping an eye out for Illyria's demons. Cordelia knew it would take a long time for them to get through the rings of horrors to the center where Illyria waited for them. "Maybe we should have brought Gunn." Angel said "If there are as many demons as you say waiting for us."

She shook her head. "We need him to protect the hotel."

"Yeah," Angel said "You're right." He looked behind them to make sure they weren't being followed. "How many rings did you say there were again?" Angel asked

"Nine,"

"I guess she's a fan of Dante." Angel joked

"Actually he got his ideas from her." Cordelia said

"What?"

"It's a long story." Cordelia said "Like really long,"

"And you just… know it? How? Do the powers just show you this stuff as it comes up?"

Cordelia shook her head. "The knowledge came with the power upgrade, but I only see it when I look for it. You mention Dante and I subconsciously call up what I know about him."

Angel nodded. "So you only know things when you need to know them."

Cordelia shrugged. "I guess, the Dante thing's not really important."

"Well if I recall the first circle was actually pretty nice, so-"

"That part was original from Dante, Illyria's first circle is well..."

They reached the top of a particularly high mountain of asphalt. They stood at the top of a sheer wall that led into a river of molten lava. As the river widened an island of asphalt appeared in the center. It formed a castle with a dragon sitting on the highest tower. The dragon saw them and stretched out, opening its mouth to the sky and then releasing a jet of flame. It settled back down and smiled at them. It laughed, a deep unnatural laugh. "Welcome," It said "Come in."

"We have to go through there don't we?" Angel asked

"Yep," Cordelia said

"Awesome,"

…

Lorne sat behind the front desk watching the people stretch out on the floor with spare sheets and sleeping bags. The rooms were all filled way past capacity and people were occupying whatever space they could. The hotel was filled with a strange pink light that came from the red light outside filtering through Cordelia's white protective bubble. Lorne got up and walked to the front door. The parts of the courtyard under the bubble looked fine, but the parts outside the bubble were dead. The grass was black as though burnt. The air was boiling. The sidewalk was coated in ice. People's skin stuck to the frozen surface from where they had run outside barefoot or fallen and put their hands out to break their fall. Lorne quickly retreated back inside.

…

Angel picked Cordelia up and jumped off the ledge. They landed uncomfortably close to the river of lava. Cordelia pointed at the river and a ray of light hit it. A section of the lava hardened into a warm black rock. The rock formed a path to the castle. Cordelia started down the path without hesitation. Angel took a moment to look at the lava before following her. Fire being one of the few things that could kill him he was justifiably weary of both lava and dragon. "Are we positive there isn't another way?" He asked "A back door, a hidden trail, a not-on-fire way?"

"Angel listen to me." Cordelia said in a serious voice "Each ring has a different torment."

Angel nodded. "Okay,"

"She'll go after us in turn." Cordelia said "She'll show us the worst parts of ourselves."

Angel listened carefully. "Well she'll have a lot to show me."

"You can't listen to any of it okay?"

"Okay," He agreed

"I'm serious." She said "I need you. You can't let the stuff she shows you get to you."

"I promise." Angel said as they came to the stone gate of the castle

Cordelia raised her hands and blasted the gate. When the dust cleared there was only a pile of rocks where the wall had been. "This is the easiest ring, we just have to get through the castle to the ring of lust. After that is the ring of gluttony and then... well you read the book."

Angel and Cordelia started to climb over the pile of rocks. They were almost at the top when the dragon began flying circles over their heads. They picked up the pace and made it over the pile of rocks, practically sliding to the bottom. They ran down the hall as the dragon glided over them. The dragon opened its mouth to let out a stream of fire. Cordelia raised her hands, but it flew away before she could fire. It then circled back and tried again. Angel grabbed Cordelia's shoulder and pulled her through a door to get them out of the range of the dragon's fire.

Once through the door Angel couldn't feel Cordelia any more. The room was in complete darkness. Arms draped themselves over his shoulders. Angel shouted and pulled away. A hundred candles lit themselves. Their soft warm light backlit Buffy in a skimpy red sheer nightgown standing in front of him. She backed up onto a bed under a red canopy. She laid out on the rose petal sheets. She grinned at him. "Aren't you going to stay?" She asked

"What is this?"

"The first circle of hell." She said "The one without punishment." Angel reached for the door and was stopped by her familiar voice, the vice he loved. "This is what you want."

He turned back around and looked at her almost nude form. "Hell?"

"Sure," She said "You fought so long and so hard for paradise and for what? To keep the company of a bunch of self-righteous saints? Why not stay here with the virtuous sinners?"

Angel shook his head. "You're a figment."

"That's why it's hell, not heaven. This isn't a glorious reward, just pretty good. It's an eternity separated from glory and grace, but there's no torment. Consider it Angel."

"No,"

Buffy became Angry. "Because you love that bitch? What future do you have with her?"

"Maybe none," Angel said "But I'd rather have a real friend than an imaginary lover."

"You'll change your mind." Buffy said "When another two hundred years go by and all of your friends are long dead. You'll wish you had settled for pretty good. Because the joke of the Shansu prophecy is that you will get to become human, but you will have no one to share your humanity with once you finally achieve it. Then you'll be in a different hell."

"Better than this." He said

"You'll change your mind." She repeated

"When I do call up the real Buffy and have her stake me."

"She'll be dead you imbecile." Buffy said "But I don't die. I don't age."

Angel started to reply and then smiled. "You're a distraction." He pushed the door open and jumped back to avoid a stream of fire. He ran out and rushed forward. He ran down the hall as fast as his vampire speed would allow and came to the exit. He shoved the door open and fell through it onto warm sand. He was lying in front of a tropical ocean under the new moon. A hand reached under his chin and raised his head, bringing him to his feet. Drusilla put her lips on his and kissed him with such sensuality as he had not known for a long time. "Hello daddy,"

…

Conner passed through the white bubble and Lindsey followed. The lobby was filled with refugees but none of the members of Angel investigations were present. Conner walked through the bodies toward the staircase. "He's upstairs." Lindsey said "Checking on the guests."

No one paid them any mind as they ascended the stairs. "I kind of wish he were doing something evil." Conner said "That would make what we have to do easier."

"What_ you_ have to do," Lindsey said "And he is doing something evil, protecting Illyria."

Conner nodded. "Right, I know."

…

As Angel looked around he saw that the warm beach was covered in bodies. Dru herself was wearing Victorian underwear, but the other writhing sensate creatures were nude, their rubbing skin transferring sweat while the other parts of their bodies transferred other fluids.

Angel backed away from her. "Lust,"

"How many women have you had Angelus? How many have you taken?"

Angel shivered. "I'm not him."

"Give me a kiss daddy." Drusilla got closer, removing the top of her undergarments.

"Stay away from me!" Angel ran away but tripped on a pair of women.

"Ow!" He saw a nude Willow and a women he had never met. "Angel!" Willow said

Angel got to his feet and continued to run away. Drusilla appeared in front of him. "We are all such dirty vile creatures. We were made to roll in the mud, let's go." She reached for him.

He backed away, ending up in the water. "I'm not an animal."

"We're all animals." Drusilla promised "Made for this and nothing else."

"No!" Angel shouted "We're more!"

"Nope," Drusilla giggled "Love me daddy, or use me, whichever you prefer."

"That's not what sex is for, not what it's about."

"Oh?" Dru said

"We were doing it wrong, back in the old days." Angel said "This, what you're showing me, this isn't real. This is… people are more than just their satisfactions."

"No, they're less." Drusilla said "They were our satisfactions. They were warm blood for us to drink and warm parts for us to play with. Now you're in the pit, for her satisfaction. Illyria can show you everything Buffy ever did and every _thing_ she ever did. Illyria can show you your past and keep you in the pit. Stay here with us and sweat. We'll go on for eternity and then the wind will blow us away." Drusilla played her hand through the air. "The wind will wash us back and forth like the tide as we sweat and sweat without ever stopping. Don't you want it? Hasn't it been too long? Come on daddy, we used to have such fun, the wind isn't due for a while."

Angel shivered. He looked around for some escape. The beach was littered with the copulating bodies. There was nowhere for him to run as Drusilla stripped down and got into the water to follow him. The only thing to do was swim away. Angel did just that. He swam toward the dark horizon, fleeing the demon that wanted to keep him in her arms forever.

Angel was surprised by how little time it took him to reach the opposing shore. The tide shoved him against the rocky shore and he made his way onto the grey rocks, leaving the water behind him. Angel looked around for Cordelia. He saw nothing but more grey stony terrain ahead, but Angel went forward anyway. As he went further into the stone landscape Angel saw pools of blood begin to appear sporadically. Soon there were waterfalls of blood and then Angel couldn't take a step without getting splattered in sweet-smelling fresh blood. Angel saw a blond vampire leaning against a stone formation with his mouth under a stream of blood. He guzzled the blood enthusiastically. "Spike," Angel said "Is that you?" The blond vampire looked up.

It was Spike. "Angelus," Spike licked his lips, only smearing the blood around his face.

"Angel," Angel said "Angelus is gone."

Spike shrugged. "Whatever, want some?"

"No," Angel said

"Come on, I can see passing up a chance to get you Willie-"

"Shut up!" Angel began to shake.

"This is blood, smooth rich human blood. This is the real deal."

"I'm not like that anymore." Angel said

"You'll always be like this. You'll always be hungry. Here you can drink forever. You don't even have to kill. You can just drink and drink until you're not hungry anymore, which is to say you can drink forever. This is the good life Angelus. We were made to drink."

"Drusilla said we were made to have sex, make up your mind Illyria."

Spike shook his head. "Humans are made for that. They're animals whose only purpose is to make more of themselves so we can eat. We were made to eat, to consume them."

"I'm better than that." Angel said

"Right," Spike laughed "You've got yourself the love of a good woman."

"It's not about that."

"Yes it is." Spike put his head back into the stream of blood.

"Stop that!" Angel ran forward to drag him away. Spike splashed Angel with blood.

"Well look at you!" Spike crooned as Angel backed away in horror

Angel tried to wipe the blood away, but it covered his face and chest. He could taste the blood on his lips and though he tried so hard not to lick it, he did. The blood was sweet, female, and virgin. He spat on the ground to try to get rid of the taste. "This isn't me!"

"This will always be you." Spike said "Until the end of time."

"No!" Angel ran away. He ran until the grey stones and pools of blood were far behind and he was running on tile. He passed a million glass windows and millions of people with pounding hearts and warm blood. He sighed with relief when he saw Cordelia. His relief vanished when he realized that she wasn't Cordelia. This woman who had the appearance of Cordelia as she was six years ago was perusing someone. Angel squinted and saw that the not-Cordelia's quarry was in fact the real Cordelia. Angel ran after them. He grabbed the shoulders of not-Cordelia. She turned and slashed him with her nails. Angel stepped back.

The real Cordelia grabbed the fake one and shoved her away. Cordelia raised her hands toward her doppelganger and fired. The projection dodged the shot and fled. The real Cordelia turned and faced Angel. She ignored the blood he was covered in and gazed at him. "Angel,"

"I'm so glad to see you." He said "I was-"

She pushed him away and punched him in the shoulder. "Never go in the rooms."

Angel rubbed his shoulder. "Okay," He grinned.

"We could have been separated for the rest of the trip."

"That would have been bad." Angel said "Sorry,"

Cordelia shook her head. "What did you see?"

Angel thought about Drusilla and the place of raw sexuality where context did not exist and everything was dirty. He thought about Spike and the blood that smelled so appetizing despite the fact that Angel wanted none of it. Angel didn't really want to talk about it. "Horrors,"

Cordy nodded. "We're in greed."

Angel looked in the direction not-Cordelia had fled. "Who was that?"

"Me, back when I couldn't get enough. Clothes, shoes, money, and everything else a spoiled teenager could ask for. I consumed without regard for… anything."

"You're nothing like that now." Angel said

She smiled at him. "Thanks,"

"Wrath is next right?"

"Yeah," Cordy said "And-" She stopped.

"What is it?"

"Vision," Cordelia pulled her cell phone out of her pocket.

"Do you get reception in here?" Angel asked

"Apparently,"

…

Conner's soft footfalls alerted no one to his presence. He could smell the sweat of a demon, which has slight differences from the smell of human sweat. Conner sensed that there were people in the room with the demon, but he was confident in his ability to kill the demon without harming them. The powers wouldn't have sent him here if innocent civilians were going to be hurt. Conner sensed someone approaching. Conner quickly turned around. Gunn was standing there aiming a crossbow at Conner. Lindsey, who was following Conner, didn't turn around to reveal his face and Gunn didn't pay the stranger much mind. "You keep coming back."

"I keep having to."

"Right, you have to kill Lorne."

"He's a demon." Conner said

"And what are you?" Gunn asked angrily "You were born to two vampires. Do you honestly think you're human? Do you think a human being could do the things you've done?"

Conner scowled. "I'm trying to save the world."

"Kill him." Lindsey whispered

"What?" Conner asked

"I'm having a vision, you have to do it now."

"Who are you?" Gunn asked "Turn around, let me see your face."

"Kill him or he'll shoot me." Lindsey whispered

Gunn kept the crossbow pointed at Conner but his gaze was now on Lindsey. "Hey-"

"Kill him!" Conner ran forward to strike out at Gunn.

Gunn fired the crossbow bolt at Conner, which the boy managed to evade. Conner knocked Gunn to the ground and raised his dagger. Gunn shoved Conner off of him and reached for his own blade. Conner grabbed Gunn's arm and twisted it. Gunn shouted in pain as he felt the tension on the bone increase. Gunn swung at Conner with his other arm, but the boy was unbothered by this feeble attack. Conner brought the knife toward Gunn's throat but stopped when he sensed someone enter the hall. He turned, bringing himself and Gunn to their feet with Gunn's body shielding him. A tranquilizer dart hit Gunn in the chest, fired from the gun Fred was pointing at them. Fred adjusted her aim and fired again, but Conner moved so that the dart hit Gunn again. Fred kept the gun pointed at them but didn't fire. She looked at Lindsey who had turned to watch the show. "Who are you? I know you aren't really Doyle."

Conner looked from Fred to Lindsey. "What do you mean?" He asked her

Instead of answering she took advantage of the moment he was distracted and fired the tranquilizer gun at him again. Conner dropped Gunn and leapt out of the way. The dart hit the wall down the hall. Conner rushed Fred before she could pull the trigger again and knocked her to the ground. He grabbed the gun and twisted it so that she had to let go or her wrist would snap.

"Now kill the demon." Lindsey said

Fred looked up at him. "What happened to you? How did you get like this?"

"You didn't do your job." Conner said

"We loved you, all of us. Now you're different."

Conner looked away, unable to meet her gaze. "I'm sorry." He whispered

"Do it Conner." Lindsey said "Kill him." Lindsey pointed at Gunn.

Conner stared at Lindsey. "He's unconscious."

"That should make it easy."

"But why do I-"

"All I know is that the powers want him dead!" Lindsey snapped

"That's a lie!" Fred said "He doesn't work for the powers!"

Lindsey pulled a concealed gun from inside his coat. "Shut up."

"What are you doing?" Conner asked

"It's simple. The powers need the demon and Charles Gunn dead. So either you kill them or I shoot Miss. Burkle right in her fascinating head. It's your choice."

"Conner no!" Fred pleaded, getting to her feet "Don't!"

Lindsey cocked the gun. "Ten seconds,"

"Put it down." Conner said "We're not doing this."

"Yes we are. You were going to kill him a second ago, nothing has changed."

"He's not a threat!" Conner shouted

"The powers think he is."

"Conner he's lying!" Fred protested

"Seven seconds,"

Conner looked from Fred to Lindsey to Gunn. "Stop it!" Fred pleaded

"Six seconds!" Lindsey shouted furiously

Conner tightened his grip on his knife and stared at Gunn. "No!" Fred said

Conner started toward Gunn and stopped over his unconscious form. "Do it now."

"Please Conner," Fred begged "Please don't do this. You can't come back from this."

"There are a lot of things I can't come back from." Conner said

"Three seconds! Do it! Now!" Conner raised the knife. An arrow hit his arm. His arm fell to his side and he dropped his knife. Conner stared at his bleeding arm. All eyes turned to where Lorne was standing at the end of the hall holding a crossbow. He was staring in horror at Conner, unable to believe what he had done. Conner touched his bleeding arm. "Get up." Lindsey said

"Lindsey?" Lorne asked "What-"

Lindsey turned and fired at Lorne. The bullet hit Lorne's chest right where a human's heart would be. Lorne hit the ground, bleeding heavily. Fred screamed and ran for her empathic friend. As she passed by Lindsey he grabbed her arm and threw her into the wall. Her nose broke and began gushing blood. Lindsey gipped her head and slammed it into the wall a second time, causing her vision to blur and the room to spin. He shoved her to the ground and pointed the gun at her. "You stupid little bitch." Lindsey cocked the gun. "You ruined my plan."

Conner picked up the tranquilizer gun and shot Lindsey in less time than it took a hummingbird to flap its wings once. Lindsey stared at his hand. He just had to pull the trigger, a single pound of pressure before- everything went dark. As Lindsey collapsed Fred stared, gaping at the man who had come within a second from ending her life. Fred looked over at Conner who was standing by Gunn holding the tranq gun. They locked eyes. Conner ran, as far away and as fast as he could. Fred scrambled over to Lorne. She put her hands over his gushing wound.

"Owww," Lorne moaned

"Oh thank God," Fred said as her vision began to blur with tears

"My heart's in my bum remember?" Lorne mumbled

Fred rested her head on her bloody hands. "I thought you were dead." She wept

"There, there Fredikins," Lorne said semi-coherently "It's okay."

…

As Angel and Cordelia left Hell mall Angel kept shooting her nervous glances. "If and when I have a vision I'll tell you about it." She said, exasperated

"Sorry," Angel said

"No it's fine, I understand."

"You're sure it was Conner?"

"I'm so sorry Angel." Cordelia said

He looked away, over to a store that was selling items in return for organs, which people ripped right out of their bodies to hand over without complaint. "Murder, my son."

"I love him too." Cordelia said "I know it hurts. Maybe there's an explanation."

"Maybe it wasn't Lorne!" Angel lit up. "Maybe it was a projection and-"

"Angel," He fell quiet. "It was Lorne, I could tell."

"Gunn will stop him." Angel said

"I know." They were both glad that Lorne would live, but their despair over the boy they both loved as a son was still present and still deep. Cordelia took his hand.

They walked through the mall, looking like a pair of lovers consoling one another over a shared trauma. But they weren't, they were just good friends. Angel wanted more. He wanted to tell her how he felt and pour his soul out to her. He wanted to tell her the son they were mourning was a son he considered to be their son. He wanted to tell her he considered her to be more Conner's mother than Darla. Just as he thought these things they crossed over into the fifth ring and saw the vampire herself. Darla smiled at Angel and Cordelia in an empty white hospital hallway. "Hello my love, and my lover's love. Hello and welcome to hell." Angel started to step toward her but a surge of water came down the hall. The hall widened to accommodate the river, which separated Angel and Cordelia from Darla. "How is our son, the three of ours son?"

"It's just Illyria." Cordelia whispered "Remember that."

"I know." He said

"Do you remember when we were a family?" Darla asked "When you nightly bedded our little girl and she nightly bedded her son? Do you remember how we dined on such rich foods?"

"You know I do." Angel said "You know I try to make it right every day."

"You can never restore the lineage they would have had. You can never take away the pain they felt or return the joy they would have had. What you did is permanent."

"Angel is a champion, he's saved more people than I can count." Cordy said

"That will never undo the wicked things he's done."

"Let's go Angel." Cordy said "You don't have to listen to this."

"Stupid little girl," Darla said "I'm not here for him. I'm here for you."

A mirror image of Angel himself appeared behind Darla. He put his hand on her shoulder and lovingly pressed his lips to the back of her head. "I'm here for you."

"Angelus," Cordelia said

"Wow she's dumb." Angel's double said

"I know." Darla responded

The floor cracked and a schism appeared between Angel and Cordelia. Angel reached for her but she tumbled back. Water flooded the chasm. Angel looked for a way to get back to her and saw his double run away. Angel resolved to ignore him, but the only other places to go were back into greed or into the deepening chasm. Angel reluctantly followed himself. Angel saw his double stop outside of a door. "You are guilty." It said "You are guilty of the sin of wrath."

Angel's double pushed the door open and Angel saw a familiar man lying on the bed with his throat cut. Angel looked away. "I'm sorry." He didn't want to see the man.

"You are a sinner." Angel's double said "Do you repent?"

"I repent." Said Angel

"Do you renounce Satan?"

Angel looked at his double. "What is this? What are you playing?" Angel's double headed over to the unconscious man. "Stay away from him." Angel said in a threatening tone

Angel's double approached the bedside and Angel tried to follow in order to stop him, but he couldn't go through the door. Angel's double grabbed the pillow out from under the unconscious man's head and began to smother him. "You are guilty Angel."

"Stop!" Wesley woke up, either because he was suffocating or because he heard Angel's cry, and he struggled against the force smothering him. Angel's double removed the pillow.

"Do you repent?" Angel's double asked Angel

"I already answered that." Angel's double pulled Wesley from the bed and then transformed his face. He bit into Wesley's neck right through the bandages. "I repent! I repent!"

Angel's shouting did no good.

…

Gunn woke up feeling queasy. "What-"

"Drink this." Gunn sat up from the couch and looked at Fred who was holding out a glass of water for him. "Lorne said he recognized the guy with Conner as Lindsey."

Gunn stared at her. "What happened to your face?!"

She touched her bruised face and crushed nose. "It only hurts when I think about it. "I'm fine really. It's not that big of a deal." She tried to give him a reassuring smile.

"Did Conner do that to you?" Gunn was shaking with fury.

"No, it was that Lindsey guy."

Gunn balled his hands into fists. Cordelia had called and told him that she'd had a vision that Conner was going to kill Lorne. Gunn had run upstairs and encountered the boy. The last thing he remembered was Fred accidentally shooting him with the tranq gun. "This is too much."

"Yeah," Fred said "Conner really crossed a line."

"That's not what I meant." Gunn said

"What did you-"

"What happened with Lorne?" Gunn cut her off

"He got shot, but he's fine. We have the Lindsey guy tied up in the office and we were waiting for you to wake up so we could all go question him."

Gunn nodded, slowly. "I see."

"What's-"

"Go downstairs."

She stared at him. "Uh… no."

"Fred listen to me."

"Are you feeling okay? You got shot twice with-"

"Will you just shut up and listen to me?!"

She stared at him. "What's going on?"

He stood up. They were in the only room in the hotel not filled with refugees, the one Wesley was in. They had managed to collect some sedatives from a few of the guests and he was unconscious again. Gunn grabbed a knife from a table and approached the bed. Fred reached for his arm and he grabbed hers. "Listen to me. This has gone on long enough. I'm ending it."

"What?" He shoved her away. "Gunn," She didn't quite believe what she was seeing.

He walked over to the bed and adjusted his grip on the knife. "Sorry Wes,"

He heard the familiar click of a gun being cocked. "Not as sorry as you're going to be if you don't put that knife down." She said

…

Cordelia rolled down the hill caused by the shifting earth and came to a stop by a glass window that reveled a collection of bassinets. In the front row was a blue bassinet labeled Angel, Conner. She got to her feet and stared at the tiny baby, her tiny baby. She put her hand against the glass. "Conner," She said "We all love you so much."

"Did you think he could ever love you back?"

Cordy turned and stared at Darla. "I know who you really are."

"Who am I?"

"You're Illyria."

Darla shook her head. "No,"

Cordelia lifted her hands to blast the woman away. "Liar,"

"I'm your doubt, your fear. You think they can't love you and you're right."

Cordelia hesitated. "You know nothing about me."

"I am you, all of your insecurities brought to life. Why would Angel want an inhuman thing like you to nurture his child and share his heart? He doesn't; he never will."

Cordelia blasted the projection away. "Thanks for your input." Cordelia continued down the hall and stopped when she saw herself lying in a hospital bed staring a bouquet of flowers.

"I loved you." Cordelia whirled around and looked at Xander. "I did."

"No you didn't."

"You know I did." It was true, Cordelia did know it. "But your heart is cold."

"You cheated on me."

He smiled. "But you still think it, that your heart is cold."

"No I don't."

"Then why am I here?" He asked

Cordelia didn't respond, she only ran. Her heart beat faster and faster until the hospital was gone and she ran into someone's arms. "Cordy!" She looked up at Angel and rested her head against his chest. He held her for a moment and then let go to look at her. "What happened?"

She shook her head. "It doesn't matter, we're-" She looked around. They were in the library at Sunnydale high school. She sighed. "Here again, yay." Angel pointed at some nearby shelves and the two people making out among them. "Oh great," Cordy said "This,"

"Wow," Angel said "You two-"

He was interrupted by the sound of a clearing throat. He turned and saw Buffy again, only this Buffy was different. "You are heretics, and may never leave this place."

"Oh look," Cordelia said "Buffy,"

Buffy snickered. "I am older than the earth itself. I am older than mankind and older than the demons who preceded you. I am the first evil. My acolyte is the god of this new world."

"Why are you here?" Angel asked

"I am in many places." It said "This is but one." It smiled at him, a twisted mockery of Buffy's real smile. "This is the circle of heretics. You have defied my student and now she will punish you in a way fitting of your crime. You will watch the world die, while you live."

The library exploded. Angel tried to shield Cordelia, but it was all an illusion. He found himself standing on a street. Conner was running, crying, and in terrible pain. "Conner!"

Angel tried to follow Conner, but his son was always just out of reach. While Angel ran in circles chasing a ghost the thing that mimicked Buffy laughed and laughed.

…

Lorne watched Lindsey, nervously staring at the tight bonds that tied Lindsey to a chair in the office. "This kind of hurts." Lindsey said drowsily "Maybe you could just loosen these a bit."

"No," Lorne said "I think not."

"You shot him." Lindsey said "You shot Angel's son."

Lorne looked away. "I had to." He said softly

"A lot of people have been saying that lately. 'I have to do this.' 'This has to be done for the greater good of the world.' Blah, blah, blah. I don't have to do anything." Lindsey said

"Yeah, you choose to be evil."

"I choose to be free." Lindsey said

"And now you're tied to a chair. That's like irony or something."

"Or something," Lindsey gave Lorne an arrogant grin. Lorne was deeply unsettled by the man's confidence. He looked away again, unaware of what was unfolding upstairs. Or he was until he heard the gunshot. Lorne shifted his gaze to Lindsey. Lindsey had no idea what was going on, but it was probably bad for AI so he began to laugh. Lorne ran from the office.

…

"Fred you don't understand."

"Yes I do."

"He's the only thing keeping her here!"

"And when Angel and Cordelia kill her it won't matter!"

Gunn turned his head to look at her. "What if she kills them?"

"The powers-"

"The powers did all they could! Cordelia is not strong enough to defeat Illyria and we have to kill that monster before she takes over the world! It's worth one life!"

Fred's hands were steady as she kept the gun pointed at him. "What if it were my life?"

"That's different." Gunn said without hesitation

"How is it different?"

"Because I love you." Gunn said

"That doesn't make it different." Fred said

"No," Gunn said "Because you love him the same way I love you, right?"

"Charles this isn't the time."

"Do you love him or not?"

"You must be under some kind of spell. Charles you aren't thinking clearly."

"I am thinking clearly." He said "I'm thinking one man dying to save the world is fair."

"Cordelia-"

"Is on a suicide mission!" Gunn looked down at the unconscious man. "It will be a mercy to end the suffering he's going through. It's the kindest thing we can do for him."

Fred couldn't believe the situation she found herself in. "I will shoot you."

"I don't think you will." Gunn said "But if you have to I'm willing to accept that."

Fred stared at him. She kept her gun pointed at the man whose bed she had shared dozens of times. She had thought she loved him once. She had loved him. Even when she realized that she didn't want to be with him anymore she still loved him, just not in a romantic way. She forced herself to be strong. She couldn't cry and blur her vision. She couldn't let her hands shake and screw up her aim. "Don't make me do this." She begged the man she knew loved her

"I'm not making you do anything."


	19. The Magic Bullet

Gunn tried not to let his emotions out as he stared at the woman he loved. He was doing this because he loved her. If he had to die, he was fine with that. It hurt him more that she might have to live with having killed him than that he might die. Staring at that gun he wondered when she had changed so profoundly without him noticing. Was she even the same Fred he had fallen in love with anymore? Either way he had to do this, her bruised face told him that.

"If you try to kill him I will shoot you." She repeated

"Go ahead." Gunn took a deep breath and started to bring the knife forward. The shot rang out and he stilled. For a moment before he felt the pain like the sting of a million bees in his foot he thought she had shot him in the chest. He looked down and wondered why his shirt wasn't staining through with blood. Then the pain came. He dropped the knife. It landed harmlessly on the ground. Gunn started to topple over and he grabbed the nightstand to steady himself. "You shot me." He didn't quite believe it. "You really shot me."

"In the foot," She said "I'm sorry."

Gunn sat down heavily on the floor. "You really do love him."

"Charles that isn't what this is about."

Gunn grimaced from the pain in his foot. "You wouldn't have done that for me."

"Yes I would have." She said

He shook his head as they heard Lorne's frantic footfalls. The demon threw the door open and tried to comprehend the scene before him. Fred was holding the gun they had confiscated form Lindsey and Gunn was on the ground with a bleeding foot. "What is this?" Lorne shouted

Fred stared at Gunn. "I tried to kill Wes." Gunn said "I'll admit it."

"Why?" Lorne asked

"Why do you think? We have to. You know that."

"Am I missing something?" Lorne asked

Gunn tried to get to his feet, but a lightning bolt of pain hit his foot and he gave up the futile attempt. "The only sure way to stop Illyria is to sever her connection to this dimension."

"With murder?" Fred demanded "That's not the way."

Gunn laughed. "What insane world are you all living in?"

"I can't believe this." Lorne said "What has become of us?"

"This wasn't us!" Gunn said angrily "This was him!" He pointed to the unconscious man.

"What?" Fred asked

"He got himself infected with some demon virus and we all scramble to try and save him and for what?! We failed and Illyria killed hundreds of people! We owe those people justice!"

"You're talking like he got infected on purpose." Fred said

"He got infected because he betrayed us." Gunn said

"I can't believe you." Fred said "I don't even know you anymore."

"I was just thinking the same thing." Gunn said

Lorne stared at the broken couple. He watched a friendship go up in flames. He wanted to beg them to stop this, but they had made their choices. Illyria had pushed them all onto these dark paths. Lorne watched the unaware man on the bed and then the angry couple staring at each other with irreparable accusations. So much was broken here and Lorne couldn't fix any of it.

…

Angel continued to chase Conner. He had no idea how much time had gone by. For all her knew it had been a hundred hears. Angel knew this wasn't real, that even if he caught up to Conner he could not speak to or interact with him. But Angel still had to pursue the boy. Angel had to find out what was happening to him. Conner arrived at a familiar building. Angel stood outside the building for a moment, panicking. What the hell was Conner doing outside the building where Gwen's lavish apartment was? The distraught teen climbed the steps to stand outside the newly repaired wall. He picked up a metal pipe and then started knocking a hole in the wall with it. "Conner what are you doing?" Angel shouted at the boy who couldn't hear him

The door opened and Gwen came out. "What the hell?!" She shouted

Conner swung the pipe at her and she grabbed it, sending an electric charge through Conner's body that would kill most people and as it was should have knocked him onto his super powered ass. But Conner was on too much of an adrenaline high to be fazed by the surge of power that ripped through his body, damaging vital organs. He shoved Gwen back into her apartment and then grabbed her by the hair, yanking her about. "Conner stop it!" Angel cried

Conner had lost his mind. He was looking for anything and anyone to blame for what had recently happened to him. Conner punched Gwen in the gut. She cried out in pain as he hit her again, right in the eye. Angel flinched. He was horrified that his own son was capable of such brutal violence against a woman. Angel would give anything to be able to intervene, but this was just a show. It was a show being put on by Illyria to hurt him. It might not even be real. But the vampire with a soul knew it was real. Angel knew his son; he knew the way his son moved, fought, looked. Illyria couldn't get all of these details right. This was Conner. Conner had lost it and crossed a hard line. He was beating poor Gwen near senseless and Angel couldn't bear to watch, but he didn't feel he deserved to be spared the pain of seeing what his son had become.

"Stop! Please!" Gwen screamed

Conner let the bloody Gwen fall to the floor. She reached out and gripped his ankle under his pants leg. Another surge of electricity entered him, further damaging his body. He kicked her in the face and then collapsed to the floor next to her. He panted, trying to draw breath into his charred lungs. "You let Illyria out." He accused "This is your fault."

Gwen began to weep in pain. She spat some blood out of her mouth and a tooth came out with the bloody spittle. She touched her bruised eye. "What are you, some kind of animal?"

Conner remembered all of the times he had been asked that question. 'What are you?'

"How could you do something like this to another human being?" She asked, crying

Conner struggled to his feet and she flinched away from him. "You ruined my life."

"I didn't know what was in the urn when I went to steal it." She said "I just wanted them to make me better. I just wanted to be normal. I wanted to be like other people."

Conner clenched his fists and she put her hands in front of her face. "We can't. People like us can never be like everyone else. We're freaks."

"I am nothing like you." She said "I may be a freak, but you're not even human."

Conner looked at her broken form. "You're right."

Conner left. Angel watched Gwen begin to cry harder. She touched her split lip and shook with pain and fear. Angel had always been disgusted by men who could hurt a woman in such a way. In his early days in L.A. Angel had taken on his fair share of abusive jerks who thought they could assert dominance over a woman with violence and not face any repercussions for their actions. Seeing Gwen like this, knowing it was his son who had done this to her, killed Angel inside. "I'm so sorry." He told Gwen "I'm going to make this right."

But he couldn't, not while he was here in a fantasy world. He looked at Gwen for another moment and then left, left the illusion. He knew the way somehow.

…

Lindsey watched Lorne reenter the office. He smiled. "What happened?"

"Shut up." Lorne snapped

"Gee Lorne, we used to get along so well."

"You brought Conner here to kill me." Lorne pointed out

"You picked a side." Lindsey said "Lost your neutrality,"

"It's hard to stay neutral when the potential destruction of the world is on the table."

Lindsey shrugged. "Hey I'm not judging. I picked a side too, a different one."

"What's Illyria's plan?" Lorne asked

Lindsey chuckled. "Why would I know that?"

"Where is Conner going?"

"The kid shot me, why would I know that either?"

Lorne shook his head. "You're not going to help us are you?"

"No," Lindsey said "Never,"

…

Angel entered the old dirty street. It was familiar. He knew the way to the room he was meant to go to. He didn't want to go, but he knew it was the only way. He opened the door and saw Darla laughing as she watched Angelus brutalize the gypsy girl that had haunted so many of his dreams for over a hundred years. Darla and Angelus couldn't see him, but the gypsy girl knew he was there. She stared at him with accusing eyes as her body contorted with pain from the horrific acts he was dong to her. Angel rushed into the room and reached for Angelus to pull him away from her, but his hand went right through the memory. A hand rested on his shoulder and Angel whirled around. It was the same gypsy girl who stood before him, but she was a little farther along the process Angelus had put her through. Her broken body was coated in blood.

"I'm so sorry." Angel whispered

"I do not forgive you." She said

"I will never finish paying for what I did to you." He promised

"It is insufficient." She said, coagulated blood dripping from her mouth

"I know." He whispered

"Your people and mine have different values. Your punishment should not be according to your own values, it should be according to the values of the one you offended."

"What would you have me do?"

"Suffer," She growled

"I have, for so long."

"Suffer more, suffer as much as any creature is capable of."

Angel nodded. "I will."

"Do it here. You do not deserve to save mankind. You do not deserve a purpose. Suffer here where agony is forever. Do not move forward; this is the punishment I demand."

Angel looked at her. "But you're not her."

"This is what she would demand." The girl said "Do not try to escape your reprisal."

"I'm sorry." The girl hit him.

Angel stumbled back. "What you did to me, how can you forget?" She shouted

"I haven't." He said

"You react in such horror to what your son did, but it is nothing compared to what you have done. Not just to me; you brutalized women across the years, across the continent."

"I have tried so hard to make amends." He said

"You can't!" She screamed "Stop trying! It only disservices us! How could you pretend there is any redemption for you after what you have done?"

The door burst open. Cordelia came through with a sword. "Hey Illyria," Cordelia decapitated the gypsy girl. Angel flinched, horrified to see her come to more harm even though he knew it wasn't really her. Cordelia grabbed his arm and pulled him outside, not even glancing at the scene of Angelus torturing the girl she had just decapitated. "We need to hurry."

"How do we get to the next circle?" Angel asked "I thought the exit was in there."

Cordelia looked around. "I went all over Sunnydale high looking for the eight circle and I couldn't find it. But we're running out of time. She showed me the Hyperion in Heresy."

"What happened?" Angel asked

"Fred shot Gunn."

"What?" Angel was stunned. "Why?"

"Gunn tried to kill Wesley. He doesn't think we will succeed."

"Nice," Angel said "It's good to know they believe in us."

"It's happening." Cordelia said "Illyria pulls things apart. She is dividing our friends."

"Well soon she'll be dead." Angel said

Cordelia smiled at him. "If we can find the way to Fraud."

"Why is it harder to find this circle than the other ones?" Angel asked

"She has more power the closer we get." Cordelia explained

"Why were you in Sunnydale high?"

Cordelia flinched. "Another life," She evaded

Angel looked up and down the street. "Maybe we just keep walking until we find it?"

Cordelia shook her head. "She will use misdirection to take us in circles."

"So what then?"

Cordelia looked up at the Romanian sky. She smiled. "I guess we won't find her if she doesn't want us too. We must really scare her. I understand. After what Wes and Faith did to her she might be a little more cautious. I never expected cowardice from an old one though."

The ground began to shake. "I think you pissed her off." Angel said

The ground split open. They retreated from the pool of lava forming in the fissure. The closest buildings crumbled as the fissure widened. Cordelia and Angel were forced to flee the area in order to not fall to their fiery deaths. "Good idea," Angel said as they ran "But the execution was a tad off." They headed further into the dark night, away from the buildings.

"Wait and see." Cordelia said as they came to a wagon caravan Angel recognized

Angel stopped. "Let's go another way."

"If you don't want to go this way, than this is the way to go."

He looked back at the fiery destruction. He would prefer to brave that danger over seeing what awaited him among the gypsy caravan. "Maybe she just wants us to think that."

Cordelia smiled at him. Even with her inhuman eyes and her mystical hands she was still his Cordelia. Her smile still comforted him and gave him the strength to go on. "We can do this."

"Sometimes," He whispered "When you're with me I feel like there's nothing I can't do."

She took his hand. She wanted to tell him, to tell him now, but it wasn't the time.

…

Since all of the rooms except for the one Wesley was in were occupied Gunn was forced to rest in a room with a bunch of refugees. They left him alone. He sat there, trying to think about anything other than the pain in his foot. But the only thought that could drive the pain from his head was the one thing he wanted to think about even less. Gunn looked back, trying to figure out where it all went wrong. At first things had been great. He'd been with Fred; Cordelia, Wesley, and Angel had been his friends. He had trusted them absolutely. He had felt like they were all making a difference, like they mattered. These people had changed him. He had come to love them in a way that scared him at times. Ever since his sister had died he had tried to push people away, but this merry band of misfits was just as messed up as he was; they needed him and he needed that need. Then Wesley had betrayed them. Gunn couldn't take it, so he pushed away his memories of the man. He turned love into hate and it let him get by. Then Wesley had shown up again, and this time he was a victim. One by one they had all forgiven Wes. They had let emotion blind them and they had turned against Gunn. Gunn stared at his hands, the hands that had come so close to taking a human life. Fred would never understand. None of them would ever understand and things would never again be like they were before. Every moment Gunn spent at the Hyperion was another moment he was reminded of what he had gained and what he had lost again. How was is that he lost everyone he loved? Was it all his fault?

Gunn was stirred from his contemplations by the sound of an opening door. He looked at the doorway and at Fred coming through with a first aid kit. "I need to remove the bullet."

He watched her approach him. Her battered face still sickened him. "There's something I have to tell you." It was as he said the words that he made the decision.

"Don't." She said as she opened the kit "There's no excuse for what you tried to do."

Gunn made a humph sound and watched her arrange her tools. "I wasn't going to make any excuses for anything. I just have to tell you something. I owe you an explanation."

"You don't owe me anything Charles." She said "Not anymore." She took as gentle a hold of his foot as she could, but it still hurt. "This is going to be extremely painful."

He locked eyes with her. "It already is." She started to disinfect the wound, declining to reply. The other occupants of the room steered clear of them. Gunn hated to have this personal moment in front of them, but he had no other option. "I'm leaving."

He saw her jolt a little, but she quickly recovered and pretended not to have. "Is that so?"

He knew her. He knew her casual tone was fake. "I'm staying until this Illyria thing is sorted out one way or the other. If the world is still here, I'm going to find a new place in it."

"Where will you go?" She asked as she put on a pair of latex gloves

"I don't know. I hear New York is nice, or maybe Chicago. I'm a big city guy."

"Yeah," She said "I couldn't see you baling hay on a farm." He chuckled at the thought, which distracted him from the agony as she chose that moment to put her instrument into his open wound and pull the bullet out. "Sorry," She said "It hurts less if you don't see it coming."

He looked at the bullet as she held it up. "There it is." He said

"Like magic," Fred said, trying to make a joke in order to hide her pain

"I get why you did it." He said "I'm not mad."

"It doesn't really matter now, does it?" She asked

"I know what we had is broken and can't be fixed. I accept that. But I want to leave on good terms with you, well as good as they can be. I love you Fred, always will."

She took her gloves off and then reached out to touch his face. He closed his eyes as he felt her warm touch, knowing this might be the last one. "I love you. I do. I just wish you had believed me when I told you that before. You tried so hard to keep me that you drove me away."

He opened his eyes to look at her face. Even like this she was beautiful to him. Even when the standards of conventional beauty eluded her, to him she was beauty itself. "I was just trying to protect you. I love you so much and seeing you in pain kills me."

"I know." She said "But that's a burden I can't bear."

He nodded. In a way he understood, at least more than he had before. "Well you don't have to, now or ever again. Soon I'll be gone and you can find someone who…isn't me."

"Charles you don't have to go. I never wanted this."

Gunn looked at the bullet. "Can I have that?"

Fred stared at the bullet she had put in a plastic bag. "Why?"

"Souvenir,"

"Charles," She sounded hurt. He hated that, hurting her.

"I just want to remember." He said "That's all we have at the end. Who we are is just what we've done and what we've experienced. I don't ever want to forget, any of it. Because if I lose sight of who I am I'll have lost everything. So let me remember the bad and the good."

She picked up the plastic bag and stared at it. A single tear dripped from her face onto the plastic and rolled off it onto the floor. "Remember that I loved you, I really did."

He reached for the bag and she relinquished it. "I'll always treasure that memory."

She took a deep breath and let it out shakily. "Well then, looks like we're done."

He looked at the bandaged foot she was referring to. "Yep,"

"I'll see you later."

He nodded. "Yep,"

…

Angel and Cordelia watched Darla, Spike, and Drusilla massacre the gypsies. Angel hadn't been there, but he knew this was an accurate recreation of what had happened. Illyria was good with details, he would give her that. "I killed them as surely as I did her." He said

"You didn't kill any of them. Angelus did." Cordelia insisted

"It's here, isn't it?" He asked

"There," Cordelia pointed at an old woman's body. "She's the one." They approached the old woman. She was the one. She had cursed him. Angel didn't know whether to hate her or be grateful to her. She was lying on the ground in front of a wagon that Cordy gestured to. "Here,"

He reached for the door. He knew there wouldn't be the inside of her wagon on the other side of this door. He opened it and they both stepped through. It was a pub. It was an empty pub, long abandoned. The only occupants were two people at the table in the center of the room doing shots. They clinked two of their shot glasses and knocked them back. The blond woman and the Irishman turned to look at them. "Hey Angel," Kate said, drowsily

"Good to see you Cordy," Doyle said

"No," Cordelia said, her voice wobbling "Not him, she can't have him."

Angel took her hand. "She doesn't. That's just a lifeless copy."

Kate snorted. "Lifeless, that's funny coming from you."

"Let's just go." Angel started for the pub's exit. The door was boarded up so Angel had to kick it down. Cordelia approached him as he tore the boards away destroyed the locked door.

"Who's going to pay for that?" Doyle asked

Kate giggled. "Not him,"

Angel and Cordelia exited the pub onto the L.A. street. "Are we going to follow them?"

Kate sighed in response to Doyle's question. "I suppose we should."

…

Conner sat on the pier staring at his bloody hands. What had he done? Gwen wasn't a demon or a monster, she was a human woman. He had beat her down like an animal. Conner looked down at the dark water. He remembered the last use he had put it to. He wondered if his father ever thought about his time at the bottom of the ocean. In this moment Conner almost envied his father. At least it must be quiet down there. Conner began to sob. He was so confused and utterly lost. He didn't know what to do. Was there any way to make right the poor decisions he had made? Even if there was could he do it? Did he want to? Conner felt alone, as though there was no one in the world for him to turn to. Even if he did fix his mistakes there was no place in the world for him. He knew that now. Conner wiped away his tears, smearing blood on his face. Maybe it wasn't him. Maybe it was the world. Conner looked down at the dark water.

…

Angel and Cordelia looked over their shoulders at the specters tailing them. Angel was tempted to ask Cordy to blast them, but seeing Doyle killed by a brilliant white light once again was something he didn't want to endure and couldn't rightfully ask Cordelia to either. Angel resolved to just ignore them. "One level left, we're doing pretty well." He said

"The last level will be the worst." She said

"Right," Angel looked over his shoulder again. "They don't say anything."

"They'll only say what's in our own heads anyway."

"What is it?" Angel asked "Maybe we should inoculate ourselves to it."

Cordy looked at her shiny hands. "I'm not a hero Angel. I've tried to pretend that I'm a champion like you, that I deserve this power, but deep down I'll always be that ditzy bitch from Sunnydale and all of this is just my attempt to bury her. But she's me, always will be."

Angel touched her shoulder. She turned to look at him and on impulse he kissed her. She kissed him back like she had been waiting to kiss him for a year, maybe she had. She grabbed his shoulders and kissed him with all of the passion she had been repressing. She was afraid of what Illyria was going to do to them, but kissing him made her feel strong. Kissing him reminded her why the world was worth saving. His strong hands held her close. They heard laughter. They looked back at the fake Doyle and Kate. "Who do they think they are? Do they think that they deserve happiness?" Kate asked, incredulous "They aren't heroes, they're not even human."

Doyle approached them. "You're a fraud." He told Cordy "Your very existence is a mockery of humanity. You treasure so what you do not possess any longer. You are more demon than I ever was. You sat on your high throne and looked down on me princess, but I am not your jester. You killed me. Your lies killed me. I sacrificed myself for an ideal you no longer believe."

"I believe." Cordelia said "And I think about you all the time."

"I loved you." He said "Why couldn't you love me?"

"I would have if there had been more time."

He chuckled. "Lies; you're the same old Cordelia. You're the cheerleader while the jocks duke it out. You stand at the sidelines and wave your pom-poms while people die."

"Leave her alone." Angel said

"And how must you feel Illyria?" Cordelia asked "To know that I'll kill you."

"You?" Doyle asked "You're not even in any of the ancient prophecies. To kill an old one is a task of might and prominence. You're nobody, nothing. You will not be remembered."

Kate walked up and looked at Angel. "But you will be. Humanity will put you in its songs and epics. They will tell of Angel, the destroyer. He was once a champion, but he gave in to the dark side and doomed us all. You will kill everything and everyone you love."

Cordelia held up her hand to blast Kate. "He's a hero."

"He'll kill you." Kate said "Wait and see."

Cordelia blasted the fake Kate. Angel flinched. Doyle grinned at them. "Am I next? Or have you killed me enough times? Heroes," He shook his head and laughed. "You were cast out from the ranks of heroes. Your betters gave you chances you had already proved you didn't deserve and you showed them their error." Doyle stepped closer. "Weak librarians and frightened witches were considered more worthy than you. A mere mortal with nothing to offer was chosen over you. You are nothing, she knew it then and she knows it now. The true heroes detest you. The pretty flaxen maid knows you for what you are, monsters." His hateful expression was one the real Doyle had never worn. "If only I had been as wise."

"We're done." Angel said "Let's go." He backed away, pulling Cordelia along with him.

As they retreated Cordelia watched Doyle. He did not follow. He knew the damage was already done. They continued down the L.A street. Cordelia's hand was intertwined with his. She knew what Illyria had done, so why couldn't she undo it? She had known what he was going to say, so why was anything different? Cordelia stopped, and Angel did as well, his hand still connected to hers. He looked at her, confused. "I love you." She said "Why didn't I tell you?"

Angel stepped up to her. "I don't know."

"I've loved you for a long time." She said "I try to remember not loving you, and I know there was a time when I didn't, but it seems so strange, like another life. I think of everything we've been through together and I feel like I've discovered love. It's like any other love I had before was just a pale imitation. Because I want to keep you safe and make you happy."

"But not too happy," And with that the smile on his face that had been growing larger with every word she spoke vanished. He knew what he had to do. "We can't."

She smiled. "I know-"

"No, that's not what I mean." Angel said "We can't do this, have this."

The look of pain that took over her face was like a stake in his heart and he would have preferred the stake. "Angel I know you're big on the self-sacrifice, but we deserve something."

"Not me," Angel said "You deserve something better than me."

"Angel," Cordelia said in her sternest voice "Do you love me?"

He refused to meet her gaze. He could not lie to her, so he said nothing at all.

"Right," She said "Well we had better get going."

"Cordy-"

"We need to hurry." She said "We're wasting time." She started down the street without so much as glancing at him. He wanted to pull her into his arms and kiss her again, but that had been a mistake. Romance might seem nice right now, but in the long run it was cruel. If he got close to her in that way he would steal her youth. She deserved someone who could be a man when she needed a man, and Angel wasn't a man, wasn't even human. If he let this continue he wouldn't be able to break it off. He would have to leave, like he had left Buffy. What it boiled down to was that if he loved her he would lose her. He couldn't lose her. He wanted to explain all of this to her, but he knew she had heard it before. She knew what his reasoning was, she just didn't agree. She was willing to give up certain things because she loved him, but he couldn't let her do that, not for him. Angel sighed and then followed her. The woman he loved reciprocated his feelings and he felt like the most miserable guy in the world. At least they were about to meet someone he could take it out on. That made him feel a little better, but only a little.

…

Lorne was leaning against the wall, staring at Lindsey. What were they going to do with this man? With Angel and Cordy gone, Fred and Gunn indisposed, it fell to Lorne to decide this man's fate. Lorne had never wanted this kind of responsibility. There were a lot of things he had never wanted. Lorne stared at Lindsey and felt a foreign emotion, hate. Lorne was not a hateful person in any sense of the word. The emotion made him feel a sickness like worms wriggling in his stomach. Lindsey just smiled at Lorne. "You can't stop it." Lindsey said

"Stop what?" Lorne asked

"Any of it. If you stop Illyria the Wolf, Ram, and Hart will take over. If you stop them the next old one will step up to bat. The prophecies say the end times are now."

Lorne looked at Lindsey and saw something. "I know."

"So why bother?" Lindsey asked

That was a good question. Why not just grab a sea breeze and put on his favorite records while the world burned? Why not just enjoy the time he had left? Why didn't he just walk out the lobby doors and leave this nonsense behind? "I'm not like you Lindsey. I believe in something."

"Believe?" Lindsey laughed. "Oh I believe. I just don't care."

"So you win." Lorne said. "You get all of this power, you get whatever you want, and then you die. What was the point? What did you really get out of any of it?"

"I'm not going to die." Lindsey said

Now it was Lorne's turn to laugh. "We all die." Lorne said

"And then?" Lindsey asked "What happens to you after that?"

Lorne shrugged. "I guess I'll find out."

"Do you think God wants you in his heaven Lorne? You're a demon."

Lorne stared at his hands. "This isn't about me Lindsey."

"So what's it about then? You were neutral. You had it made. But then you picked a side and lost everything. You lost your club, your place in the world, your lifestyle."

"I gained something Lindsey." Lorne said "Something I had never had before and something that you will never have and never understand. That's what it's about."

Lindsey looked at the ground, hiding his grin. "They'll hurt you."

"This isn't Wolfram & Hart." Lorne said "We're not like you and yours."

"Look at what they did to each other." Lindsey said "Look at what your buddy Wesley did to Angel. Look at what Angel did to his companions. Look at what Conner did to his dad."

"People make mistakes." Lorne said

"They're corrupted. You're all corrupted and only hell awaits you."

Lorne made a derisive sound. "Maybe you're right Lindsey."

"That doesn't bother you? You have sacrificed so much for the greater good and only misery has been your reward. At least at Wolfram & Hart we got paid well. What have the powers ever done for you Lorne? I mean really, what have they done?"

Lorne remembered the song. He remembered what he had seen. At first had had tried to fight it, but then he had given in. For the first time in all the time he had been running Caritas Lorne had read somebody and seen himself. The powers had given him that. "They gave love."

Lindsey rolled his eyes. "I think I'm going to hurl."

…

Cordelia stared at the church. "That's the entrance."

Angel stood next to her. "Crosses? Now she's just playing dirty."

Cordelia wanted to laugh, but she didn't. Her face was without expression and she spoke in a voice without emotion. "We need to go in. Come on."

They entered the church. The church was much larger on the inside than it was on the outside. Angel fell to his knees. He no longer had the strength to stand. Inside this building was every person Angel had ever hurt or failed to save. The demon he had killed because of a misunderstanding when trying to protect the pregnant mother of a future seer was sitting at a pew with Tina, the subject of the first vision the powers had sent Doyle for him. Doyle himself was there, sitting with Kate again. None of Angelus' victims were here. Every person here was a victim of Angel, the vampire with a soul. Angel could blame no one for what he had done to them but himself. The church was huge, packed with failures. At the front, leading the congregation in a stirring rendition of _Amazing Grace_ was Faith. She smiled at Angel and it wasn't the smile she had given him when she had come to help with Illyria. This smile was the twisted disturbed one she had often worn in Sunnydale. She walked down the aisle toward him while a thousand pairs of accusing eyes followed her. They all rested on him. "Welcome,"

"You're not Faith." Angel said

She gave him a sly smile. "Aren't I? This is the real Faith. That other girl is a creation."

Angel shook his head. "You were sick, you're better now."

She lowered her voice. "Never, I'll be back. I'll resurface."

"She is stronger than you give her credit for."

"You don't know what she and her watcher friend did to me do you?"

"Illyria you're pure evil, I don't care what they did to you."

Faith kept that smile on her face. "They have dirty vile things inside of them. They are like you in that respect. You all have these things in you, hiding. You hide Angelus. Faith hides her inner animal. Wesley hides a weak pathetic child who wants to be a man. Cordelia hides a selfish vain girl who loves nothing but the view of a mirror and the thing inside. All of you hide these things just beneath the surface. They are the real you. Why don't you stop pretending?"

Cordelia spoke in a hard voice. "Those things may be inside of us, but they aren't us."

"I'm not talking to you bitch." Faith said without ever turning her gaze from Angel

Cordelia blasted the projection. "And I wasn't talking to you." Cordelia turned to look at Angel as the image of Faith burned away. "Are you still with me?" She asked

Angel locked eyes with her. "Always,"

Cordelia pulled her gaze away. "Then let's go."

…

Fred sat at Wesley's bedside again. She was gripping his hand. She felt very alone in this otherwise empty room. She began to feel doubt. "I'm here." She whispered "I'm going to take care of you." The promise felt hollow. Maybe Gunn was right, maybe it would have been merciful to just end his life, to end it all. But the moment the thought entered her head her mind violently rejected it. She couldn't accept that. She just couldn't. She leaned forward and kissed his sweaty brow. "I'm going to find a way to help you, so just hang on." She tightened her grip on his hand. She wanted so much for their family to be whole again, but she knew in her heart that this was never going to happen. Still, she could at least try to make this one man whole again if it was at all possible. He had once been so alive, her very dear friend. He would be again. She had to believe that. She had to believe that there was some happiness to be found at the end.

…

Angel followed Cordelia to the back of the church. The door there was strange; it sucked heat away from the surrounding air. "The ninth circle is behind that door, and in the middle of it is Illyria herself." Cordelia said "You've been to hell right?" She asked

"Spent about a hundred years in one, yeah." He made a nervous sound. "Why?"

"Let's just get this over with." Cordelia pulled the door open.

They entered a frozen wasteland. For as far as either of them could see there was nothing but ice and snow. Cordelia shivered. Angel wished he had body heat, so he could hold her and keep her warm, but then again maybe it was a good thing he couldn't do that. "How far do we have to go?" Angel shouted over the sound of the angry winds attacking them

"Far!" Cordelia responded "Come on!" Walking against the winds was a slow arduous process. Cordelia's powers protected her from the cold, but didn't eliminate the discomfort.

"So what's the plan?" Angel shouted

Cordelia barely made out what he had said. "You distract, I attack!"

"That's a good plan!"

"It's what she expects! But I can't think of a better one!" After that they were silent for a long time. The screaming wind prevented a worthwhile conversation from taking place.

They didn't speak until they came upon a giant igloo. "Looks promising!" Angel said

The duo entered the igloo. Sitting at a table sipping a cup of tea was Wesley. "Hey guys,"

…

Fred didn't know when she had fallen asleep. But she woke up with a start. Her head had been resting on the bed. She sat up in her char and felt her back protest. She needed a real sleep that involved actual lying down. She could sleep on the floor. But she was tired and the bed looked really comfortable, so she just climbed in and drifted off to sleep next to Wesley.


	20. Sacrifice

He looked so normal. He looked healthy. He looked sane. It made Angel want to cry to see a recreation of what his friend had once been, while the real man was deep in an artificial sleep to combat his insanity. "Want some tea?" Wesley asked them "Fresh-brewed,"

Even though she was furious with him, Cordelia took Angel's hand. She gripped it tightly, sharing her pain and sharing in his. They needed each other in this moment. "Let's go."

Angel shook his head. "You said earlier the way we don't want to go is the right way."

Cordelia nodded. "Yeah, I did say that."

"Why so glum?" Wesley asked them, sipping his tea

"We're not glum." Cordy said, projecting her best false bravado "We're excited."

"Oh?" Even though Angel knew it was fake, he could swear this thing was Wes. This was a far better recreation than Faith, Buffy, or Doyle had been. She had gotten every mannerism right, down to the smallest detail. It made sense, she had spent a good while in his head and in his body; she should know what he was like. "What are you excited about?" There was that expression of genuine curiosity that was his most common one. It had been a long time since Angel had seen this expression, but he remembered exactly what it looked like.

"We're going to kill you." Cordy said

Wesley waved his hand dismissively. "Already taken care of."

"We're talking to _you_ Illyria." Cordy said furiously

"But I'm not Illyria." Wesley said "I'm your old friend."

Angel jolted. "Remember she's lying." Cordy commanded

"I have his every thought, his every memory. Can you say the same of the useless body you have stored in your hotel? I am more your friend than he himself is."

"There is more to us than thoughts and memories." Angel said

"Oh?"

"There's a soul." Angel said "That's what separates me from Angelus."

"Sure, that's all that matters. I can't see or think or move, but I have a soul."

"Once we kill you we'll find a cure." Cordelia insisted

Wesley chuckled, just the way Wes did. "Kill me? You can't kill an old one."

"If that's true," Cordy said "Why give us the run around in your little maze so we can't get to you? If you can't die why not just show yourself right here, right now?"

"Because I'm having so much fun, and because I don't want to kill you yet. I want to wait until I've finished off Fred, Gunn, and that demon. I want to wait until my old teacher has killed or enslaved the slayer bitches. I want you to see your world die, and then I'll kill you."

…

"So what do we do?" Lorne asked Gunn

They were in the lobby, Fred was still upstairs. "I don't know." Gunn said

"We can't keep him here forever." Lorne pointed out

Gunn looked at the door to the office, where Lindsey was. "No we can't."

"So what do we do, just let him go?"

Gunn pulled up a chair and sat down. He was trying to stand as much as possible, but the pain in his foot limited what he could handle. "I guess we'll just have to kill him."

"Sorry, what?! Didn't we just have a big confrontation about this?"

"I remember." Gunn looked at his foot.

"You want to kill a man in cold blood?"

"Come on Lorne, this is Lindsey. He came here to kill you."

"But we're not like that."

"Fred killed that professor, so I guess we are."

"This is different." Lorne insisted

"Except it's really not." Gunn said "He's done evil and if we let him go he will continue to do evil. There is no other way around it. He was working for Illyria, for the end of the world."

"But… murder?" Lorne was dumbstruck.

Gunn sighed. "Do what you want, I'm going upstairs."

"Wait, we aren't going to talk about this?"

Gunn hobbled over to the stairs. "I need to get some sleep."

Lorne stared slack-jawed at his departing friend. "Unbelievable,"

Gunn limped down the hall toward the room he shared with a bunch of refugees. He stopped outside the room Wesley and Fred were in. He hadn't seen her since she had bandaged his foot. Gunn stood outside the room, trying to decide whether to knock or just keep walking down the hall. He raised his fist to gently knock. The door wasn't closed all the way and when he touched it, it creeped open. Gunn saw Fred asleep next to Wes. Gunn looked away and continued down the hall. He wanted to kick something, but of course that would be a terrible idea.

…

Angel and Cordelia weren't surprised that the fake Wesley followed them, but they were surprised by the tactic Illyria used to get into their heads. She stopped using the projection of Wesley to communicate her thoughts to them. She had the projection mimic him in every way, pretending they were all on a mission together. It was very disturbing. "Where are we going?"

Angel gritted his teeth and continued to ignore Illyria.

"You're very quiet today."

Angel felt Cordelia tighten her grip on his hand. This pestering projection was made even worse by the fact that for some reason they could hear him perfectly even over the howling of the frigid winds. Illyria's world followed Illyria's rules. Tall icy formations were dispersed across the landscape. Angel and Cordy had to navigate around the glacial formations and Angel hoped Cordy knew the way, because he was utterly lost. If Angel had been here by himself he would be walking in circles, caught in Illyria's trap. A sharp icicle hidden under powdery snow entered Angel's foot. Angel fell to the ground, groaning in pain. Cordy knelt down to inspect the wound.

"Are you all right?" The fake Wesley asked in what perfectly mimicked concern

Cordelia put her hands on Angel's foot to heal it. "No-" He spoke more sharply than he meant to, stunning her. "I just mean you should conserve your energy for the big fight."

Cordelia nodded. "But your foot-"

"I've been hurt way worse than this plenty of times before you got healing powers. I'm a vampire remember? I heal fast. Just save your strength."

Cordelia helped him to his feet. "Are you sure?"

"Yeah,"

"He's right Cordy," Fake-Wesley said "Illyria is a dangerous foe."

Cordelia clenched her fists in anger. She turned to face the apparition. "Listen to me you stupid bitch. I know you're not my friend and you don't get to call me Cordy, got it?"

Wesley, or the thing that looked like him, appeared to be deeply hurt by this. "Why are you so mad at me? You said you forgave me. Did I do something else to offend you?"

"You aren't him." Cordy said in a voice of cold fury

"I'm all that's left of him." Wesley didn't have the smug glee of Illyria, he sounded almost resigned. "The memories Illyria has are all that is left of me. If you kill her than you have killed the last piece of your friend left in this dimension or any other."

Angel stared at Wesley and Cordelia, unwilling to accept that. Cordy shook her head and Angel was shocked to see a small smile on her face. "You must truly be petrified of us if you are willing to resort to such a cheap ploy. That's good to know."

Not-Wesley didn't break character. "You must really hate me."

…

Lorne was shaking when he entered Wesley's room, but Fred didn't notice because she was faced away from the door and didn't turn from her charge when Lorne entered. "Hey,"

"I needed to get away from Lindsey." Lorne said to explain his presence

"That's understandable." Fred said

"How is he?"

"The same, but we're almost out of tranquilizers again."

"Then what?" Lorne asked

"Then I guess we tie him up again." Fred said

"These are the choices." Lorne said "Why are these the choices?"

Fred shrugged. She tightened her grip on Wesley's hand. "I don't know."

"It wasn't always like this."

"No," She agreed "Not always,"

"So then it can't always be like this in the future right?"

Fred's vision blurred. She wiped the tears away. "I don't know Lorne. I don't know."

"I don't either." He said "I never saw this coming."

"None of us did."

"But I should have. Maybe if I had read everyone better this wouldn't have happened."

"This was always going to happen." She said

"But you said nothing is inevitable remember?"

She did remember. "Nothing is." She agreed "But the past can't be changed."

"The future though, it won't be like this right?"

"That depends on Angel and Cordelia." She said

…

Cordy stopped in front of the largest ice mountain yet. "Daunting," Angel said

"They're calling me." Cordelia whispered

"Who?" Angel asked

"The powers, they want to talk to me."

Angel looked over his shoulder at their stalker. "Illyria will hear you."

Cordelia smiled. "I doesn't work like that." She sat down in the show. Water from the ice stained her clothes. "Watch my back." She closed her eyes and Angel watched her go limp.

"She looks dead." Wesley said

"Shut up Illyria." Angel said

"In the days of old lower beings were less impertinent." Wesley said, breaking the charade Illyria had so carefully maintained since they'd left the igloo.

"Well I figured since I'm going to kill you and not much tops that in terms of impertinence I'd just say whatever I want. Besides, what can you do to me that's worse than what you're already planning? It's not like you can destroy the world twice."

"I can make you live in it afterward." She said "But I admit that as you said I was already planning on doing that." He chuckled as if at some private joke.

…

Cordelia was expecting the mall, but when she opened her eyes she saw something very different. She was standing in front of a pyramid in a desert. A group of men were carefully writing on some parchment. Skip was standing next to her. "What is this?"

"Long ago," Skip said "A group of mortal men tried to get a powerful seer to look forward into the end of the world. She refused, saying that no good would come of it. So they took her daughter as a sacrifice for a pagan god. The woman agreed to look if her daughter would be spared, but she warned the men that the pain and suffering caused by this would not just effect all of them, but generations of innocents. They demanded that she look. So she did."

"What a bunch of bastards." Cordy said, staring at the men

A scream erupted from inside the pyramid.

"Yeah," Skip said "But her glimpse into the future is where most of the ancient prophecies come from. All of this took place while seven powerful old ones still ruled the earth and all that it contained. The seer foresaw how the old ones would be expelled from this plain in the future, giving the world to God's chosen creation, mankind. The men were unwilling to wait for this to happen in its own time and so they tried to recreate what she had seen. However they were not able to recreate the event perfectly, that would have been impossible. Each of the old ones managed to leave a piece of themselves behind, a part of their essence by which they might return at the time when the seer could no longer see into the future, which all assumed was the end of… well everything." Skip stared at Cordelia. "The time she saw, when the old ones would try to reclaim the realm they should have left for good, signs of it were put in the prophecies."

"Angel," Cordelia said "The vampire with a soul,"

"And his son," Skip confirmed "They are signs."

"What does this have to do with me?" Cordelia asked

"Because no one knows if what that poor woman saw is the end… or something else."

"Something like what?"

"That's not the point." Skip said "The point is that Illyria can fail."

"I can defeat her." Cordelia said "So this is just a pep talk." Skip glared at her. Cordelia remembered the glare from her birthday last year when Skip had been testing her. "What?"

"It's about sacrifice Cordelia. Nothing is free."

Cordelia felt her pulse slow. "Am I going to die?"

"I don't know." Skip said "I hope not. I like you."

"Thanks Skip," Cordy said "But what's the sacrifice then?"

"You are."

"But you said-"

"Your humanity," He clarified "The PTB can give you more power, but you will no longer be human if they do. The last of your humanity will be burned away by what they give."

Cordelia stared at the pyramid. "If I don't-"

"I can't see the future Cordelia; I can only tell you your options. Maybe you can defeat Illyria without the power upgrade, maybe you can't. Maybe you're doomed either way."

"Thanks," Cordelia said "I feel very uplifted."

"This isn't a pep talk. This is reality. This is the beginning. The first evil has returned and is waiting for his old students to reemerge. Illyria is but the first. If you defeat her more will come until all are thoroughly banished. You may need this power I offer, if not now then later."

Cordelia listened to more screaming coming from the pyramid. "What happened to her?"

"What she saw drove her to madness." Skip said

"Like Wes?" Cordelia asked

"Yeah," Skip said

"Is there any way to help him?" She asked

"What we're discussing right now is a bit more important than that." Skip said

"You can give me more power, but I won't be human anymore." Cordelia stared at her glowing white hands. "I'm afraid." She whispered "I'm not a hero like the powers think I am."

"Yes you are." Skip said "And these are the decisions heroes make."

"Can I think about it, let you know?"

Skip nodded. "Don't think for too long. The final confrontation approaches. If you decide to take the power, the transformation will begin in that moment. When it is complete you will be a new being. You won't be even fractionally human, but you will have incredible power."

Cordelia nodded. "Are the Wolf, Ram, and Hart among the seven old ones who ruled?"

"Yes," Skip said "Of all the old ones who were expelled only they, Illyria and the other three who ruled may return one day. That day fast approaches."

"I'm ready to go back." But as she spoke Skip and the desert were gone. She opened her eyes and she was back in the frozen wasteland. Angel extended his hand to help her to her feet.

"Thank Heaven you're back. I was beginning to worry." Fake Wesley said

Cordelia groaned in agitation. "She's still here." Cordy said

"What did the powers say?" Angel asked

"I'll tell you later." She said

…

Lorne heard Gunn enter the office and Lorne turned to look at him. Gunn stared at Lindsey who was still tied to the chair. "We have to kill him." Gunn said

"I thought you said it was my call." Lorne said

"You know we can't let him go after what he did." Gunn said "You know that."

"Coldblooded murder of a human being? We don't do that."

"I don't consider him human any more." Gunn said

"We don't get to make these calls." Lorne said

"I just did. I'm going upstairs to ask Fred for that gun. If you don't want to see this, don't be here when I get back." Gunn left the office without another word, set to his purpose.

"So I guess that's it." Lindsey said "You were right."

"About what?"

"I am going to die." Lindsey said "I never thought like this."

"This isn't happening." Lorne said "This isn't us."

"Wake up." Lindsey said "This was always happening. It's a slippery slope my friend and the farther down you go the steeper it gets. You and yours will become more and more corrupted until you can't even remember why you started making compromises to begin with."

"No," Lorne said "You're wrong about them."

"They're too far gone Lorne. The darkness has tainted them."

"They're flawed, but they're good people."

"They're killers. A man who appoints himself another person's judge, jury, and executioner isn't a hero. There's only one way to save what's left of your friend."

"You want me to let you go." Lorne said

"It's not about what I want."

"I won't betray my friends."

"You've all betrayed one another at some point." Lindsey said

"I'm not listening to this." Lorne started to leave.

"You can't keep your hands clean by choosing to do nothing!" Lindsey shouted "You're as guilty by walking away as you would be by executing me yourself! Think of that!"

Lorne turned to stare at Lindsey. "Or maybe I should think of all the people who died because of you. Did you ever think of them when you were working for Wolfram & Hart?"

"This isn't about me." Lindsey said "I know what I am. What are you?"

"I'm not a killer." Lorne said

"Prove it." Lindsey said

…

Cordelia pulled Angel behind a high mound of ice. "They offered me more power."

Angel stared at her. "What did you tell them?"

"I haven't decided yet. If they do this I won't be human any more, at all."

Angel considered this. He knew her humanity meant a lot to her. He thought about his own quest to regain the humanity he had lost long ago. He thought about the feeling of separation that haunted him, the wall between himself and the world. If she did this she wouldn't be a vampire, but she would be like him. She would be of the world, but no longer a part of it. He couldn't let her make this sacrifice. He put his hand on her cheek. She put her hand on top of his to feel his cold flesh. "Don't do it." He said "We'll find another way to defeat her."

"What if we can't?"

"I'll find a way." He said "Trust me."

"Angel-"

Angel leaned forward and kissed her again. "You don't deserve to be like me. You deserve to have a wonderful human life and you will have one after we kill her."

Cordelia pushed him away. "Stop teasing me." She said "Stop acting like you love me and refusing to say the words. I have enough to be confused about already."

"Cordy-"

She walked out from behind the ice mound where the fake Wesley was watching them reemerge, smiling. "Are we keeping secrets now? I'm rather hurt."

Angel wanted to explain himself, but not in front of Illyria. "Don't do it." He whispered to her as they continued on their way "Please don't give up your most valuable possession."

"I won't." Cordelia whispered "Let's hope that's not a mistake."

…

Gunn entered the office to find Lorne staring at an empty chair. Gunn instantly knew what had happened but he refused to believe it. He spoke in a cold voice. "Where is he?"

Lorne sipped a sea breeze. "I let him go."

Overtaken by an anger that surprised even him Gunn smacked the glass from Lorne's hand. It hit the ground and shattered. Lorne just stared at the broken glass. "You too huh?"

"I couldn't be responsible for a man's death." Lorne said

"I can't even deal with this." Gunn left. He headed upstairs to gather the possessions he had at the Hyperion. It didn't take him more than a minute to grab a knapsack and fill it with a few odds and ends, including that bullet he had asked Fred if he could keep. He heard the door to Wesley's room open as he started back downstairs. Gunn stopped in front of the weapons cabinet to grab a few weapons for his trip. He heard footsteps approach him. "I'm leaving."

"You said you were staying until Illyria was taken care of." Fred said

"I changed my mind." Gunn said

"Please don't go Charles." Fred said "We need you."

"I'm sorry."

"It's not safe out there." She said "Not while Illyria controls the city."

"I'll take my chances."

She grabbed his arm. "Please-"

He stopped whatever she was about to say with a passionate kiss. He knew he probably shouldn't be kissing her, but he didn't really care. He felt her warm breath and soft lips. He pulled away and looked at her. "I hope you'll be okay." Gunn said "All of you."

Lorne entered the lobby. He watched them. "Please wait." Fred begged

"I'm sorry. I really am."

Fred began to cry. "But we need you."

"I don't know what you need, but it's not me. This isn't me. None of this was ever me."

"Charles," He picked up his bag and weapons and started away from her. "Lorne say something to him." She begged "We can't fall apart again. Please stay. Please!"

Gunn hated this. He hated the desperation and sorrow in her voice. He hated the pain he was causing her. He hated all of it. He just wanted to leave. He wanted to move on. As Gunn came up to the lobby doors he saw Angel approaching. Gunn stopped and watched the vampire enter the hotel. Fred and Lorne walked up. Angel was alone. The look on his face made the words he then said completely unnecessary. Gunn dropped his bag. The sword in his hand fell to the ground and made a noise that sounded as loud as a sonic boom because everything else was so quiet. They didn't want to hear. They didn't want it to be true.

"Cordelia is dead." Angel said

…

It got colder and colder. No human being would ever be able to survive these kinds of temperatures, but he and Cordelia were fine. Still Angel worried if it got much colder he'd end up as a block of ice to be defrosted a hundred years from now by a bunch of scientists. "How much further?" He asked Cordelia, worried the cold was driving him a bit loopy

Cordelia pointed to a tall block of ice in the distance. "There,"

"That glacier?" Angel asked "She's on the other side?"

"That's not a glacier." Cordy said

Angel squinted. It did look strange. He thought he saw it… move. "Awesome,"

"There she is." Fake-Wesley said "Exciting stuff,"

"Come on." Cordelia told Angel

The closer they got the clearer Illyria became. She was about twelve feet tall. She was the same shade of dark blue. She had black eyes and black skeletal wings. Black curls flowed from her scalp and covered her body. She was curled on the ground while her wings flapped, creating the frigid winds that had been plaguing them. She had razor sharp fangs sticking out of her closed mouth that were painted in blood that looked like crushed blackberries. As they came within a hectometer of her she turned her black eyes on them and grinned. Her mouth opened wide and blood came gushing out along with body parts. Angel had seen some pretty grotesque things as a vampire, but this was above and beyond. The projection that had been following them leaned in to whisper into his ear. "You should have killed me. Such in the fate of traitors."

Angel turned around and punched the projection. "Shut up."

Fake Wesley rubbed his jaw, even though he wasn't real and couldn't feel pain. "But you betrayed me first. I forgave you, but never trusted you again. Does that hurt?"

"You're not-" Angel looked away. "I don't have time for this."

Cordelia wanted to blast the projection, but this close to Illyria it would be senseless to waste her strength. Cordelia drew a sword. Angel did the same. "Are you ready?" She asked

"Been ready," He said "Let's go to work." He looked at her. He wanted to kiss her again just in case he never got another chance, but he couldn't. Their eyes met and he knew she knew what he was thinking. They rushed Illyria. The large creature moved with a speed that Angel couldn't properly fathom. But Cordelia managed to keep up with her. Angel felt something hit him in the back of the head. He hit the ground and looked up at the fake Wesley.

"I confess that I'm not just here to torment you."

Angel stood up, holding his sword. "I can kick Wesley's ass any day of the week."

"But as you are so fond of pointing out," The projection said as it held its own sword, ready to decapitate the vampire "I'm not _really_ Wesley, now am I?"

The projection attacked. Angel blocked the attack and swung at it. As it jumped out of the way Angel questioned it. "Do you really want to be wasting energy keeping this thing going while you're fighting Cordelia? Why aren't you focusing on defending yourself?"

"I'm not concerned." Wesley said as they continued their fight "Besides, killing you will do more to weaken her than any blow I could land on her. She loves you for some reason."

"You don't know anything about love." Angel said

"I know everything your friend knew about it, which isn't much I do admit."

Angel dodged another attempted decapitation. "If you know everything he knows then you must know I've fought two slayers and you're going to have to do a lot better than that."

Fake Wesley chuckled. "I'm waiting."

Angel managed to slice open the projection's leg. "For what?"

The wound healed itself. "You'll see."

Angel watched the flesh knit itself back together and the blood vanish. "That's not fair."

"And my life was so fair." Wesley said "The first friend I ever had tried to kill me."

"I really am sorry about that." Angel said right before he got slashed in the chest

"I'm not." Wesley said "I love pain."

Angel backed away, wincing from the cut. He barely managed to block the next attack aimed at his neck. "So I bet you loved stewing in that prison Faith and Wes put you in huh?"

The next attack was more ferocious, but also more frenzied. It was easy to block. "So I guess it is possible to get under an old one's skin. That's good to know."

The next attack was also chaotic, but less so. "Do you know what I did to your friend?"

Angel couldn't let this get turned back around on him. "But how much worse must it have been for you? You had never known anything like it before. You had never been a victim."

"He sacrificed his mind to save her, but not because he cares for her. He simply wanted to die and it seemed like a good excuse. He wanted to die because he couldn't make right what he did to you. You wouldn't let him make it right. He decided he had to die because of that."

Angel tried to drive his sword toward the fake man's heart. He was deflected and Wesley's sword went into Angel's chest. Angel hit the ground. Wesley kicked away Angel's sword and leaned into the sword sticking out of Angel. "Does that hurt?"

"Shut up." Angel said as his blood dripped onto the snow

Wesley smirked. "I thought it would. You see, I know you. I know you better than anybody has ever known you. I'm not prejudiced by human emotion, or any emotion really."

Angel watched Wesley pull out the sword and raise it to cut his head off. A ray of blinding light hit the projection and it melted away. Angel struggled to his feet, pressing his hand against his bleeding chest. Cordelia was standing in front of him, holding a glowing sword. Her eyes began to glow brighter. The skin on her hands peeled back and drifted to the ground like snakeskin or the stuff you shed after a bad sunburn. "Cordy no!" Angel shouted "Don't!"

Cordelia didn't respond. She turned to swing at Illyria. But Illyria was ready. It all happened too fast for Angel to see. He did hear the inhuman scream, the sound that was never meant to exist in this dimension. Cordelia and Illyria both lay on the ground. Whatever had happened may have taken moments or minutes, but it was an instant in Angel's perception. The woman he loved was lying on the ground with a large hole in her chest. A mixture of a glowing white fluid and red human blood was pouring from the wound. Angel dropped to his knees and cradled her in his arms. "Cordy, Cordy say something." She was dead, her heart had been crushed by Illyria's fist. Tears streamed from Angel's eyes. He didn't believe this; this wasn't really happening. This was another trick from Illyria. "Cordelia!" Angel held her body close to him and let his tears hit the blood flowing from her corpse. "Cordelia wake up!"

Angel heard Illyria screaming in the background, but he couldn't care less. "Cordelia I love you." He whispered "I've loved you for a long time; wake up so I can tell you." Her body had radiated heat, but now that she was dead it was rapidly chilling to match the temperature of their environment. He held her closer, trying to trap her body heat as though it were her life force trying to escape. Of course that had already left. "Cordy I love you. I love you so much. You are what makes the world worth fighting for." He looked at her peaceful face. "You kept me sane while the world went crazy. You kept me alive even though I was dead. You showed me a light when I only knew darkness. He kissed her cold lips. "Please wake up." He was now shaking with sobs that he couldn't contain. "I love you. I love you. Please Cordelia, please."

Angel sensed Illyria struggling to her feet and picking up his sword. Angel knew she was going to swing the sword into his neck and dust him. He considered letting her. Angel turned and caught the sword blade. He shoved it and her back. Illyria was back to her previous shape of a five feet tall sexless girl with no wings. But now she was colorless. She was washed out, like the blank pages in the back of a book, no color anywhere. Her face was contorted in pain.

"I don't understand." Angel said in an emotionless voice

"Your bitch took my power!" Illyria screamed "She was going through a transformation and when her blood touched me it burned away my power!" Angel looked around and saw that the ice was melting. He saw a glacier become a skyscraper. "You will pay for this."

Angel looked down at Cordelia's beautiful lifeless body. "She knew she was losing so she decided to take the power. But you killed her anyway. She's dead anyway."

Illyria attacked him again. Angel grabbed Cordelia's sword from where it had fallen next to her body. Angel attacked like he had never attacked anything before. All he cared about was killing Illyria. She may have been weakened, but she was still a formidable foe. "You think you're won?!" She screamed "I will rule this world yet! I will kill you all for this!"

Angel swung at her and sliced open her belly. She fell to her knees. Angel raised his sword to drive it through her chest, but she stood up and ran. She was fast, not as fast as before, but too fast to catch. Angel threw the sword and knelt down next to Cordelia again. "I'm so sorry Cordelia." He touched her cheek and brushed her hair away from her eyes. "I will make sure your sacrifice meant something. I'm going to kill that bitch." He kissed her and then stood up to go after Illyria. Hunting down and killing Illyria was all that mattered right now. Everything else could wait. He wanted to give Cordy one last look, but time was not on his side. While the city returned to its previous appearance as Illyria's reality warping powers faded Angel headed for the Hyperion. He took all of his emotions and locked them away. There was not time to feel.

…

"What?" Fred asked "No," She stared at Angel. "No, no, no, no," Fred put her hands over her mouth to stifle the sounds of grief. Tears flowed, tracing the patterns their predecessors had made but with more speed. The hot water stung her skin. "No, she can't be dead."

Lorne collapsed to his knees. Gunn just stared at Angel, uncomprehending. Cordelia, how could Cordelia be dead? She was going to walk through the front door and yell at him about some stupid mistake he had made. She was going to make a joke that they would all pretend wasn't funny even though it kind of was. She was going to smile and everything would be okay because she was smiling. Cordelia was so alive, she couldn't be dead. Cordelia was his friend and now he was never going to see her again. What was the last thing he had ever said to her?

"Gunn?" Angel said

Gunn had trouble speaking. "What?" He managed to croak out

"Did you hear me?"

Gunn shook his head.

"Are you coming with me to hunt down Illyria? She doesn't have her powers anymore, but she's still pretty strong. We need to leave now before she hurts anybody else."

"Anybody else…"

"Gunn!"

Gunn stared at Angel. Slowly the world came back. He nodded. "Let's go."

"I'll go with you." Fred volunteered

"No!" Angel sad a little too sharply "No," He said more calmly "Stay here."

Fred stared at him and slowly nodded. "Okay,"

"Gunn let's go." Angel said

…

Anne looked up. She had been sitting at her desk with her head on the desk and her arms over her head to block out the sounds. Everything was quiet now. She got up and cautiously walked over to her office door. She opened the door and looked into the shelter. Most of the windows were broken and the moonlight they let in was the only illumination. "Hello,"

She walked to the front door. She summoned all of her courage to open the door. On the other side of the door was a still night. There were no more demons, no more nightmare creatures chasing those who had been driven from their homes toward the center where the creatures' master waited for its meals. Anne shivered. She closed the door and headed upstairs to check on her kids. In each room there were sweaty teens trembling in terror. Anne did the best she could to help all of them. A few rooms had bodies; children who had yet to begin their lives had ended them with a rope or a blade. Illyria's terrors were over, but for Anne the real nightmare had just begun. Her greatest fear, that she would fail her kids, had come to pass.

…

Fred couldn't move. Neither apparently could Lorne. "This isn't happening." She said

Lorne was still sitting on the ground. "Maybe this is just another nightmare."

"Cordy, she… She's Cordy."

"She's our princess. The princess never dies at the end."

Fred tried to wipe the tears off of her face, but there were too many and every tear she wiped away was replaced with a fresh arrival. "She's a hero. She stopped Illyria."

"Yeah," Lorne said "And now she's…" Fred walked over to Lorne and sat down next to him. She leaned her head on his shoulder and they cried together. "I can't do this." Lorne said

"What do you mean?" Fred asked

"When the powers…" That would take too long to explain. "I love this world. I love every bit of it, but the thing I love best is people. You guys; you're my favorite people. I can't watch you die one by one. I'm not a hero and I'm not cut out for this life."

"Don't say that." Fred said "You can't all leave me. Cordy's gone, Gunn's leaving; you can't go too. We need you. This family is falling apart, we need you."

"Fred this family has already fallen apart."


	21. Peace Out

Angel watched the chaos of a city trying to right itself. It meant nothing to him. Only one thought was in his head. Gunn was speaking and Angel struggled to listen. "How?"

That was the question wasn't it? "It was my fault."

"I'm sure that's not true man."

"I was there Gunn." For a while neither spoke. "The PTB offered her more power and I told her not to take it. I told her the price was too high. Now she's dead. I killed her."

"Angel-"

"Let's just focus on tracking Illyria." Angel insisted

They walked through the mess. People ran and screamed in terror. There were fires and piles of rubble all around. How would they find one tiny figure in the chaos?

…

Conner stared at the changes. Ice was melting, figures were dissolving. Things were being unmade and what was hidden was now revealed. Conner was shell-shocked. He wandered the city without purpose. He walked only because he had no reason to stop. A woman ran screaming from a pursuing vampire. Conner knew he should kill it, but he couldn't remember why. While he tried to remember they both ran out of view and he forgot they had ever been there at all. He heard a voice. "It doesn't mean anything does it? None of it means anything."

He stopped and turned around. "Illyria," He said without emotion

"My power is gone."

He could see that, though he wasn't sure how. She was a different color, but he didn't know why that told him she had lost her power. "Good, now the city is free."

"A brief stay of execution," She assured him "A well-deserved execution,"

"Okay," He started to turn around.

"Aren't you afraid I'll kill you?"

"Go ahead."

"You're like the other one. You are so weak. You seek a peace others are denied. They live and they suffer. They live only to suffer and then their lives are brutally ended. The world does not deserve good people does it? Not while things like you and me exist,"

He turned back around. "You killed so many people."

"That is this world Conner. It is built for things like us, not heroes. Haven't you figured that out yet? This is a dirty world, and it only stains clean things. There is only one way to save the innocent. They must be delivered to a better place. Conner, this is hell."

"I've been to hell." Conner said

"Was it this bad?"

Conner shook his head. "There was nothing beautiful there, nothing to love. There was nothing to lose. They show me things just to snatch them away! They say they love me!"

"Oh Conner," Illyria stepped closer "How could anyone ever love a thing like you?"

She raised her hand to touch his face. He grabbed her wrist to stop her. She picked him up by the collar and threw him. He hit the ground, bruising his already damaged flesh. She ran away and was out of sight before he even got to his feet. She slowed when he was well out of view and headed for her destination. She smiled. Let the vampire clean that mess up.

…

Angel picked up a familiar scent. "This way." They saw the boy trudging down the unruly street. "Conner!" Angel remembered what Illyria had shown him. "Conner!"

Conner slowly turned around. "What?"

"Conner what's happened to you? Where have you been?"

Conner stared. "She's weaker now." He spoke in a monotone.

"Yeah," Angel said "She's losing control of the city."

"Why didn't Cordy kill her?"

Angel looked at his son. He couldn't do it. "Cordy's dead Conner."

Conner's expression held no comprehension. "She was right."

"What are you talking about?" Angel asked

"Illyria said the world wasn't for good people. It's for things like us."

"When? Did you see Illyria?"

"I did so many bad things." Conner said "That's why I'm alive."

"Conner," Angel approached his son. Conner retreated.

"No," Conner took off.

Angel wanted to pursue, but there were more pressing issues. "She's nearby."

"Are you sure?" Gunn asked

"Yeah I'm sure."

…

Fred was again sitting at Wesley's bedside. She was flipping through one of their occult books looking for information about memories. Her search was proving fruitless. She heard a knock on the door and got up to answer it. She gestured for Lorne to enter. "Are you okay?"

She nodded. What could she say to that question?

"You don't have to be. I'm not."

"Yeah I know." She said "Sorry about that."

"I wish I were stronger." He said "I wish I were like you."

"I'm not as strong as you seem to think I am."

"You're still here. You and Cordy were the only ones who never gave up."

"You don't have to give up." Fred said

"I have to. I love this world. I love all of you. But I'm losing my faith. I always believed that at its core humanity was a beautiful species with a capacity for great goodness. But now I've seen the darker side of what humanity has to offer and it's done something to me."

Fred looked at Wesley. "Like Wes,"

"Yeah, poor fella,"

"He doesn't have a choice to be like this, you do. We need you."

"No you don't." Lorne said "I have nothing to offer."

"You're our friend. We'll need you no matter what. That's the greatest thing that humanity is capable of, selfless love. We want you Lorne because you're you, that's enough."

"Selfless love," Lorne said "Maybe I'm selfish."

"I don't believe that. I think we can find a cure, together."

"We can't." Lorne said "I'm sorry."

Fred stared at him. "What do you mean?"

"I mean we can't find a cure. That isn't our destiny."

"You can't be-"

"I am sure Fredikins. It's hopeless. It's all hopeless and it hurts."

Fred slapped him. Lorne recoiled. Fred put her face in her hands. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be." Lorne said, rubbing his aching skin "I deserved it."

"No," Fred said "None of us deserved this."

…

Angel sensed her approach but his reaction time way delayed. Illyria's hit landed just as Angel had turned around. His nose broke under the pressure of her fist. She may have been much weaker, but she was still stronger than he could ever hope to be. "I will be avenged vampire."

"One of us will have vengeance." Angel said "But not you."

"Do you really think you can defeat me?" She asked

Angel responded by swinging his sword at her. It became obvious just how much she had been toying with all of them before this. Except for their mind trap everything had gone according to Illyria's plan, right up until Cordelia had decided to take the power. Then Illyria knew she was facing a real threat. She killed that threat, but it was too late. Cordelia's blood had the power to strip away Illyria's might. But Angel didn't know that some of Illyria's power still existed in this dimension. She didn't have access to it now, but once she had killed the vampire no one would be able to stop her from getting it. Then her vengeance would truly begin. She was just sad the vampire wouldn't see it. There was still that slayer bitch though so Illyria wasn't too broken up. Perhaps she could torture the vampire by torturing the only thing that would be left of him, his progeny. Conner, he was a ripe one. His agony would never end, she had insured it.

Gunn almost managed to cut Illyria, but she evaded and shoved him so hard he felt his ribs crack. Gunn hit the ground gasping, struggling for air. Angel tried to decapitate her while she was distracted, but her attack on Gunn had taken but a moment. She grabbed the vampire's hand and turned the blade toward him, driving it into his stomach. She yanked the blade out while he was momentarily stilled with pain. She drove the sword into his chest. Now it was time for the killing blow. "Hey Illyria," She turned, sword still in hand. Conner had picked up Gunn's blade and was staring at her. "You killed Cordelia." He said "Why did you do that?"

"It is my nature to maim and to kill. As it is yours."

"Not my nature," Conner said "This is my destiny."

"What's the difference?" She asked

"I never wanted this." Conner said "But I promised myself I would kill you. It was so long ago that it was another lifetime, but I will kill you. I will see what a thing like you bleeds."

Illyria grinned. "I look forward to it."

"Conner," Angel struggled to speak through the pain. "Run,"

"This is not your fight vampire." Illyria said "It never was."

Conner swung his blade and Illyria blocked the attack. Conner was fighting with a strength that came from another place, a primal rage that blocked out all else. Angel got to his feet and touched his bleeding chest wound. He limped over to Gunn and helped the man to his feet. Conner accumulated a number of cuts and bruises as he attacked Illyria, but he never seemed to take notice. He managed to land a single blow, cutting deep into her shoulder. She did not bleed. She stared at him with wide uncomprehending eyes. "Is this pain?" She asked

He swung at her again and she blocked with her good arm. She shoved him away from her and then ran. Conner pursued. "Conner wait!" Angel shouted, still supporting Gunn

"Go after him." Gunn said as he struggled to breathe

"You need help." Angel said

"Doesn't matter,"

"I'm not losing another friend today."

Angel didn't know Gunn's next flinch was in response to those words rather than his severe pain from Illyria's attack. "Go, I'll find a way to the hotel."

"You'll get attacked by a vampire or a demon before you can get there."

"Stopping her is all that matters. Your son needs you Angel."

"But-"

"I'll meet you back at the Hyperion." Gunn gasped for air. "Go!"

Angel hesitated and then ran after Conner.

…

Fred was sobbing into her hands. She looked up at the still form on the bed. She wiped her eyes, dispelling the water. "I know you can't hear me." She said quietly "But things are such a mess here. Cordelia is dead. Gunn and Lorne are going to leave. Angel and I are the only ones left and I… I'm not as strong as they think I am. I'm a fraud Wes." She watched him breathe; if it weren't for his breathing she would think he was dead. "I know you're not here, but I think Lorne is wrong. I think you'll be okay." She started to cry again. "Because if you're not going to be okay than I'm all alone. Please wake up. I'm scared and I'm tired." She laid her head on the bed and her tears soaked the sheets. She could tell herself she believed all she wanted, but she could feel herself giving up. She tried to hold onto faith, but she could feel it slipping away.

She heard a noise downstairs. Fred went into the hall. "Lorne,"

"Yeah," He came out of one of the rooms. He must have been helping a guest.

"Did you hear that?"

They headed over to the stairs. The sword Cordelia had planted in the lobby that was keeping out Illyria's power was lying on the ground. A creature was standing in front of the sword staring. "Her power is gone as well. Her very being has fled this world."

Fred's heart skipped a beat. "Illyria," She whispered

Illyria picked up a knife that was on the ground. "I'll get to you in a moment."

Lorne took a hold of Fred's arm. "Let's go."

Illyria ascended the stairs. "But I'm still here."

Fred saw the familiar young man enter the lobby. "Not for long you bitch."

Illyria ran. She knocked Fred and Lorne over as she ran up the stairs. Conner followed her, holding his sword. Fred ran downstairs with Lorne following her. She picked up Cordelia's sword off the floor and started back upstairs. Lorne grabbed her arm again. "Are you crazy?!"

"I guess," Fred said

"We can't help him!"

"We can try." Fred said "That's all we can ever do." She pulled her arm away and ran.

Lorne stood in the lobby for a second, unsure. "I'm so sorry." He whispered "I don't want to die." Lorne left the lobby. He was abandoning Fred. He could never show his face around here again. Lorne slowly left the hotel. He would tell himself she was going to be all right, but since he didn't really believe it he would have to leave to continue the illusion. He wasn't going back to Las Vegas; that was for sure. Where could he go? What was left to him in this world? Lorne stared at his feet as he walked down the sidewalk. The city was falling apart around him. He loved this city, but it had turned into hell. This was even worse than Pylea. That realization brought him to a dead stop. At least he had never cared about Pylea. Lorne supposed he now knew whether it was better to have loved and lost than never loved at all. It was definitely better to have never loved. In Pylea he had been miserable and he had expected to be miserable forever. But here he had been happy. Now he knew he would never be happy again.

Lorne saw Angel running up. Lorne cringed. He didn't want to see Angel. "Lorne!"

"Hey Angel,"

"What happened?" Angel asked

"They're upstairs." Lorne said "Illyria, Conner… and Fred."

Angel's eyes widened. Without another word he ran into the hotel.

…

Illyria entered Wesley's room with the knife. The fools didn't know. A part of her power was in him, it was the only thing keeping him alive. All she needed was his blood and she would regain her strength and demolish her opposition. She picked up his arm and looked at the scar where someone with no reason to live had cut and someone who refused to let him die had traced that cut to draw her out. Illyria placed the knife against his skin. She couldn't kill him, but she only needed a little of his blood. It would be a small cut. However she never got a chance to cut into her victim. Conner attacked. Illyria turned and swiped her knife across his face. Conner held his hand to his face and screamed in pain. "Stupid little boy," She said "What did you think?"

Conner removed his hand and stared at her. The cut extended from his chin to the center of his cheek. Blood dripped down his face. He attacked again. She threw him into the hall. Illyria was so focused on her prey that she didn't notice the woman sneaking up on her. Conner spoke loudly to cover the sound of Fred's muffled footsteps. "I thought you would pay!"

"I am a god, I do not have to pay for anything."

Fred brought her sword down and separated Illyria's head from her body. "I disagree."

Conner stared as the body dissolved into a puddle of white slush. It looked like partially melted snow. Of course Conner had never seen snow before. The white stuff evaporated until there was nothing left. Fred stared at the sword in her hand and the empty section of carpet that had held a body for a few seconds. Conner looked up at her. "You killed it."

Fred smiled at him. "I did." She stepped forward and extended her hand to him.

He stared at the hand as if it wasn't real. "How?"

"Well you distracted her." Fred said "And Cordelia depowered her. It was a team effort."

"She couldn't die." Conner said

"She did." Fred said

"She was going to kill me." Conner said softly

"You're going to be okay now." Fred promised

"I don't want to be." Conner got up and ran.

Conner ran right past his father who was coming up the stairs. Angel hesitated, trying to decide whether to pursue Conner or check on Fred. "Are you okay?" He asked her

"I'm fine." She said "You need to go after him. He's not."

"Where's Illyria?" Angel asked "Lorne said she was here."

Fred stared at the ground again. She couldn't quite believe it. Had she really just killed Illyria the god-king? "I cut her head off." Fred marveled "She just disappeared."

"You did?" Angel was shocked.

"You need to go get him." Fred said firmly "Something is wrong."

Angel had more questions, but he nodded and pursued his son. Angel had lost the woman he loved today, he was not going to lose his son as well. One way or another he was going to save the boy and nothing else mattered. Tracking Conner when he didn't want to be found was almost impossible but Angel managed it. He was driven by his desire to save his son. That desire gave him strength and abilities he didn't know he had. Angel tracked Conner to the homeless shelter Gunn's friend Anne ran. It was the place he had helped when he was trying to take down Wolfram & Hart. Wesley had been shot near here one time too. Angel approached the front door to knock, but his fist never touched the door. In the living room a bunch of terrified children were tied up on the floor. Some were crying, some had eyes wide with terror, one young man had wet himself. They were all staring at the young man who was pointing a gun at the woman sitting on the couch. She was staring at the boy with deep hurt in her eyes. The young man was Conner and the woman was Gunn's friend Anne. Angel opened the door. "Conner,"

Conner cocked the gun. "Don't come any closer." Conner didn't turn to look at Angel, his eyes never left Anne. "I'll kill all of them is you do. You can't stop me."

Angel stood still in the doorway. "Why are you doing this? I don't understand."

"I finally figured it out." Conner explained

"What did you figure out?" Angel locked eyes with Anne.

"My destiny," Conner said

"Conner I know you're in a lot of pain right-"

"Don't talk." Conner said "Listen. You never listen."

"I'm listening." Angel said

"My birth was prophesized. But they never said whether I'm supposed to save the world or destroy it. Well I didn't kill Illyria, so I guess I'm not a hero. I guess I'm the bad guy."

"No Co-"

"Shut up!" Conner's hand shook as he pointed the gun at Anne. "Listen!"

"I'm sorry." Angel said "I won't talk anymore."

"The world isn't meant for good people. It's hard and cruel and nothing is the way that is should be. You said that I might be a champion one day, but I don't want to be. Good people only suffer. Cordelia was a hero. She was kind and good and…" Tears dripped down his face.

"I know." Angel whispered

"But I get it now." Conner said softly "She was too good for this world. Death was her reward, not her punishment. Cordelia has found peace now, a peace I'll never find."

"Conner please," Angel begged

Conner stepped closer to Anne. She closed her eyes. "You were nice to me. You helped me even though I had no way to repay you. You're good like her. You deserve peace too."

"I don't want it." Anne whispered "I want to live."

"The world's a rotten place." Conner said "You deserve better."

"Please," Anne begged "I loved you Conner."

"I love you too, and everyone I love dies. It's the rule."

"Conner no!" Angel screamed, but Conner didn't hear

Conner didn't hear because he was frozen. He was frozen with his finger on the trigger of the gun. The whole room was in a similar state. Nobody moved. The hands of the clock neither ticked nor tocked. A curtain that had been fluttering in the breeze was immobile in an unnatural position the fabric should not have been able to keep. The only sound was footsteps coming down the stairs as someone Angel had never expected to see again descended. "Hello Angel,"

Angel stared at her smiling face. She looked overjoyed to see him. He scowled. "Lilah,"

…

Lorne wasn't sure what his plan was. Would he just keep walking until he had reached the city limits? He needed to find some sort of disguise. Lorne saw another familiar face. His aggravation at having to face another friend was overwrote by his concern when he saw the condition Gunn was in. Lorne rushed over to the man and supported him. "Are you okay?"

"Do I look okay?" Gunn asked

"Not really," Lorne said

"Well I'm not." Gunn winced as Lorne helped him walk down the street. "Thanks,"

"No problem,"

"Where were you headed?" Gunn asked

"Away," Lorne said "Far away,"

"Did something happen?" Gunn asked

Lorne looked away. "Illyria is at the hotel."

"What?! What about Fred? Is she-"

"I don't know." Lorne said before Gunn could finish

"Wait a minute." Gunn processed this. "Illyria is at the hotel and you just left Fred there?!" Gunn pulled away from Lorne. He stood unsteady as he stared at the demon.

"Yeah," Lorne's voice was thick with shame.

"Why?"

"I was afraid."

"So you left her to die!"

"I tried to get her to come with me, but she wouldn't leave."

"How could you?" Gunn asked "How could you just abandon her?"

Lorne stared at his feet. "I guess we don't really know who we are until we're tested. I failed. I'm no good Gunn. I let someone I love go to her death while I just ran away." Gunn punched Lorne. Gunn fell to his knees, holding his ribs. The sudden motion had increased his pain exponentially. Lorne touched his face. "I deserved that." Lorne said

"Hell yeah ya did! You rescued a son of a bitch like Lindsey and let Fred die!"

"Maybe she's not dead." Lorne said

"Yeah, maybe Illyria poured her a cup of tea and they had a nice chat."

"Gunn I'm so sorry."

Gunn struggled to his feet and stared at the Pylean. "Give me one reason not to kill you."

"I can't think of one." Lorne said

They stared at each other. Gunn's face was full of hatred. Lorne's face was full of self-loathing. Time stopped. They were frozen in this moment of hate with violence impending.

…

Fred stared at the clock. It would only be about a minute before the last of the sedatives wore off. She didn't want to tie him up, but she would have to soon. She brushed his hair away from his eyes and whispered in his ear. "I wish this was another fairy tale. Then I could wake you up." She kissed him. She wasn't sure why she had and she felt that it was a little wrong. But she wanted this to be just another story; and in the story when she kissed him he would wake up, just like Briar Rose. He would be fine and the kingdom would rejoice. But this wasn't a fairy tale. She could put her lips on his and pretend it was, but when she pulled away things would be the same. Time stopped. They were frozen in this moment of uncertainty with her lips on his.

…

"What are you doing here Lilah? What is this?"

"This is an offer." Lilah said "The senior partners have a gift for you. They wish to express their appreciation that you killed Illyria. They hated her even before she took out their most profitable branch. She never played well with others by all accounts."

"I picked up on that."

"So are you ready to hear the offer?"

"I doubt there is anything Wolfram & Hart can offer me that I want." Angel said

Lilah looked at Conner. "What about a little peace?" Angel stepped forward to remove the gun from Conner's hand. "That will remove the effect." Lilah said "We wouldn't want that."

Angel stilled. "How is this possible?"

"I don't ask too many questions." Lilah said "I'm just glad they let me out of hell."

"You were in hell? Why am I not surprised?"

"Wolfram & Hart's contracts extend past death. They own me forever."

"Bummer,"

"It's not so bad." Lilah said "I get to mess with you some more if you take the deal."

"What deal?" Angel asked

"Wolfram & Hart,"

"I know who's offering the deal." Angel said peevishly "What is the deal?"

"The deal is Wolfram & Hart. It's yours."

Angel stared at her for a minute. A full minute, she counted. "What?"

"It's so cute when you get all befuddled like that." Lilah said

"The senior partners are offering me Wolfram & Hart?"

"The L.A. branch, yeah."

"There is no L.A. branch of Wolfram & Hart. Illyria destroyed it remember?"

"Vividly," Lilah said, holding her hand over her gut "But the L.A. branch has been rebuilt. It's fully staffed, stocked, and operational. And it's all yours."

"Well I don't want it." Angel was still stunned. "Why would I?"

"For him." Lilah pointed at Conner.

"Are you saying that if I turn into a lackey for the senior partners you'll save my son?"

"No," Lilah said "I'm saying if you take over the L.A. branch of Wolfram & Hart you'll have the power to save him yourself. And not just him." Lilah walked closer to Angel. "Let's take a walk." Angel looked at his son, heart breaking. "He'll still be there when we get back."

Angel shook his head. "I don't trust you."

"Angel you're so busy refusing that you're not even hearing what I'm offering you."

"You want me to be a part of something evil."

"Wolfram & Hart is power." Lilah said "How you choose to use that power is up to you."

"Why should I trust you?" Angel asked

"You shouldn't. But your son has gone over the edge. He's about to murder an innocent woman and even if you manage to stop him you can't help him. Your best friend is insane and only the recourses we offer can help you fix him. Gunn and Lorne have lost all faith in humanity and are going to leave you. Fred is despondent and Cordelia-"

This caught Angel's attention. "Are you saying I can save her?"

Lilah shook her head. "She has moved on to a place we can't touch. But the rest of them can be saved. You can save them. You owe them that."

He did owe them. He believed that. "What's the catch?"

"Are we going to take a walk?"

Angel stared at Conner. "He'll be here when we get back? Frozen like this?"

"I promise," Lilah said

Angel still didn't trust her. But if there was even a chance that Conner could be saved, that his friends could be saved, than he had to try for that chance. Angel backed out of the doorway and Lilah followed. She then led him toward the Wolfram & Hart building. They entered the building to find time just as still in here as it was out there. Lilah opened the door to the staircase and started up. "Are the elevators not working?" Angel asked

"They're frozen in time like everything else." Lilah said "Don't tell me the big tough vampire gets winded after a few measly steps." She teased

Angel muttered something rude that made her laugh.

When they reached the top floor Angel was led to an office. "Nice huh?"

It was a gorgeous office. It had a private elevator, a large oak desk, and the room was huge. Angel pretended to be unimpressed. "So is this your old office?"

"No," She said "It's your new office."

"If I take the deal," He told her

"Oh you'll take the deal." Lilah walked over to the large window that took up an entire wall and opened the blinds. Angel jumped back, throwing his arms in front of his face to shield himself from the deadly rays coming in through the glass. He heard Lilah chuckle. Had she really brought him here just to kill him? Why had she gone through all the trouble?

Angel realized something and lowered his arms. "I'm not on fire." He marveled

"Give that man a gold star." Lilah said "Or vampire, whatever,"

Angel stared at the window and at the sunshine. "Is this because of the time stop thing?"

The sun was just rising and the light coming in was very pale, but it was so beautiful to the vampire that had not been in the sun since his trip to Pylea. "No this is because of the new glass we had the whole building fitted with. Part science, part magic, all effective. It lets in the warm cheery light," Lilah made a face. "And keeps out whatever fries you. Plus they're way more energy efficient than normal windows if you care about all that saving the earth crap."

"You think I'll take the deal because of some magic windows?"

"No," Lilah said "I don't think you can be corrupted for some magic windows, the great motor pool, the building full of people paid only to attend to your every fancy, or any of the other enmities Wolfram & Hart is offering you as a reward for the service you've done them."

"So what's the point?" Angel asked "Why the show?"

"Angel we're not asking you to stop fighting the good fight, we're offering to help you fight it and fight it in style. Why are you looking a gift horse in the mouth?"

"Because this particular horse always has an agenda."

Lilah shook her head and smiled some more. "So?"

"So what is it?"

"Maybe we just want to keep an eye on you." Lilah said

"Maybe you're full of it." Angel said

"If you don't want it, you don't have to take it." Lilah reached for a file on the desk labeled Sunnydale and handed it to him. "But you really can do a lot of good with our recourses." Angel opened the file and pulled out a necklace. "You can save your one true love, you know, the one who isn't already dead. Losing the only two women you've ever loved in such a sort span of time, wouldn't that just epitomize the bad time you've been having lately?"

Angel glared at Lilah. He wanted to wring her neck. The fact that she was already dead and it would be pointless might have been the only thing that stopped him. "Buffy can take care of herself." He said "She doesn't need me to swoop in and save her."

"But that's your thing." Lilah said "Playing the big hero, saving the day."

"I haven't been doing so well with that lately."

"And that," Lilah handed him another file, this one had no label. "Is why you have this,"

"What is it?"

"The solution to all of your problems." Lilah said "We can't change reality Angel, but what is reality but a certain worldview? And what determines our worldview?"

"Are we having a philosophical conversation?" Angel asked

Lilah ignored his question. "Our memories form the template of our perceptions. Our memories determine not just who we were, but who we are and who we will be. The senior partners can change that. We can make Conner forget he's your son. We can make him forget his pain and rage and give him a happy life with a normal family. We can make Wesley forget he was ever infected by Illyria, which means he'll forget all the stuff she put in his head."

"He won't be crazy anymore," Angel said

"Another gold star for the vampire."

Angel stared at the two files. "Fred? Gunn? Lorne?"

"They will also forget their pain. We'll take away all the memories of Conner, Illyria, and the tragedies they caused and replace them with happiness and sunshine."

"Conner didn't cause any of this." Angel said

"No you did, by screwing Darla, but that's neither here nor there."

Angel looked outside at the pale dawn, static, neither brightening nor fading. It was incredible; it looked like hope. Was it a fool's hope? "I can save them."

"You can undo the damage you did. You can give your son the normal life you always wanted to, not with you, but he won't care." Angel cringed. Lilah ignored this. "You damned your friends the moment you entered their lives. If you had never hired Doyle or Cordelia they would both still be alive. If you had left Wesley alone he'd probably be back in England right now as repressed and uptight as ever, but very much not crazy or suicidal. Lorne was perfectly happy where he was until you dragged him into your fight, compromising his morals and stealing from him the happiness he had given so many others. Gunn was making a difference where he was, but you brought him into your damned house and now he has nothing left. Fred, oh poor Fred, where does one begin with the cute little Texan? What is to become of her?"

"You've made your point." Angel said softly

"So what's it going to be boss? What are they worth to you?"

…

Lorne blinked. "What were we talking about?"

"Those stupid vampires," Gunn felt his cracked ribs.

"Right," Lorne rubbed his bruised jaw. "Jerks,"

"Angel was right. Just because Illyria is gone doesn't mean everything is going to go right back to normal. We're probably going to need to keep up these patrols for a while."

"But right now we need to get back to the Hyperion and you need to get looked over."

Gunn sighed. "I hate to admit it, but you're right."

Lorne helped Gunn down the street. "I usually am."

…

Wesley opened his eyes. "Hey,"

Fred smiled at him. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to wake you up."

"It's fine. I feel very rested." He sat up on the bed. "I guess I just needed a few minutes of sleep after… everything. But we have a lot to do so I should really be working."

Fred nodded. "You just looked so kissable." Her smile widened.

"Do I still?" He said as he returned her smile

"Look kissable?"

He nodded.

She answered that question with another kiss. She knew she had kissed him before, her head was full of memories of all the kisses they had shared, but for some reason this felt like their very first kiss. Her warm lips explored his and his hot breath made her feel something she wasn't quite sure she had felt before. Their kiss went on for a good while. "Wow," She said when they finally broke apart "That was… really nice. Let's do that again."

Wesley smiled and reached out to touch her cheek. Cool tears wet his hand from where she had been crying earlier. "Cordelia?" He asked her

She put her hand on top of his and nodded. "I can't believe she's really gone."

"Hey guys! Medical emergency! Move it!" They heard Lorne shout from downstairs

Wesley and Fred rushed downstairs. "Charles! Are you all right?" Fred asked

"Fine," Gunn waved his hand dismissively. "Lorne was exaggerating."

"Broken ribs, I think that's an emergency." Lorne said

"Uh… guys." Fred pointed outside. A limo had pulled up.

"What the hell?" Gunn said

"Maybe a guest called a car service to pick them up after they check out." Lorne said

Lilah got out of the limo and headed for the lobby. "Or not," Fred said

"Hi gang," Lilah said when she came in "Boy it's good to see you guys again."

"I thought you were dead." Gunn said

"Oh I am." Lilah confirmed "I just got retransferred to this dimension."

"What do you want Lilah?" Wesley asked

She looked into his eyes and saw nothing. There was no remembrance there. She wondered if his body remembered. She had read about that, muscle memory, but after all of the things his body had gone through she doubted he remembered. She remembered what his skin felt like, but he would never remember hers. That hurt her and she didn't know why. But she gave no hint that she was feeling anything at all. "I have a message from Angel."

"What?" Gunn asked

"He wants you to meet him at the Wolfram & Hart building." Lilah said

"Oh yeah," Lorne said "We totally believe you."

Lilah shrugged. "Don't believe me. But that's where he is and that's where he is expecting all of you to meet him. This isn't a trap. You can tell because if I wanted to kill you I would have just blown up this hotel with you and all the innocents you sheltered during the big Illyria crisis inside. Because I'm evil. When I want somebody dead, they die." She remembered her failed attempt to do just that, kill one of them. Lilah didn't fail, she had let emotion rule her.

"Just because you don't want to kill us doesn't mean you don't have a nefarious scheme."

Lilah smiled at Wesley in response to his accusation. She wouldn't let emotion rule her again, not now or ever. "Then don't come. I'll tell Angel you're busy." She turned to go.

"Wait." Fred said

Lilah complied. "Yes?"

"If Angel really is at Wolfram & Hart he might need our help." She said

"Fred's right." Wesley said "We should go just to check on him."

"And then hightail it out of evil central, right?" Gunn asked

"Naturally," Wesley responded

"Ok," Lorne said "But I have a bad feeling about this."


	22. Home

Angel stood in the shadow-covered alley. He watched Conner leave the shelter with two people Angel assumed were his new parents. Anne stood in the doorway waving. "Thanks again for the donations!" She said "They'll be a really big help!"

Conner waved back. "Bye!"

Angel watched Conner get in a car with the older couple and drive off. Angel wanted to run after them. He wanted to hug his son and tell him he loved him. But he couldn't. He never would be able to again. But it was all worth it to buy his son peace. Angel had made so many mistakes, but he swore to himself this wouldn't be one of them. His family was safe now. Even Cordelia was safe, she had moved on to a better place. He hoped she could see that everyone was going to be okay now and that she understood why he had done what he had done. Angel carefully got into one of his many new vampire-customized cars and drove toward the Wolfram & Hart building. Now all he had to do was convince his friends he had made the right choice without telling them the real reason he had made it. This was going to suck, but it was all worth it. Even if they couldn't be convinced, even if they left him, at least they now had some peace.

…

The limo came to a stop in front of Wolfram & Hart. The driver opened the door for Fred, Wes, Gunn, and Lorne. "This is so weird." Fred said, squeezing Wesley's hand for comfort

"You've got that right." Gunn said as they exited the limo

"I don't understand why Angel would want to meet us here." Wesley said

"All will soon be revealed lover-boy." Lilah said as she got out of the front of the limo

"What?" Wesley asked

"Right this way," She gestured for them to follow her inside

The team wasn't sure what they had expected to see inside, but the hustle and bustle of a busy law firm wasn't it. "I don't understand." Fred said "Illyria killed all of you."

"Are all of these people dead like you?" Gunn asked

"No," Lilah said "A few of them are dead, but none of them are like me. All of these people transferred in from other branches or are new hires. But I assure you they are all more than capable of doing their jobs with the utmost proficiency. Which is good for all of you."

"Why is that good for us?" Fred asked nervously

A familiar voice spoke up from behind them. "Because they work for you."

They all turned to look at Angel. It took Angel a moment to process what was in front of him. The weirdest thing was Wesley. He looked fine. He looked better than fine. He looked happy. Angel hadn't seen him happy since… Angel couldn't even remember. "Angel,"

Angel was jolted from his reverie by Wesley's voice. "What?"

"Are you okay?"

Angel slowly nodded.

"What do you mean they work for us?" Gunn asked "What are you talking about?"

"The senior partners are giving us the L.A. branch of Wolfram & Hart." Angel said

For a minute everyone just stared. "Oh," Lorne said "Well now everything makes sense, except wait, no it doesn't. That makes no sense! Angel have you gone cuckoo for Coco-Puffs?"

Lilah giggled. "I don't know how you people managed to defeat Illyria."

Angel shot her a look. Did they still remember Illyria? Apparently they remembered something about her because this reference didn't seem to confuse them. "Angel," Fred said "I don't understand. Why would the senior partners want us to run their evil law firm?"

"Yeah," Gunn said "Aren't we the good guys?"

"And not lawyers?" Lorne added

"I just said that." Gunn said

"Let me help you out boss." Lilah said

"Boss," Fred said "You already took the deal?"

"No," Angel lied "We only take the deal if everyone agrees." Lilah smirked at Angel and he ignored her. "I know this sounds crazy, but please hear me out. I need you to trust me."

"We trust you Angel." Wesley said

Angel was a little stunned by the earnestness in Wesley's voice as well as the candor in his expression. There was no irony in that statement for Wesley, not now. "Thank you," Angel said softly "Wolfram & Hart is giving us the opportunity to run this firm however we want. That means we can use all of their resources to fight evil, and they have a lot of resources."

"Yeah," Gunn said "_Evil _resources,"

"Wolfram & Hart isn't about evil." Lilah said "It's about power."

"Power we can use to fight the good fight." Angel said

"Angel," Fred said "This has to be a trap."

"I have to agree with Fred." Wesley said "Wolfram & Hart wouldn't just give us all of this for free. They must want something from us, from you Angel."

"I know." Angel said "I know they're playing us."

"Then why are you considering this?" Wesley asked

To save you. Angel couldn't say that. He had to lie. "It's because of Cordelia isn't it?"

Angel stared at Lorne, who had spoken. "What?"

"Cordelia died fighting Illyria and you can't bear the thought that things are just going to continue on, that the status quo will prevail. You have to change things any way you can."

Angel nodded. "You're right." He told Lorne "That's it."

"Angel we all miss Cordelia." Wesley said "But taking over Wolfram & Hart is not the way to honor her memory. She despised these people and everything they stood for."

"If you don't take the deal," Lilah said "We'll just put another Holland Manners in charge, or another me. You'll expend all of your efforts trying to stop our sinister plans and you'll only succeed a fraction of the time. If you take this deal not only will you not have to worry about us as a threat, but you can use us to protect the innocents you love so much."

"Why?" Fred asked "What do you get out of the deal?"

"That doesn't matter." Lilah said

"Uh, yeah it does." Gunn said

"Look," Lilah said "Before you make any hasty decisions, why not take the tour?"

Three men approached Lilah as though they had been summoned by a silent whistle. One was an older British man, one was a young man in a lab coat, and one was an awkward looking kid who looked barely out of high school. "And who are these goons?" Gunn asked

The British man approached Wesley. "Rutherford Sirk," He held out his hand.

Wesley hesitated before shaking it. "Wesley Wyndam-Pryce,"

The man in the lab coat approached Fred. "I'm Knox, uh, just Knox,"

Fred smiled warmly at him. "Fred,"

The awkward man walked up to Lorne. "I'm Preston."

"Lorne," Lorne said

"These are your guides." Lilah explained "They'll show you all the firm has to offer."

"Guides? Plural?" Fred asked

"Divide and conquer?" Wesley asked

"Nope," Lilah said "We just want to show all of you what Wolfram & Hart can offer each of you personally. You all have different areas of expertise and we strive for efficiency here."

"I don't get a guide?" Gunn asked

"You get me Charlie-boy." Lilah said

"Oh goody," Gunn said sarcastically

"What about Angel?" Fred asked

"The boss has an errand to run. Don't you?" Lilah said

Angel was holding the Sunnydale file. "I have to go, but I'll be right back."

"Where are you going?" Wesley asked

"Sunnydale," He might as well keep the lies to a minimum. "I'll explain everything when I get back." He took in their nervous expressions. "Look, I know this is weird. Believe me I really get it, but just take the tour. You're all safe here and when the tour is over if you don't want to take the deal then we all walk away, together. Just keep an open mind okay?"

One by one they nodded. "Okay," Wesley said

Lilah gestured for Gunn to follow her to the elevator. He shot Angel a nervous look, but followed her. Preston led Lorne away. "We're this way." Knox told Fred

Angel's eyes widened in surprise when Fred grabbed Wesley's hand and kissed him on the lips. Wesley kissed her back and then the two separated to follow their guides. Neither of them noticed his shock. Angel shook his head and headed for his car. He had a lot to think about on his way to Sunnydale. Angel had taken the deal and he couldn't back out now. If at the conclusion of their tour his friends voted and decided not to take the deal he would have to tell them he was taking it without them. They would be hurt, betrayed. He would lose them. But they would have each other and that was more important. They would all be okay without him. But Angel didn't want to lose them. He hoped Lilah knew what she was doing. Angel groaned as he started down the road. He really didn't want to make a habit of relying on Lilah.

…

Gunn glared suspiciously at Lilah. "So what's the deal?"

"Were you not paying attention when it was laid out for you in the lobby?"

"Come on Lilah, what's your real agenda?"

"Are you talking about our plans for global domination?" Lilah asked

"For starters," Gunn said

"Look, this isn't a trap. What we're offering you is real. Who we're going to see can explain all of that to you." Lilah began to press a pattern of buttons.

"What are you doing?" A button materialized above the elevator controls. "Oh hell no!"

"What's the matter Charles, scared?" Lilah teased

"I am not going to the white room!"

"It looks like you are." Lilah said

"I have no desire to chat with whatever replaced that evil little girl you guys had stowed up there. The last time I was in that room an old one nearly killed me and all of my friends!"

"Not all of them," Lilah muttered

"What?"

The elevator disappeared and they were in the white room. "Here we are." Lilah said

"You're a real bitch. Do you know that?" Gunn asked

Gunn heard a deep purring sound. He turned and saw a panther approaching him. "This is the new conduit." Lilah said "He can show you the senior partners' plans for you. He doesn't lie, ever, with him what you see is what you get. Take a look; see if you are interested."

Gunn locked eyes with the cat as Lilah disappeared.

…

Fred entered the lab. "Wow," She said, unable to conjure a better expression

"That's what I said when I first saw this place too." Knox said "Nothing else covers it."

"This place is…"

"Huge? Amazing? Terrifying? All of the above?"

"Yep," Fred's gaze kept getting torn from one section of the lab to another. She would glimpse a screen showing a sequence of demon DNA and then get distracted by a controlled black hole forming in an isolation chamber. Then a laser beam grabbed her attention.

"We have more funding than any other science lab in this dimension."

Fred chuckled. "Now that just can't be…" She looked at him. "I guess it is true."

"So, what do you want to see first?" Knox asked

Fred's eyes widened further. "Well… what would my department be?"

Knox smiled at her. "This is your department. You're head of the science department."

"I'm- what? No I- What?"

"I'm sorry, can you translate that?" He said in a good-humored tone

"I never even finished grad school." Fred said

"Yeah, but they don't have very good schools in hell dimensions."

"No- hey!" She glared at him. "How did you know about that?"

"Well I read up on you. You're my new boss, and I like to do my research."

"I'm your- I can't be somebody's boss. I'm not- there has to have been a mistake."

Knox just kept smiling at her. "I don't think so."

…

Lorne flipped through the files on the desk this Preston fellow was telling him was his desk. "You represent all of these people?" Lorne asked "Who knew evil was so glamorous?"

"It's not all about the evil here." Preston said "Mostly it's about money."

Lorne's eyes widened as he looked at a particular page. "Lots of money I see."

"That's just the beginning." Preston said as he handed Lorne another file "You should see what the Canadian kid who sold his soul for international fame brings in under the table."

Lorne's jaw dropped. "Oh my,"

…

Wesley stared at the book in his hands. "That's incredible." He whispered

"A simple enchantment," Sirk said "Nothing really,"

"But the books you have available here-"

"Wolfram & Hart has the largest collection of ancient tomes in almost any dimension and each branch has a copy of these templates, which can call upon any of the books at any time."

Wesley put the book down on the table they were standing in front of. The library they were standing in appeared small, but in actually if what Sirk said was true it was the largest one in the world. "And does the watcher's council know you stole some of their most valuable editions when you left? I'm sure they were gifts for your many years of fine service."

Sirk gave Wesley a condescending smile. "The council is gone. We all do what we have to do to survive. Wolfram & Hart offered me protection from the bringers."

"And all you had to do was betray your sacred oaths," Wesley said "Nice deal,"

"Before you begin your sanctimonious speech might I remind you where you are?"

Wesley stared at the other former watcher. "I'm just taking the tour."

"We all start by just taking the tour." Sirk said "But by the end of the day you'll be my boss, and therefore far more corrupted than I have been."

Wesley scowled. "I don't intend to work for Wolfram & Hart."

"Intentions," Sirk said "Do you think I intended to lose all of my family and friends in the explosion when the bringers attacked the council? Things happen, we adjust."

"I will not compromise my morals." Wesley said "Not like you,"

Sirk just gave Wesley a patronizing smile. "You're just like your father."

Wesley glared at Sirk. "You don't know anything about me."

"I know enough."

…

Fred entered her office. She frowned. Why was she already thinking as though they had taken the deal? Why did she see this as her office? "Nice," She gasped and dropped the pile of lab reports in her hands. Wesley knelt down and picked them up for her. "Sorry," He said as he handed her the pile of papers "I just felt very lonely all of a sudden and I thought I'd look for a familiar face." She put the papers on the empty desk and then kissed him passionately.

"I feel so strange being here." She said when they broke apart some time later

"Me too," He said "This place is…"

"Seductive?" She suggested

He gave a reluctant nod. "It's a little frightening how easy it is to picture myself here."

"I'm glad it's not just me." Fred said "It's like they designed this lab specifically for me."

"They probably did." Wesley said

She shivered. "It's creepy." He put his hand on her shoulder to comfort her. She leaned her head against his hand and smiled at him. She leaned forward to kiss him again and heard someone clear his throat. She turned around to see Knox in the doorway. "Hey," She smiled.

"I got those reports." He said "These are our advancements in quantum mechanics."

"Thanks," She took the reports. "Knox this is Wesley."

Knox shook Wesley's extended hand. "So you're the book guy right?"

"Something like that," Wesley said "You're a scientist?"

"Yeah," Knox said "Good old W & H recruited me from Caltech."

"Did you know they were evil?" Wesley asked

"Well what's in a name?" Knox asked

There was a moment of awkward quiet. "Knox could you give us a minute?" Fred asked

"Oh, sure thing." Knox left.

"Well he seems rather… odd." Wesley said

"He's actually pretty nice." Fred said "But yeah, kind of odd."

"It just doesn't make sense." Wesley said

"Well some people are just-"

"I meant Angel." He said "Him bringing us here,"

"Oh," Suddenly her face brightened. "Hey you're starting to do that thing I do!"

"What?" He was drawn from his musings.

"You know, changing the subject in the middle of a conversation with no warning."

"Oh yeah," He grinned at her. "It's one of the things I love about you."

She put her hands on his shoulders and brought her face close to his. "What's something you don't love about me?" She asked "What's something you wish you could change?"

"You could give me a hundred years and I wouldn't be able to think of a thing."

She kissed him again. It felt so right to be kissing him. It felt so good. When their kiss ended she rested her head against his chest. "If we take the deal we will change, all of us."

"So we won't take it." Wesley said

…

Angel entered the lobby. His talk with Buffy had cheered him up considerably. Just seeing her again had a clearing effect on his mind. He was ready for whatever the future held. If he had to lose his friends for their own good like he had lost Buffy for that same reason four years ago then he could accept that. He would always love them just like he would always love Buffy and all that mattered was their safety. He saw Wesley and Fred enter the lobby holding hands and made a mental note to ask Lilah about the details of that memory spell. He hoped it would still matter when all was said and done here. The elevator door opened and Gunn stepped out, looking determined about something. Angel had been sure he would vote no, his expression only cemented that assurance in Angel's mind. But if Lorne, Fred, and Wes voted yes Angel thought Gunn would go along with it. Lorne was the last person to enter the lobby.

"So how was Sunnydale?" Wesley asked

"Good," Angel said "I had a nice chat with Buffy and I got to see her cut a misogynistic ex-preacher who was working for the first evil in half."

"Sounds like she's doing well." Wesley said nonchalantly

"Remind me never to piss off one of Angel's ex-girlfriends." Gunn said

"We don't want to take the deal." Fred told Angel

"Agreed," Wesley seconded "I can't see this ending well."

Angel's heart sank. Well that was that. "I think we should take it." Gunn said

Angel looked at Gunn in surprise. "Really?"

"I talked to the conduit. I don't know exactly what this is, but it isn't a trap. The senior partners are offering what they say they are and this is too big an opportunity to pass up."

"I guess that makes Lorne the swing vote." Angel said

"I'm not good at decision-making fearless leader." Lorne protested

No one replied to that. Fred was giving Gunn an odd look. She was trying to process how Charles Gunn could be so easily swayed by Wolfram & Hart. Wesley and Gunn were both watching Lorne. Both were anxious to hear his decision and both wanted a very different outcome from the Pylean. Because no one was watching Angel no one thought it was odd that he was staring at Wesley or that his expression was one of amazement. Wes didn't remember a thing about what had happened to him. He didn't remember his body boiling from the inside out or being trapped in his head by an old one who was trying to use his memories to unmake him so she could claim his body. He didn't remember what Illyria had used his body for or what state she had left it in when she was done with it. He looked healthy and as he intertwined his fingers in Fred's he looked happy. No matter what Lorne said Angel believed he had made the right call.

"Do you really think this is the right decision?" Lorne asked Angel

Angel tore his gaze away from Wesley. "I think we can do a lot of good here. I think this is the right call." Angel locked eyes with Lorne and hoped the empath could see something in him that would clue Lorne in that this was the right decision. "But make your own choice."

"I vote yes." Lorne said

Angel was glad he didn't breathe so no one would hear him sigh with relief.

"I think this is worth a shot." Lorne elaborated "I trust Angel's judgment."

"Thank you," Angel said

"Well it looks like we're outvoted." Said Fred to Wesley

"It would appear so." Wesley locked eyes with Angel. He looked confused.

"You two don't have to feel obliged to go along with this." Angel said

"We need to stick together." Fred said firmly "That's the most important thing."

Angel looked away. The next thing he needed to say was painful. "I was thinking about funeral arrangements." He said "Cordelia's parents weren't in Sunnydale, but I think I'll be able to find a way to get a hold of them. When should we hold the ceremony?"

Everyone was quiet. "Are you going to invite the scoobies?" Wes asked

"I think they'll want to come." Angel said

Someone cleared her throat behind them. Angel turned to look at Lilah. "So," Her pretty smile would be appealing on someone Angel didn't hate as much. "What's the verdict?"

"We'll take the deal." Angel said "All of us,"

"Good, if you'll follow me upstairs there're just a few things for you to sign." They all exchanged apprehensive looks as they followed Lilah upstairs. Angel had already signed his contract, but Lilah had a sheaf of papers for him to sign that confirmed his hiring of Wesley, Fred, Gunn, and Lorne. No one looked at Angel's papers so they didn't notice he wasn't signing a contract for himself. They were all in a large conference room. Lilah watched all of them as they signed onto Wolfram & Hart. Gunn only gave his papers a cursory glance before signing them. He didn't understand all of the legal jargon anyway. Angel just checked to make sure there wasn't anything about immortal souls in the papers before he signed them. Wes was reading each passage of his contract and then rereading it before he signed. Fred bit her lip as she watched all of her friends sign. Lorne was nervous when he signed, but he did. "Is there a problem?"

Fred shook her head. "No," She told Lilah "It just feels wrong."

Wesley looked up from his contract. "It's all very final isn't it?"

Fred nodded. "Here goes," She signed her name on the dotted line.

…

Angel entered his new office. Lilah was leaning against his desk looking out of the magical window. "You're going to love it here." Her voice was sad.

"I doubt it." Angel said "This place is just a means to an end for me."

"You'll hate yourself for it." She amended "But you'll love it."

"Is there something you wanted?" He asked, annoyed

She held up a file. "The report on the memory alterations, so you don't make an ass of yourself by mentioning something that never happened."

Angel took the file. "How did you know I wanted this?"

She still wasn't looking at him. "It's my job to anticipate your needs."

"Your job?"

She finally looked away from the window. "I'm your liaison to the senior partners."

"Great," Angel said "Because I need more of you in my life."

Lilah shrugged, unoffended. "Well neither of us is alive, so that shouldn't be a problem."

Angel looked at the file. "Why do Wes and Fred think they are in a relationship?"

"The memories have to explain how everyone got to where they were. We changed the environment Conner was in, but we only used that level of magic when we had to. Fred was kissing Wesley when time stopped. Plus it accounts for all the time they were alone together when he was insane and she was looking after him. Since those memories are gone replacing all of them with the same thing, a relationship, was convenient. It was very two birds, one stone."

Angel nodded.

"And they don't just think they are in a relationship." Lilah said "They are in one."

"But it's not real." Angel said

"Nothing about their lives is real anymore. That's the price, but they don't have to pay it, you do. You're the only one who has to carry the truth, and the truth is heavy."

"It's worth it." Angel looked through the file. "Cordelia killed Illyria?"

"As far as they remember when you came back to the Hyperion Illyria was dead."

"And Conner never existed," Angel whispered

"And Wes was never alienated from the group," Lilah smiled at Angel.

"Okay," Angel said "This is what I wanted."

Lilah returned her attention to the window. "That must be nice, getting what you want."

…

Fred handed Wesley a box from her room as he stood in the doorway. "Thanks," She said

He leaned over the box and kissed her. "No problem,"

She giggled. "I guess I have to go apartment hunting huh?"

Wesley shifted the box in his hands awkwardly. "Well if you need a place to stay until you find an apartment… That is to say… The real estate market in L.A. is…" He blushed.

She smiled at him. "Are you asking me to move in with you?"

"What?" He chuckled nervously "No- I mean- Only if you want to."

She took the box from his hands and put it on the ground. She moved in close to him and whispered in his ear. "I would love to move in with you, but you have to ask me to first."

He grinned. "Okay, will you move in with me?"

She put her lips against his and tasted his skin. "Sure," She said "I love that idea."

"And I," He kissed her passionately. "Love you,"

"Guys we're in a hotel; should I even need to tell you to get a room?" Gunn asked as he walked past them down the hallway "You're making Disney animators roll their eyes with all that head-over-heels stuff."

Fred pulled Wesley into the room and shut the door. "What were we talking about?"

Wesley kissed her again. "You and I moving in together." Every other word was emphasized with a kiss. He could smell her; to him she was her own perfume.

"Are you sure you don't want to reconsider? I mean I might infect your bachelor pad with my girly ways. I could put scented candles in the bathroom and play the Dixie chicks nonstop."

"I'll deal with it." He said "Life is about compromise."

She pulled away and looked at the floor. "Is that what we're doing? Compromising?"

"Hey," He put his hand under her chin and raised her head. He smiled at her. His cheery grin brightened her spirits. "It's going to be okay. We just have to trust our friends."

She leaned into him. "I hope you're right."

…

Angel heard a knock on his office door. He sighed. He really didn't want to talk to Lilah again, but he might as well get used to her. "Come in." He was pleasantly surprised to see Lorne.

"Angel," Lorne said nervously

"I thought you were helping the others pack up the hotel."

"I was- am. I just need to ask you about something."

"Go for it." Angel said

"The reason I voted yes is because I got a seriously desperate vibe from you earlier."

Angel looked at his hands. "Yeah,"

"Why is it so important we take this deal? Is it really about Cordelia?"

"In a way. I want to protect what she sacrificed herself for. This is the best way."

"But there's more." Lorne pressed

"Yes," Angel said "There's more."

"And you're not going to tell me." This was a statement, not a question.

"No," Angel looked up and locked eyes with his friend. "Is that okay?"

"I trust you Angel, but I would appreciate a little trust from you in return." Lorne said

"I trust you, all of you. I'm not keeping this secret because I don't. I'm trying to protect all of you." Angel paused. "I would appreciate if this conversation stayed between us."

Lorne nodded. "Okay fearless leader, whatever you say."

"Thanks,"

"There's just one more thing." Lorne said

"What?" Angel asked wearily

"What's my budget on remodeling my office? I mean it's really more an investment than an expense. How can we expect clients to entrust their funds and lives to us if we can't even pick out a good carpet? And have you seen the wallpaper in my office? Can you say cringe worthy?"

"I can see it's going to take you awhile to adjust to corporate life." Angel said dryly

Lorne chuckled nervously. "I'm adaptable. I'm a great adapter."

…

Gunn stood in the lobby holding a box of swords. He looked around at the place that had been his home for the last few years. He was leaving. He couldn't admit it to anybody, not even himself, but he was terrified. He wanted this. He wanted a change, but he wasn't sure that he was ready for it. He had spent a long time living day to day, never considering tomorrow because tomorrow might never come. He was a fighter and each fight had been a means to its own end with the bad guys on one side and him on another. But as time had gone by he had begun to realize that he was accomplishing nothing. The bad guys were as powerful as ever and each day that went by was just one more he didn't have. But what the conduit had shown him would change everything. Gunn could make a difference, a lasting, perceptible difference. He hadn't known how much he had wanted something like this until it was offered to him. Now that it was within his reach he didn't want anything else in the world more. He couldn't wait to become the man he had seen in the panther's eyes. Gunn took the box of swords to his truck.

He went back inside and saw Wes and Fred coming downstairs, each with their own box and likely to tumble down the stairs because they were too busy staring at each other to watch where they were going. Gunn picked up the last box of weapons as he laughed. "Is that everything?" He asked them "Or are we going to need to come back?"

"This is it." Wesley said

"Do you think we ever will come back?" Fred asked

"I'm sure we will." Wesley said "For one reason or another."

Gunn was surprised and a little perturbed to realize he didn't care if he ever came back.

They all left the hotel. Fred put her hand on the light switch and gave the hotel one last look before she flipped it down, plunging the lobby into darkness. "Bye," She whispered

…

Angel was the last one remaining after the service had ended. Fred had walked over and put her hand on his arm, but Wesley pulled her away and shook his head. They left with Gunn and Lorne. The gravestone was simple in design. It held her name and the years she had been on this earth. There weren't enough of them. He felt a hand light on his and he took it. "I knew you would come." He said "It means a lot to me." He looked at the blond standing next to him.

Buffy leaned her head against his shoulder. "The rest of the gang really wanted to come, especially Xander. But what with all the new slayers to handle and the council destroyed…"

"I understand." Angel said

Buffy put a white rose on the grave. "I know she was important to you."

"Yeah," Angel couldn't elaborate. "It's so hard."

"I know." Buffy tightened her grip on his hand. "Willow cried. She said she wished she had taken more time to catch up with Cordy while she was in L.A. because now it's too late."

"Why do we always do that?" Angel asked "Think there will be more time?"

"There never is." Buffy whispered

"No," He agreed "But I'm not going to make the same mistakes again."

"Good," They stood in silent companionship for a minute. The still graveyard made him feel at peace. "So what's this I hear about you being a lawyer now?"

…

Fred was wearing her black formal dress and Wesley the formal suit that now looked like it belonged to another man. They were both lying on the bed. He was holding her and neither of them needed to speak. The proceeding they had just left had drained them of all of their emotional energy. She just needed to feel his warm body next to hers and he needed the same thing from her. Their needs were perfectly in harmony. She blinked back a tear. "Poor Angel, maybe we should have stayed with him." She said "He looked so broken."

"I think he wanted to be alone." Wesley said

"He loved her." Fred said "And now she's gone."

"Yeah,"

"I just can't believe it. How do people do that, go like that?"

"I don't know."

"She was more alive than anybody I ever met. She was so connected to life."

"She relished life." Wesley agreed "She savored every word, very moment."

"And she gave it all up to save the world. She's my hero." Fred said

Wesley kissed her. "And you're mine."

"Why?" She asked

"Because of how strong you are." He said "And kind, and smart-"

"Stop it." She said, stilling his mouth with a kiss

He kissed her back. "But I had a whole list."

"Don't tell me." She said "Show me." In that moment death was a far stronger reality for her than it usually was and she wanted nothing more than to feel alive.

Something strange happened. Just like when they had kissed the other day she had a strange feeling that something was happening for the first time that she knew had happened plenty of times before. She didn't put too much thought into this, she just immersed herself in the sensations of warmth and companionship. She didn't know that as they came together for what she didn't know was the first time something dead, something she had killed, was crawling around in her boyfriend's blood, biding its time, lying dormant. It wanted out, but it had to wait for its time. The longer it was forced to wait the angrier it got, and it was already quite angry.

…

Angel exited the elevator into his luxurious new apartment. He paid no heed to the expensive furniture or beautiful artwork. He headed into the bedroom and searched for the VHS player he hoped came with the TV. He found it and hooked it up. Angel opened his suitcase and pulled out a framed picture. He put the picture of Cordelia on his nightstand and then pulled a tape out of his suitcase. He put the tape in the VHS player and watched Doyle's bumbling attempt to sell their business to a nonexistent audience. Angel looked at Cordelia and then at Doyle. He stared at his hands. "I won't let you down." He didn't know if they could hear him, but he had to trust. "Your sacrifices will mean something. I'll protect the world you died for no matter what the cost. I know Wolfram & Hart brought me here to corrupt me, but I won't stray from the path. I'll always remember you and what you did. That will keep me strong. Trust me."

The room was silent, but Angel felt good. He didn't know why, but his friends' smiling faces seemed to answer him. They believed in him. He crawled into bed and went to sleep.


End file.
